Blue And Grey

Broken(d)

-Broken(d); read as Broken and end-

"Since your parents asked me to live with you, I feel like I also have a responsibility to look after you."

Ji An could feel her eyes shaking. She was happy to hear this, but without reason, she was also afraid to know the true meaning of his words. And when Han Sung continued the conversation, her heart sank.

"I'm glad I'm having you by my side when i had my hard time. Besides my other families that far away from me and your parents, you're the one who gave me the best of you. I really appreciate our time together. And I hope we will always be close, you know, just like brother and sister. "

That's it. The words like a cue to her. Brother and sister? How could he ....

She turned away from him. Her mind was confused, tears threatened to come out but she held them back. She can't look like this.

Trying to keep things as normal as possible, Ji An snorted in amusement and said while taking a glimpse, "I don't know what to say if you're honest like this .... You sounded like my dad." Oh no, why did her voice suddenly tremble?

"There were times when my dad gave me sincere advice like this after I made mistake, all I did was cry out of guilt."

"Do you feel like crying right now?" ask the boy, tease a smile.

['How could you smile.']

Her heart screaming loud, 'I am!'. Jieun laughed stiffly. "You don't look old enough like my dad to make me cry, Han Sung. I won't cry for you."

['I won't ever cry in front of you.']

Han Sung laughed too, but in innocent way. "I guess I have to be an adult first to make you cry, huh?"

['You're already, Han Sung... already...']

Ji An focused her gaze into the distance, she was afraid that if she made a sound, her tears would break.

"So... are we fine now ?"

['I'm broken.']

Ji An just nodded slightly. "I'm fine. We are fine." ['Someone... save me, please.']

Han Sung seemed like he wanted to say something when someone shouting behind them.

"There they are! My instincts are never wrong."

Ji An just turned slightly, didn't turn around to welcome her two forgotten friends. She walked slowly, as if enjoying the view when all she wanted to do was stay away, she was afraid she would break at any moment. Not at a time like this.

With clenched teeth and fists, Ji An had to accept her fear for all this time; that Han Sung didn't have the same feelings towards her.

He didn't fall for her. She's nothing for him.

♡♡♡

Gi Hoon stared blankly at his computer screen. He was busy biting his thumb while his mind was far from where he was. All he had in mind right now was Ji An. He didn't know why, but since three days ago he couldn't stop thinking about that girl.

Gi Hoon remembered Ji An's expression who seemed wanna cry when he and Yeon Hee found that the girl was already in the tower with Han Sung. It seemed that the two of them had a conversation, whatever the topic was, looks like it makes Ji An sad.

['What is it? What were they talking about?'] Gi Hoon was still biting his nails, and then he flinched. The tips of his thumbs were bleeding and his nails were damaged because he bit too hard without realizing it.

Gi Hoon sucked the blood on his thumb to dry it out. And his mind drifted back to the conversation he had with Ji An at school yesterday. The girl called him into the music room only to say that she wanted to stop the song's progress.

-Flashback

"What ... did you say?" Gi Hoon wasn't sure what he heard.

"I said I want us to stop continuing my song process. I have no more intention to finish it."

Gi Hoon was silent for a moment. He snorted, annoyed. "Are you saying that after a few days I made a new beat melody for your song, even postponed my mini album release schedule in order to wait for you to finish the lyrics patiently, you want us to just stop it?"

Ji An nodded slowly. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I told you the reason earlier."

"I still don't understand."

Ji An sighed. "I'm sorry, Gi Hoon. I already said my reason earlier and I won't explain until ten chapters—"

"I don't need ten chapters, I just need one sentence to convince me of your stupidity in making this decision."

Gi Hoon regretted mentioning the 'stupidity' word. But he really didn't like Ji An's hanging reason. His musical ambitions may seem insane. He never stopped halfway.

"Maybe because I'm stupid, that's why I want to stop the continuation of my song," The girl's voice trembled. "I'm sorry I made you do nothing for my worthless song. And sorry for your mini album being delayed because of me." Ji An immediately left the room quickly—not before she bumped into someone— but then left as fast as she can.

Gi Hoon ruffled his hair and screamed in annoyance, making the person—turns out it was a junior— who had just bumped Ji An at the door flinched, dodging to the side quickly as Gi Hoon walked out with heavy steps.

-End of Flashback

Gi Hoon listened to Ji An's beat melody which is just a little bit finished. Only the lyrics. Only the lyrics and the song will be done. Gi Hoon plans to include it in his mini-album as a bonus track. But it looks like it will never happen.

He picked up his cellphone on the table, fiddled with it, and paused for a moment, wondering if he should call or not. He sighed as he pressed the button, "Now or never."

