The Apathetic Knight

Chapter 11 - Kynareth

Chapter 11 – Kynareth

November, 314 Ashland Rule

It was the annual hunt once again, and this time, I attended, of course, as the Crowned Prince's bride.

This meant that only my husband, his personal knight, and my personal knight could hunt for me this year.

Since my brother was officially married this year, he was obligated to offer his hunt and his personal knight's hunt to his wife, sadly for me.

Since I had married, he had sent over a dandelion once a week, and it was a constant reminder that he was thinking of me, at the very least. There was usually a letter asking after my health, my needs, anything he could assist me with...but since I had married, all of my care fell to the crowned prince and his family.

The only way it would go back to the way it had been before, is if we divorced or if I became a widow. In the event that this happened, my brother would become my guardian again, and he would decide what I needed to do from there.

The week before this, he had sent a letter saying he was sorry that his and his knight's hunts would have to go to the new duchess, but I didn't get angry at him.

Of course, it would be that way. She was his wife, so it was only proper, after all.

I wasn't quite worried about the hunt this year...I was far too busy contemplating my current standing with the crowned prince.

Eating every meal together—save for a couple of times that he had to miss, due to duties around the palace that he could not miss—and sleeping in the same bed once a week...

Though he was gone before I woke up each time that we fell asleep together, falling asleep together in itself had become a natural routine. It didn't feel so stressful as it had the first two weeks. We'd had time to get accustomed to it, and now, it didn't bother me. I did wonder where he went each morning, and when, because the bed was cold by and his side made by the time that I awakened each time.

Meal times left me no longer feeling like I was suffering from indigestion. He was a quiet, well-mannered eater, but I no longer felt anger rolling off him every time that he was around me.

I could feel his hostility toward me lessening, though he still often got frustrated around me for whatever reason and was a bit grumpy in general, but he was not wholly unkind.

He usually left me to my own company, not spending a lot of time with me. When we were together, it was usually in peaceful silence. The silence had once been awkward, but now I wasn't bothered by it.

A tutor that had been brought in for me began to help me gradually understand, he had many responsibilities and duties to take care of, check on, learn...so much of his life, completely overrun by duty for our country. That was a lot of cause for strain in itself, I knew.

Really, it was quite admirable, how dedicated he was.

I shook off that sudden thought.

It had only taken three months of being civil to me, and I was already finding excuses for him and defending him. I knew he hated me, and I strongly disliked him, but for some reason, I was finding reasons that he behaved that way instead of blaming him for his actions.

That was what confused me even further. I had been so terrified of him to begin with, but he had slithered his way beneath my skin, confusing my young mind.

Did he still hate me?

He didn't act like he did.

He ate meals with me almost every meal, and slept in the same bed as me once a week. He hadn't been hateful to me but maybe once, and it was when I had gotten a bit too chatty at meal time during the second week of my living here.

Since then, he had been away from me outside of our designated times together and even during those, he held his tongue most of the time.

I could feel the effort sometimes, when he was particularly grumpy.

I'd had to learn quickly how to read his moods. If he was in a pleasant mood, I could say a few words here and there and have no issues. If he was grumpy, he was mean to me if I spoke to him.

Then, there were nights we slept together...

Every Friday night, we slept in the same room, in the same bed, as ordered by the king since I had come to live at the palace.

On those nights, he would help me brush out my hair and we would lay in silence, just being together.

It had been very awkward, at first, but after some time, it grew to not be such a burden. It had actually become...nice, in a way, to just spend time in silence with one another this way.

Our relationship...didn't have a lot of words.

He hadn't, not once, tried to initiate any sort of intercourse or s****l act with me. He was normally courteous, even if he was curt.

I had felt, a time or two now, when I tossed over in my sleep, that his body had been resting against my own. Though, I didn't let my imagination run wild with notions that he felt anything for me. It was, I assumed, a natural reaction to seek out warmth and comfort when sleeping. I had noticed that it had started more once I had started accompanying the queen on excursions outside to the city, volunteering at the hospital and working among the people, taking care of what she could around the kingdom.

As the crowned princess, it was my job to accompany her and help her in those outreach programs. It was a good way to gain face with the citizens and businesses, learn people around the kingdom, gain favor.

I tried not to let myself think that the crowned prince was gaining appreciation or affection for me. I reminded myself that I simply provided another body in our shared space, and he sought it in his unconscious mind.

