Beside You

Beside You Ch. 19: Power 2/2

Chapter Nineteen: Power 2/2

“Okay,” I said awkwardly, “What?”

“Did you and Michael really…” he stopped, “Did you….”

I frowned.

“Steven,” I said, “Spit it out.”

It was kind of funny. I used to be so scared of him.

If I wasn’t scared, I was smitten.

Both versions of me never spoke to him like this before.

Neither one of them would ever imagine I’d have this kind of strength in me today.

“Did you actually f**k Michael?” he asked.

I found myself laughing a little, “That’s what you want to know?”

“Yes,” he said, “Why him?”

I met Benny’s gaze, and she was confused.

“Steven,” I said calmly, “Do you really think you deserve to know that?”

He didn’t respond.

“After all of this s**t?” I asked.

“No,” he said, “But an answer for an answer.”

“I could lie to you,” I stated.

“That’s fine,” he said, “I won’t lie to you.”

It was weird to hear him say that.

“I am still very much a virgin,” I stated, “No thanks to you.”

He chuckled, “I wasn’t expecting that, to be honest.”

I shrugged at Benny.

“If it means anything,” he said, “Given the chance, he would f**k you without a second thought.”

I laughed, “He won’t get the chance.”

Benny looked a little awkward.

“Your turn,” I stated.

“He lost it when I called him a mamas boy,” he said, “After all this time, you’d think he would be better.”

“He doesn’t like to talk about her,” I stated.

“Aren’t you curious?” he asked, “I could tell you.”

“Of course I’m curious,” I admitted, “But it doesn’t mean anything unless he’s the one to tell me.”

Benny looked surprised.

“Despite him being a raging asshole,” I stated, “He’s my friend, and I won’t let you hurt him.”

“You’re all f*****g pathetic,” Steven stated.

“Maybe,” I shrugged, “But we’re never going to be alone again.”

“It’s easy to say that now,” Steven said, “Just wait until something happens, and you are at opposite ends.”

“I think we’re capable of disagreeing on something,” I stated.

“You don’t know them, Mayren,” he said, “They never let anyone else stay in their group for long, you aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last.”

He was deliberately trying to hurt me, and I wouldn’t let him.

He’s done more than enough.

“I don’t expect to be the last,” I admitted, “All three of them are such amazing people. More people will want to know them.”

He laughed, “Add delusional to that long list of names for you.”

“Should I capitalize it?” I asked.

There was a short silence.

“What?” he asked.

“The name I’m adding,” I asked, “Did you want me to capitalize it?”

I heard a slight growl before Benny laughed.

“f**k both of you,” Steven said.

“Get well soon,” Benny said, “Or don’t, I don’t really care.”

He was mid-sentence when she hung up on him.

We both laughed once the call ended, and it was just the two of us.

It felt good to know I had a place here. I was going to defend it, and I didn’t care who tried to get in the way of that.

My phone went off, letting me know that it was charged enough for me to actually go through it.

I looked over at the screen, and there was a text notification.

“I can’t believe Steven actually thought he was going to win that,” she grinned, “You, Mayren, are one tough cookie.”

I smiled up at her.

“I’m serious,” she said, “You’ve been through a lot, and you could have learned whatever you wanted to about any of us.”

I just stared at her.

“But you didn’t,” she asked, “Why?”

“I meant what I said,” I admitted, “I want that to come from you guys. It means more if you want me to know.”

She grinned, and I could see the sadness there despite the toothy smile.

There was a peaceful silence, but I could tell that Benny wanted to say something.

I met her gaze, and she hesitated to actually say the words.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I meant it, you know,” she said, “When I said that you were perfect the way you are.”

She stared at me, and I knew she meant it.

My dumbass couldn’t help the words that followed.

“Are we f*****g?” I asked.

Both of us laughed a lot harder than we did the first time.

She threw a pillow at me, and it only made me laugh harder.

It hurt. Not the pillow, but the laughter.

“I can’t believe he actually asked that,” she said, “I can’t believe he really thought it at all.”

“Boy seems a little off,” I nodded.

“Jealous much,” she said, “He was so worried about anyone around you.”

That was a little creepy to think about. After all of the s**t he put me through, he didn’t deserve to be jealous. Not one teeny tiny bit.

Benny stared at her phone, and I watched as she frowned.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted, “It’s my mother.”

She showed me the screen, and it very clearly said that her mom was calling.

“What do I do?” she asked.

“Talk to her,” I said, “She might know something you don’t.”

She nodded fiercely before answering.

“Hey mom,” she greeted.

I was going to take advantage of this time to check my messages.

Part of me hoped that Michael texted me.

I just didn’t know how I would feel once I actually laid eyes on his name.

Three unread messages.

I clicked on the messaging app, and the first name I saw wasn’t Michael.

Collin sent me a text.

I looked at the time before I felt guilty. It was sent last night.

Under his name was the one I was scared to see.

