An Imprisoned Vision

The Ceremony

Gianni Amethyst POV

Where am I? Wait... This is not how I pictured myself 10 years ago. This is not the success my heart is longing to have. I am not supposed to be here! Tell me this is just a vivid hallucination. Please tell me...

I am currently marching on the aisle with both my parents beside me. The curve of integrity and pride is plastered on their lips. While me? Well, here I am trying to make a fake smile appear to be genuine and sincere. Luckily, pretending has been a facile thing to do for me. It has been my game since I started this degree.  

As I am hearing that ubiquitous music, I am despising myself even harder. The emcee called the achievement I had accrue for the past years of walking down a road I never wanted to take in the first place. "Magna c*m Laude, Gianni Amethyst Ramos," the emcee proclaimed and from there I heard different claps- from unadulterated going down to bored and of course those fabricated claps. 

Yes, today marks the end of my college journey but never my learning. Some take this trite ceremony as the most promising event of their lives. Unfortunately, it does not excite me anymore; it does not bring me goose-bumps. To put my perception in words, graduation ceremonies are purely prosaic in character- dull and unimaginative.

It is now my turn to get that diploma. As I walk through the stairs, I hoped that this is just a delusion, a nightmare to be exact. I am so hesitant to walk; melancholy and regrets had eaten up my whole system. But I reminded myself about the pretending game I have to play all along. So I collected all the strength I have and pushed myself to walk and maintain a proud smile.

After getting my certificate as a graduate, I am now standing at this stage trying to deliver a message that could possibly minimize the burden in my chest.

"Good morning to my fellow Blue Eagles, to the parents, faculty and everyone at this closed room. To be honest, I do not have a script at hand because I want this speaking engagement to be spontaneous. What you are about to hear is not the usual valedictory address back in our high school life. I am standing here not to brag about that "Magna c*m Laude" before my name but because I want you to know the burden inside me. This talk could possibly give you realizations, so please lend me your ears."

As I finished my introductory part, I heaved a sigh. I pray that I can leave an impact to their hearts.

"I know how much we have all waited for this solemnity to take place- or maybe excluding me. I know that you feel like you are in utopia for being able to surmount the tragic of being a college student. I know that after this event, a lot of you will celebrate on different fancy restaurants out there. I also know how fulfilling it is to hear congratulatory words from almost everyone. However, I want to remind you and even myself that as we celebrate, there are souls that feel lost despite passing every subject of their course. Behind the euphoric feeling that you feel on your seat, there are hearts that bleed. Sadly, I am one of them. You might wonder and conclude as if I am weird, but no I am telling the hellacious truth that I am battling with right now. The title that precedes my name is what most of you aspires. However, I curse it to the core of this planet! Why? Simply because it reminds me of the labyrinth I had to digest for the past 5 years in the Engineering branch. School for me during my basic education days is something that provokes me to be the best version of myself. It never failed to mesmerize me every time I go to the institution. Sadly, optimism deviated to pessimistic views when I was obliged to take up something far from what my heart really shouts for. Every dream I built for myself was taken away from me... sadly, by my own parents."

At the same moment when I uttered the last sentence, my tears began falling. I immediately casted my gaze and courageously meet the eyes of the people beneath my bleary personality.

"Mom and Dad, I hope I favored you with so much happiness already. I managed to get out of the quagmire you had set for me with extra credits being the top of this batch. You know since then how I abhor engineering courses to the fullest. I am sure that I did not fail to remind you all over again that my passion is in words, not in numbers. But you insisted and so I cannot do something but declare my defeat and watch you put me in that gigantic, complicated maze. I may not want to admit this, but you ruined my academic interests and worst, you became the main reason why my totality had been a total mess. Despite that, I still want you to know that my bitter triumph is all for you."

My quiet cries had turned to sobs. I somehow feel alleviated because my pleas are heard.

"If there is one thing I learned with this unfortunate journey, it would be to never let other people decide for you. You might take and consider their suggestions but assure yourself that the final mandate will come from your mind and heart. Once you allowed your circle to decide in behalf of you, you will later reach empty victories. No matter how much battles you win, you will still feel disgruntled. My fellow graduates, we are to transfer into a bigger and more serious endeavor. We have to learn how a best decision is made. Also, we have to stand with the choices we picked, whether they fail or not. Remember that only we and God knows ourselves best and so the choices we take should be coming from our own ability to adjudicate in accordance with God's will and plan, of course. Take my story as a moral. Do not duplicate my inaccuracy rather, take the lesson and know when and where to apply it. I am your batch Magna c*m Laude, a graduated engineer yet still an unfulfilled individual. Thank you and congratulations batch 2025!"

They stood up and gave me those heartiest claps I ever heard in my entire life. I saw them blubber as I do which gave me a hint that I touched their hearts. I went down and gave my parents a kiss and hug as I heard them crying and stating their genuine apologies. I felt relieved that after 5 years of keeping it from everyone, I got the chance to be heard.

I became what the world dreamt me to be, but I never had the chance to chase for my own visions. This is Gianni Amethyst Ramos, a Metallurgical Engineering Graduate, a Magna c*m Laude and a survivor of a labyrinth but will for lifetime be an incomplete dreamer.

--ScrittoPluviam--