Model Perfect

Chapter 13: When Lips Touch

My lips are pressed against Arlo's. His scent is everywhere and is still leaning into me. Arlo pulls away, as he rests his forehead on mine.

"Sorry about that," he says. He breaks away from the kiss.

"No, you aren't. I'm not...sorry. If I didn't want you to kiss me, I wouldn't have kissed you back."

I know I shouldn't be so honest with Arlo. But he just saved me from the doctor's office. It's not every day an eighteen-year-old woman finds out she has cancer.

"You needed comforting." I lean my head on his shoulder and he smells my hair. His breath is warm and the bumps on my neck rise as he breaths into me.

"Yes, I did. Thanks for being there for me."

"Why didn't you call, Hunter?" Arlo asks. I pull away knowing I've cheated on Hunter. But also not caring or giving a s**t at the same time. I've let go of Hunter.

"Please don't ask me that. I think we both know why..." My eyes trail about the room. I follow the lines in the ceiling, hoping they will help me escape my reality. The reality is that dating Hunter is a chore that I don't want to have anymore.

"If he's that horrible, then why are you with him?" Arlo takes his hand and tilts my head down so our eyes meet again. The sensation of his hand on my chin forces me to stop. My lips pop out automatically with anticipation that maybe we will kiss again.

"I'm with him because it's in my contract with Model Perfect. We are a package deal. Model Perfect sponsors his band, Aftershock and I model for them. They dictate my life. They are my narrators. And even if I did want to be with you, I can't. I can't want anything really."

I've said too much. I think too much. I am too much. With the modeling staff I can turn off my tongue, but with Arlo, my thoughts and words are arrows being released by my tongue.

"That's kind of messed up. And do you want to be with me?" He asks pulling my face up towards his again.

I don't reply. Instead, I close my eyes and let him close the gap between us. Our lips touch again, and it's obvious to both of us that we want more. Sparks are flying like the fourth of July. But to be a Model Perfect, sparks can't fly with Arlo. He's not on their payroll and if Freddie found out about this he'd fire me. He's already going to fire me over my thyroid cancer.

As I kiss Arlo a cry a little. I don't mean to, but it happens. Being with him would be absolutely wonderful, and in the land of tomorrow perhaps I could be his queen. But in the land of the shadows, I am a slave to Model Perfect and Hunter Bates is the tyrant that hits me. Despite all these reasons, I can't be with Arlo I keep kissing him for this moment anyway. No one knows I am at his house, no one knows he is comforting me.

"It doesn't matter if I want to be with you. Don't you get it? I am the property of Model Perfect. You and me, despite whatever this is can never be. We will never happen, despite how I feel about you."

"And what do you feel about me?"

"Safe. I feel safe. Like a blank slate. Nothing I've done said, or look like matters to you."

"Tabula rasa, remember?" He says.

He takes me back to that day in class where we started our relationship over from scratch. But today, we can't do that. There is no reset for people in love. At least I think I might be falling for him. Falling is a dangerous place to be, it's the edge of the cliff. The pirates near the ship's edge would love nothing more than to accuse me of cheating, have me walk the plank, and send me down to the depths of the sea.

"Yes, I remember. But we can't be together. No matter how much you or I might want this."

I pull away and gesture to him and me. My hand goes back and forth frantically between us. I'm scared Hunter will find out again. If he does he might do something even worse to me.

"I understand. But while you're figuring it out, I'm going to kiss you again." I put my hands on my cheeks and blush. Arlo smiles and that damn dimple on his left cheek appears, my thumb touches it as we kiss one last time.

"Arlo, thanks for cheering me up. Can you take me back to the doctor's I need to pick my car up?"

He nods and kisses my forehead. All walls between us have been crossed today. My desire to hold his hand isn't in my head, because he grabs mine first. The car ride isn't long enough. He parks next to my car. It's after hours and no one is in the parking lot. I kiss him goodbye and get out of the car. He leaves and my happiness is with him. No matter how much I want to be with him, I can't. I didn't sign a contract to be with Arlo Finch, and that's by far the worse mistake I've ever made. Truth be told he's the only person who will be able to help me face the mountains of my cancer, and without him, I will be lost in the valley of death.