Pain and Choice

Infectious

"How long has this been going on?" Zeno is staring at George, who has been probing him with questions since he arrived. In some regards, Zeno's dead expression worries him, but the sting of being betrayed is far more frustrating in George's opinion. "What is this all about?" he wonders aloud, only causing Zeno's eyes to roll.

Three days of Zeno's explanations aren't compelling enough for Hamilton. Zeno understands Hamilton's feelings of betrayal, but watching George believe it today is hurting him spiritually. What's worse is that Hamilton appears unsure, but George is certain. Zeno had only been in contact with Hamilton for three days, going in and out, asking him questions and seeking an explanation. Ben, the quiet individual who is always busy renovating the cave, is the other person.

Hamilton believed that having George come in to speak with Zeno should be the last resort. He wants to be certain of making a decision. Before attempting to break him down in the traditional ways he knows are effective, he wants to ensure that he can reach him emotionally. This is his friend, so the last option in hand is to show him his very best friend, whom he betrayed in the act of betraying him. He hoped to elicit the truth from Zeno by creating an impression he couldn't bear, because the reality that his actions had left him empty-handed would break him.

Indeed, Hamilton's thought has come through; seeing George in this position is sad. It's evident he's upset by what they assume Zeno did, but George is deeply impacted by what happened; he's dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt that smells like he hasn't taken it off in days. His breath shows that he has had alcohol, and he also fails to brush his teeth. George genuinely believes what Zeno is accused of.

"All for a b***h you’ve never met?" Zeno shows a clear jaw line as he pulls down on the chain that suspends him from the cave ceiling. He takes deep breaths and clamps his lips together in a tight pinch to keep himself from uttering anything. His fists are clenched, and the muscles in his neck and arms are tense from disappointment. "How could I have missed this?" George scoffs, his hands on his waist, as he glances aside. "She's nothing. I can go and get rid of her..."

"Shut up!" Zeno barks angrily at him. A strange silence descends on the room for a moment, and they merely stare back at each other. As Zeno makes minimal movement, the only sound between them is the chain clinging.

"Is she worth jeopardising our friendship for?" With a deadpan expression on his face, George asks.

"Man," Zeno cries, shaking his head and glancing down at his dirt-covered shoe. He is still standing, despite the fact that he is fatigued from being hung for three days; his wrists are hurting and his arms are becoming numb. He exhales as he returns his gaze to George's eyes, which are filled with melancholy. "I thought you knew me well," he replies tiredly, pressing his lips together as he looks at him in regret.

Zeno offers his hypothesis: "Whoever comes between us knows how strong our relationship is. I didn't do anything wrong."

"I saw you with my own two eyes, and your last attempt demonstrates..."

Zeno's voice projects disappointment; "nothing. I can't believe you, of all people, think I'd do something like this," he muses as he bites his lower lip and returns his focus to George. "The eyes can deceive. To believe a situation, you should use all of your senses." He swallows deeply, deepening his furrow lines.

"In the last three days, we closed two agreements and nothing happened." George is attempting to sketch out a clear premise. "I get it, Hamilton," he says quietly, looking around for Ben, who is occupied in one of the caves. All they can hear is a distant clinging sound emanating from the cave's depths. Since the sound has stopped, George is thinking twice about what he wants to say to Zeno. "He's more of a boss to both of us, but how could you put me in a position where I'd end up in the deep s**t?" he jabs his index finger against Zeno's chest.

"Whoever is doing this is laughing at your folly." Zeno responds.

George nods with his lip pressed down. "I got it," he says as he takes a step back. "I was stupid enough not to think you were crazy when you started doubting yourself. You were asking me if you were bad. All for that freak of a girl."

"I can understand a friend concerned about me talking bad s**t about someone I love, but this..." Zeno shakes his head and bites his lower lip fiercely. "Keep her out of your filthy mouth."

"Or what?" George explores the theme for a mock up. "You know, they say an eye for an eye," he says, licking his lower lip and shaking his head, teasing Zeno but plainly expressing his sadness beneath the perplexing smile. "How about I retaliate against her for stealing my friend?" As he moves backward to the exit, he spreads his arms sideways.