It was the warmth and the physical presence, not me, I told myself repeatedly.

The trumpet sounded, alerting the return of the hunters, and we all went back to our places on the stage.

When my name was called and I stepped forward, prince Cinder looked quite pleased with himself, and he didn't look cocky about it this time.

His excitement was genuine, and I knew that he'd actually been earnest in his hunt for me this year, rather than only doing so because his parents told him that he had to. That struck somewhere deep in my chest, an unknown feeling creeping in there.

He had been earnest for me...even if only for this contest, it was an earnest gesture...

"My wife, this year, I present to you my offering," he said, looking at his cart. "I have brought two stags, two wolves, a raccoon, two pheasants, two rabbits, and two snow foxes," he said. I gasped, and he even strode over to the cart, lifting one and bringing it to me. "I saw the brilliant color of its fur, and thought that as you love foxes of the usual sort, perhaps you would be even further enamored by this unique coloring."

I blushed, smiling at him as he gave me a small bow. "I truly am honored," I said. "Thank you for your hunt." I leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek, and he smirked at me...a small, fleeting smile, but still a smile.

All the rest of my items were listed and calculated.

"And so," the announcer called. "That brings it in for Princess Kynareth at one hundred and forty points!"

I was vastly impressed. Though the kills hadn't been as dangerous this year, there were many more of them.

My sister-in-law was called; as in, the princess, Ember.

She didn't like me.

She'd heard too many rumors about my father and my real mother, and I couldn't convince her that I hadn't tricked my way into this position as the crowned princess. She was convinced I was a villain.

This was her first hunt, and though she had several men hunting for her, she was jealous that her brother had to hunt for me.

She was angry, because I was only a year older than her, but somehow, I had managed to marry a prince, while she was being set up with an Arch-Duke from another country.

She would have to leave her home, while I had moved in, and somehow...somehow, she blamed me for it all.

I couldn't think badly of her, though. I had been in that same mindset when I had been forced to marry and leave my home. I wanted to blame everyone else, too.

My other sister-in-law was next, and I listened to the offerings she received...well, at least, my brother's offering...

My heart clenched, and I looked away, as I watched him offer her even more than my husband had offered to me. Not that I was unsatisfied with prince Cinder's offering, but it was hard not to be jealous.

I could almost understand my other sister-in-law's jealous feelings, because I felt them for my own sibling and his bride.

I was busy munching on a piece of cake, when I startled at the final tally for my brother's wife.

One hundred and fifty-six points.

I gaped, seeing him bring forth a cart that held both a lion and a bear.

It seemed, this year, that lady Steel was the star of this show.

"I will be hosting a tea-party this weekend at the Severing duchy in celebration!" She announced. "Of course, my sister-in-law is invited, and so are all of you other wonderful ladies!" She called, waving and smiling brilliantly.

I felt my heart squeeze. She got to host a gathering at my former home, with my brother, and I had to go and join. As the crowned princess, if I was invited to a tea-party by a duchess, it would bring disgrace to the royal family to not attend. Especially after she had invited me directly in front of all of the other nobles.

She had done that on purpose!

Seryn seemed to sense my aching heart, because he gave me a guilty look, whispering an apology into my ear. Prince Cinder glanced at us out of the corner of his eye, observing what I was sure seemed an unusual reaction...but I couldn't help it.

I didn't pay much attention to the rest of the event, as we ate a feast and then proceeded home.

On the ride home, Cinder actually seemed...concerned.

"Are you disappointed?" Prince Cinder asked, and I looked up to meet his eyes. There was no anger or irritation there, simply...calculating.

I was more shocked that he had initiated a question to me. He rarely spoke to me.

"Not really," I said, looking out the window of the carriage. "I have no reason to be. I received many amazing offerings."

Nothing else was said for the rest of the journey home, and I thought that I actually preferred this silence over having him make conversation with me. I didn't feel so...lacking when we were simply silent.

Conversation with Cinder was a bit disconcerting to me. I didn't know what to talk about, walking on egg-shells to not irritate him. I didn't know him very well, honestly.

When we were silent, I didn't feel pressed to please him.

His silence felt like safety to me.

When had that happened...?

*

Weeks had passed, now, of continued silence and busy work around the castle and city.

Cinder and I were at a stalemate, it seemed. I could feel us growing still; not moving from our places.

Now, I had to wonder at a way to bring us closer.

