Her King Of Shadows

Chapter XXIII.

Shana looked through the library window at the warriors getting ready. In one week they will all leave the desert. There was a meeting of all the leaders and their representatives being held in the outside world. Very close to the port city she once saw and ran away from. Rishon was gathering the best of his warriors as his personal guards, as Asher had to stay behind and control the oasis. Some of the servants were going also. Only a few have been named so far. Her name didn’t come up. She hoped it would, but deep down she knew it would never happen. Rishon was very careful. After more than three years spent in his home, she wasn’t sure if she had met him more than ten times. She felt his eyes on her. He was watching her constantly but kept his distance. Shana never encouraged him. Each time they spoke she would push him further away. And she didn’t care if she was punished for it. By cleaning another hour, or her food rations taking a hit. She wanted peace and quiet. She longed for everyone to leave her alone. But now it was different.

An opportunity came to step into the outside world. To actually leave the desert for the first time. She went back to dusting the book shelves. It was a dream.

-What are you doing here?-she heard Ashers Asher's voice behind her back. He also kept his distance. Talking to her only when he had to. She raised her head in confusion.

-I will be out of your way.-she pulled back. He watched her tyding books on the writing desk. He knew that sometimes she would steal paper. As well as food from the kitchen. But she never tried to send a letter or give off any communication.

-I thought you would be getting ready.-he said calmly. She looked at him again.

-Getting ready for what? Did I miss something?-she asked politely. There was a strange smile on his face. She never noticed him looking at her like now.

-Our main healer had an unexpected accident. Since there is no one else, you are required to travel to the assembly. We can't risk our leader getting injured with a black arrow again.- He was sarcastic. Shana wasn’t sure if he was playing with her. Maybe it was all a trick. For him to see how ready she was to leave them. And later she would be punished even worse than before.

-I didn’t receive any orders.-she was careful. He stepped towards her. He noticed how taller she was in the three years she spent with them. Her eyes became lighter than before. Color of storm and smoke. Black hair was hidden with another scarf. There was something about this girl that bothered him so much.

-I am ordering you now.-he whispered. She stood her ground waiting for what he would say next. His dark eyes looked at hers. And it seemed to her like it was the only moment of complete honesty he chose to give her. -Pack up your things and get ready to follow your leader, Lady Alexandra.-He made it official. Shana bowed her head, stepping past him. Then it hit her when she was already at the door. He never said follow Rishon. He said your leader. Her eyes turned to him in fear. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it would burst. She looked at Asher one more time. His dark eyes were smiling at her. Nodding in recognition. He knew. He knew all this time and he never said a word. But how? How did he manage to find out? And the most important thing is why he kept it a secret for so long? Her eyes were asking for an explanation but there was none. He turned his back to her. -Please hurry up Lady Alexandra. Before I changed my mind and throw you to the wolves-that was the only answer he had to her.

And that was how it all started. Those words ignited a spark of hope still left in her. She knew now that she would fight to the death to never come back to the desert. If she failed, she would stand in front of Rishon and tell him the name he had been waiting for the last three and a half years of her life. Because she will never ever come back to this place of despair. So she took all the time in the world and packed a couple of things she had. Just a few simple black dresses, one book she smuggled from the library. Her personal notes on things she wanted to remember. There wasn’t much but it was hers. It was evidence she was still alive. The night before they were supposed to leave, she walked to the small hospital. They didn’t have many people there. Silently she went into the large common room. She had served them for a long time. Never ask for a name or receive a thank you. But that wasn’t why she did it. Helping others, she helped herself. She stayed alive. She did not turn into a stone not capable of feelings. Helping them when they needed someone paid off for their protection and shelter they have provided her. She owed nothing to them. She owed nothing to the leader of this place. She turned around and saw him standing behind her. It was more often now for him to keep following her. She always pretended she didn’t know where he was. She pretended she didn’t feel him close.

-Are you ready?-he asked. She nodded her head staying on her side of the room. There was only a sick person lying in bed on the opposite side next to the window. Rishon's blue eyes stared at her. They were supposed to leave in the morning. Was he having second thoughts about bringing her with him? Her heart was beating faster as he was coming closer.

-I had never imagined that you would resist this long. I thought you weak and young. You have surprised me.-he admitted. She always had respect for him. But she never had any feelings to show.

