The Apathetic Knight

Chapter 6 - Kynareth

Chapter 6 – Kynareth

August, 314 A.R.

Fear pierced my heart as I watched the envoy coming into the castle. My brother's wedding was taking place this evening, while my own wedding would be taking place at the imperial palace the following morning. The envoy for the imperial family—the second prince and several soldiers—were coming to serve as witness of my brother's wedding, as well as to escort our party to the palace the next morning.

This was it.

It had been a year since the engagement announcement, and it was time to make good on the promises of betrayal—I mean, betrothal.

I glanced at Seryn, who stood nearby, watching out of the other window with an indifferent expression.

"Seryn...?" I asked, and he met my eyes.

It had been months since I had kissed him on the cheek, and even though nothing had happened since then...I still felt hot when I saw him turn his face to look at me when I called his name.

I knew it was because of my lack of experience, not because I had feelings for him. Even thinking of kissing a man with no face gave me jitters...I was all too easily excitable, my belly feeling funny every time I thought of romantic things. It had to be the hormones...

My heart was truly with Astaroth, of course.

Astaroth, however, wasn't an available option to me. Though, my heart couldn't just change so easily.

"Do you think that you could help me? I would like to...meet my brother, before the ceremony..."

He knew, from our many talks, that my brother and I had a...strange affection for one another.

He nodded, taking his bow and writing a quick note, before tying it to an arrow, and he aimed at my brother's tower window, shooting the arrow with pinpoint accuracy to hit a spot beside the open window.

Within seconds, Sir Varo stepped up to the window, taking the arrow out of its spot and reading the note, before he disappeared back into the bedroom. A moment later, I saw my brother step up to the window, giving a single nod, before he disappeared.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart, before a few minutes had passed, and I heard an almost silent knock on my door.

Seryn let Astaroth into the room, and Astaroth strode over to me with a dandelion wishing-flower in hand and set it down on the table at my bedside before taking me into an embrace as I began to feel sobs bubble up out of me.

"Shh," he whispered into my hair. "There, there," he said, patting my back. "It is alright."

"But...but...I don't want to go...!" I cried.

He stroked my hair, before pulling a bundle of it up to his lips, kissing my hair, before he leaned forward, kissing the trails of my tears.

"I know," he said. "I don't, either. But this is what we must do."

"At least you get to stay here," I told him, hugging him tighter. "I have to leave my home entirely."

He glanced at Seryn, and he let go of me. As Seryn reached to grab his mask off the table, Astaroth held his hand out, stopping him.

"No need," he said. "Your face doesn't bother me," He looked at me for a moment, before looking back to Seryn. "I know that my sister is close with you," he said. "Please...take care of her. Make sure she can trust you. And if those bastards give you an order against her...make them pay for it afterward," he said, tone completely serious.

Seryn kneeled, bowing his head. "I would have even without your command."

My brother nodded, before taking me into another embrace, and he leaned forward, pressing a soft, simple kiss to my lips. Then, he picked up the dandelion.

"Let us make a wish, sister."

"A wish?" I asked. I smiled. "We haven't done that since we were young."

"We were six the last time we did," he chuckled into my ear, sending delicious shivers down my spine. "I wish that I will be able to see you, hold you in my arms soon..."

"I wish that I could spend most of my time in your arms," I whispered.

Then, together, we stepped to the window and blew hard on the dandelion, watching as the seeds flew out of the window and into the world, sending our dreams with them.

A bell began to toll from the tower, and I knew that he had to leave.

He gave a nod. "I have to go," he said. "It is time for me to get ready,"

"Astaroth," I said, stopping him before he could leave. "Are you...happy?"

"You mean, with Lady Steel?" He asked, seeking to clarify. I nodded. He looked away. "She is pretty. Although, not as beautiful as you." He sighed, giving a nod. "I am sure we will do well enough together. She has seemed like a kind young lady through our correspondence."

I felt my chest tighten.

That's right...they had been writing letters back and forth.

