Model Perfect

Chapter 6: Under the Bleachers

Wednesday comes and the next photography class is upon us. I think Arlo was just trying to get a rise out of me the other day. I want to start over with him, a fresh clean slate.

Mr. Douglass meets us in the basement of the photography room.

"How is everyone's projects coming along?"

He lowers his glasses and looks at me like he is accusing me of something. Does he know that I almost kissed Arlo? Did the paparazzi follow me? Average people get privacy, but that will never be me.

Any accident that can go wrong, is somehow my fault. Anything considered a scandal with my name follows me around like the ghost of Christmas past. That's why I try to be perfect. It's not easy being the 'it' girl of Davis High school.

Arlo walks into class, my stomach already hurts. It's in knots because we almost kissed and that's a scandal waiting to happen. If we can keep our relationship professional then maybe we can be just friends after all. We aren't even that yet.

The thing about Arlo is he isn't ugly or average. He's a hidden hot guy that no one else has noticed. No one else but me, the one girl who shouldn't even bother looking at him like this.

"Good morning, Arlo. Listen about Monday..."

"Forget it. Nothing happened as far as I'm concerned. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I put you in a weird position. Can we just forget the whole thing, and start over. Tabula rasa?"

Does Arlo Finch feel the same way I do? Or am I imaging the whole thing?

"What's tabula rasa?" I ask, thinking it's kind of hot he said something foreign.

"It's Latin for blank slate or clean slate. I am asking you if we can wipe our slates clean and start over? So, tabula rasa?" He asks again and smiles with that dam dimple showing. And despite that dimple showing, and making me feel butterflies, I decide to shake his hand.

"Tabula rasa. You have yourself a deal, Finch." As I talk, the muscles in my neck tighten and remind me of the ticking time bomb in my neck. My broken thyroid, the tumor hurts every once in a while and sits on my windpipe.

I grab my throat for a second and unfortunately Arlo notices.

"You okay? Need some cough drops? I can get some for you between classes from the nurse's station?"

How can someone be this nice to me? If we were actual friends, I might take him up on this offer. But since we aren't anything really, I am not sure I should be doing anything with Arlo, accept this project. This project is the only reason I am allowed to sit and talk to this nobody hottie.

"Thanks for the offer, I'm fine."

Arlo goes into his backpack and puts out an unopened apple juice and gives it to me.

"Take this. You look like you need it more than I do." My smiles brightens and my tumor stops hurting.

I take the apple juice and open it. It's hard to swallow sometimes when a ball sits on the side of your neck. A ball that no one notices, but everyone will see if a surgery takes place. The last thing this model girl needs is cancer and a big scar to go with it.

"Thanks, it tastes great. Do you want to meet later this week?"

"Sure. Want to come over to my house? I have all my studio equipment set up over there." Arlo's hand grabs mine under the table again. I don't know what this exchange between us in class will lead to, but we've made up and can be friends now.

"Sure, is Friday after school okay?" He nods as I take another sip of apple juice. Arlo sits there taking notes with his left hand, and holds my hand with his right one. It's a good thing we're sitting in the back of the room, and no one is sitting behind us. For the rest of class we sit there and take notes with our fingers intertwined like it was meant to be.

The be rings, and Arlo removes his hand from mine. My hand got used to holding his in that hour we took notes.

"I'll text you later, Emma." I nod slightly as he leaves class. Waiting for me beside the door, is Rosa with a lollipop at her side.

"Take this. I think Hunter is looking for you."

Hunter who's Hunter? For a split second, I forgot I had a boyfriend. Is it because I held Arlo's hand in class? I take the lollipop and pretend I want to be sexy for Hunter, which I don't. Freddie picked Hunter out to be my boyfriend three years ago. It was love at first sight until Hunter hit me on my right cheek.

It doesn't happen often, but it's often enough that I have created a bit of distance between myself and Hunter. I don't know how to break free when my career is solely based on this fantasy love we have created online. The perfect girl with the perfect boy, or so they think. The lead singer of Aftershock is nothing more than a monster in sheep's clothing. If I let him hurt me, then he won't hurt some other girl. I am protecting a future girl I don't know.

"Thanks. I'll go find it. Thanks for the candy," I say while walking away from Rosa.

"That's not the only reason I'm here. My cousin saw your photo session the other night at the beach, why was Arlo there? Does Hunter know about this?"