-Why does it sound like you are saying goodbye?-she was brave enough to ask. Rishon smiled. His golden uniform was shining in the pale moonlight.

-Not a goodbye. That will not happen. Maybe just a new beginning. Because I have decided that something needs to be done about you. I don’t want you to stay in my home longer like this.-he said seriously. She didn’t like that. There was doubt in her heart that bad news was coming her way.

-I do not see that you can change my situation.-he said.

-You could reject him. That is very simple. We are already going to the assembly of all the leaders. Just stand in front of them and tell them that you reject the warrior who never tried to find you or asked about you for the last three years. They will accept your reason. They would free you from your word. If you care about your honor and the good name of your family, be brave and reject him.-He had a simple solution. Shana listened to his voice. Everything seemed so simple. A part of her wished it was possible.

-But you don’t want me to be free.-she knew his motives already. He took a step closer. Now she didn’t have a place to go. He was in front of her and he wasn’t moving.

-I am not looking for someone to share my life with. I had my chance and it didn’t go well.-he gave her an answer to the questions she didn’t have the courage to ask. Her black eyes looked at his. There was something he was hiding from her. A hidden intent on his side that she would not like.

-Then why are you telling me all this?-she was confused. There was finally some light in those blue oceans.

-I can still give you more than someone like you have ever dreamed of. I can protect you. Care for you. Surround you with all the things you want and need. You will not find a stronger leader than me. And all I ask is some affection in return. We already know each other. We are not strangers anymore. You know my bad side. You know how to handle my rage. Would you really want to go back to a complete stranger rather than spend your life with me?-his intentions were made clear. She didn’t back away. There was pride in her eyes now.

-You want me to be your lover. To warm your bed.-she realized. The blue eyes didn’t give up.

-I do not expect any loyalty or feelings. I am aware that we are far from that.-he confirmed. Shana took a deep breath. This should not be happening. Not now. Not ever. Why would he want her? He was a leader. He could have any woman in the world. Why would he want her?

-You are asking a lot.-she noticed.

-But I am offering even more.-she knew if she refused him now she would never leave the desert. This was the price of her exit. She had to pay. But was she willing to do it? Was she that desperate to end her agony of a life, to throw it away?

-Which way I turn I will lose my freedom. And it is something I hold dearly. -she told him the truth. To him it seemed like she was bargaining. As if it wasn’t enough for her. He was close to her already. If he only raised his hand it would touch her. She smelled roses and rain. But there was no rain in the desert.

-Why is it so hard for you to abandon him? He has done nothing for you. Nothing. All these years. Not even whisper your name to the darkness. What did he do to deserve such loyalty?-he wanted to know. His voice was low. He was full of rage. Sorrow. Hate. Toward the one he had killed. And now he wanted to see her in her life. He wanted to raise her from the dead by taking her youth and her honor. Should she be honest with him? Would she dare to refuse him?

-I need some time to think about this. You have not given me any sign that you could think of me being close to you. It was a new situation I was not aware of.-she tried to explain her reasons. Rishon knew she was right. She was still young. There was a lot of life in front of her.

-If you are scared by your age, I give you my word. Nothing will happen to you that you do not agree with.-he was ready for that. Shana felt her face becoming red. She lowered her eyes to the ground.

-I do not take my decisions lightly. You do not want me agreeing now and running away later.-she whispered. He was still standing in front of her. His hand brushed her hair from her face. It was so soft. More softer than he hoped for. He will have her. Just a little bit longer and she will accept his offer. She didn’t have anything else. He will have this beautiful lady in front of him.

-Look at me.-he demanded. Her black eyes came back to him. There was softness in them. Like she could see directly to his heart. If he ever had one.

-Do not wait too long. This is the only time you will have power in your hands. How you decide now will affect the rest of your life. You can have me on your side. Or you can have me as your enemy. There is no middle ground here, Lady Alexandra. And if you accept, I want to know everything. Starting from your real name.-he warned her. She nodded her head. Not daring to say another word. Rishon turned his back to her and left. She looked after him, not knowing what she would do. Torn apart between two leaders. None of them asking for her feelings but ready to take everything from her. She took a deep breath, thinking about her future. About her dreams and desires. About the fact that she spent the last three years in a desert away from everyone. And now was the time to come back and make something for herself. It was time to take her life into her own hands and not trust leaders ever again.