The Crowned prince...I had attempted to write to him once, at my brother's suggestion, but I had quickly received a response that correspondence was not necessary, and that I was doing something pointless by seeking to write to him.

I hadn't told anyone but Seryn about the incident, as I had been very embarrassed and bothered by the reaction...

"Are you happy?" He asked me. "With Prince Cinder?" He clarified. I felt the blood drain from my face, and he startled. "You are still on such bad terms with him?" He asked.

In that moment, embarrassed or not, I wanted him to know the truth. My world was about to be pitched into darkness, and I wanted him to know just what I was fixing to step into.

I glanced at Seryn and nodded, and he went over to the desk nearby, opening a drawer and pulling out the letter I'd gotten from the crowned prince, before he handed it to Astaroth.

My brother read over it, eyes widening as his gaze flew back up to meet mine in surprise, face blanched.

"I tried to follow your advice...I wrote to Prince Cinder. That...was his response."

"Kynareth—"

"I'll play the part of the good noble lady tomorrow, when it is time for me to sign my rights and my life away to the prince as he takes the bride that he doesn't want, the bride that is being forced upon him..." I said, my tone lifeless. "I will do my duties as I am supposed to. I will look beautiful and bring honor to our family—"

"Kynareth—" he tried again, but I kept going.

"-And then, oh, then I will lie 'still as a corpse'—as I have been instructed to do—as he has his way with me in front of all of our family and all of the other nobles," I whispered. "I am sure father will be very proud. I'll be sure not to bring shame you father and to you, as my benefactor and the one in charge of my management—"

"Please!" He cried, a grimace on his handsome young face. "Please..." He pleaded in a hoarse whisper.

"That is my reality, Astaroth. There is nothing that anyone can do to stop it. I can't even run away."

He looked at me with sad eyes. "Kynareth..."

"You'd better go," I told him. "Your wedding will take place shortly. You need to get ready."

He flinched before he practically fled the room, and I clutched my abdomen, gasping for air, letting Seryn catch me and help me over to my bed.

"My lady..." He whispered. I looked at him. "I can't stop it or fix it...but I can be by your side through it. If you wish it, I will not ever leave your side again. All you have to do is command it so."

Tears still filling my eyes, I looked into his eyes. "Seryn," I said, and he kneeled in front of me. "I command for you to stay by my side unless otherwise ordered to leave by me or..."

He nodded. "I accept your command, master." He bowed further, kissing the back of my hand.

*

I wore a simple but beautiful gown for the wedding.

We attended the ceremony, and Lady Steel certainly did look beautiful in her stunning gown and beautiful jewelry.

I watched with a bitter heart as she and my brother exchanged vows, and just before he kissed her, he gave me a sad glance...and then he sealed his marriage.

We all walked into the banquet hall, and as many nobles got plates of food and snacks to watch, I stayed as far back as I could...or I tried, at least, until my father demanded that I come closer, watching them through the sheer curtains wrapped around the bed that had been placed in the center of the banquet hall, and my father forced me to watch as my brother prepared her, claiming that I would need to know how this worked so that I wouldn't be alarmed when it was my turn the following day.

I felt bile rise in my throat as his hands and lips roamed over her, stroking and warming her, kissing her, licking her, nipping her.

Soon she was good and ready, and she gave a pleased moan as he pulled himself free of binding—and though I only had an instance glimpse of it, it was hard and ready and glorious in its own right and it sent tingles and throbs rushing to my center—and entered her body in one smooth, sharp movement of his hips snapping into hers.

The moment he was entering her, his eyes opened and he found my gaze and kept his gaze locked with mine.

I knew in that moment that his heart was with me, and mine with him.

The sheets were taken from beneath them, blood as proof of his taking her virtue, and the other nobles cheered as he continued in his conquest even as I turned and fled the room as quietly and unseen as I could manage to do so.

When I reached the gardens, I collapsed, gasping and choking as I grasped my chest, struggling to breathe.

My face burned as sobs were trapped in my chest, unable to even breathe.

That...that pleasured look on his face when he'd slid into her...even if he had been looking at me, even if he'd been imagining me, it came crashing down in my mind as soon as I left that it was her body that brought him to that expression.