"George," Zeno cries, for his name. "Keep her out of this, she... George!" he screams his name as he turns around to make his way out. He is pulling down on the chain that is keeping him restrained, as he screams, attempting to amass as much energy as possible.

After a few more frantic attempts, he manages to free himself from suspension by pulling down the chain. As the chains stretch to their utmost, the heavy clank of chain links striking the ground as they droop on their pulley, the creaking of the pullies, and the groaning of Zeno's sound are bolted from end to end in the cave, taking George’s attention back to him.

Zeno takes a moment to stoop down, taking a piece of mud and stones falling from the ceiling as he moans about the pain in his arms induced by the three-day suspension. He carefully raises his head and stares in Gorges' direction, pinching his lips to the centre as he stands. The soil piles up beneath his boots as he attempts to walk forward, his shackles rattling the links with a clang of metal on metal.

Even though the agony in his arms is excruciating, Zeno wishes to focus on the rage that resides within him. He wants to strike against George for what he just said. He howls as loudly as he can to conserve energy and suffer the pain as he approaches.

Zeno has a part of him screaming at him to stop, while the other part is stirred by George's timidity.

Before managing to do what he thinks is right, he feels a bump on the back of his head, which pauses him on everything, and he collapses flat on his chest. George is just staring at Zeno, stunned by what he is about to do, but Ben is already at his mercy. He appears with a shovel, which he used on Zeno. He must have been coming back from what he was working on, from one of the cave's extensions.

***

At this point, Hamilton understands he should just listen to cassettes that are significant and related to what he wants to learn, but there is something incredibly compelling in the stories he is hearing. They are, by no means, typical stories. They are, ultimately, something more.

As he listens to the story, he realises it is the story of a man who is completely out of his depth. This is a narrative of a man who is powerless in the face of events, people, and circumstances. All he can do is try to live and make sense of what is going on. It is the story of a character, yet even that is debatable. This is the story of a man who is perplexed by the events that have unfolded around him. He is a helpless and powerless man.

It's almost as if he's reading about himself as he continues to listen to Zeno's stories, but there's something even more intriguing. Hamilton is intrigued by Zeno's fascination with this individual, to whom he feels compulsively devoted but entirely respected while knowing nothing about her.

At first, Hamilton appeared to be just listening. He was merely listening to recordings and had no notion of what he was looking for. However, after some time, he began to realise that the recordings contained something significant. He was becoming aware that there was something about Zeno's style of telling his narrative, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was similar to the first excitement of reading a wonderful novel for the first time, but he couldn't fully explain why. He felt practically captivated, but he was also incredibly intrigued by the woman he was talking about.

"She's overly serious today; it's almost as if she's going through a phase. Even though I am not close to her, I can see it. I can see how estranged she is from her sister. I'd never seen her in that mood towards her before," Zeno's voice is playing from the other side of the tape recorder while Hamilton frowns and listens intently.

Hamilton is seated in his study, the sun fading through the large windows. He has attached the tape recorder to an amplifier on his desk so that he can hear Zeno's voice at a reasonable volume.

The elegant study room is neatly and modernly organised. The study is mostly white and black.

The room is arranged in a manner of personal comfort; the wall-mounted speakers are hidden behind glass; the massive desk is situated behind the well-arranged sofas and coffee table. The extra-large black oak coffee table, milled from a single piece of oak, is at the centre of the seats of the sofas, its flooring a square broken-white carpeted rug.

The desk is placed at the far end of the room, under the large window, and is decorated to match the rest of the space. The desk is composed of obsidian, a black, glossy stone that sparkles brightly and reflects any light that strikes it. The desk is sleek and dark, clean and tidy, yet there is some clutter if you look closely; scattered books, papers, and desk top, as well as an old-model tape recorder. The walls are a warm white colour that Hamilton links with his youth and his first home. If he leaves the curtains open, the large window brings in a lot of natural light.

On the right side of the room there’s yet another massive black oak bookshelf, stacked with books, each with its own decorative cover that protects it from dust and sunlight while also serving as a matching cover for the interior decoration.

He's dressed in grey slacks and a white shirt, with the top buttons unbuttoned all the way down to his chest. As he learns about Viola's new behaviour, his eyes narrow and his furrows deepen. If there is anything that keeps him listening after the third cassette, it is the passages about Viola.

