My Ex Almost Broke Me

The date...

Bukhosi’s POV

I don’t know why I am nervous. Nande seemed like a good person. I’ve always heard her parents talk about her, and after six years, I got to meet her. She looked beautiful in person. The pictures at her house weren’t doing her any justice. I know they took them seven years ago. But still, she’s beautiful. I walked towards the entrance. The waitress looked tired but her face lit up when she saw me. I can’t help but smile back.

“Hi, I’m Bukhosi, I have a dinner reservation for 7pm,” I told her after we exchanged pleasantries. She nods and leads the way. This place is breath-taking. And I knew for a fact that it was expensive. I could tell by the interior, black and gold. I hope Nande likes it. I like it. But most importantly, I hope the food here is delicious. I read the reviews and most people enjoyed the food and they liked their service. So I just thought I should try it. I used to enjoy going out on dates. We finally reached our table. I couldn’t help but gasp. The food here is definitely expensive. The view said it all. The city looked beautiful. I wish I could be here when the sets or rises, I bet it’s more breath-taking. Just then, Nande walks in looking more breath-taking than this place. I have always seen women in summer dresses and sandals but Nande looks very good.

“You look so beautiful Nande,” I couldn't help but compliment her before she reached our table. She smiled shyly and she awkwardly returned the compliment. I opened the chair for her before I sat down opposite her. “Wow, you look amazing.” Seriously, I can’t help it. She thanked me sounding awkward. I hope my compliments didn’t give her the wrong impression. I just hoped she didn’t think I was being too much and too much.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence. She looked everywhere but my face. I cleared my throat. “This is so awkward for me.”

“I haven’t been on a date for years.”

We both say at the same time.

“This place is beautiful,” she commented as she looked around the restaurant. And I nodded in agreement and when I realised that she may have missed the nod, because she kept looking at everything except my face. I voiced out my agreement.

She traces the rim of the glass before she looks at me in the eyes. And I really can’t help it. “You have beautiful eyes.” She quickly looks down at the glass. I think I am making her uncomfortable. But she really needed to see herself through my eyes. She’d understand.

“How long since you’ve been on a date?” She asked. I can’t really remember. So I try to count the months. And then I realised that the night before I was kicked out of my home, Sibu and I had a date. And I really thought we both enjoyed ourselves. But now I doubt it. It looks like I was the only one who enjoyed that date. Maybe the whole time she was looking at me, she wasn’t seeing me. She was seeing her lover. I am brought back to the presence by Nande. She cleared her throat. I must have gone silent on her for some time.

“Sorry, I was trying to count. But I haven’t been on one in nine months,” I told her. “And you?” I asked awkwardly.

“I haven’t been to one in years.” And I didn’t know what to say to her. Maybe I should have surfed for questions to ask on a first date. I was used to Sibu, we never ran out of things to talk about. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about her. And now I’m going to mess up this girl.

“Why? I thought Zandi said you live with your partner?” Maybe it isn’t my place to ask her. But I am curious. Didn’t her family say she moved to stay with her partner seven years ago? I don’t know the whole story, but I always got the feeling they weren’t on good terms, they still aren’t. The stories gave me ‘black sheep of the family vibes’, but she looks innocent. But it’s always the innocent ones, right?

“Yes, but we had a strange relationship. We’ve never been on a date for years. But it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. Dates aren’t really how we measure love, right?” She asked defensively.

“I’m sorry for asking.” Honestly, I was trying to make a conversation, I didn’t mean to offend her. She sounds angry and very defensive.

“I’m just tired of everyone telling me that I wasn’t supposed to be in that relationship in the first place. Who are they to dictate how my relationship was supposed to go? He didn’t take me out on dates, so what? I love him, that’s all that matters. I never comment on people’s relationships. Why the hell would they think they have a right to comment on mine?” Ranted Nande before she gulped in the glass of water. She looked and sounded frustrated. And just when I thought she was done, she started again. “I was happy with Lucky. So now they want to define my happiness? Am I expected to be happy according to their stupid and unrealistic standards? How was he supposed to take me out when he wasn’t working?” I don’t know why she’s mad at me. I was just trying to make a conversation, so I’d get an idea of what she liked and didn’t like if we had a second date. But, I don’t think there will be another date. She’s still in love with her ex. There is really nothing wrong with that. They were together for seven years, so I wouldn’t expect me to be over him in a couple of months. But what I don’t get is why she asked me to take her out only to be mad at me for asking a question. I don’t say anything, I listen to her talk about her ex. Everything I ask her, she makes it about her ex.

When one of the waiters walked towards us, I asked her, “What are you going to have?”

“Lucky, didn’t ask me that question. He always ordered for me.” I really don’t know what’s wrong with this girl. Did she ask me to take her out so she could vent? She should have told me I wouldn’t decline but at least I’d know what to expect. I was expecting something from this date. We both haven’t healed, it wouldn’t be a good idea to start a relationship with our scars and wounds. But I was expecting the start of a relationship and when the time is right, we would start building on the friendship foundation.

I cleared my throat. She’s only here physically but not mentally and emotionally. She’s misunderstanding my questions. Simple questions. “But, I’m not Lucky, I don’t know what you like,” I tried to be polite about it. She looked up from her lap. She looked embarrassed.