That, in itself, killed me.

I curled into a ball beneath a group of tall bushes, hiding, wishing I could crawl into a hole in the ground to take away this agony.

I suddenly felt myself pulled into an embrace, and I pushed against the hold until Seryn's voice shushed me, his body firm even as mine trembled.

"It is only me, my lady," he whispered. "I felt your distress, so I came to you."

That did it. That broke the barrier.

Sobs and cries finally left my chest, freed from their cage, and I wailed into his chest, letting the pain I felt finally be ripped free of its bindings.

He stroked my back affectionately, whispering comforting words into my hair.

"My lady?" We heard a voice speak up, and Seryn glanced over my head.

"What is it, Varo?" He asked. Varo hesitated even as I continued crying.

He, also, had known of my brother's and my affections for one another.

"My lord...Astaroth wished me to gift this to you," he said, holding out a wrapped box.

I sniffled, trying to blink away my tears, and I stood on shaky legs as I opened the box. Inside was a beautiful onyx dagger, a handmade scarf with my brother's initials embroidered onto the corner of one of the ends, and a letter.

I opened the letter, and handed it to Seryn, my eyes still too swollen and full of tears to read it.

"'My dearest,'" Seryn began. "'I gift you this custom-made onyx dagger to help protect you from dangers that I cannot. I gift you this scarf that I personally made for you, to protect you against the harsh cold of the capital's winters and to keep you warm when you would otherwise be cold without my love. And I gift you this letter, my written confession, to comfort you; I have always, and will always, love you. Though our affections may be deemed unnatural by all those on the outside, nothing could ever feel more natural.

"'I wish you to know that no matter where you go, you hold my heart in your very hands. I wish that I could protect you better, but I promise you that I will write to you often, and visit you when I can. If I could go with you, I would. However, I don't think you will be too lonely with Sir Seryn with you. I am entrusting you and your care to him. He will love you in my place. With all my love, Astaroth,'" he finished.

I gasped, sobbing and crumbling and crumpling into a heap, and they both looked on sadly.

"...Thank you, Varo...for bringing me this. It was...brave of you...to carry such a gift to me...under these circumstances."

He nodded. "It was an honor, my lady. I...if it isn't over the line, may I say something?" He asked, and I nodded, giving him permission. "He loves you deeply. He looks out of his window at all hours of the day, just waiting for a glimpse of you...every time he sees you, his heart races...I feel it in my own chest, you know, as I'm sure you know from your own bond to your knight," he chuckled, and I nodded.

He continued. "I felt what he felt in his heart and in his belly as he married and took his bride's virtue. He was absolutely torn and felt sick with himself, but his pain eased when he looked at you, at that last moment. You may not believe me, but it is the truth. He thinks of you in almost all of his waking hours. If he hadn't been obligated to offer his hunt to his fiancé, he would have hunted for you," he told me. "He would do everything for you...if he only could."

I smiled. "Thank you, sir Varo. That brings me much comfort, indeed."

He bowed. "Of course, my lady. I truly hope that you and your betrothed can grow to love one another, really...but know that Astaroth will always love you. Well," he said, glancing back at the castle. "I must return."

"Is anyone looking for me?" I asked.

He met my eyes. "They had been...but your brother nearly had a fit, insisting that they let you return to your chambers without disturbing you. He insisted that you had already bore witness to the ceremony and that he wanted for you to be able to leave without a fuss. Your father relented and called off the search."

I smiled. "Please...tell him that I am grateful for his endless consideration for me. Even that was risky, because someone could suspect something that isn't...entirely appropriate. We have to hide things well, as you both know. He's the only one who affords me such care, indeed. Please also tell him...that I love him dearly."

He nodded. "Of course, my lady. And have no fear; he is my master. I cannot ever betray him. I will never allow that secret to escape, lest I die myself." He gave me another small, quick bow before he walked away, and Seryn took my hand.

I glanced up at him, and he pulled me toward my tower...

