Chapter 18
1262 Words
Wednesday.
Michaela…
I stare at the ceiling. Contemplating. I feel so empty.
I didn’t want to paint and now that I have nothing in mind to put on a canvas, everything is so bleak and blank.
I hate feeling like this.
“Michaela!”
My dad is knocking impatiently.
“I’m not going. I’m sure you have enough influence to keep me away from that place for the rest of the week.”
This room sure looks like you do, I think to myself. Everything here is dull and white. No colour whatsoever.
Whoever designed this must be a really sad person with no imagination. You’re a sad person with no imagination, I think to myself. I must be going mad. It’s really a sad phase when one lacks motivation but atleast the bed is really comfy.
“I’ll see what I can do…” He sounds disappointed.
I’m sure he was hoping that we could bond over a car ride to school. I’m afraid he’s many years late.
“What about your…”
“Oh just leave already. You’re annoying me” Giving my father the same treatment I give my mom doesn’t quite hit right. It feels like I’m not hurting him enough. Maybe it’s just because I don’t know him that well. I don’t know what makes him happy or sad.
I just don’t know what makes him tick.
I guess it’s much more easier to hurt a person you know. It’s kind of sad given the fact that the person least expects it from you. I wonder if my mother thought about things like that before putting me through all this.
That’s the annoying thing about adults; they actually believe that they are right just because they are big and I’m small. That’s why I like proving them wrong. I just don’t understand why their big minds lack comprehension and reasoning skills.
“You will not speak to me like that young lady!” The door abruptly opens and he waltz in.
I remain unfazed.
“You sure took your time with coming up with that one. Parenting department isn’t really working out for you huh?”
“Michaela. Your mother is not okay, imagine how she’ll be if she finds out you’re not going to school.” He has calmed down.
Playing with this man’s head is going to be a lot of fun, even if it’s only for a short while.
“Don’t worry about my mom, she knows me better than anyone and I can handle her. Just focus on your end of the bargain and I’ll focus on mine. We are going to go and see her ‘after school ‘ in my school uniform. Provided you will take me there.” I stare at him intently.
“I’ll see what I can do…”
“No. You will not see, you will do what you’re supposed to do!”
“Okay. Fine.” He let’s out a sigh. A sign of defeat.
I celebrate my victory with a smirk.
***
Luke…
I woke up feeling much better but the prospect of not seeing her again today was quite daunting so I decided not to go to school…
Ficelle checked up on me before leaving. The silence between us was quite calming. Two hours later I realised that her presence was no longer there and I had never felt such loneliness…
After two more hours my mother walked in with a tray of food. She sadly eyed the breakfast that remained there, untouched…
Ficelle had brought it in the morning and she didn’t pressurise me into eating…
Ficelle gets it and I love her more for that.
Sometimes she can be too much and that’s understandable because this is all too much.
I can’t expect a lot from her when she’s already doing a lot.
She’s the one who makes sure that everyone carries spare pills just in case there’s an incident. Also I’m not usually allowed (by her) to carry mine because I might overdose.
She always stays close to me at school just in case I need her, even when she’s angry. And still she gives me enough space to breathe. This is all depressing for her but she manages to keep it together.
My mother takes the breakfast and replaces it with the lunch.
“I’m going to eat that.” I tell her.
“It’s no longer fresh.”
“It’s fine.”
I want to cry. But I don’t want to do that in front of her.
My mother, the liveliest woman I’ve ever known, now a withering flower. I wonder whatever happened to her spark. Her ocean blue eyes, once bright, now dark and hollow.
“Ma?”
“Yes, Luke…”
“Kan jy my na Cindy se plek neem?”
“Uhhh…” She’s thinking quite hard. It’s funny to see her focusing so much on something that is so simple for me.
“Luke, jy weet hoe om te bestuur. Vat net my kar.” My mom is not really good at speaking Afrikaans, but she has gotten better over the years, even though she sounds a bit funny whilst speaking. It wasn’t my intention to make her think so hard but if it manages to distract even for a short time, then it’s a win.
My dad speaks English all the time, even when he’s angry just to accommodate my mom. If he forgets to do so, he translates to her later on. Every little detail, even if there was a fight. That’s how she learned.
Love.
That’s the word that comes to mind. I still want to believe that they love each other even though a lot of things have transpired between them. There are still little things that give me hope. Maybe one day my dad will also allow me to experience love.
“Ja, ek weet, maar ek vertrou myself net nie “
The honest truth is that, I just don’t want to be alone.
***
My mom drops me off and she leaves. Instead of going to Cindy’s place I decide to go to the house facing hers. I knock at the door but her angelic voice calls out to me from behind.
“Luke? What are you doing here”
She’s wearing her school uniform and I instantly regret not going to school today.
“Ek…” I’m at a loss for words.
“You know I’m not good at Afrikaans!” Feisty as ever. Fiery as I remember. That fire ignites something inside of me and suddenly it feels so good to be alive.
I take in a deep breath just so to feel the air in my lungs. Everything feels lighter.
“I didn’t see you at school, so I was worried.” I smile awkwardly.
“I don’t need you to worry about me. I am fine.”
She’s… Just perfect.
“I bought food.”
“I don’t want your food, Luke…”
She seems as if she wanted to say something more but then decided against it.
“We’re supposed to…”
“…be getting to know each other. Yeah I know.”
She finishes my sentence and I smile like an i***t. I’m sure I’m red as my father right now.
“You see we’re already finishing each other’s sentences.”
“Don’t get too excited Luke, I’ll break your balls.”
Her threat is a bit scary but it’s also exciting. My hands move subconsciously to cover my balls and she smirks.
- Writer
