The Name You Gave Me

Chapter 10 - Roast Beef

I had gone to my room quite early. It was only noon when I first came in and I still hadn't left yet, choosing to skip dinner. Why, you may ask? Simply put, I didn't know if I could control myself around Lilura and Elodie. They seem to bring out the worst in me. Or is it the thought of rebellion and destruction that taints my soul? All I know is that I am everything that they can't control. I am everything that I can't control...

A knock on my door tears me from my thoughts and I glance up, my eyes focusing on the wooden door frame. Now who could that be? Perhaps it is Aaron or Jessie here to apologize? Or perhaps it is just Odette wishing to talk over a plate of cookies. It wouldn't be the first time that she had showed up at my door with some form of dessert and a shy, yet hopeful, smile. I get up and walk over to the door, opening it slowly.

Simone?

"Hey, Rohanna. I didn't see you at dinner so I thought that I would sneak you up a plate. I remember you telling your friends a couple of days ago about how the roast beef is your favorite and well, that's what they served," she says as she holds out a plate that is covered with some type of foil.

"Oh- Um, thank you," I say a bit awkwardly, not really knowing how to respond as I take the plate from her. I glance at her and how she is looking at me expectantly. Oh...She wants to be invited in. "Would you like to come in?"

"That would be so lovely! Thank you for asking!" She replies as she walks in and does a little spin on my room, observing everything, "Your room is literally so gorgeous. My maid could take notes from yours."

I smile slightly as I move to sit the plate on my desk and take a seat at it. I uncover the plate and immediately the aromas of roast beef and potatoes hits my nose. She had mentioned it being my favorite, and that it is. It reminds me of the roast beef that Aunt Penelope used to cook for all of us on special occasions. Of course, this is a much meatier cut.

"Do you mind if I-" I ask as I motion with my fork towards the food.

Instantly she shakes her head.

"Oh of course not! Go on ahead and eat. That is why I brought it up here," She says as she sits down on the cushioned chair next to the desk, "I feel bad that we haven't really gotten to know each other. Why is that?"

"Because you are always hanging around Lilura," I deadpan as I take a bite of my food. I have to suppress a moan as the rich flavors explode in my mouth. While this reminds me of the roast beef that Aunt Penelope cooks, this is so much better.

"Ah, that would be a valid reason," Simone replies in an understanding tone and watches me, "But honestly I am kind of getting tired of how she treats me. It's like I am her own personal maid, as if I am not a princess just like her. I don't know how you put up with her."

I glance up from my plate when Simone says this. Oh? So, I am not the only one who is growing sick and tired of Lilura? I mean, of course I knew that others didn't necessarily like her, but they never actually stood up to her. For example, even when I finally did stand up to her and confront her, I was still made out to be the villain.

"I don't," I say simply with a gently shrug as I set my fork down and shift in my chair to look at her better, "I mean, I am sure that you saw what happened at breakfast. If you really are getting tired of her, I suggest you do the same."

"I'm not really a violent person though." Simone murmurs.

"You don't have to be violent to stand up for yourself. I don't know why people think that. You have every right to handle the situation as you deem fit," I explain to her.

To me, it is honestly sad that Simone thinks that to stand up for yourself is considered to be violent. If anything, it should be considered to be self-defense.

"How do you do it? How do you not get violent with her even after she mentions your mother and your friend to you all the time?" She asks, "I mean, I can't imagine how you feel towards Lilura about that, much less how you feel towards the royals."

"What do you mean?" I question her, myself growing a little cautious of where this is going.

"I just mean that if it were me standing in your shoes, I would be ripping this place apart brick by brick until I found answers. Come on, Rohanna, you can't very well tell me that you haven't had at least some anger held towards the royals for their deaths."

I grow quiet as I watch Simone, trying to decipher where she is getting at. Of course, I know what she is saying, but what I don't know is why. It is a tricky subject, one that I must be careful talking about around anyone, even if they are as understanding as Simone seems to be.

"Sure, I am mad. And perhaps I have had an ill thought or two. But it is nothing that I would act on," I lie as I glance back down at my plate and take another bite of it. Seriously though, this roast beef is so good. Sadly, it will burn with the rest of the palace by the time I am done with my year residence here.

"And you have every right to be mad. Like I said, I would have already destroyed this place if I was you," Simone says in an almost innocent tone, "Well, I don't want to keep on bothering you while you are eating. So, I will get going. Maybe later we can hang out though?"

"I wouldn't blame you if you were to do that," I smirk slightly and watch as she stands, "Oh, of course. Um, maybe tomorrow we could hang out? Instead of eating breakfast in the dining room with everyone else, we could make a little picnic and eat it out in the gardens. Anything to avoid Lilura at this point, right?"

