Always Anyway

CHAPTER 2: CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AND MORNING REGRETS

The next morning, Mabel felt fine. In fact, she had a good night's sleep. She does her routine. Arm stretches, first. Second, neck. Third, she gets up and goes to the bathroom and stares at her reflection for roughly about two minutes. Fourth, she brushes her teeth as she listens to Sunday Morning by The Velvet Underground, this puts her in a good mood even though it's a weekday. Fifth, she prepares her shower essentials and so on and so forth. She realized very early on that her overall mood rests solely on the completion of her morning routine and ever since then, she puts extra effort and value in making sure that her morning routine becomes a ritual she'll adhere to no matter happens.

The moment she steps out of the shower, towels wrapping both her body and hair, it all came rushing back.

Ronan Darlington. Spaghetti. Dog leash. Ronan Darlington is Darlington House Academy. Reservoir Dogs.

She felt like she was going to hurl any moment from now.

It's not like she feels guilty because that son of a b***h did deserve a good slapping. His parents have never probably even lifted a finger let alone gave him a proper beating from the moment he was born. She's only teaching him that the world does not revolve around him and just because his family owns the school, it should not give him automatic douche privileges. God, how did Izzy survive him? How did Izzy survive that institution? All the while, this all feels new to her. She has never stood up for anybody before. That was Izzy's forte. Mabel's was standing beside her and making sure she plays the "ultra feminine golden retriever twin who's always supportive of her sister, the one who actually has substance". She has never stood up for someone because she was too weak to do it. But, for some strange and maybe supernatural force, she felt the need to stand up for that "fresh meat" because she imagined herself in his shoes. She was, technically, also "fresh meat". Maybe that was the underlying reason as to why she turned into such a b***h. That spaghetti slap was probably just a Freudian slip.

But, was it necessary though? She grabs the bathroom doorknob and she gently yet repeatedly bangs her head against the doorframe. That wasn't how she expected her first day to unfold. She wanted it to be lowkey yet special. Not to be narcissistic or anything, but Mabel has always felt that she has some sort of charm that attracts people to her for both good and bad reasons. Is it her talent in playing the piano? Perhaps. She's not quite sure what it is but she knows she has something that draws you in even though you absolutely hate her guts. A lot of people hates her guts, she knows this because she hates her guts too. Back in Chetham, she was the number 1 pianist, the one who showed the most promise. She would play whatever etude and people will always stop whatever it is they were doing just to listen and watch her. She hates herself because she feels like she doesn't deserve their attention. Don't get her wrong, she loves it but she doubts whether she she has anything to do with it. Sometimes, she prays to God for a withdrawal. She does not want to play the piano anymore because the piano is starting to play her. Some nights, she dreams that she's watching herself play the piano but it doesn't feel right. She was a spectator and a bystander. For some reason, it becomes much easier to criticize someone when you're in that position.

She often talks to Izzy about it and she mentioned something along the lines of "imposter syndrome". Whatever, Mabel used to think. It's not like it's contagious. God, she was so ignorant back then. Oh well, that is a part of life after all.

She's eating her breakfast when she remembers what she did yesterday. Man, this is excruciating. It's like a cycle. She feels like she is going to be sick. You forget about it for awhile until it sneaks up on you again. Is she scared? Yes, she's terrified. She changed her mind. She does not want to be the bad b***h, savage little minx type. Ronan Darlington owns the school and her expulsion rests on the palm of his hands. Ronan Darlington is also an asshole, by the way. But her parents aren't. Her parents are the best parents you could ask for and they're also struggling with coming to terms with Izzy being gone. If they find out, Mabel is already causing trouble this early, they will be surely disappointed. Mabel thought of her mom's hurt eyes and disapproving nod and it causes her throat to dry. She thought about her dad's sigh of despair and his tendency to isolate himself when he's doing through an emotional time, it makes her want to stab her own eye with a fork.

"Mabel, dear God, are you okay?" her aunt Celina pats her head as she sits next to Mabel. Celina was her dad's younger sister who lives with them. She likes her aunt Celina who does not want to be referred to as "aunt Celina". Even though aunt Celina is the type to say "I'm 39 years young", Mabel still likes having her around and hanging out with her.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" She fakes in a singsong voice.

"Well, you're gripping your fork as if your life depends on it."

Sure enough, Mabel's knuckles were turning white from her grip on the fork. She loosens it. "Oh, just a lot on my mind." Thankfully, her aunt Celina lets it slide.

While driving, she recalls what happened yesterday, like what really happened the moment Mabel and Ronan made eye contact with each other with Ronan's face being covered with pasta and sauce. There's really no reason to exaggerate this but Mabel was scared shitless. When their eyes meet, Mabel's soul has already left her body.