Michael King, 2 unread.

I stared at both names, and it felt a little like I needed to choose.

It barely felt like a competition.

I clicked on the name I was more familiar with. The boy who currently had my heart, but didn’t want it.

From: Michael – ‘I’m so f*****g sorry. I don’t know why I believed anything that came out of Steven’s mouth. I’m sorry Ren. I’m so f*****g sorry.’

I glanced under the first message to see the second, and it made me feel sick.

From: Michael – ‘Please forgive me.’

My response was conditioned, and I knew that.

Years of abuse, and still, I let people hurt me.

I didn’t even have to think as my thumbs wrote out a single word.

To: Michael – ‘Always.’

I felt numb.

I pressed the back button, and I felt guilty. I forgot about Collin.

That boy clearly deserves better.

For some f****d up reason, he likes me.

I clicked on the message.

My eyes slowly went over the words. I felt something heavy settle in my stomach, and my eyes stung.

From: Collin – ‘I think you’re beautiful Red.’

More than anything, I was angry at myself.

I wanted to want the boy that was good to me.

It felt strange to think it, but maybe that’s just how life worked.

What if I liked Michael because I deserved all of it?

My phone buzzed in my hand, and I clicked on the message.

Collin’s name popped up.

From: Collin – ‘I’m sorry if that was a little too much, I just thought you should know. f**k what that other guy was saying about you.’

I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

Was he worried that his first message freaked me out?

I smiled a little.

To: Collin – ‘Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry you were worried about that, my phone died and I just got some power to it.’

The bubbles popped up, and I felt nervous.

I saw the message before I felt the buzz.

From: Collin – ‘Then I’ll say it a hundred more times.’

My phone buzzed again, then again, then again.

From: Collin – ‘You’re beautiful Red.’

From: Collin – ‘You’re beautiful.’

From: Collin – ‘Honestly, a man would have to be blind not to think you are.’

I couldn’t help but smile painfully at the words.

To: Collin – ‘To think, I almost thought you were going to copy and paste the same message 100 times.’

He responded back fast.

From: Collin – ‘I could still do that if you want.’

My phone went off again before I even thought of a response.

From: Collin – ‘It just didn’t feel very sincere, unless I wrote them all out myself.’

To: Collin – ‘Sometimes you only have to say it once.’

It was true, though.

Sincerity is important.

My phone buzzed again.

The feed with Collin didn’t have a new message.

My stomach was in knots.

I pressed back to see who the message was from.

I had a text from Gus.

It surprised me a little, but I clicked on it.

From: Gus – ‘Is Benny with you? She isn’t answering my calls.’

It was definitely strange to get messages like these.

To: Gus – ‘She’s on the phone with her mom.’

To: Gus – ‘Why? Is everything okay?’

My phone vibrated again after a few minutes.

From: Gus – ‘Yeah, for now at least.’

From: Gus – ‘I’m guessing you heard about last night?’

To: Gus – ‘Yeah, I did.’

To: Gus – ‘Steven sure likes to run his mouth.’

The response was faster than I was expecting.

From: Gus – ‘How much did you hear?’

To: Gus – ‘Enough.’

My phone went off again, and it wasn’t from Gus.

Why was I so popular today?

It had to be Collin responding to my last message.

I pressed back, but the name at the top wasn’t Collin.

I felt the knots again as I stared at Michael’s name.

It had a mark next to it, letting me know I had an unread message.

I hesitated before opening the message.

From: Michael – ‘Not everything should be easily forgiven. Even if they beg you for it.’

My phone buzzed again.

From: Michael – ‘Be angry at me.’

My phone kept going off like I was getting a call, but I just saw message after message on the feed between Michael and me.

From: Michael – ‘Hate me.’

From: Michael – ‘Hate me more than I hate myself.’

From: Michael – ‘You shouldn’t forgive me.’

From: Michael – ‘Hate me.’

From: Michael – ‘Hate me already.’

From: Michael – ‘I’ve hurt you before, I could do it again.’

I stared at the messages, and I could tell that he was spiraling.

He wanted me to hate him, but why?

My mind snapped back to what Steven said.

The Bet.

Michael was the one who made the bet in the first place.

I stared at the words, and it only made me feel nauseous.

Maybe I did hate him.

No, I should hate him.

I needed to do what was best for me, and he wasn’t it.

I typed my response out, and I willed the guilt away.

To: Michael – ‘Okay. Message received.’

My phone vibrated, and I knew it wasn’t Michael.

Collin was the most recent message.

I opened the message, and I felt myself smiling again.

From: Collin – ‘I’m very much looking forward to tomorrow night.’

From: Collin – ‘Sleep well Red. Dream of good things.’

It was strange to hear.

I usually only heard people say goodnight or rest well.

Dream of good things.

I knew it in my mind already.

Right now, Collin was the right choice.

To: Collin – ‘You too, dream of good things.’