Simone laughs lightly as she makes her way to the door. She stops as she opens it before she turns to me and smiles.

"Sure, I would like that a lot. I will have my maid fix us up a little picnic basket," she says.

I nod in agreement and then she leaves. Once the door shuts behind her, I sigh lightly and slump in my chair just a bit. She didn't seem too bad, now did she? I quickly finish my roast beef, making sure to savor every single bite that I take. Who knew when I would decide to say screw it and actually burn the place down? With how the others are acting, it seems that they think I am just going to break in a moment’s notice. But I have been strong for this long and I will continue to do so.

Gently, I undress myself. I drape my gown neatly over one of the lounges in my room. No matter how many times that I have told Ambree that I can clean up after myself, she still insists on helping. Perhaps she is worried about being killed if she doesn't do her job...I grab my nightgown and slip into it. The material is smooth and soft against my skin and it fills my mouth with a bitter distaste. Portia would love this life, yet here I am living it.

I move over and push my blankets and sheets back on my bed and gently climb onto it. I feel exhausted. Maybe it is because of all the events of the day. Or maybe it is because what Simone has said to me seriously has gotten me thinking. When I had spoken to Asena before, she had made it seem like nobody else besides the Fate Defiance was interested in going against the Six Kingdoms. But now? From how Simone had sounded, I am genuinely feeling swayed on that opinion. If there are more like me, then why shouldn't I try to get them to join the fight?

The thoughts flood my mind and invade me as my eyes grow heavy and I try to fight off a yawn. Exhausting...Yes. That is the perfect word to describe how the day had went. I lay down, my head hitting the plush pillow that lays on the bed. Before I know it, my mind slips into oblivion and the force of sleep overrides my will to stay away and contemplate.

The next morning, I wake and almost forget everything that is going on around me. Almost...But the minute that I open my eyes and see the chandelier that hangs over my bed, I am instantly reminded of where I actually am. I am not in bed at home with Portia and Aunt Penelope. I couldn’t have been so lucky. I am in the royal palace. A sigh of disappointment escapes my lips as I stare up at the ceiling. Who would have thought that someone would be disappointed to be in the royal palace?

When I finally build up enough willpower to get out of bed and get dressed, my mind replays the conversation that I had the night before with Simone. It had been odd, but intriguing, nonetheless. It made me want to get to know her better and that is exactly what I plan to do on our breakfast picnic this morning. Once I get dressed and presentable, I walk outside where, surprise, I find Kace waiting.

"So, I heard you had a visitor last night," he says as he looks at me with, perhaps, the slightest look of suspicion.

"I did," I answer with a gentle shrug as I shut my door behind me, "Simone noticed that I wasn't at dinner so she came and brought me a plate of roast beef. We had a nice conversation."

I try to walk off after that, after all, I have a picnic to go to, but his hand quickly reaches out and grabs my arm.

"I just don't think that she is the type of person who you should hang out with," Kace says as he looks down at me.

"Why not? She is really nice," I say as I pull my arm out of his grip and frown up at him, "And it's not like I have many other friends that actually support my ideas. But Simone seems to."

"You told her about the Fate Defiance and our plan?! Rohanna, you literally just met Simone!" He exclaims.

"No, Kace, I didn't tell her about any of that. I didn't have to actually," I scoff slightly at how quick he is to accuse me before I continue, "She is the one who mentioned hating the royals first, not me. And I hardly even entertained the idea. But I can't say that is hasn't got me thinking about how many other people probably don't like the royals as Asena and I either."

Kace seems to think about what I say and I let out a breath.

"Can't you all just at least trust me this once? I really liked hanging out with Simone. Even if she doesn't want to join the 'rebellion,' it would be nice to have a just a normal friend to talk to."

I can tell that I have hurt his feelings by the way he frowns, but for some reason I'm not concerned about that. Does that make me a bad friend? Perhaps...But my mind is more focused on Simone and getting to know her more. I desperately want to find out what exactly she thinks of the royals themselves. Has she gone through something in the past that has made her have such a dislike for the system?

"Still, even if you want a new friend. Simone...I just can't put my finger on her. After I found out that you two had talked, I tried to find out more about her-"

"You did a background check on her?! Kace that is so wrong!" I exclaim as I smack my hands against my thighs out of frustration.

"Maybe it was wrong, Rohanna! But that is what I am trying to say! Nobody knows anything about this girl. It is like she never existed until after the Meaning Ceremony!" He shoots back.

"Well maybe it is because she chose to just stick to herself and then was forced into the spotlight. I can relate to that," I say to him, trying to not get overly angry, "But if you are done questioning every single choice I make, I am late to a picnic that Simone and I arranged to have this morning. So just hold off on grounding me until this afternoon."

