When We Were Drunk

Night 016

            I avoided the rooftop. Actually no, it’s not the place that I don’t wanna see.

            It’s him.

            It’s such a childish act, I’m well aware of that. But what can I do? I just can’t face him why I am being like this! While I’m being not my usual self, this is so not Margaret Santua!

            Me being jealous? That word is never in my dictionary.

            Aside from Alfonso, there are other things in my mind right now. Yes, surprise, I have other matters at hand. I may not seem like a busy person right now, believe me, years ago I was so busy I can’t even eat on time.

            I’m in my unit right now. Yes, I am such a coward so I have no other place to go to but my own pad.

            Sighing, I got up from the sofa and went straight to my ref. I was so relieved when I saw two cans of beer inside. A pack of boy bawang was also waving at me so I grabbed it along with the cans.

            I just got home from my part-time job at the café. Our manager scolded me a while ago because I served the wrong coffee. Apparently, the customer ordered Iced Americano and I gave him a triple shot espresso.

            I know, I know. The story sounds familiar. It’s the stupid thing I did with Alfonso’s order before when he visited me in the café.

            God, I should stop thinking about the guy!

            So as I was saying, I was so disoriented that I kept making mistakes at the café earlier. Again, making mistakes is so no Maragaret Santua! My manager was telling me that I was not in my usual self and since this is the first time, she’s letting me went home an hour early.

            I opened the beer and gulped from it. The bitterness really doesn’t go away, I was just so used to it that I don’t care anymore whatever it tastes.

            I don’t know why, I am so bothered by what and who I saw earlier in the parking lot.  

            I cannot be mistaken. It was her. And another thing that confuses the hell out of me is…why she is with Alfonso? Do they know each other? How the heck do they know each other?

            Is she also the girl Alfonso’s with when he stood me up on our supposed lunch together? I kept on replaying the scene on my mind, but I realized that I wasn’t able to get a good look on the girl’s face because jealousy took over my system.

            I was in the middle of drinking when I heard the doorbell. My forehead automatically creased. I was not expecting anyone at this hour.

            Because the white screen that captures whoever is outside my unit is currently not functioning, I just swinged my door open without knowing who might be on the other side. I was stoned when I saw who it was. I kept on staring at her yet it doesn’t seem real.

            Why? I wouldn’t go here if I were her.

            “Are you just going to stand there?” she asked.

            f**k, she’s real.

            Her eyebrow rose. “What? Am I not welcome anymore?”

            I just can’t speak. I don’t know what to say. So I did what I did without thinking, I immeditaly launched myself to her and hugged her so tight that I could feel her own heartbeat.

            I miss my bestfriend so much.

            “I get it, Marg. You miss me so much but you don’t have to suffocate me!” she complained while smiling widely at me.

            I gulped to prevent myself from shedding tears. I gave her my sincerest smile.

            She just laughed when she saw me struggling to keep my tears to myself. Lyra, my bestfriend, oh how I missed calling her that, she snaked her arms around my waist as we entered my pad.

            We settled ourselves on my sofa. I offered her beer to which she abruptly declined. Lyra isn’t fond of beers, she prefers cocktails because she has a low alcohol tolerance. I just prepared her an orange juice, yeah surprise I have juices in my unit not just beers!

            “Thanks,” she said as she sipped from her glass.

            I continued staring at her while she’s drinking her juice. Until now I still can’t believe she’s here inside my pad. I hope I am not just drunk and imagining her.

            “God, Marg!” she exclaimed. “Am I that pretty? Why do you keep looking at me like I’m a goddess?”

            That brought me back to reality. I gave her an eye roll.

            “I’m still prettier, Ly.”

            She laughed. “There you go! I thought my arrogant bestfriend is gone!”

            Hearing her call me bestfriend is really uplifting my mood. She’s really a treasure to me, and I still hate myself for breaking such a precious gem like her.

I teased her, too. “Whatever, toddler.”

I could see her nostrils already flaring when she heard what I called her. “Who are you calling a toddler, giraffe?”

Until now she still hasn’t accepted that she is as small as a kindergarten. That is an exaggeration but it’s really true that she’s so small! I’m glad she hasn’t changed in those months that we’re not speaking with each other.

We continued the teasing until we’re both out of breath from laughing and yelling at each other. Weird, but this is how our friendship works.

When the mood suddenly turned serious, I took the chance to say the things I’ve always wanted to tell her.

I looked at her. “I’m sorry, Lyra.”  

