My mother

1552 Words
It's all right. In a way, you were right. - I gave an awkward smile, and she smiled back. - It's not your fault. - She sighed regretfully. - But at the moment, that's not what this is about. - What is? What? - I said, almost hitting her. - Matthew brought me, his mother sent for me. Apparently, Summer found your tests. I smiled at her instantly. - But he's here with me. - I showed her my hand with the brown envelope. Vivian nodded - Yes, it's with you, but your blood test. I felt as if my blood had been drained from my face, or I'd simply been through too many emotions for one day. I was shaking, in a cold sweat! What the hell was she doing going through my things? Vivian called my name louder than usual to snap me out of my trance, worried. - Nicole! You look pale, you need to calm down! I didn't say anything, I said you hadn't said anything to me or Alice, but I'm sure she knows, she didn't buy my lie. Summer was helping you pack your things and she saw the envelope, but she didn't open it, she just gave it to her mother, who saw the result and called me. I didn't react. She screamed a lot, but I didn't say anything, I swear! - Vivian crossed her fingers like a promise and kissed them. - Sacred, secret. - Aha! - I jumped up and looked back after Summer snorted. - Your mother wants to talk to you alone. I looked at her with my big, surprised eyes, my breath panting, my hands trembling and my heart almost pounding. - I'll be right there. She smiled sweetly and added. - You should hurry, she's not in a good mood. Vivian took a firm hold of my hand, as if she wasn't going to leave me alone. I reciprocated the touch, holding hers tightly. We walked back down the corridor and into the living room, where Madeleine was still the same. The only difference was the empty bourbon glass. I'm sorry, Mrs. Vivian, but she's waiting for Nicole alone. If you like, you can wait in the living room or even in the kitchen with me. I'm preparing some tea. - Summer winked, holding out her hands to Vivian in invitation. Vivian took a while to accept, but eventually gave in and followed her into the house, while I was finally alone with Madeleine. I stood there for a long time. I didn't know what to do, whether to speak or wait for her to speak. wait for her to speak. I sniffled slightly. No reply. I moved a little closer to the armchair. - Madel... Mom... - I said at last. - I didn't think I'd have the courage," she said in a low, firm voice. - I could tell by how long it took you to talk to me. And ever since you walked through that door, I've been waiting. - Err... I... uh... you were distracted, I didn't think you'd... notice me. - But I always do! - she said abruptly. - I worry! And I don't know what the hell you think this conversation is about! But I'm not one to beat around the bush and you know it. - She stood up, her expression neutral. She walked over to the table, pouring herself another bourbon. My gaze followed her every step, every flicker of her eyes, her rapidly rising and falling chest, unmasking her true emotions. - You're pregnant," she said without delay. I swallowed dry, there seemed to be shards of glass in my throat. She approached me calmly and then handed me the test. I looked at her speechlessly, there was nothing to say, it was all there. At no point did Madeleine take her eyes off mine, coldly studying my reactions. - "Yes," she said at once, breaking the contact between our eyes. - How could you be so stupid? - she shouted. -I... I... I don't know... I'm sorry. - What else could I say? - I've had enough! I'm tired of telling you! I'm so tired of you! - What? How can you say that to me? - I stared at her. - You heard me right, Nicole. I knew from the moment you were born that you would make everything difficult for me! I had plans for you, Nicole! How could you ruin everything? - Ruin everything? I never, ever wanted to make anything difficult for you. On the contrary, I was too busy trying to be a good daughter to you! - What are you saying? I give you everything! You study at the best school in the city, you have a private driver, monthly deposits in your bank account that would be enough for an upper-class family to live on. And you still think I was busy trying to be a good daughter? Please, Nicole! - Yes! I have all this, but when I needed you most... - my voice shook - you weren't there! And what's the point of all this? From the moment you left us in this house, from the moment you sent your assistant to Dad's funeral, from the moment you left me alone in that boarding school. I needed you! And at no time did you think to visit me, to be there. - Please, this isn't about the past! - I said firmly. If I hadn't left, you wouldn't have this life, Nicole! I don't know where you think the money comes from, but I run a multi-million dollar company! And no thanks to you! I had to! A child, you, wasn't in my plans! I really wanted to have this opportunity that I'm giving you now... - he lowered his tone. - We have the family doctor, Dr. Aspem. - He rubbed his eyes frantically. - I've already called him to let him know the situation. You're going to take this baby out tomorrow! - But I-I... I... I don't want to! - I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air. - You what? - She came closer, staring at me. - I... Please don't make me. - Tears that I'd been holding back began to stream down my face. - Force you? - she said, smiling. - You don't know what you want, Nicole! You're just a spoiled teenager, you don't know anything about life! You can't... you're going to succeed me in the company! If only I'd had the chance. - What would you have done, Madeleine? You would have aborted me! Your life would certainly be better without me, wouldn't it? - I felt tears burning down my face. - No, Nicole, it's not about what I could have done! After all, you're not here anymore! - She pointed hard at my chest. - Yes, I am here! And I've managed all these years on my own. Often forgetting that I had a mother. - Ahhh. Please, Nicole, don't blame your mistakes and choices on me. I've always advised you, even from a distance, to make the right choices! - Yes, but that's not how you raise a child! - I spat. - And what do you know about raising a child, Nicole? - Her jaw tightens and she says aggressively. - You probably don't know anything other than how to spread your legs. - Maybe if you got busy like I did, you wouldn't be so bad. - Even I'm surprised by the answer I gave her. And anger flashes across her face. Confusion. Shock. Your words have no meaning or truth, but they're there to hurt me. - That's exactly why you shouldn't have been born! I never wanted you! Is that what you want to hear? I never, ever wanted children! George did! He did want a daughter! I wasn't born to be a mother. I was always too busy with my work. - How can you be so cruel, Madeleine? - Cruel? You know nothing about life! I'm trying to help you so that you don't make the same mistakes I did! You may not understand today, but in a few years' time you'll thank me for giving you this opportunity! - That's what you don't understand! - I said, pulling away. - I don't want to take this baby away. - I rested my hands on my stomach. - I'm not asking you, I'm just informing you that tomorrow, in the morning, the procedure will take place. I nodded my head infinitely before taking in what she had said. - If that happens, you should know that it will be totally against my will, and as long as I live and am lucid enough to remember what you did to me, I will hate you. With all my soul. - Not that I care how you feel," she said harshly. - There was never any room for love in our relationship. - I hate you, Madeleine! I hate you! You've always been a terrible mother. I think that, deep down, you're afraid that I'll turn out like you, sour inside, without the simple ability to love someone. It was you who made my father ill with your sick way.
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