"I like how her clothing complements her skin tone. You might mistake her for naked if it weren't for her skin's radiance," Zeno said. "I noted her appearance the first time she stepped out of their condo; she was dressed in a long and flowing tan dress. Her hair was unkempt but held high, as it normally is, and she wore a black slip-on that went with nothing; I appreciate how untidy she looks in the dress, since the straps on her shoulders are knotted to keep the dress in place.

Her sister followed her out of the house. Despite her lack of cheerfulness, she appeared excited to start the day. Her crimson baby-doll dress and flats highlight her legs to perfection. Except for this morning, Viola's sister struck me as a girl who is always cheerful and upbeat. I was aware of the sisters' feelings today because Viola's sister didn't seem to be having a good morning.” Zeno clears his throat, and that gives Hamilton the break to deepen his furrow lines as he leans forward on the desk, his forearms entirely resting on it.

A chuckle escapes him as he says, "You know, Grandpa." Perhaps I'm mistaken, but they might be tired of each other. Well, this is just my own guess, but I haven't seen their mother for two days. It's possible that living and working together has made them bored." He laughed, but he sounded embarrassed by his own guess. "Damen me." A momentary silence engulfed his exhalation. "I’m a s**t show."

"Anyway, I managed to get them to their regular post. Yes, I am officially that creepy person stalking a gorgeous lady named Viola, which leads to stalking her sister as well. Returning to the subject, Viola's sister jumped off of the bus. She appeared to be joyful again. Viola is back to her usual cycle of work, work, work.

I must admit that I lack the bravery to approach her and strike up a conversation, but I haven't seen her connect with anyone other than her sister. Today, I believe I have a better understanding of the problem and what it looks like when she is not in a good mood. I believe I've just discovered how she affects those around her. Even her typically extroverted sister appears doomed to the point where she must force a grin on her lips when communicating with customers.

I can tell by how distressed she appears that she is the one with the problem for the day. Who knows, it could be a period or anything, but she is clearly the source of the melancholy mood. I, the man who has no actual understanding of their predicament and is merely staring at her from afar, am impacted as well. I can't believe I told Hamilton I couldn't make it today since I'm out of town and won't be able to attend George's party tonight. I guess I'm so taken with this lady that whatever mood she's in bothers me.”

Hamilton pinches his lower lip slightly as he recalls the one-time he said he wouldn't be able to join the men for a good time. That was their final party as a group. George wanted to spend the night at the home he had purchased for his family.

He stands up and walks to the side table to pour himself a drink of cognac, then walks around the table and lays down on the three-person sofa while listening to Zeno's narration.

He took a deep breath. "Men. I thought it would be simple, Grandpa. You pick a lady, talk to her for a while, learn about her, and tell her about yourself. Then, bang..." he breaks the silence and resumes his soliloquy. "Love. That's something you've never stated before. I was truly quite unfortunate to hear anything about life. You were my only family, and you were plenty for me. I remember how hard you worked to get me strong enough to look after myself. It felt as though you were aware that death was on the horizon." Hamilton could hear Zeno tapping on something as he halted for a bit. "Did I come across as insensitive?

I miss my mother. She was the strongest, and she seemed to have two sons: you and me, grandpa. You remember how we were." He laughed. "It's unfortunate that you departed a year after mom." The quiet weighs heavily on Hamilton's heart, and he understands how severely the grief of a mother can ache. That's why he doesn't comprehend why Zeno would suddenly betray him. The only thing he remembers is that he used to do anything and everything to look after him. It was as though they were brothers, even though their interactions did not appear to be so.

"I have to acknowledge that she resembles her. I'm referring to Viola. I'm sure you'd think the same thing if you saw her. I believe the bond was deeper today since she reminded me so much of my mother." Zeno was clearly moving or touching something; there was a little sound disruption, but the recording was clear again. "Remember when Mom was upset over anything we might have done? It's impossible to forget; it happened far too frequently to be forgotten." He laughed slightly. "That 'I'm never going to talk to you again' expression, and she still has to cook us this great food? That's what I saw today on Viola."

