When We Were Drunk

Night 008

Some people think that when rich kids receive gifts, they don’t appreciate it unless it’s something expensive. I can say that’s true for some, but for me it isn’t. I’m one of those people who love gifts regardless of its prize.

            My parents raised me up so well that no matter how rich we are, they made sure we will learn how to value even the small things in life. Now that my life did a major turn, I realized it’s really the small things that matter.

            All these big things around confuse us. They’re flashy, colorful and attractive qualities attract us and make us think we need them in our lives. In reality, we don’t need all of those. By going after those things, people lose themselves in the process.

            I’m glad that didn’t happen to me. I may not be loaded with cash right now, but I’m glad I have everything I need.

And maybe that’s what Alfonso thinks as well. He was unusually silent tonight. When I got here, he’s already settled on our favorite spot near the gutter. What really surprised me is he’s not drinking beer, he brought a bottle of vodka with him.

His white polo was on the floor along with his backpack. He’s just wearing his white body-hugging shirt and black slacks. When he saw me arrived, he didn’t smile like what he normally does. Instead, he poured vodka on a shot glass and handed it to me.

I don’t really plan on coming up here tonight. There are really a lot of paperworks that I need to finish but my feet have its own mind. I just found myself riding the elevator and entering the familiar steel door.

Or maybe it’s the look on Alfonso’s face earlier that made me a bit worried. Today has been a really exhausting day for him, I’m sure. We’re on different buildings so we rarely see each other unless we bump into the cafeteria or library. But since it’s Alfonso we’re talking about, news travel really fast.

Even though I tried not to listen, they’re so loud that I accidentally learned that today is his birthday. Of course, his fangirls would do something big for him. Even on my classes, I saw a lot of my blockmates comparing the gifts they will give to him.

So at noon, they made a big surprise party for him in the cafeteria. Unfortunately for me, I was there. I don’t really eat in the cafeteria though, I just buy food and I’ll eat it somewhere. But there were really a lot of people earlier so it was hard for me to go out.

I decided to stay and eat my meal there. I witnessed the surprise, it was so cringy I immediately went out the second I got a chance. But that’s not what bothers me. It’s what I saw on the parking lot.

Right now, we were just drinking. I’m still on my second shot because I really can’t get wasted tonight, I just wanted to check on him.

I don’t know how many glasses he already had but I’m sure it’s a lot. His cheeks were already red and his eyes look droopy. His gaze was fixed on the sky above us. I looked up and saw that there were a lot of stars tonight. They shine so bright that sometimes I can’t look at them for long. And the moon was also beautiful, the way it changes shape never fails to amaze me.

“Why aren’t you asking me? I know you’re curious.”

His eyes were looking intensely at mine. I can’t fathom the emotions in it, all I know is it was a mixture of everything sad. I can’t even look at it without getting lonely as well.

The truth is, I wanted to ask him about it. He’s right, I’m curious. But I know it’s not what he needs right now, he doesn’t need more questions. “I am. But now isn’t the time, Alfonso.”

Suddenly, his eyes were challenging me. He even turned his body to face me. “Aren’t you curious why I was so f*****g happy in the cafeteria and then the next I was already punching an asshole?”

“Aren’t you f*****g curious why I was so different from the Alfonso that everyone knows?”

I looked away. His eyes were so strong. His words were so sharp that it hits me right in the chest. What I saw earlier in the parking lot is Alfonso. It’s him, I know it’s him.

I was shocked when he suddenly placed his hand on my cheek, “Look at me, Margaret.” His touch was so gentle, it’s very different on the way he acts a while ago. I fixed my eyes on him.

“I’m so tired of pretending everything is alright…I’m so tired of bottling it up inside,” he said with defeated eyes. His strong demeanor earlier was gone, his shoulders were slumped and his breathing was slow. “I may be smiling but I am not happy. I thought if I do everything he wants he’ll treat my mother right. But an asshole will always be an asshole.”

I placed my hand on top on his right hand. It was all I could do. I don’t think anything I say will make him feel better. I’ve never seen anyone so crushed, so close to breaking down.