"My last night in this tower..." I whispered as we walked, clutching Astaroth's gift to my chest with the hand that Seryn wasn't holding. "It feels so...strange."

He didn't respond, simply leading me with purpose to my chambers.

He took my gift once we reached our room and wrapped them back in a box, setting it with my other things that were packed and ready by the door. Then he took me by the hand, leading me to sit on the bed, and he grabbed my nightgown off of the dresser so that I could change my gown before he came over and brushed out my hair.

Then, he led me to lay down, and instead of staying in his armor...he took the armor off, leaving himself in a simple tunic and pants, and he slid into the bed with me...beneath my blanket, rather than on top of them as he usually would.

Though, in this moment, I didn't mind...because that was exactly what I needed.

He pulled me into his embrace, and I listened to his steady heart beating beneath my head, I felt fresh tears sting my eyes, and I cried softly into him as he hugged me, letting me cry without saying anything or expecting anything from me.

I didn't know how he knew, how he always seemed to know, what I needed and when I needed it. It was so strange to me; everything he did was the right thing for me.

I don't know when--or if-- got out of my bed that night...but I fell into a light, restless sleep.

Sometime during the night, I had felt cold, but I had felt something warm suddenly slip over me, and I was comforted.

*

When I awoke the next morning, I saw that all of my things were already gone, save for the clothes and makeup that I would be wearing today, and the scarf around my shoulders. There were, however, dandelions in a vase by my bed, and I knew that Astaroth had brought them and left them for me.

I brought the scarf up to my nose, inhaling as I did so. It smelled of my brother's scent, and I was deeply comforted in that.

I heard rustling, and Seryn stepped into the room, dressed in a light tunic and pants while toweling off his hair, freshly bathed.

He noted me. "Ah," he said. "You are awake," he said, soft.

I nodded. "Yes," I said, my voice barely a whisper.

He came to my bedside, and went to pull the rope, but I stopped his hand. "My lady?"

"Can't I just...have a few more minutes...?" I asked, desperate.

He glanced out the window, stepping over to it and looking down into the courtyard and gardens. He glanced back at me. "Servants are already bustling around busily down there, my lady," he said. "The envoy is already out and about as well, it seems," he said. He sighed. "May I give you my opinion, my lady?" He asked.

I nodded. "You can," I said in a strained voice.

"I believe, Kynareth, that it would be best for you to just get it over with...as quickly as you possibly can. The sooner you get it done, the sooner it will be over. As the Crowned princess, you will not have a whole lot of responsibility on you for at least the first year. You will be able to rest the majority of the time, at least."

"What about the rest of the time?" I asked, not even thinking. He paused, giving me a long-suffering glance over his shoulder.

"Are you really asking...?" He asked after a long pause.

Then, when it clicked in my eyes and I startled, my eyes going wide, he quickly looked back out the window, not meeting my gaze, but I could see the uncomfortable look on his face, practically feel the heat beneath his cheeks.

I sighed, staring at him for another moment, before I gave in, and I pulled on the rope, finally.

Before the maids could rush in, I glanced at him again. "You remember your promise...?" I asked.

He gave a nod, not looking at me. "I remember it."

That was the most that I could hope for, in that moment, before a group of maids practically poured into my bedroom, giggling and chattering like excited teenagers, and I could already feel my energy draining.

I didn't want this.

Did they know that?

The only one who seemed to be containing their joy was my sweet, wonderful handmaiden, Alice...she knew, at least, the truth. She knew that I didn't want this.

It was about an hour of preparation until I was finished, and the maids asked Seryn, who had been patiently waiting by the door after donning his armor, to take a look so that they could get a man's perspective.

He turned, and his eyes went wide, mouth opening slightly as he stared at me. I felt his heart pounding in my own chest, feel his cheeks heat as he blushed.

The maids giggled like madwomen, deeming their work a success, and I had to know...I had to know what I looked like.

I stepped over to the body-length mirror on my wall, and I gaped at myself.

