The Queen

5|FEELING

ISABELLE'S POV

I visited mother after ending a tiring day carrying the crown's duties. She was sitting by her balcony, with a glass of wine, and a few grapes and cheese by the table beside her. She wasn't crying anymore. In fact she's come to peace. She wasn't dressed as a queen any longer either, in fact not even as royalty. She was in one of her least majestic gowns, thinner than the puffy ones she wore before. Black, and satin. It was the most calming black I've ever seen. Her hair was let loose, it was gushing by the wind. Her black hair with strands of white was all the way up to her waist, just like mine. You could see that most of my features are after my mother. Our eyes, our hair and height I'd like to believe.

I sat on the chair next to her, not wanting to break her peaceful moment. I notice she has her eyes closed. A small smile plastered across her face as she takes low breaths. Truly enjoying the breeze. I decided to do the same. Hell I need some tranquility more than anyone.

'' Your father used to do this every day before coming to bed..... I never seem to understand why, but I do now''

Mother broke the silence between us, as she slowly opened her eyes and gazed at me. I can see the warmth radiating off of her. She's becoming herself again, and I didn't realize how much I missed it. Mother was more stern and orderly than papa, he was fun and lived blithely. Which is why most people believe why they couldn't get enough of each other. They balance each other.

''what is it?''

She took a deep breathe, I can see her eyes welling with tears but she was quick to wipe them away before I bring It to attention

'' its calming... you get to live through your day again, in your mind. Realize your mistakes and your good. And learn to do things right the next. It's sort of a way to truly emancipate yourself from the world, and just be on your own''

Papa really was a smart man. Each day he lived like it was his last. The crown, the kingdom, it was there too bear him down, but he held high. Each day he loved us like he won't see us the next day. Some called him a fool for not striking fear, but he could never be that. He was a loving man.

''That helped him a lot didn't it?''

"Every day sabbie... everyday''

After speaking to mother about a few things over wine and cheese, which she seemed to have grown to love, apologized for not seeing me on the throne. She promised shed be there for me more often, and said shed carry me to the coronation herself to make up for it. I kissed her goodbye and walked out of her room.

Now, letty.

She was the least person I worried about. I know she can look after herself. But its best if I go see her myself.

I knocked on her door, which was left unanswered and decided to go in myself.

There she was, slumped by her dressing table, looks as if she was writing something, almost giggling to herself.

''is that a love letter you're writing?'' she swiftly turned around to face me, what was once that blushing face turned to aggravation, anger and surprise.

"SABBIE?! GET OUT!'' shocked? Not even close. I couldn't believe letty reacting this way to my presence, she and I were always close, we shared many of our secrets together. Now she looks as if I saw her naked.

Again.

''what?! What's the matter letty it's just me! I came to see how you were! My goodness what's gotten into you?!"

"I'm fine, I'm alright, nothing's wrong sabbie, haven't you heard of privacy?? I don't care if you're queen, you leave! Now!"

I've never in my life ever seen letty this way. Such an outburst all because I went into her room to find her writing something? Who cares if it was a love letter, she and I used to day dream about unspeakable men at court or whoever even visits.

"I did knock you didn't answer!"

Letty stood up from her table and walked up to me and gestured me to leave, almost shoving me outside the bedroom. I was too surprised to do anything and before I even know it, I was outside her bedroom, the door slammed on my face.

What is wrong with this girl? Is this because of papa? She was smiling and happy when I first saw her. oh bollocks, I don't have time for this.

I walked to my room and shut the door, truly eluding myself from all that's outside. My duties, the crown, my baby sister and the current crazy one.

I eased myself of the heavy jewelry as I removed them all, leaving my back and most of my skin bare. I let my hair down, as it cascaded its way down to my waist I let out a huge sigh. Is this all my life is going to be? I proceeded to gently remove the rest of my gown. Normally my lady in waiting's would support me, but I gave them time off, since I truly wanted to be left alone.

Two knocks on my bedroom door interrupted me.

Who in the world could it be, why can't I be left alone just once.

''who is it?'' I called out.

''it's uhh it's me your majesty, you called for me?''

