Beside You

Beside You Ch. 22: Forget Me Too 3/3

Chapter Twenty-Two: Forget Me Too 3/3

I didn’t move until I felt Michael’s hand on my arm. It was a gentle way to lead me away, I guess.

Once we were far enough away, I stopped walking.

“What is your problem?” I demanded.

“My problem?” Michael growled, “What the f**k is wrong with you?”

I gasped.

I wasn’t sure why. I was used to him talking like that to me.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” I stated.

I stood there waiting for him to answer my question.

He just stood there staring at me.

I didn’t do anything to deserve his pissy attitude.

“Your turn,” I stated, “What is your problem?”

“You are,” he growled, “Why the f**k are you even here?”

“Collin invited me,” I stated, “Why am I your problem exactly?”

“Were you going to f**k him?” Michael demanded.

“What?” I hissed, “No!”

“He sure thought you were,” he stated.

What? He did?

“No he didn’t,” I said, “You’re just jealous.”

He laughed. It was an unnecessary humorless laugh.

“You’re f*****g hilarious,” he said.

“Not as funny as you.”

“I’m not having this fight with you,” he said, “I’m taking you back to campus so you can sober up.”

“No,” I snapped.

“Ren,” he said, “Just get in the car.”

He pointed to the white car not too far from where we were standing.

He looked tired.

It wasn’t fair that he thought it was okay to tear me away from my date just because he was being a jealous b***h.

He was lucky my feet f*****g hurt.

I followed Michael in a different direction from where he pointed.

His car was a little off to the side.

This driveway was a little weird. It was almost a U shape, but it had a regular driveway up each side of the house.

Michael was parked at the front of the left driveway.

I thought the white car he pointed to was his.

Now I felt stupid.

I sat in the passenger seat and crossed my arms after I took my shoes off.

I was pissed off, and my buzz was going away.

Michael sat in the driver's seat.

I sat there glaring forward. I was waiting for him to start the car so we could leave.

“Are we going anytime soon?” I asked after a few minutes of sitting there in silence.

I heard a click, and I glanced over at him.

His seat reclined, and he groaned.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I said.

“We’re going to have to wait a minute,” Michael stated.

“You’re joking,” I said, “For what?”

He moved uncomfortably in his seat.

My eyes wandered down, and I felt my entire body flush.

“I just need a minute,” he said, “I can’t do anything like this.”

My eyes locked on the bump in his pants.

Oh god.

What the f**k?

I glanced up at his face.

He looked like he was in pain.

Was it the bruises too? His arm had to still be messed up too.

My body shuddered.

“Michael?”

“Just,” he groaned, “Give me a minute, please.”

I don’t think I could wait another minute. Not with him like that.

This was not safe.

He had to know how badly I wanted him.

Was this just a big ‘f**k you’ to me?

I found myself moving before my brain could register what I wanted to do.

I was over the center console and on his seat.

He flinched when he realized I was climbing over.

“Ren,” he gasped, “What the f**k are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” I asked.

He sat up, and I dropped my weight onto his lap.

His gaze went down, and he groaned again.

“I see you’re having a difficult time,” I said, quiet enough for him to barely hear.

“Ren,” he said, “Stop it.”

“I’m not doing anything,” I stated, “I’m just sitting here.”

He finally looked up to meet my eyes.

I took his face into my hands, and I didn’t hesitate to kiss him.

He didn’t fight me.

His lips met my hungry kisses.

His tongue tasted mine slowly before he sucked gently.

I moaned into the kiss.

His right hand gripped my thigh, and I ground myself down onto him.

He moaned long.

His fingers dug hard into my skin.

It hurt, but it felt good at the same time.

It felt a little like I didn’t have any control over my own body. I just moved.

My hands slowly went down his neck.

We didn’t break our kiss once.

He tasted sweet, and I felt like I was starving. Starving for his mouth. His tongue.

His everything.

The rough kisses stopped, and he kissed me so slowly it made me ache.

He placed a light kiss over my top lip, then on my bottom lip.

My body quivered.

I could feel the hardness between us, and I wanted it.

I didn’t know what the f**k to do with it, but I didn’t care.

His right hand gripped my chin, and I couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped me.

“Ren,” he whispered.

He kissed me softly.

“Michael,” I whispered.

I felt his thumb on my bottom lip.

“Mayren,” he said.

My eyes shot open to meet his dark blue ones.

He pulled me closer to him with his left arm.

He forced my back to arch.

“Careful,” I said, “Your arm.”

He dropped back onto his seat, letting me go in the process.

Huh?

“What the f**k are we doing?” he asked.

His right hand rubbed at his face.

I was able to move myself up just a little with him lying back like that.

