Scars of Time

Chapter 24: "Bottled up"

Hope's POV

Once I stepped out of Alex's house last night, I decided to take a leisurely walk through the park to clear my mind and breathe in some fresh air.

I didn't know that hearing that name would affect me that much.

"Wings of Angels"

With the mere mention of the orphanage's name, it became clear that he too had once been a child among its walls. A flood of unfamiliar faces rushed back to me, faces that have long been lost in the depths of my memory.

The mournful echoes of my childhood's demise.

Lost in my thoughts, I continued walking without a destination as the world darkened around me even though I could see. In an attempt to steady my trembling hands, I sought refuge on a bench, hoping to regain composure.

The world seemed distant and unattainable, leaving me isolated and disconnected. Even when an elderly lady approached me, her genuine concern etched on her face, I remained incapable of mustering a response.

"It's okay. Take a deep breath. It's okay. You're okay. Just breathe. Don't think about anything else. Just focus on breathing. "

Acting upon her guidance, I did as she suggested and within a short span of time, my heart rate gradually settled. This had never happened to me before. Now, I understand Time a little better.

"I am okay. Thank you for your concern." I told the lady whose eyes were brimming with tears. Since when do strangers care this much about a young girl sobbing on the road?! Usually I get ignored just because of the way I dress.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

"I'm okay, no need to trouble yourself. Thank you."

Her voice trembled as she whispered, "Thank God," and enveloped me in a sudden, desperate hug, as if trying to hold onto a fleeting moment of happiness.

In that moment, tears streamed down my face as well. I had concealed my deepest emotions for far too long, and now, in the presence of this stranger, I finally let my guard down, exposing my vulnerability.

With a comforting tone, she whispered, "It's okay. You're allowed to let it go. Don't hold back."

With a tender touch, she wiped away my tears and even arranged a taxi for me ensuring I reached home last night.

Time was already sleeping so I went directly into my room to catch some much-needed rest.

And I can't believe I actually slept until this late. It's Sunday and I didn't have anything planned for today.

I decided to go to the gym as I haven't been able to go lately.

"Hope?" someone called my name and I turned around to find Alex's friend Neil, standing there.

"Hi Neil."

"Hi! I spotted you from afar and I just wanted to say sorry for last night. I had an important meeting which is why I couldn't host you properly."

"But Alex did. So you don't have to worry about it." My reply was devoid of warmth as I turned my attention to my exercise, dismissing the conversation.

"Sorry if I gave off the wrong impression. I am not trying to approach you in that way. People usually misunderstand me. I just wanted to say hi since you're Alex's friend."

"Are you from the orphanage too?"

"The orphanage? No. We are friends from middle school but we just met recently again when I was looking for a roomamate."

"Oh okay."

"I'm sorry if I'm intervening where I don't belong, but did something happen between you last night?"

"No. Why?"

"Because he hasn't moved from his bed all day. He seemed really down."

"Really? I don't think it's because of me. He even offered me a ride home last night."

"Oh okay then. Sorry to bother you. It was nice meeting you again."

"You too. See you around."

As he walked away, my mind started racing.

Was he sad because I didn't let him drive me home? That's absurd. Why would he be sad about that? It's not like he cares about me or anything. It's probably something to do with Josephine.

Without any valid reason, he just managed to instill worry within me. Now I wont be able to rest if I don't check on him. Because whatever it is, it's clear something bothers him.

...............

Alex's POV

This morning, I found myself lacking the energy to emerge from beneath the covers. Considering I had the night shift, there was no urgent obligation to attend to. Although Neil wanted to take me to the gym, I didn't feel like going.

Maybe I'm getting sick again.

The way Hope had treated me last night still stung a little. Her actions were so transparent, she didn't have to make it so obvious.

Just as I was lost in my thoughts, my phone began to ring, and to my surprise, it was Hope calling. Without wasting a moment, I sprang to my feet and cleared my throat, ready to answer.

"Hey Alex. What are you doing?"

"I'm....working out...yeah....I'm at the gym right now."

"Are you okay?"

"Err...I'm alright. Why?"

"Okay. Then I won't bother you any longer."

"Wait? That's it? Did something happen? Why did you call?"

"No. Nothing happened. I just wanted to check if everything is alright with you."

"Oh...Okay."

"Okay then. Bye!"

"See you."

The line went dead and I settled into a chair, my mind swirling with confusion over the strangeness of that phone call.

Why can't we talk normally since the moment I told her I was an orphan? Does it really make a difference? I was the same Alex before she knew I was an orphan and I'm still the same Alex now that she knows. Why does our friendship have to change? I never understood this when I was a kid and I guess I never will.

I can vividly recall the time in high shchool when I had an enormous crush on this girl. I summoned up the courage to leave a heartfelt note on her desk, confessing my feelings. Little did I know that she would share it with the entire class, leading to a chorus of laughter and teasing. It appeared that I wasn't in her level, and they took great pleasure in reminding me of that.

And without fail, this barrier manages to obstruct me in every relationship I engage in. It's like an unshakeable affliction that I can never find a cure for.

However with Jo it was different. She was the only one to accept me for who I was and unfortunately, I blew that up too.

But even her parents, who were not actually her biological parents, looked down on me.

"If nobody wanted him all this time, that means he's someone unworthy of love." once I heard Jo's mom say. Jo wasted no time in silencing her parents, oblivious to the fact that I had already heard them. And this is something I've never disclosed with anyone.

I can't even blame them since I proved them right by cheating on Jo.

I took my phone and started scrolling through my memories with her. There is one particular photo I was looking for. When we were watching a movie one day together, she fell asleep on my shoulder and I took a picture of us because she looked so cute. It was on my wallpaper for a long time. Alas I don't remember what made me change it, but I wish I never did.

Because now I don't have an excuse to use it again.