I wore a beautiful, body-hugging, white satin gown with a silver lace belt embellished with gemstones around my waist, flecks of silver and gold sewn into the neckline of the bodice, the shoulders and sleeves made of a sheer, see-through fabric.

The skirt of the gown was a simple A-line, with tons of gemstones sewn into the train of the gown.

My hair was styled into a beautiful braided bun with my long bangs swept to the sides to frame my face, and a necklace of gold and silver with studded diamonds rested around my neck.

My eyes were lined with liner and lash-thickening gel, and shadowed with silver and dark gray powder. My lips were stained a light pink color, and a light dusting of powder gave my skin a beautiful shine. Golden flecks sprinkled on my cheeks, making me seem to glow.

I was completely startled.

If Lady Steel had looked like a princess the evening before, I looked like an Empress now.

Seryn took my arm in his, wrapping my scarf around his arm that held mine so that it rested against my skin but it was held by him, and he led me down the stairs and out to the courtyard where my family was waiting.

My father and mother saw me first, stopping in their tracks.

"Oh, what a beautiful bride!" My mother gushed, tears filling her eyes. "You look magnificent. What a lucky, lucky man to marry such a gorgeous young lady."

"Truly stunning," my father agreed, voice thick with emotion. "The Crowned prince is lucky indeed," he said, proud.

Their personal knights agreed.

My brother's bride came out of their tower with her personal knight first, and she gaped at me. "My, you look wonderful!" She said, a happy and wistful smile on her face. "Congratulations, sister!" She said, her voice...too damn cheery for the occasion.

I didn't respond, and she definitely took notice of it, but before she could speak, my brother walked up, looking down at something in his hand, before he looked up and froze mid-step, stepping down sharply almost as if he was walking up stairs and misjudged there being another step, but foot free-falling through the air.

He gaped at me, a thick blush on his face, before he cleared his throat, looking away. "You look lovely, sister," he said, voice strained. I barely heard it.

"Well, well!" We heard a new voice speak up, and I glanced to the second prince. "My brother is a lucky man indeed!" He smiled. "You look like a masterpiece! Your maids know what they're doing, for sure!" He laughed. "Well, it will take us only a short time to get there. Shall we set out? I believe everything is ready?"

We all agreed, and I sighed as Seryn helped me up into my carriage, sitting beside of me as he got in himself.

It wasn't a very long ride to the palace, and I dreaded every passing second.

When we arrived, they directed us into the palace, and brought me to a room near the ceremony area, letting me have a chance to touch up my makeup or my gown if need be.

Topping off my face powder a little and putting a few strands of my hair back into place, Alice lifted a veil to my head, covering me with the veil, and my father waited with us for the servants to let us know they were ready.

Finally, someone came to retrieve us, and my body began to tremble. My father's arm tightened around my left arm, even as Seryn's arm tightened around my right arm.

My father looked down at me. "You know that...I love you...don't you? I didn't only do this for the benefit of our family. I truly thought that you would be best off with a prince. You will never go without. You will have the respect and care you deserve. And one day...you will be queen."

I nodded, trying as hard as I could to at least give him a small smile. "I thank you, father," I said in a tiny voice. "I know it is the best that you could do, for a daughter like me. I am sorry if I have not seemed appreciative enough for your long deliberation. I love you."

Sadness crossed his face, but he pressed a gentle kiss into my hair before leading me out, following the servant to the ceremony room, and I forced myself to breathe normally even as I trembled.

The doors opened and we walked inside. In that moment, I was thankful that I had someone on both sides of me to hold my body up.

I was struggling to walk.

The guests didn't seem to notice my struggle, oohs and ahh's flowing through the room even as I stepped toward what felt, in that instance, like my doom.

When we reached the throne stage, my father kissed my cheek through my veil and then let go of my hand, going to take his seat, but Seryn stayed at my side.

I glanced at the Crowned Prince, wearing a black uniform with silver and gold embroidery, and a cape that was black on the outside, but a beautiful, sky-blue color on the inside.

He wore a turquoise broach and even in his crown, there were turquoise stones.

I was almost flattered by the touches of light blue in my honor.