Before he can say anything, I quickly make my way to the stairs and begin my descent. Thankfully, he does not follow me and I am free to go my own way. I have grown close to Kace since the Meaning Ceremony, but not even he gets to dictate who and who I don't hang out with.

For once the halls of the palace are silent. Many people are probably eating breakfast still. I just hope that I haven't kept Simone waiting for too long. I walk out to the gardens, breathing in the fresh air as I try to relax myself. This is supposed to be a fun friendly meeting, so I need to push the previous interaction with Kace to the back of my mind. I round the corner and that's when I see Simone holding her picnic basket that her maid had made for us. When she sees me, she instantly smiles.

"Rohanna, hey there. I was beginning to think that you weren't even coming. I thought that maybe I had said something to offend you last night. But now that you're here...How are you doing? How was your night?" Simone asks as she unfolds the blankets in her arms and lays it smoothly across the lush grass. She then sits down the picnic basket and sits with her legs crossed next to it.

A light laugh pushes through my lips as I take a seat across from her, soaking in the sun gratefully.

"No not at all. In fact, I really enjoyed our conversation last night. And I am doing well. Once you left, I literally passed out, I was so exhausted," I reassure her, "I just had to stop and talk to my personal guard for a little bit before I made my way down to the gardens. I hope that I didn't keep you waiting for too long."

"Oh, not at all! I haven’t been down here for too long. And even if I were, I wouldn't have minded. I absolutely love the gardens."

I smile as she precedes to reassure me as well. I honestly don't know why Kace is so against me coming to meet up with Simone. She is one of the nicest people that I have met here, besides Kace and Odette. Simone begins to unpack the basket and I do my best to help her. There are mugs that, from what I can smell, are filled with coffee. There are also different fruits, bagels, jams, and more.

"Your maid is so sweet for making all of this for us. You will have to be sure to send my thanks to her," I say to Simone softly as I grab one of the porcelain plates that Simone has brought.

"Of course, I will! She was very curious as to who I was meeting, so I will have to introduce you two sometimes. She is a sweetheart, even if her way of decorating is...traditional," Simone chuckles quietly.

With eager hands, I reach out and grab a bagel before I smear a ruby red jam across it. When I am finished, I look up to find Simone watching me with an amused expression. Instantly my cheeks burn probably red enough to match the jam on my bagel.

"Oh, don't stop on my account. I've just never seen anyone lather their bagel with such excitement," she says, "Though I must say, the homemade jam does look extremely good."

"Sorry," I bashfully state as I pass the jam to her, "I'm just not used to food this good. Sure, my Aunt Penelope cooked well, but the products at the market where I lived were never the best."

"You don't have to explain it to me nor apologize to me. I can't even begin to fathom what it was like growing up as a commoner. I was raised as a privileged upper-class girl and I'm not one to hesitate to admit that. So, go on ahead and get excited, it kind of makes me glad that I can experience this all with you," Simone quickly assures me as she fixes her own plate.

I let out a breath as my body relaxes. See, this isn't so bad. I genuinely don't know why Kace was so worried and against this to begin with. First, I get accused of letting the plan consume me by Aaron. But now I am getting accused of not taking the plan seriously enough by Kace? Of course, that confuses me. It would confuse anyone.

"So, we kind of talked about this last night, but I'm curious to know where exactly you stand," Simone begins as she takes a bite, "Do you agree with the ceremonies and the system that society is ran on?"

I look up from my plate, surprised at her question.

"Wait...what?"

"I mean, I hope that I am not overstepping or anything like that," she quickly says before she continues, "But I just get this vibe from you, like you aren't a sheep like everyone else. You must have your own opinions about how everything is ran, right?"

I furrow my eyebrows slightly as I watch Simone, unsure of how to respond. I had been so sure when I told Kace that she wasn't even interested in the rebellion. But now? I am not too sure of anything. I feel as though I can trust Simone, but who is to say that I am not making a mistake?

"I guess you are right about that. And ever since I have been in the palace, I have found out some things that just make me question everything. I don't agree with the ceremonies and I-."

"Rohanna! I have been looking everywhere for you!"

I jerk my head to look towards the back of the gardens when my eyes land on, surprisingly, Asena. Perhaps it should not have surprised me so much. I am sure that Kace went to her after I left him in front of my room.

"Asena...What are you doing here?" I ask as I set my half-eaten bagel down on my plate.

"I just wanted to talk to you about something," the dark-haired huntress says before she looks towards Simone, "You won't mind if I borrow her, right? It will just be for a quick second."

"Oh-Of course not," Simone says as she shakes her head and eyes the two of us.

I stand as an uneasy feeling settles into my core and follow Asena deeper into the gardens.