He flinched, and I didn’t even have time to react.

I blinked, and I was shoved out of the car.

“f**k,” he groaned, “Why didn’t you stop?”

My hands and knees stung.

I picked my hand up to see blood and gravel.

“You shoved me out of the car,” I gasped.

“You were on top of me,” he said. It sounded like he was nearly out of breath.

I moved to sit on the ground. I glared up at him.

I could feel the blood already running down my knee.

His eyes went to my legs, and I could see a bit of regret.

“I…” he frowned, “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t have to shove me out of the car,” I stated, “Words work just fine.”

“I told you to stop.”

He wasn’t serious, was he?

“You kissed me back!”

“You were on top of me,” he said, “What else was I supposed to do?”

“If you would have stopped me….” I didn’t have the chance to finish.

“Do you not know what the word stop means?”

I honestly couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

I know I should feel guilty.

He could have stopped me if he really wanted to.

He didn’t have to shove me out of the f*****g car.

“You really want me to stop?” I asked.

I felt the lump in my throat again.

This was it.

I couldn’t anymore.

One more rejection, and I would be free.

“How many times do I have to say it?” he asked.

It felt like this thread in me was cut.

I felt empty.

I felt wrong.

“Fine,” I breathed.

I got to my feet, and I headed back to the house.

“Where are you going?” Michael stopped me.

“Back to the party,” I stated.

“Ren,” he said, “I’m taking you back to campus. Now.”

“No,” I said firmly, “You can go alone.”

“I’m not letting you go back in there,” he said.

“Why not?” I asked, “You don’t want me. Collin does.”

I could see the anger twist his expression.

“What the f**k is wrong with you?” he growled, “Why are you so desperate to get f****d?”

“I don’t want anyone else, Michael,” I felt the lump only get bigger, “I want you.”

He glared to the side.

“Just leave me alone,” I tried to pull my hand free from his grasp.

“How can you be so f*****g stupid?” he asked so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.

“I don’t know,” I said flatly.

“Two broken people don’t work,” he said, “I can’t feel the way you do.”

I just stood there and stared at him.

I think he was expecting me to argue with him.

“That’s not what I was asking for,” I stated.

I know mentally that he can’t, or won’t.

It didn’t change how I felt.

“You really have no idea what you’re asking for,” he said.

“You’ve made yourself pretty clear,” I said, trying to shake his grip again, “Let me go.”

“Stop it,” he pleaded, “Just let me take you back to campus.”

“No.”

“Ren,” he sighed, “Stop being a pain in the ass.”

“You have no right to stop me,” I said, “You’re free now. I won't bother you anymore.”

He looked lost.

“Ren,” he said.

“No!” I screamed, “You’re free. I won’t bother you anymore.”

“Stop it,” he pleaded.

“Just forget about me,” I said, “And I’ll forget about you too.”

His grip on my wrist tightened.

“I thought we were friends,” he said.

“You’re the one that made that hard,” I stated, “No matter what I did, or what I said, you either pushed me away or made me think you wanted more.”

“We can talk about this later,” he said, “Just get in the car.”

“No,” I pulled at my arm, “I told you already. You’re free.”

“Stop,” he said.

“You’re free,” I felt my eyes starting to sting, “I won’t bother you anymore.”

“Stop f*****g saying that!” he growled, “If I wanted to be free of you, I would have been already.”

My eyes met his again.

“I’ll only hurt you,” he said, “I’m trying to help you.”

“That isn’t up to you,” I slapped his hand hard.

He finally let me go.

“It’s simple,” I said, “Either I go with you, or I go with Collin.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” he hissed, “I’m trying to take you back to campus.”

“No,” I said, “The motel.”

“No,” he hissed.

“Then leave,” I said.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked, “How many times do I have to warn you?”

I turned, and I walked right up to him.

He stumbled back a little once I was right in front of him.

“I have the right to make my own mistakes,” I stated, “You’re the only one who cares if you become one.”

He just stared back at me, clearly baffled.

“It’s you,” I said, “No matter how badly I don’t want it to be. It’s you.”

“You can’t be serious,” he breathed.

“So,” I said, “If you don’t f**k off right now, I’m going to start screaming.”

He looked hurt. I just didn’t care.

He was so wrapped up in the idea of hurting me that he wouldn’t even try.

“Ren,” he pleaded, “Stop this.”

I glared at him, “You really don’t believe me, do you?”

I took in a deep breath, but he was quick to cover my mouth.

“Fine,” he said, “You win.”

I win?

This didn’t feel like a win.

“You have the right to make your own mistakes,” he said, “That’s fair.”

Really?

“But what you aren't considering is the lives of the people around you,” he said, “You’re f*****g selfish.”