Oh my sweet god. How did I forget?! I called for him to talk about what he said in the afternoon. Firstly I don't know why I even called for him. Bollocks, I'm half dressed, I can't let him see me this way. Panic start to rise inside of me and my heart began to rapidly beat. My bloody heart. I quickly dressed back again, I was in a rush I forgot to put my jewelry back on. Leaving my back and my chest bare.

''yes do come in'' within two seconds, which I believe he hesitated for my unfortunate, he entered inside the room.

There he was, looking handsome and rigged at the same time, I could see that he was pretty worked out, with all the training and the work.

He was wearing a white shirt which hugged his muscular figure, and his hair was neatly raked back. His hands were placed behind his back, out of respect I suppose, and his face..... It was almost red? As if he was blushing. He was fighting to keep his eyes on mine. Why is he gushing?

Oh.

Bloody hell.

My cleavage was busting out of the dress. If I breathe any further I'm sure it'll pop out entirely. Splendid, now I'm blushing. God I'm such a fool! I don't want him to think I called him into my room for other.....things. I'm sure as hell dressed that way. Oh lord this is humiliating.

I hastily shifted my hair onto my front, hopefully to cover my bulging excited cleavage. I hope my attempt to cover it was not too noticeable.

''y..yes uhh captain general.... I wish to learn more about your suggestion this afternoon'' good, I was able to sound composed.

As he closed the door behind him he took a few steps closer to where I was standing. Not too close, not too far. I can see his face clearly. How is he unmarried? not that I care. I don't. i got Richard to find me information about Jacob, yes I wanted to know a lot about him, before I get myself into anything. All that's there to know is that he is only 26 years of age, he's being serving the boddinham army for quite a while, being the best of the best fighter there is, he moved up his ranks, thus the beginning of my reign, he became captain general. Unmarried, no children, not even a woman in his life, or so we know. He's single, mysterious and making me more and more confused.

He looked confident and composed. Almost unaffected by the way I look right now. He's probably being with so many women, I'm only 19, he must see me as a child of sorts. I bet I don't even arouse him. I don't even know why I should try.

''yes your majesty, I was only suggesting that I should be your guard... I've seen the royal guards and they are easily distracted, not focused right. Their job is to keep you safe, perhaps more than ever. Considering your highness is yet to be coronated, and being a.....queen....your majesty deserves the best of the field'' a small smile plastered across his face. Too confident aren't you Jacob?

I tried not to sound rushed, as if I was waiting to hear this from him.

''well in that case... I'll stick to what I said at high noon. It's granted. Make sure to notify Richard and his men that you'll be taking their places, and I'll bring by him as well. You can have your men to back you, since they're all trained by you''

Jacob raised his eyebrows, almost as if he couldn't believe what I said. He didn't expect me to actually give him the chance.

He smirked at me. Looking smug

why does he always do that?

''as you wish your majesty''

''right is that all?" I didn't want him to leave, but he made me feel safe. regardless I'm a queen for god's sake. I should be stronger than this.

''yes'' his voice darkened. And his eyes looked longing, like he wants something to happen, waiting  to.

''good, you may leave... I'll speak to Richard in the morning, you'll move your things and have a room close to mine''

His face lit up, but he hastily hid it by looking more focused and professional. He's confusing me. Thank god for the obligations of a personal guard. Richard was papas guard, and he had his room close to his. If during any circumstance, a guard must be able to rush to the king nor queen. I can't even think of the times he has to rush by my side. Being a clumsy fool myself I hope he doesn't tire of me.

''yes your majesty as you wish'' was all he said. He turned around and walked up to my bedroom door. Leaving.  I feel almost sad that he's leaving.

Why am I feeling this way?

I walked up to the door and to shut it after him, as I do so, I meet his gaze. The sea blue eyes, glistening. I automatically shut the door. Not too hard not too slow. What is happening? I should've said something, goodbye perhaps? Now I can't open the door and say it. I'll make a fool of myself. Why am I such an i***t! I'm not supposed to give him the idea that I'm heartless and cold.

The wind comes blazing into my room as I've opened my balcony before in hopes of doing what mother did when I met her. It helped me at that little time I spent with her.

The wind nuzzles through my hair and all around my body, and suddenly, it dawned to me. It seems so soon yet too late. So wrong yet so right. I couldn't help but smile, even slightly laugh to myself. Just when I thought I would be alone and carry the crown and bear all the pain, he came to me.