Beside You

Beside You Ch. 18: Scars That I'm Hiding 1/2

Chapter Eighteen: Scars That I’m Hiding Part 1 of 2

My eyes weren’t even open yet.

All I felt was pain.

My head felt like it was splitting. Nausea soon followed.

My eyes opened, and the room was still dark.

There was no light from the window, no lamp, no computer screen. Nothing.

This horrible feeling settled heavily in my chest.

It felt like I lost something.

I just wish I could put my finger on what it was.

I forced myself to sit up.

On instinct, my gaze went to Benny’s side of the room.

She was still asleep.

It took me a couple of minutes to figure out exactly what the horrible feeling was.

It felt like grief.

Something important felt gone.

It sat heavily on my chest, and my eyes swelled with tears.

What the f**k was I grieving for?

It felt wrong. I felt disgusting.

I needed to take a shower.

My hand searched the bed blindly for my phone.

Where the hell did I leave that little s**t?

After a minute, I finally found it.

The phone was partially under my pillow.

I pressed on the screen to see the time.

5:07 AM.

Fucking hell.

Just under the time was a notification.

6 Unread messages.

From: Collin – ‘I’m glad that you changed your mind.’

From: Collin – ‘I’m looking forward to Saturday.’

It felt odd to have a boy want to spend time with me like this.

It was always different with Michael. It felt like I was one looking forward to seeing him.

I honestly wonder if he enjoyed spending time with me at all.

Sometimes it seemed like he did, but I don’t know for sure.

I shook my head.

I needed to stop it.

He made it clear.

I was going to move on.

Even if just thinking about moving on hurts.

I had other messages to read.

I backed out of the messages from Collin to see an unknown number.

From: Unknown – ‘Ren, this is Gus. Are you alright?’

I was quick to program Gus into my phone so that I didn’t forget.

Then I went back to the messages.

From: Gus – ‘What happened? Michael won’t talk to me.’

From: Gus – ‘Sorry, Benny said that you were asleep.’

From: Gus – ‘Please message me when you wake up.’

Did I not have Gus’ number before?

I didn’t really feel that it was necessary to message Collin back yet.

Gus seemed really worried. I thought it was a good idea to message him back, regardless of what time it was.

My hands froze over the keypad.

What was I even supposed to say to him?

Michael is an asshole?

Shit happened, and now Michael and I will probably not be friends like we were before?

I wanted to know what happened too.

I didn’t want to think about yesterday, but this wasn’t something I could just ignore.

Steven was here. I couldn’t run away from him again.

The people I have here are too important to me.

I was happy here.

This was supposed to be my safe place.

My head shook again before I replied to Gus.

To: Gus – ‘I’m okay.’

To: Gus – ‘Thank you.’

I sat there for a minute, debating whether or not I should say more.

I already promised that I would tell Benny what was going on.

Did I want to tell Gus first? Would he tell Benny before I even had the chance to say anything?

I’m sure if I asked him not to, he’d wait.

This was already hard enough. How many times would I have to tell the story?

The last thing I wanted to have to do was relive it.

I just stared at the screen.

I could be vague.

My head c****d to the side.

To: Gus – ‘Bennys Cousin happened.’

To: Gus – ‘I’m sure Michael will talk to you later, just give him a little time.’

I glanced up at the top corner of my phone.

5:37 AM.

Damn it.

My phone went off, and it scared me.

I looked down to see a phone call.

Oh s**t.

“Hello?” I whispered.

“I wasn’t sure if you would actually answer,” Gus said.

He sounded relieved.

“Well, you called,” I whispered, “Is everything alright?”

“What do you mean Benny’s cousin happened?” he asked, “What did he do?”

I looked over at Benny.

“I wanted to talk to Benny first,” I said.

There was a short silence, “I get that, but I’m trying to figure out how things got so bad yesterday.”

I wasn’t sure I was up for having this conversation more than once.

“Hold on,” I said.

I heard a noise of agreement.

I got up, and I sat on Benny’s bed.

She moved just a little before I poked her arm.

“Benny,” I said.

“What are you doing?” Gus asked.

“I’m waking her up,” I stated, “This will be a whole lot easier on me just to have to say this all once.”

“Ren,” Gus whispered, “It can wait.”

“Hmmm,” Benny groaned.

“Not anymore it can’t,” I stated.

Benny looked up at me and sat up instantly.

