Lead On (Complete)

~ Chapter 13 ~

                Rose stared at her screen, the message popping up and Rose blinked before she looked out the window of the diner, her mind traveling back to a time in a hotel room…

                … “We need to talk,” Rose had told Jeff.  But she had no clue how to put together words to express anything.  “But let me take a shower, you know what hospitals do to me.”  Jeff watched her, a frown over taking his handsome face.  How she loved that face and wanted to give him everything she ever could.  But she knew that dream was lost.  And before she could let the water works start again, she turned and ran to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

                Oh, she knew her husband; she was expecting him to come in.  And she hoped that she could get in the water long enough to make it look like she got soap in the eye and that was the reason for her tears.  She quickly stripped down and got the water going, the tears washing over her cheeks.  She was so wrapped in her thoughts and emotions that she never heard the door or heard the curtain, so she jumped when the arms wrapped around her.  She melted into his embrace and the tears flowed even harder.

                “Shh darlin’, I got you; it’s always going to be you and me.”  His hands ran over her stomach to sooth and comfort her.  “What’s going on, you’re starting to scare me.”  Rose wiped at her face and then turned in his arms, looking up at him.

                “I’m a failure as a wife.”  Jeff stared at her forever, not understanding just what the hell she could mean.

                “You are not, nor could you ever be.  Is that what those f*****g doctors told you?”  She cupped his face and shook her head.            

                “No, it’s what I’m telling you, what I’m telling myself, because it’s true.”  She watched Jeff’s face and she knew that he didn’t understand, she really wasn’t expecting him too.  Them getting married never hinged on the fact of them wanting kids.  With both of them having shitty ass dads, kids was more an afterthought, but when the choice was taking from you, it made things a whole lot worse to digest.

                “Where is this coming from?”  He pushed her hair back, his fingers and his eyes showing nothing but love.

                “That accident, it severed part of my tubes to my ovaries and there’s no chance of me ever having your kids.”  With that, her heart broke all over again and Jeff pulled her tight to his chest.

                “Hush baby, its okay.  This doesn’t make you a failure as a wife, or a woman.  You know kids were never a thing for us.  If we had them, great, but if not, I was okay and I thought you were too?”  She sniffled as her head lay against his chest.

                “I was, I am actually.  But you know how it goes; everything is okay until the choice is taking away from you.  We said it was okay if we didn’t have them, now we are forced to say we can’t have them.”  He lifted her chin up and gave her one of the softest and sweetest kissed he ever had.

                “The day you said yes to being my wife, what did I tell you?”

                “That it would always be you and me and you could never stop loving me.”

                “And darlin’, it’s as true as the day I spoke it.  I have felt that way since high school, it won’t change now.  And if you want kids down the road, we can always come back here, to Austin, and look into adoption.  But I really am happy to have you all to myself.”  She pulled back to look at him, wanting to see the truth in his eyes and it showed.  He was more than happy just to have her, and she was okay with that too.

                “Okay.”  He slowly grinned and ran his hands over her back.

                “Yeah?  You sure?  I mean, we can stay here in Austin and look into stuff.”  She shook her head at that.

                “This is just one more reason why I hate this city.  If I can help it, I will never come back here again.”  She lifted a brow as she looked at him.  “Please don’t ever make me come back to Austin.”  He laughed as he gave her another kiss.

                “I have no reason to come back to Austin darlin’ you are my world and you know that.  Where you are is where I will always be.”…

                …She wiped her eyes as she shook away the memory; it was never one of her favorites.  Although, the loving he gave her against the shower wall, the bathroom counter, and finally on the bed was some of their best.  But even though he told her he was okay, she still had just that tiny seed of doubt.  But she tried very hard not to ever bring it up again.

                And that it was such a cut to her heart that he would go to Austin.  What the hell was ever in Austin for him?  Nothing that she ever knew of and besides that, she wasn’t there.  And if he failed to keep that promise, which was to say that others many not have been true?

                “Rose?”  Rose wiped at her nose and her eyes before she turned around at the voice, smiling at Anna.

                “Hey, what are you doing here?”  Anna held up a bag.

                “You said you wanted some dessert and I wasn’t going to leave you wanting.  Besides, my mama is just a few streets down and she loves Jimmy’s burgers, so I had to come bring her some.”  Anna put the food down on the table Rose was sitting at.  “Are you okay?”

                “Me, yeah, I’m fine.”  Anna lifted a brow and Rose smiled.  The two ladies weren’t close in high school but when Jimmy fell for Anna; their friendship just seemed to click as well.

                “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?  You certainly seem way more troubled than normal.”  Rose laughed but nodded at that.  Hell that may just be the understatement at the f*****g moment.

                “Do you trust Jeff?”  Anna let out a breath and took the seat across from Rose, her nail tracing a design on the table.

                “I think when he left, he left a lot unsaid.  And I think him leaving really had nothing to do with you, like you think.”

                “That’s not what I asked Anna, and you know it.  You were the only friend I had that I confided everything to.  So, knowing what you do, would you trust him?”  Anna finally looked back up at Rose, and nodded.

                “I would.  Look, I know you have a lot of outside forces telling you many things but you know that you should always trust you heart.”

                “I did Anna, and I let that man shatter it!”

                “Yes, he did once.  But you still care for him, you still want him.  So tell me, did he shatter it completely or did he c***k it and you knocked out the pieces?”  This whole thing wasn’t her fault, and Anna knew that, but what the other woman said made sense, weather Rose wanted to admit it, or not.  “You will always love him Rose, that man is your better half.”  That was the truth, and she knew that.

                “So, what, I forgive him?”

                “Hell nah, not yet anyway, that man has a s**t ton of making up to do!  I do think you need to really listen to him though, to get what happened exactly ten years ago, you might be surprised.  And then…go from there.”  Well, hell, what did happen back then?  Maybe she didn’t know anything at all and it was time to fix that.