There was no other way around this.

I had realized this at the tea party that Duchess Severing—goodness, how I hated referring to her that way—had hosted last week to celebrate winning the hunting competition, I had been in attendance with her and all of the other noble ladies.

I thought back on it now.

They had all been discussing what wonderful husbands they had, how their men had proven themselves and earned their roles as the men of their lives, while I...

"So, your highness, what is his highness the crowned prince like?" A marchioness asked me. "Surely, he must be quite riveting in the bedroom!"

"I'll bet that he gives you a lot of gifts and affection!" Another lady commented.

I turned pink as I blushed, knowing that it wasn't the truth.

These ladies probably experienced those things, but I...

I didn't.

I felt so lucky just to be able to sit in comfortable silence with him and not anger him and incur his wrath upon me.

At my silence, I heard a throat clear, and we turned our attention to my brother as he stepped into the room, dressed in a magnificent uniform.

"Good afternoon, ladies," he said. "I trust that you are enjoying your visit to the Severing Duchy?" He had glanced at me, and I knew that he was trying to save me from answering, or he just didn't want to hear the answer. He had heard the conversation, obviously.

The ladies chorused their praises and affirmations, before gaping as he strode over directly to me, a bouquet of dandelions in his hand. He bowed and pressed a kiss to my forehead, before he kneeled and kissed the back of my hand, offering me the bouquet.

"Hello, my dear sister," he grinned at me, but over his shoulder, I could see his bride seething.

It was utmost disrespect to pay another woman—your sister or not—attention before you even addressed your bride.

Addressing a crowd first, the way that he had, was perfectly passable, as they were guests, but to approach me and give me affection this way before acknowledging his own wife?

She had every right to be furious.

There were murmurs among the ladies, and I needed to divert their attention as they looked between my brother and sister-in-law and whispered gossip.

I didn't want my brother to be a joke or be ridiculed by these ladies because of me, so the only thing I could do was throw myself under the train.

So, I cleared my throat and answered. "Actually, no, the crowned prince doesn't give me gifts nor affection. And, aside from our consummation, we have not had intimate relations. He barely speaks to me, in fact."

The room fell silent as the ladies all gaped at me openly, and my brother blanched, horrified.

Though I knew it wasn't because he was embarrassed.

No...he was humiliated and upset on my behalf, that I was not receiving even the basest of loving care from the man I called my husband.

"You mean...your relationship is not even pleasant...?" One lady asked.

"He hates me," I said, soft.

"Oh, I am sure he doesn't actually ha—" my sister-in-law began, but I cut her off.

"He has told me to my face that he hates me. He has told others that he hates me. He admittedly hates me, and does his best to avoid my presence. That is what being married to the crowned prince is like." I took a big, deep breath. "Thank you for the flowers, brother," I said, glancing at him before I addressed the other ladies again. "If you will all excuse me, I must return back home."

"Oh, you poor thing," one lady whispered.

"Such a shame!"

"We will need an heir to the throne! How can there ever be an heir if he hates her? What will happen to the imperial family?"

Another whispered something that hit me hard. "How can any woman live in a marriage where there is not even the basic, minimal level of intimacy? I would rather die. That is no way to live."

The murmurs of agreement did nothing but spear my heart as I rushed out to the carriages.

"Sister!" I heard called after me, and I whirled to face my brother, a look of hurt still on his handsome face. He reached me, taking my shoulders in his hands. "Is that true...? Is what you said really true...?"

I gave a tight nod, but my throat felt too closed to speak. "Yes," I croaked. "I am alright, Astaroth. I will be fine."

Without another word, I pressed a kiss to his cheek before I stepped up into my carriage, and I was driven home in silence.

As much as it had hurt, the last woman had been right.

I wasn't in love with Cinder, but how could I survive in this life if I didn't even have the most minimal of affection...or intimacy?

Sleeping together, though it was growing to be nice for us, wouldn't tide us over forever. That, and we would eventually have to have children. I knew that.

I also knew that his birthday was only days away.

Perhaps I could find a way to bring us closer together starting on his birthday? I knew that he was having a party this year, partially because it was the first of his birthdays that he was celebrating while being married and having me here. It would be a big event.

I had thought, when we had been betrothed originally, that he had already been eighteen, but since his birthday was so close, they had just gone ahead and arranged it when I turned thirteen for my coming-of-age.

He was turning nineteen this year.