Numb. Eleanor didn't know how it feels like. Right now, he can feel it. It's more painful than rubbing salt on your wound. He, somehow, never faced the reality, or more specifically, no one ever let him face it for him to learn how it is like and how harsh it would be to face it for real.
Since his childhood, he always complains against everyone within my heart, holding grudges on them, asking why him. He felt unwanted then. He was an i***t back then and still was the one until today.
Them, his family, love him more than anyone in this world. He was an i***t in questioning their love for him. They did everything for him, and what did they get in return from him? Pain and loss only.
Eleanor was blaming himself for everything, everything that happened with them. Standing in front of th