“What is it?” she gasped, “What happened?”

“That’s why,” Gus sighed.

“Gus called me,” I stated, “Everything is okay.”

She nodded slowly, but the worry never once left her expression.

“He wanted to know what happened yesterday,” I said, “I told him that it was your cousin.”

Benny frowned, “What did Steven do?”

“It was him,” I didn’t realize just how much emotion I was holding in.

My voice broke once I said it.

I dropped my phone from my face to put it on speaker.

“Gus,” Benny said, “You’re on speaker.”

“Hey Babe,” he said, “What is going on?”

“She doesn’t look too good,” she said.

“What do you mean it was him?” Gus asked.

“Do…” I croaked.

Fucking hell.

How was I supposed to say the words when I couldn’t even speak?

“He…” I tried again.

“Honey,” Benny leaned in to gently rub the side of my face, “You can say it. You’re safe with us.”

Those words didn’t help.

They were exactly what I needed to hear.

My eyes blurred, and I felt the tears fall before I had the chance to really process what she said after that.

“Does Michael know?” Gus asked.

All I could do was nod.

“She nodded,” Benny said.

“f**k,” Gus said, “I’d kick him if he was here.”

“He’s not there?” Benny asked.

“Is he ever?” Gus said, “I thought things were getting better.”

So then he was out with a girl?

I felt angry now.

Well, anger and jealousy.

“Do you remember the story about the boy before?” I asked.

My voice shook the whole time, but the anger helped me get it out.

“The boy before?” Gus asked.

“The one I almost lost my virginity to?” I asked.

“The asshole?” Benny asked, “What about him?”

There was a short silence.

“Ren,” Gus said so quietly that I barely heard him, “Was it Steven?”

I nodded.

Benny looked angry. I’ve never seen that much hate on her face before.

“Steven was the one who hurt you?” she asked to clarify.

I nodded again.

“I’ll f*****g kill him,” Benny growled.

“Not if I get to him first,” Gus said, “You can bring him back and kill him again.”

The love I felt only made my chest hurt.

“Is that why he had a bloody nose earlier?” Gus asked after a few minutes.

“Michael punched him,” I said.

“Good,” Gus said, “Only once?”

I nodded.

“Unfortunately,” Benny said sourly, “I’m not going to stop with one.”

I gripped her hand hard, “You don’t have to kill him.”

“Oh, I know,” she said, “I want to.”

“Nobody f***s with our Ren,” Gus stated, “Even if we didn’t know you yet. Nobody.”

“Our Ren?” I asked.

“Is that even a question?” Gus asked, “Yes, ours.”

My eyes started to sting again.

“Ours,” Benny said, “It’s the four of us against the world now.”

I couldn’t stop them this time, I sobbed.

I have been so alone for so long.

It was weird to know that they loved me as much as I loved them.

That they didn’t just say it.

“Come here,” Benny pulled me on top of her, and she held me.

“Are you saying you don’t want us to hurt him?” Gus asked, “Because I want to kick his ass.”

“One,” I managed to get out, “One good punch.”

“Say less, Babe,” Gus said, “Steven is about to experience a broken nose.”

Did Gus just call me babe?

Benny must have sensed my question, “Just go with it Babe.”

I only nodded against her.

“We’ll call you back Babe,” Benny said, “Love you.”

“Love you guys too,” Gus said, “I’m so sorry Ren, Steven has always been a piece of shit.”

“Love you guys too,” I said, “Michael said the same thing.”

“It’s true,” Benny stated.

She was the one that tried to hook me up with him.

“Talk to you later,” Gus said.

He hung up the phone before either of us could respond.

“I can’t believe I tried to hook the two of you up,” Benny said, “I forget how shitty he is sometimes.”

“I forgive you,” I said.

She pat my back soothingly.

“I’m alright now,” I said.

I tried to get up, but she wouldn’t let me.

“You’re going to stay right here until my alarm goes off,” she said, “Then we’re going to have an amazing day.”

“I hope so,” I said.

“I have spoken Ren,” she said, “So shall it be.”

I felt a smile tug at my lips.

“Can I at least take a shower?” I asked.

“Together?” she asked.

I felt myself grin, “Is that really what you want, Babe?”

She giggled, “You bet your sweet ass I do.”

I wasn’t expecting her to actually slap me right on my ass.

++++++++++