Chaotic Colors

Keisha's Reason

Keisha's P.O.V

I kept running and running that my feet were so sore from running from my house to where my feet will lead me to. 

SCHOOL?

My mind is eating my heart, and my heart was eating my mind. It was both eating up each other making my self feel so weak and feel satisfied from the thought of death. It's not the first time my uncle did that to me, attempting me to fulfil his flesh's desire and make him feel pleasure in force was so traumatizing to me, taking advantage on  an 16 years old girl while his wife was on a business trip for work.

My life was so miserable and  painful to ever treasure it anymore, I'd be lying if I say I am contented and happy in this horrible horror life of mine. 

Being an unwanted child and being kept with pity is too much for me, so why should I be experiencing more of this cruelty? I was half dead and alive but wanted to be fully dead to end the pain I feel, and to stop making a life of cruelty made by my blood linked family. 

My feet drag me to the girls restroom in our school, it was already dark and there were no students to be seen that makes it more depressing , being alone. I am literally a quiet person whom called weird by many by going to school with bruises on my face even my body

I am caught up in my own home and also in school, being bullied and judged is really frightening but of course there is nothing much painful to lose your own self because of your own source of strength, family.

I felt like I was suffocated and was grasping for air while sobbing very intense due to unexplainable feeling I have inside me. I tried drinking water from the faucet but then it was not enough. The moment I raised my head and saw my face on the mirror, My uncle's face flashed in a second that made me panic and screamed in fear. I broke the mirror and sub-consciously throw myself on the floor grieving for my own soul.

The light that came from the moon  reflected on the mirror making me feel the urge to firmly hold unto it, and a sudden momentum in my life I made a decision to where I felt like It was the most satisfying decision to make the pain inside me fade, vanished, and pleasurable.

I buried the broken pieces of the  mirror in my     flesh, and slowly watching each cut creates a warm bloody feeling that releases the  pain on my wrist that I crazily did for  a hundred of times to feel more satisfied and be able to breathe, it was like the best escape of all times. 

The hidden beauty of self cut is the definition of perfection. 

My heart throbs so fast than normal that made my tummy tickle and did made me laugh and continued cutting myself until I am more satisfied frim the blood dripping on my wrist.

I feel like I am going crazy. 

 I can't very well explain my feelings for  now, all I know was the sadness, the pain, the frustrations, and the anger towards my own self.

" Die!!!!" I shouted while sobbing and laughing

" WHAT. DID. I. DO. TO. DESERVE. THIS. SITUATION!!! UGH! THIS. IS. REALLY. PLEASURE!" I moaned in between my cuts and cries and I continued crying and crying and crying... and.... crying... 

I feel exhausted and really tired. I stopped cutting due to numbness but the tears were still flowing like my eyes were made to just cry. 

I have no one... No family, no Boyfriend... and even friends.. I have none. 

" You're.... crazy" I heard a gasps and a loud whisper coming from the door that was widely open with a person standing there watching me unbelievably, and now thinking that I am crazy. it is just when I realized what I've made to myself, recklessly.  I achieved in meeting my own pleasure but I also meet an unexpected opposition to  my own party yet I stiffened, what if this will go all over the town and I'll be a center  of attraction, a pitiable orphan that made herself crazy inside the school's bathroom?! 

NO!

"I-"

" Shut up, WeakShit dumb Monster!!" I shouted and ran off bumping to him hardly that made him yelp and  hissed on the sudden bargain of pain in his ass on the floor.

I escaped.... 

I run and run until I reach the Back of the School Campus and rest there for a while while. My hands were still bleeding excessively.

*Knick*

 I heard a sound of a broken twig not far from where I am at. I was alarmed and I grab a big stone  in the corner of the bushes I am ready to attack again. I saw a guy murmuring on its own cursing at his self. This dude might have a bad day too. would he like to do this new feeling I learnt? 

woah, Am I thinking on murdering my own self? Isn't that suicide?... Well then be it, It's not like someone cares for me. 

 I saw him walking alone, maybe heading his on way home this late. 

" You deserve having no friends kale. It's you're destiny you prick---" 

*Boogsh*

After cursing at his self he stumbled right through his face and yelp in pain hitting his own leg as a punishment of being clumsy.

"pfft" I tried as hard to stop from laughing after seeing him hitting his own face on the ground full of mud and even punishing his own self for being clumsy.. what A funny guy, My tummy hurts from laughing to much, I can't bare  it anymore. 

" HAHAHAHAHAHA " 

I teared laughing at him, which cause to found and saw me crazily laughing alone soaked in blood.  I was surprised at him, but what's more surprising is his reaction... He was pale and... angry? He come near me and grabbed my other wrist that has not that many cuts on it. 

" wai- wait! where do you think you're taking me?" I half shouting to ask  him but this dimwit didn't even flinch. So I  just let him drag me to where he wants me to. I was anxious and scared but I think he wont do anything to me. After a 25-20 minutes of walking or running rather, we stopped on a house and enter it without ay hesitations, he forcedly makes me sat on the couch as I watch him looking so pale and scared a the moment. he was walking back and forth getting the medicines he have and treated me,, wiping all the blood coming from my wrists and putting meds on it.

