Scars of Time

Chapter 62: "Beginins and endings"

Hope's POV

I never thought my life was a lie.

I used to laugh at people when they used this expression. For me, everything I have been through was the truth. The pain I felt, the hardships, everything. It was all real. Sure, there were things that didn't quite add up, but I always assumed that was just the way things were. But I stumbled upon one single secret and everything changed. Suddenly, the world I thought I knew was turned upside down. It was like I had been living in a dream, and now I was awake for the first time. A simple secret. It was enough to change the whole course of my life. Everything could have been different. I could have been different.

I used to like knowing people's secrets. Since I was little, discovering a secret seemed exciting. If I stumbled upon something that someone wanted to keep hidden, I'd do my best to use it to my benefit, never thinking about the consequences.

I have secrets too.

Actually I don't think there is someone who doesn't have at least one. It's things we'd like to keep to ourselves that define who we are. But at the back of my head I knew, they could be scary. Scary enough to make you question your life.

As the truth sank in, I found myself muttering, "It was all a lie," trying to hold back the tears that welled up inside me.

I've always been the kind of person who cries so easily. I don't like to cry in front of other people, or even alone, yet I'm never able to stop myself.

However today, I wanted to try my best. I was going to keep myself together and not let this world break me. At least not in front of him.

But especially today, it was harder than any other day.

My heart was burdened with an unbearable ache, and tears streamed down my face, refusing to be restrained, no matter how much I wanted for them to cease.

It was like a dam had burst, and all the emotions I had been holding back came flooding out. It was scary at first, but then it was liberating. I felt like I was finally able to let go of all the pain and hurt I had been carrying around. And when I was done, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

It was a shock to learn the truth, but it was also a relief.

Finally, I could let go of the constant questioning about why they abandoned me and what I did to deserve it. Now I could grieve for them, and I could begin to heal. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to try.

It is a sorrowful reality that I was denied the chance to truly know them. Yet, in this melancholic realization, I find a glimmer of solace knowing that they had once held a profound love for me. This precious love is an eternal gift that can never be stolen away.

This is the only time I'm glad I allowed myself to cry. Because the tears this time, took away all the bad feeling I had towards myself. The feeling that I had never been loved, the feeling that something was wrong with me. It was all gone.

Just like that.

Now it was time for me to start giving myself the love I have withheld.

Maybe it was time to start healing.

.................

Alex's POV

As I watched her cry, I felt a sense of helplessness. Even though I wanted to do something to make her feel better, I didn't know what I was supposed to. Therefore, I just sat there, holding her hand and waiting patiently for her to stop crying.

All I knew is that she appreciated the gesture since she didn't let go.

Only when she was done, she looked up at me and I saw something in her eyes that I didn't think I ever would.

It was hope.

The thing that was engraved in her name and the thing she lacked in her life.

My hand moved instinctively to wipe her tears and her lips curved up in a gentle arc forming two lines on the sides of her cheeks which I decided to touch without an excuse. Glad she didn't ask for one either.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, because I noticed that she skipped breakfast this morning. It's something I've observed since we started spending time together. She doesn't seem to eat much.

She nodded, and I gracefully stepped out of the car to open her door, extending my hand to assist her.

As our fingers intertwined this time, I felt a sense of peace wash over me. Strangely I didn't want to let go even after we were seated.

I tried to convince myself that it was just a friendly gesture, that I was overthinking, but there was something about her touch that made me feel different. Whatever it was, I knew that I didn't want to let go, so I held on, and tried to enjoy the moment. Even though it didn't last long, as she took her hand away and started browsing the menu.

She looked calm this time. Although her eyes were swollen and red, she started talking to me as if nothing had happened. Discussing the menu as if what are we going to eat, was the only problem in our lives.

Yet, even with the redness, there was a beauty in her eyes that was impossible to ignore. I was not able to look away from them, couldn't help but feel drawn to the depth of feeling that they held. And as I watched her, I realized I wanted to be the one to wipe away the tears, to make her smile again.

My head shook in disbelief as I suddenly became aware of the dangerous amount of time I had spent fixated on her. I feel like every time I look at her, I see something new, something that makes me want to know more about her.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm developing a slight crush on her. But hey, a little crush never hurt anyone, right? I'm certain it'll fade away before long.

However, one thing is for sure, I'm not going to let myself fall any further. Not again. Or at least, not with Hope. This time I have promised my heart to protect it and I'm not going to let it shatter again. I'm not ready to take that risk.

After the waiter placed the check in front of us, a sudden realization dawned on me. I had to ask out loudly just to be sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. And the waiter confirmed it for me. The date. I didn't see it wrong. It was Jo's birthday. And I had completely forgotten about it!

It was a strange feeling. That means our memories together were fading away. It's astonishing how I never anticipated forgetting even the tiniest detail about her, but maybe this is a good thing. It means I'm moving on.

I know that there would be times when I would still think of her, but perhaps I should let go of the past too.

It isn't that I don't love her anymore, or that I don't want to be there for her. It's just that we had grown in different directions, and it was time to acknowledge that. Jo and I were over. And I don't have a reason to wish her a happy birthday anymore.

Resisting the urge to text wasn't too difficult while I was in the company of Hope all day. However, the moment I found myself alone in Time's room, the knowledge that he was with her if he wasn't here, ignited a pang of jealousy within me. Claiming that I had moved on would be a blatant lie, as my heart silently protested.

And I hated myself for it.

Because I knew that I was better than this, and I deserved better than this.

Even if I texted her it wouldn't change anything, so I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and put my phone down. As I walked away I felt a sense of freedom. I was leaving the past behind.

And I was ready to live my life on my own terms.