"I believe she is the missing piece that will fill the void in me. Perhaps I'll return to the person I was before the upheaval in my life devoured me. Even when she's irritated, I enjoy seeing her work; she has a subtle charm that I can't quite pin down." It's almost as if a cry for Hamilton causes him to sit up and reflect on his own life. He is silently studying the frigidity, both in vibe and mood, that envelopes him and makes him feel empty.

Hamilton is now wondering about Zeno and what he might be up to in that dungeon. He is still unable to make a decision, but he cannot bear the thought of him in his current state.

"I love watching her walk around in her current apparel. It gives me a glimpse of her great body shape; a slim body, long legs, and a pear shape, to be exact. If she takes care of herself, she can be this 'supermodel.' She'd be hurrying around, preparing meals for her customers, but her dress... that lucky garment kept bewding her skin now and then... hmm," Hamilton chuckles as he realises where the monologue is going. "I'd want to be one of her fusty clothes just to be able to touch her at every opportunity."

"I'm sure it feels luxurious to caress that silky skin. I've been enthusiastic about her for a long time, and while the excitement may make it feel worthwhile, I'm sure it has nothing to do with it. I really mean it..." He remains silent for a little while, clearly thinking about something. "Okay, it's Z when it's dirty, Grandpa, tune out," he laughs, making Hamilton nod and share his thoughts. He gets up and walks back to the desk, then walks past it to the window to look out at the sinking sun and the bustling, crowded road, from high up in his flat, his right hand still on his glass and his left in his slacks pocket.

"I'm starting to have fantasies about her. I really can't abide the sight of her sweating; it makes me lose control. I enjoy seeing her... no, I guess I'm addicted to seeing her wipe the sweat from her brow with the back of her palm. When she was exhausted, she would blast out her breath while pulling her lips together. She may be tired, stressed, or overheated, but all I can think about is if I am beside... all over her.

I'd trail her forearm all the way up to her neck, masking my need behind a justification and proposing to wipe sweat off her smooth skin. I'd stand behind her, pressing very close. I could feel my entire body tensing up in response to the power she would endure. I'm bigger and fitter, and I know my presence would make her feel a little smothered, but she wouldn't mind. I'd never seen her dark copper hair untied, but in this realm, I'd be the one letting it down to her shoulder, if not all the way down. I know it's long, but I'm not sure how long.

I would bury my nose in her hair to inhale her scent while drawing her closer to myself. I press my palms into her groin, causing her to gently whimper in response to the delicate feeling I'm currently hosting." Zeno's breathing is laboured, and his voice is huskier. Hamilton suddenly presses his left-hand palm against the window glass for no apparent reason. His strong jaw line creates bolder-than-usual lines. His eyes closed as he bit down hard on his lower lip, almost as if he'd embarked on the same ride as Zeno.

"I know she'd give in to the urge to thrust herself against me, pressing her body against mine, breathing out of control, heart beating off the chart, lips gasping for air. My hands away from view would start to pull her dress up. At this rate, Zeno's voice is heavy and raspy, as if he has raced for miles. "She would intend to stop me with her stubbornness, but it's not even a genuine push off.

I would be able to feel her body heat coming off her body, but she would feel wormer between her legs where my fingers would find themselves exploring. It wouldn’t be simple, but it would be mutual that she would want me and I would want her to explode in pleasure right there.

My other hand would leave her groin to grip her long neck before diving into her pants, and she would gasp sharply, giving me the all-clear sign, leaning back to my chest and pushing herself closer to me. My fingers would run a non-stop ritual, rubbing on her c******s to the point she would burn up, and then penetrate. It wouldn’t be simple, as it isn’t gentle. She would answer with a firm hold on my thigh and then on my arm, leading to her neck and hip, leaving scratch traces that proclaimed my belonging to her.“

Hamilton opens his eyes wide and purses his lips as he exhales through his nose, almost as if yanked awake. The narration appears to have ended on this recording. He exhales and looks down at himself; he is stiffening and can feel his muscles contracting in response to the intense sensation. He is astounded by this bizarre feeling. He could feel his slack, with no room to hide his current needs. Better yet, he is sure he wishes to meet this viola, a creature who, in Zeno's opinion, sounds exotic.

He eventually says, looking up, “Fuck.”