“Hey,” she smiled. “It’s alright. I understand it now. No need to say sorry.”

She sounded so sincere that I wanted to cry. I really don’t deserve her kindness and forgiveness but I don’t care, I’ll be selfish if that means we can be friends again.

“No,” I shook my head. “I know this is long overdue but I want you to know that I truly apologize for what I have done to you and Tobby, Ly. Nothing would justify what I did to you and I won’t make up explanations. I want to be honest with you.  And even if you no longer talk to me after I’ll tell you this, I will accept it, just please give me a chance to speak up.”  

            “There is really no need Marg…but okay. I’ll listen to your story so we could finally clear things up.”

            I sighed and took a swig from my can before telling her what really happened. The truth is, I really can’t remember a lot from that night. It was the night when I received the news that my brother’s body already gave up. They tried reviving him but it did not work. I was so devastated that I do not what to do, all I could think of was how much I wanted to see my brother that moment but they were still in the U.S.

            I was alone in my unit. My parents were with my brother. I wanted to cry so bad but no tears would fall from my eyes. I was so frustrated that I went to a bar without thinking. I just wanted to do something, I just wanted people around me or else I will go crazy.

            Three…four…eight…ten…fifteen…twenty shots and I could no longer stand straight. But I still asked for more. I wanted more. Because no matter how shaky my vision is, I can’t unsee the picture of my brother fighting for his dear life.

            My memory was a blur. But I tried my best to remember everything and I know that I got a phone call from Lyra while I was in the bar. I don’t exactly know what she said because I was so out of my mind. The next thing I know, Tobby, her boyfriend and also my friend, was already on the bar stool next to me.

            I know that we drank together. I told him what happened with my brother. And he listened to me. We ordered all those strong alcohols. Tequila. Vodka. Gin Negroni. Absinthe. I downed them all. I also remember the bartender giving us free shots of something. He said it’s a new mix and they wanted some feedback so Tobby and I tried it.

            The next thing I know we hailed a cab to go to my unit. I insisted to go home alone but Tobby said he wanted me safe. I remember us going inside my room and that’s it.

            “I’m so sorry Ly,” I apologized again after telling her my story. “I don’t know what happened next. I don’t know how it happened. I was so drunk that I can’t remember what I did. When I woke up, that’s when you entered my room and started yelling at us because you saw Tobby and I on the bed. Naked. But I swear, Lyra, if I was on my right mind, I will never ever do that to you.”

            “What I’m going through that time was never an acceptable reason for what I did. You are such a wonderful friend to me, Ly, and I will forever regret that I broke your trust.”

            Ly inched closer to me and enveloped me in her arms. “Don’t say sorry, it’s never your fault. It’s me who should ask for your forgiveness because I let anger run through my system. I should have listened to you first, I should have known you can never do that to me because you didn’t, Marg.”

She removed her arms around me and looked at me in the eye. “You did not sleep with Tobby, Marg. I have learned the truth. Someone did it to ruin us.”

            Oh, god.

            I could feel my tears continuously falling from my eyes. I don’t…don’t know what to feel upon hearing what Lyra said. My emotions are all over the place. My cheeks are wet from tears but my lips can’t stop from widely grinning.

            “Are you…are you saying Tobby and I did nothing wrong?” I asked with a shaking voice.

            “You’re right. You did not break my trust, Marg.”

            Confusion took over my mind. “Ly, if we did not do anything…then who did this to us? Who in the world would do something like that? Why would he make it look as if Tobby and I had s*x?”

            Lyra’s face hardened. “It’s not a he, it’s a she who did it.”

            I raked my mind of all the possible people who would do this horrible set up to Lyra and I but no matter how many times I think of it, I cannot come up with any name. I know I’m the kindest person on Earth but I did my best not to harm and looked down on anyone, even when I still have everything in my life.

            “Do you remember Cesca Gallego?” asked Lyra.

            I was stunned when I heard her name. No, she would not do it. Cesca is our friend. I believe that she will never do something as awful as that to Lyra and I. We are friends. 

Then a scene from earlier came to mind. And I suddenly remembered what’s bothering me the whole day. I don’t want to believe she could do something like that, however at the back of my mind there’s a voice telling me she could be the one behind the set up.

Because if she’s not, then why…why did I…

“Ly, I think I saw her in the parking of our university earlier.”

Lyra gave me a stern look. “I saw her too. And she’s with Alfonso.”

To be continued…