He averted his eyes away from mine. “I don’t f*****g care what he does in his life, what he does to me. All I want is for my mother to be alright. Why can’t he f*****g do it right? Everyone says that man was so intelligent and responsible…but why can’t he take care of my mom properly?”

“She’s…she’s all I have, Margaret. I can’t let anything happen to her.” He looked up to prevent his tears from falling. I know, because that’s what I always do when I’m close to crying.

“Fuck.”

However, it didn’t work on him. He cursed when tears started streaming down his face. He kept on wiping it using the back of his hand but it doesn’t seem to stop.

I moved closer to him and placed my hand on his back. What he needs right now is someone who’ll stay beside him, not comforting words. Saying “it’s okay” will just make it worse ‘cause you know at the back of your mind that it will never be okay.

When he realized it won’t stop, he just let them fall. For minutes, he was silently crying. And I was just there beside him, holding him while he fell apart. It breaks my heart that this is all I can do for him.

            I can’t say I understand how he feels. I may have suffered too but his situation is entirely different from mine. All I know is he is really brave for letting himself cry.

Unlike me. It took me a while to finally admit that I am not strong enough to hold it in. I wasn’t used to crying. I wasn’t used to being sad. And alone.

            I removed my hand from his back when he’s finally breathing evenly. I handed him my handkerchief. Still not looking at me, he took it and wiped the tears on his face.

            After a while, he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t be, Alfonso. Eveyone needs a little cry to feel a little better.”

            “Still…” he said as his gaze is on still on the floor. “I ruined your night. I’m sorry you have to see me this way. I’m sorry I screamed at you earlier.”

            I smiled at him. “Hey, that’s alright. You’ve seen me brawl my eyes out as well. You look even better than me so don’t be shy now.”

            “Oh f**k,” he said as he covered his face with his hands.

            I removed his hands from his face. At first he was resisting it but I was really persistent so he gave up in the end. He’s still Alfonso. Even with puffy red eyes and messy hair, he’s still Alfonso.

            He frowned. “Just laugh. I know you want to.”

            And so I did. It’s not because I wanted to make fun of him, I just want him to feel okay. I suddenly had an idea so I brought out my phone and quickly took a picture of him. He looks so lost in the picture, like a child wandering alone.  

            It was so cute I can’t help but giggle.

            “Hey! Delete that!”

            He tried getting my phone from me but I was quick enough to hide it in my pocket. “Aww…that was a good picture, Alfo. I bet your fangirls would pay me millions just to have it.”

            “I’ll pay you instead. Just give me the phone.” he immediately suggested.

            I smirked. “No, Alfo. This picture is mine now.”

            Looking defeated, he sighed. “Fine. Just…keep it. Don’t post it, okay?”

            “Why? You’re scared it will ruin your image?” I teased.

            Looking serious, he shook his head. “No. I prefer it if you’ll be the only one to see me being weak.”

            He’s really different from what he appears to be in the university. The Alfonso on the rooftop may not be smiling all the time but he’s true. It’s dark in here but that doesn’t stop me from appreciating how beautiful is. Not just on the outside but also on the inside.

            He allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of me. He let out what’s bothering him. He became honest, he said it all even though there’s a possibility I might see him differently. That was very brave and it just made me admire him more.

            I looked at the black bracelet on my wrist. It was given by my Kuya on my 18th birthday. It doesn’t cost much, in fact he even bought the materials and made it himself. For the past three years, I never took it off. It looks really plain and simple, it doesn’t have any monetary value but this is my most prized possession.

            Slowly, I untied it. I guess it’s time that this bracelet gives strength to another soul just like what it did to me. It’s not that I no longer need it, truth is it’s hard for me to give it away, but I know that I will be giving it to someone worthy and someone who needs it more than me.

            I moved closer to him and placed his hand on my lap. Shock was evident on his face while I gently tie the bracelet on his wrist.

            “What is this for?” he asked.

I gave him my most genuine smile. “Happy birthday, Alfonso.”

He looked surprised with my greeting. He didn’t return the smile I gave him and I understand why. The way his face brightened up a little is already enough for me. I know I’ve done something right.

He kept on touching the bracelet I gave him and it was a beautiful sight. I knew I made the right decision to give it to him.

“Thank you, Margaret.”

To be continued…