I slapped his hand away from my face.

“You’re the f*****g selfish one,” I shoved him, “You only care about yourself and your f*****g dick.”

He laughed, “But what about you? Right?”

“Yeah,” I said, “What about me?”

He just glared at me.

“If you won’t give me a chance, then at least let me try with someone else,” I said, “Collin has been good to me.”

“You know nothing about him,” Michael said, “If you did, you wouldn’t even talk to him.”

“I feel like that says more about you than it does about me right now,” I said, “You’re the one that hangs out with him.”

“I’m not f*****g him,” he stated.

“Do you want to?” I asked.

“Are you joking?” he hissed.

“No,” I said, “If you aren’t jealous of them, then you’re jealous of me being with them.”

“That’s a real f*****g knee slapper you got there,” he said, “Really f*****g funny.”

I didn’t even bother pretending to laugh.

“f**k you,” he spat.

I was numb right now.

I wanted to feel hurt by his words. I just couldn’t.

I hated not feeling anything.

I hated this.

Right now, he was making me hate myself more than I have in a while.

He shouldn’t be able to do that to me.

I wasn’t this person.

“Fine,” I said, “Take me back to campus.”

He stared at me, and I think he could tell that something was wrong.

“Ren?” he asked.

I didn’t respond. I just got in the back seat.

“Say something,” he said.

I shut the door and pulled my seatbelt on.

“I hate when you do this s**t,” he growled.

I met his eyes.

“You think I don’t?” I asked, “Take me back, then leave me alone.”

“Is that what happens if I take you back?” he asked, “You’ll pretend I don’t exist again?”

“No,” I stated.

“You’re lying,” he said.

“Am I?” I asked.

He sat in the front seat and shut the door before hitting the steering wheel with his hands.

The horn went off a few times.

“You’re such a f*****g child,” he growled once his fists dropped.

I didn’t have it in me to argue.

“Do I mean that little to you?” he asked.

Rage was boiling in me. It was canceling out the numbness.

“Do I mean so little to you?” I whispered, “You can’t even bother to give me a chance.”

“You think I don’t know awful I am?” he asked, “I’m not a good person.”

“I don’t care if you are or not,” I stated.

“You will,” he said, “You aren’t the first. You won’t be the last.”

“Good to know, I guess,” I said, turning my attention out the window.

He didn’t say anything, and neither did I.

He started the car, and he headed towards school.

I felt sick.

It felt like acid was burning me away from the inside out.

It only got worse the closer we got to campus.

My body was shaking.

Was this really how it ended?

I guess his bullshit philosophy was right.

To love someone so much and to not be loved back or enough, kills you.

Is this what dying felt like?

I know I was going to be mortified over how dramatic I am later.

This felt wretched.

I could see the black gate, and I had to will the tears away.

I would wait until I was alone.

Then, and only then could I finally let myself mourn the loss of him.

I watched as he kept on going.

Where the f**k was he going?

“Fine,” he mumbled, “If this is really what it takes, then fine.”

I was angry all over again.

“Stop the car,” I said, “Let me out.”

“This is what you wanted, right?” he snapped, “You want to f**k me.”

I wanted to punch him.

Once I was done crying like a f*****g baby.

“Let me out,” I said.

“I will once we get to the motel,” he stated.

I pulled his left ear hard.

“f**k,” he hissed.

He stepped hard on the brakes making us stop so hard my face hit the back of the headrest.

“This is what you f*****g wanted?” he said.

He didn’t have to sound so disgusted.

I smacked the side of his face.

“What the f**k?” he hissed, “Stop hitting me.”

“Stop acting like being with me is the most disgusting thing in the world,” I choked out.

“You’re f*****g kidding,” he glared at me through the rearview mirror.

He really thought so little of me?

Did he pity me this whole time?

Did Benny ask him to be nice to me?

Was any moment I had with him genuine?

“You’re the one that’s practically blackmailing me to f**k you,” he said, “You don’t get to be upset.”

I just shook my head.

“You can shake your head all you want,” he started driving again, “That is precisely what you’re doing.”

The idea of being wanted by another person must be a foreign concept to him.

I was done.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

Why did I feel a single thing for him?

He was a monster.

I couldn’t hold it in. The tears just poured down my face.

“And of course you’re f*****g upset,” he sighed, “You don’t get your way, so you f*****g cry.”

I wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

My gaze went to the handle of the door, and I pulled it before pushing open the door.

The alarm blared, and Michael slammed on the brakes.

“Are you f*****g kidding?” he demanded.

I didn’t even wait to hear him out this time.

I couldn’t.

I sprinted as fast as I could away from him.

“Ren!” he shouted, “f**k!”