"No, Rosa he doesn't. I invited Arlo to come, so he could watch professional cameramen for this project." She pulls the lollipop out of my mouth and throws it in the trash.

"This is serious, Emma. You can't hang out with someone like him. I am telling you this as your friend."

"Relax, Rosa. I had to sign a waiver to give Arlo permission to be around me and take my photos.

He's under a Model Perfect waiver. Can I go now? Like you said, Hunter is looking for me."

I run away from Rosa. She's only trying to look out for my public image and reputation, but it feels like I am being accused of a crime. Is Arlo really a threat to my career? I am so damn sick of all of them telling me who to be, sometimes it's just too much. I'm only a damn teenager, with the world put on my shoulders.

I try my best to be perfect. Protect Model Perfect, represent them well. Who is protecting me? Who represents me? Why does my voice and opinion mean nothing anymore?

The world around me speeds up, and I become dizzy. I stop looking for Hunter. Instead, I run, I run away from the school. I've cracked under the invisible pressure today. It was only a matter of time before someone added the mentos to the coke to watch it explode.

That's why all of this is unfair. When my emotions build up, I'm supposed to take pills to stuff them down and turn them off. Hiding is all I know, not even Rosa has seen me cry before. I hide under the bleachers by the football stadium. I decide to skip study hall, no one will find me out here. The tears start to spill and I can let my emotions fly, in the comfort of my own bubble. A hand offers me a towel.

"Here you go, Emma. You might need this. Are you okay?"

Did Arlo follow me out here? What's his deal anyway? Is he offering to help me? Or is he trying to take my crying photo again?

"No, I am not okay. If anyone asks I wasn't here, okay. And thanks for the towel. Why are you out here, Arlo?"

"I was on my way to the doctor's office. Want to come with me? You don't look so good, yourself."

Arlo can see past the make-up and the bullshit. I suspect he has a sixth sense about everyone.

"Sure, I can't go back in there. I'm not in the mood..."

"To be someone you aren't. Yeah, I figured." He takes the towel out of my hands and wipes my tears away.

"Come on model girl, I'll buy you some skittles that'll cheer you up."

He grabs my hand, the same one he held my hand with earlier in class under the table. His smile greets me with grin from ear to ear. Arlo's presence is calming, perhaps that's why I decide to go to the doctor with him.

"Thanks, Arlo. You're always so kind to me."

"My mother told me to be kind to everyone until they aren't kind to you. But she also told me, to give them time to apologize. If they apologized it showed what their true colors were. And you've apologized to me remember? And I apologized to you. So we're good now. Tabula rasa, right?"

"Yeah, right. You're mother sounds wise." I say holding Arlo's hand a little tighter. It gives me hope that not everyone expects something from me.

"She was wise. I do miss her. But that's the thing about cancer, it isn't always kind to the people it takes away."

I stop walking. Cancer the one disease I am scared of most in this world. How can Arlo smile when cancer stole his mother from him?

"I am so sorry, Arlo. What kind of cancer did she have?" I ask, wondering if death is around the corner for me.

"Thyroid cancer." When he says this my hands let go of his hands and retract near my throat. I hold them there for a minute, and let them protect the lump that lay inside. I know what the doctor will say, he will say surgery is necessary.

I'm aware of hormone replacement drugs and that people live without their thyroid every days. But that surgery would kill my career. How can I think about that when his mother is dead? Is this a sign that this too shall be my fate?

"Emma, are you okay?" Arlo asks as he grabs my hand and pulls me to his car.

"I have issues too." I whisper my response to the ground. Admitting that I am not perfect is too much for me. But Arlo brings me to a calm place that Hinter has never lifted me to before. If I let Arlo in for a moment, maybe he really could become one of my closest friends over time.

"What was that?" Arlo asks.

"I have thyroid problems too. I'm sorry your mother died from cancer. Can we keep this between us?"

Arlo opens the door to his car and closes it gently behind me.

"Yes, I won't say anything. I am sorry you struggle with your thyroid too. If you ever want to chat about it, I have several resources that could help you out. As my mom grew worse, I made it my job to educate myself on the thyroid. It's hard to believe that such a little butterfly-shaped organ can be such a b***h for so many people."

He puts his foot on the gas, and instead of going to the doctor's office, we spend the day talking together about his mother and my health. Ditching school is worth it if it means I can finally be myself with one person, for one entire day. Arlo Finch, I don't know what to call you, but I am hoping I can call you my friend.