DEFEATING DIVORCE

THRIVING

Friends are evermore. Even if we move out of town or adopt residence abroad, we preserve our friendships. We surely don’t divorce our friends just because of a misinterpretation, so if we addressed our spouse as a dear friend, we likely won’t ever require a divorce lawyer and carry out the awful exercise of divorce.

There is solid biological evidence in what we say—the difference between man and woman is not just a matter of conjecture; there is an actual hormonal reason for it. While men are driven by the robust testosterone hormone—a hormone that creates a kind of an aggressive edge—women are governed by the milder oxytocin hormone, which compels them to give and receive love and care.

So, it is not just a superficial difference that the two sexes on this planet have. There is much more. The difference runs deep inside; it deals with the hormonal composition of the two genders. That’s what makes us to different.

If we want to survive on this planet, we will hardly be able to do it by living in isolation and thinking about our own selfish interests.

Changing It

When two people in a relationship are under stress, little things often become major issues. Situations that at one stage would have been perhaps overlooked are now added to the list of things that the partner is doing wrong. Once a relationship reaches this point, it is very difficult for one or both partners to see the good things their partner can offer them and the relationship.

Men and women are driven by their hormones. Testosterone the male s*x hormone, and oxytocin, the female s*x hormone each play extremely important roles in the way men and women act and react. Testosterone plants a desire in men to protect and provide for their wives. Oxytocin produces a strong need in women to nurture and care for others.

Adequate levels of both hormones are essential to produce a feeling of wellbeing and contentment. When both partners have high hormonal levels, they deal with life and their relationships in a positive way. When the hormonal levels are diminished, stress levels are raised, leading to greater risk of conflict within the relationship.

When couples had defined roles, it was easy for the couple to live their lives with these hormones operating naturally. The man in the relationship would go to work and earn enough money to sustain his family with a suitable lifestyle and all their needs. The woman in the relationship would stay home and care for her family. When couples are in a good relationship and understanding and responding to each

other’s needs physically, emotionally and socially, these hormones are produced in increasing quantities.

Society and circumstances has change the way we do things. Often, the man is no longer the sole provider and his wife may have a job, and yet still feel the need to nurture and care for her family. Both of these situations create tension. The man no longer feels his wife has the same need for his provision, something that would drive him to succeed in the past. The woman feels frustrated she still often has to go home and do much of the work around the house because her husband seems to prefer to go home and sit and read the newspaper or watch the television.

Testosterone and oxytocin are produced differently in each partner and once couples understand this, it will help change the way they view this scenario. In this scenario, each member of the couple is instinctively doing what is necessary for them to restore their hormonal levels. At the end of the day, both have returned home with depleted hormonal levels. To raise her levels the woman needs to nurture and care, and give and receive love to stimulate oxytocin production. Relaxation is his way of increasing his hormonal levels.

Spend some time reflecting on all your partner’s positive qualities. Write them down in your journal and take some time every day to read them and reflect how much your partner adds to your life.

Read more about the way our hormones influence our actions and reflect on this in your journal.

Since love is less lasting and friendship more long-lasting, every endeavor must be made to make our mate isn't only a lover and a partner, but as well a friend. Friendship is observable manifestation of matureness. Marriage is a duty larger than life, and may be a source of bother or sound joy. Only if we turn those bothers and joys into building blocks for a lasting friendship may we say that we’ve taken the firm path to a union made in heaven.

If there's true friendship between hubby and wife, the marriage avoids ending up on the rocks. Rather it becomes a rock-hard marriage where no person or condition may put it asunder.

Friendship in a union means that the union will be significant with memories of laughter and wit, for didn’t we pick those friends who made us laugh the most? Friendship likewise means open and honest communicating; a no holds barred type of coupling where our comfort level with our mate goes beyond a hundred percent, guaranteed that what we state and how we say it won't be labeled or taken in a damaging light.

Friendship between couples returns wholesome feelings of good will and faithfulness. Our spouse – our friend – has our concerns at heart, won’t cheat on us and will be our most steadfast supporter.

Friendship likewise makes mates stronger; this durability is reinforced by the pleasure of shared history, of nostalgia and designs for the future.

Romance is a great thing, and we may utilize heaps of it when our relationships get rough. But mature friends are cognizant that romance maybe a roadblock to friendship. How come? As romance blots out the darker side of our being – our concerns, anxieties, and insecurities. Yet, it’s those fears, anxieties and insecurities that by nature draw us to our friend.

Familiarity doesn't spawn contempt. It spawns content. A sense of contentment corresponds with satisfaction, warmth, and firm assurance. Partaking in a life together in love and friendship makes for a book that's deeper and denser in shared histories, in content.

If you were to ask a content bachelor and a jubilantly married man to each author their stories, you’d get a favorable narration from both. The single individual’s position would however be I, me and myself – and perhaps a string of blind dates and Saturday nights alone. The husband will discuss “us”, of mutual interests – a story decidedly made richer as there are two stories, not one.

Much as it sounds awfully passé, marriage is a commitment, and people have to make every attempt not to degrade that commitment in any way. Remaining married is a lifelong, missionary-like enterprise. It calls for guts. It calls for nerves of steel to make a union work. A sense of humor and a humbler degree of egotism may sustain us in that work.

The obstructions will be many, and there will be spots where we'll question our saneness, uncertain if we may truly hang in there.

It will be a massive effort to stay attracted to the same qualities that pulled you to your spouse on the first day you got together. Your spouse is yet the same individual you fell in love with, he hasn't altered his soul, his being, only his closet