Brother, I Love You

Prologue

            He’s five years older than I am. I looked up to him as a child. The way his lips stretch for a smile, how the dimple at the left side of his cheek shows when he laugh, the way he ceased his eyebrows, the way his nose wrinkles when he sniffs around, the way his dishevelled brunette curly hair ways whenever the wind blows, it is very, very captivating to my sight.

            He’s always there for me. Whenever I am in pain and the only way to express how m=hurt I am is through crying, he would always come to my side, wiping every tears away and he will assure me that it will be alright.

            He would always decline his friends’ invitation of playing video games even though I knew he’d waited for months for its release just to accompany me. He would always attend my tea party, he’d brush the hair of my Barbie dolls from time to time and I couldn’t get any happier.

            Whenever I had a nightmare, he would always tuck me in his bed, he’ll hug me as he sang a lullaby to calm me. He’s my knight in shining armour, and I am his princess. He would do anything for me that I know for sure.

            But not everything is sprinkles and butterflies. Before I officially enrolled to high school, he suddenly turned cold. No more lullabies, no more kisses on the cheeks, no more hugs, no more… late night talks. I know, he must be busy in college. He started to have new friends that I am not aware of. He left our home for a better access in the university, but I have this feeling that he’s slowly drifting away from me. My knight in shining armour turned into a knight in shining no more.

            I cried so hard, thinking that he’ll come back to wipe my tears away once more, but no matter how many tears I shed, he didn’t come. It breaks my heart that the person I trusted so much was suddenly gone from my life. And it breaks my heart even when I realized that this is not because I feel so alone, it’s because I didn’t know until then that I like, like him. I love him even.

            This isn’t right! I know it’s not appropriate! Even if I turn the whole world upside down, there is no valid reason that my feelings for him would be right. No matter how many times I convince myself that this is wrong, my heart never listen. This is so wrong! He’s… He’s my brother.

            When did this feelings started? Even I, myself do not know. Was it the time he played girly games with me? Was it because of his lullabies? Was it the way his grey eyes glimmer whenever he’s looking at me? Or is it simply because it’s him? Whatever it is, please take me out of this misery.

            But then, in an unexpected situation, I couldn’t top myself into saying, “Brother, I love you.”