After that, it was chaos. A blurry chaos. Soon after, she's face-to-face with the guidance counselor, Mr. Valdes. Mr. Valdes, as soft-spoken and good-natured as he was, failed to get through Mabel who was still in denial of what happened. The session felt like 3 hours but Mabel sat through it like the good girl she was.

Once it was over, sure enough, the whole school was talking about it already. But she didn't talk to anyone, not even Nora and the rest. She never saw nor talked to Ronan after that whole ordeal, not like she wanted to anyway. As a matter of fact, she hopes she'll never see him ever again. But of course, at the end of the day, it all amounts to wishful thinking.

Mabel arrives to see Nora and the rest of the group waiting for her by her locker. "Uh, hi?"

"b***h, you're a f*****g G," Valerie sassed. Mabel smiled and for a nanosecond, almost forgot what she was so worried about in the first place.

"But Ronan's going to murder you, you know that right?" Maddie mused.

Mabel was already aware of that but she knows that the moment she shows any sign of weakness, it'll come and bite her when she least expects it. "What's the worse that could happen?" She's straight-out lying to herself.

Surprisingly, the day went by without any disruptions. Unlike yesterday where the issue was still hot, Mabel senses that the students are scared to even mention it. Maybe this is what dictatorship feels like. Everyone in the school was either afraid of Ronan Darlington or terrified of Ronan Darlington. There's really no in-between.

In literature class, Mabel was talking to Lori and Sierra about who they think is the best Batman. Lori is pro-Christian Bale, Sierra is team George Clooney, and Mabel was all for Michael Keaton.

"No doubt, it's Adam West," they turn to see Ronan Darlington with that stupid smug look on his stupid smug face.

"No one asked you, though," Mabel replies as Ronan smirks at her. She's honestly taken aback by how calm he was. There was not a murderous glint in his eyes- which is a good thing. He takes a seat next to her much to Mabel's surprise.

"What is it, Cross? Like what you see?"

Mabel flicks his forehead with all the power she could muster. "Ow! What was that for, you bi-"

"WHAT?" Mabel widens her eyes as she watches Ronan's almost panicked face. "Was that how your parents taught you to talk? Plenty of money but no manners. Gross."

Ronan looks incredulous. "What?"

"Can you move? Nora sits there," Mabel spats with all that fake venom and scorn she learned from Regina George.

"How can you talk to me like that?" At this point, Ronan looked genuinely concern. Is this the first time someone talked to you like a normal person? Mabel thought as they stare down at each other.

Before things escalated, Mr. Romero walked in with a scowl on his face. "You brainless brats. Did you really think that I wouldn't find out?"

The whole class was quiet and Mabel senses that this was a recurring theme with Mr. Romero.

"Your parents pay almost $30,000 per semester for you to submit in a plagiarized essay that even a fourth-grader can ace?" He takes a moment and yes, as expected, he yells "You inbreds."

Mabel suppresses a laugh. Mr. Romero has balls. He strikes Mabel as a very creative person harboring resentment and bitterness for how he ended up like this- how his intellect amounted to tolerating a bunch of high school students not even listening to half the things he's saying.

As soon as Mr. Romero calmed down a bit, he proceeded to discuss the themes in The Crucible and Mabel begins to daydream. It's winter and she's on a mountain. The snow falls as she embraces Izzy. Mabel was different from Izzy but they both love how different from each other they were. They bicker over the smallest and pettiest of things but when it comes to the big things- the major life-changing things- their brains mesh into one brainwave and the problem is always solved in less than a minute. Well not really less than a minute but it's kind of like that. However, when you think about it, they were both also very similar to each other. They look alike, for starters. Except maybe for their hair color. Izzy dyed her naturally blonde hair into jet black while Mabel remained her true blonde self, of course she made sure her hair was styled exactly the same as Cher's in Clueless. Gods, she loves that movie. They both did.

"Are you always this absent-minded?" Ronan scolds her under his breath.

"Can you mind your own business?"

"Yes, Ms. Cross? Is there something you'd like to share?" Mr. Romero quips, pupils shaking. Man, he needs a break.

"No, I'm sorry Mr. Romero." She could hear a low snicker from beside her and she rolls her eyes and prayed her pupils stay that way forever. Very mature, Darlington.

Mr. Romero nods and continues. All Mabel could think of was that mountain.

"For your midterm assignment, and remember this constitutes 20% of your total grade, you will work on a presentation with a partner about whatever book you like. Make sure you highlight the significance of your chosen novel in your life. You can present it any way you like- a song, a short film, a dance, a one-act play, or you can just stand here and talk about it. You're the boss. Oh, to make it simple, your seatmate will be your partner."

Mabel's mountain crumbled as she hears those words. There's no way in hell. Ronan looks at Mabel and smiles, "What are the odds?"