"who are you? ... why are you doing this to me?!!!" I shouted  but he just ignored it. Narrowing my eyelids to him, trying to scare this asshole stranger. 

" hey listen to me you little devil in disguise...~!" I said and wanting to retract my hands from his, But in the middle of his bandaging and after hearing what I've said he stopped and just stared on my hands blankly. 

It made me confuse, why do I feel pity on him? I don't even know him. We barely know each other but why does he look so sad and gloomy and... and... dead? more dead than to me. 

" yeah, who are you?" He asked coldly and stand in front of me but it seems like he was just talking to his self

" Mom..." he hissed and was about to break his shallowness. 

" what?! why did you dragged me here?! I am not even your friend" I said rudely not even thinking about his kindness towards me. 

" so let be friends for only today, and you can forget about what happen today" he answered so cold not even looking at me and was just cleaning all the tissues full of blood. 

" and more thing... you can file a case to whoever you want that's been abusing you, you have rights cause you did no wrong, also I know hurting yourself is satisfying, I know it but it can lead to death you know, but if you want to die then do what you want... for now I cared for you as your 1 of your friend or maybe so... " He said that made me speechless and a sudden tears flow unto my eyes...

My first friend.... 

" yo- you don't know what it feels, you don't understand me" I don't know where it came from but It just happen to spit out of my  mouth, But half of my self claiming that I feel very relieved by what he has done and what he has said. 

He narrowed his eyes unto me and get's a sharp scissors from the medical box and stand closer to me. 

" I feel the worse feeling you feel, but it is up to you whether you'll believe me or not... being alive for me was death for me... It's hard and very unbearable. It's hellish to be alive you know. " He said with an expressionless look and abruptly making me watch to cut his own flesh in my two eyes. With the sober me right now I know I can't handle to watch this, he was expressionless but he was in pain, it may not be feel physically because of his cold, expressionless expression but  mentally and emotionally, it was visible to see that  he was going crazy on his pain, but due to this pain he was numb by it. 

 " Everyone has it's own problem, and unforgivable situation in life, so I don't know if  it helped you see me in my world" He said and just wipe the blood on his wrist, All I did was to sat down in shock and everything flashed unto me. My parents, my uncle's and my self it was horrible And terrifying to view it as just 'only a small problem' while it's not. but That is not his point, This guy is making me realize to be stronger even if it's beyond our pain or even though circumstances like that happens to me.  I'm such a Bad person! I really am! This may be a big issue from me but just by seeing how this guy makes me feel he feels and experience way more worse than mine, but still acknowledge my pain and comfort me that it is also his problem.

I was sobbing and was making a ruckus in a stranger's house to let all my frustration out in me to waste all out of  energy left in me and just run away from this stupid reality. 

" You're not like me, you're not a bad person and also someone will help you and stand with you unlike me." He said I was confuse at what he just said while he continues to clean the mess I made, I am embarrassed of my actions but I did not regret one thing I made just now, cause If this did not happen...

"and every one has different story, different pain, different sufferings, and different despairs, and you of all people deserved to be treated rightly, you were abused and you're hurt like hell,  you don't deserve any of this." He said that made me cry and just sobbed on his shoulders. 'He understands me, He feel me, and he believe me. 

...

If this did not happen... I would not meet my first ever friend in my whole life. 

**** Present time****

"  Oh, so you're that girl from before?" he ask in a little surprise tome of his voice but still blunt. I chuckled away and nods at him.

" yep, and thank you for making me realize to be strong that day, and you know you weren't wrong My aunt still kept me and she and uncle divorced because he can't stand her jerk husband too, filing him a case and so on..." I said ending the story with a shy nervous expression.

" oh, good for you" he only answered

" yep, and I really want to be your friend, the feeling  you gave me that night, a friend that you gave me that night changes me... I changed myself a little and becomes more positive but still I have my own personality from before, but I am really and sincerely wants to be  your friend... and I am grateful to you. you were not a disaster to me, it just happens that it was I the disaster you encounter that time, that you ought now to think that you were really the disaster instead of the situation." I said eagerly letting him know What I truly feel.

"I- uh.... "

" Don't be pressured, I know what you feel, being  alone, but you know I promise you, you will never be alone again, that's how you made me feel that day you helped me sub-consciously. "     I said interrupting him I know he can't process this sudden new me, after that messy night. 

" I still don't need friend" He stubbornly said so I just let him go and I chuckled on my own alone. A minute after he really did leave, leaving a poor girl like me here alone, so I decided to go home. On my way walking to the final route I recalled to myself who's the guy who found me in the restroom. 

He was tall and has a masculine body for a young age, he was I think just the same grade as me and Kale at that time, and his voice were somehow very familiar, after reminiscing the memory I half of it don't wants to remember except of Kale's existence.

" I bet he was handsome, but he still is a jerk for me. " I talked to myself letting a laugh out of my mouth  while walking on the street

" You really are crazy " A familiar voice same to the person last year who caught me ending my life, almost was heard behind me. I turned my head slowly and to my surprise it was Jackson who happens to be standing behind me with his cross hand in his chest standing there like a perverted stalker. 

" you?????!" I ask disbelief and alerted my self from harm.