The call was connected and received after the third ring. ["Hello?"] The voice of the girl on the other end was hoarse.

"Oh, it's me. Where are you?"

["Home."]

"Isn't it too early to come home from the bakery?" Gi Hoon glanced at his desk clock, which read 06.40 P.M.

["Are you my dad? It's up to me to be home anytime."]

Gi Hoon closed his eyes for a moment. Looks like he put the girl in a bad mood. He was a little worried when he heard the girl's hoarse voice earlier.

"No, that's not what I meant. Usually you still .... No, forget it." He paused again and stabilized his voice. "I'm going there."

["What?"] The girl's voice sounded confused.

"I'll pick you up," Gi Hoon immediately stood up, came out of the High IQ Lab. "Wait for me."

He cut the call. He grabbed the car keys and immediately walked out of the apartment, ignoring Jin Seok and Ha Joon's calls from the living room.

"Suiker, where are you going?" said Ha Joon.

"Hey, have dinner first then go!" yelled Jin Seok.

.

.

Gi Hoon tightened his grip on the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He focused on looking at the road while driving, biting his lip nervously from time to time.

"Where are we going?"

He glanced at the girl in the passenger seat to his right. "Get some fresh air."

"We could just go to the park near my house, why go somewhere that I don't know." Ji An leaned her head against the window. "Is it far?"

Gi Hoon shook his head. "No. I'm in need of fresh air for new inspiration. I can't think in my studio."

"New inspiration?" Ji An raised her head and turned a slight curiously. She continued hesitantly. "Is there a problem with the album you want to release?"

['Of course, there are problems. It's because your song hasn't finished yet.'] Gi Hoon was silent and the girl didn't mind being answered either.

"So where are we headed?" asked the girl again.

Gi Hoon was still silent. Honestly, he didn't know where to go. Currently, he is thinking about how to persuade Ji An to continue composing song lyrics.

"I...um..."

"If you don't know where to go, how about we go to the cafe book? There's one nearby that I often go." said the girl without further ado.

Gi Hoon agreed and drove in the direction Ji An meant. They both arrived at the cafe, ordered drinks and sweets, then sat in the corner of the cafe right beside the large window.

Ji An immediately drank her vanilla milkshake. She's moan in delight because of the good taste. Gi Hoon paused at the girl's voice, and wanted to slap himself for imagining the voice in the— Oh, no! Bad mind!

"Best place, best drinks, and ..." She pointed to the bookshelves behind them. "Best books. It helps me to search for some inspiration. Especially if you are alone or with someone who understands your ideas."

Gi Hoon gave a small nod. He lifted his iced coffee glass, almost misdirected the straw into one of his nostrils, but quickly aimed it at his mouth.

"Are you looking for inspiration for a solo or collaboration song?" Ji An asked, running her finger across the books on the shelf near where they sat.

Gi Hoon didn't answer, his gaze turned to a small, uninhabited stage, but musical instruments such as keyboards and classical guitars were available there.

Ji An turned her head, following Gi Hoon's point of view. "Every weekend there is a live band. Want to play that instruments?"

That's where Gi Hoon just realized, answered softly, "Naah, it's fine."

"The owner of cafe let us use the instruments." Ji An smiled a little, immediately got up, and walked to take the guitar. She returned with a radiant face as if she had met an old friend. "I have this type of guitar at home. Dad bought me as a birthday present."

"Lucky you can play the guitar. I'm not good with that."

"Well, you should learn it. Maybe it'll add a new genre into your music creation." She suggested while plucked the guitar strings.

Gi Hoon saw the girl smiling, but the smile looked sad. Why is this girl's expression always like that these days?

He was curious. Really curious. He didn't like seeing the sadness on Ji An's face. He wanted to make her smile again, if possible, just for him.

Something swirled in his brain rapidly and he was a little excited, stopped the girl playing the guitar, "I need help."

"Hm? What kind of help?" Ji An was shocked, but not surprise. Because... Min Gi Hoon 'asked' for help.

"Play some melody for me. Anything and — oh, I'll record it too." Gi Hoon took out the tape recorder he always carried in his jacket's pocket.

"Okay." Ji An a little bit confused but still nodded her head. She bit her bottom lip while plucking the strings. "What inspiration do you want to convey this time? Happy? Sad? Angry?" She said the last word jokingly.

"First Love." Gi Hoon gulped. He could see the girl was silent, then he continued. "I'm falling in love."

♡♡♡

Ji An didn't know why her heart was pounding when she heard Gi Hoon's words. Wasn't that the condition she had felt when making songs before?

Ji An put her feelings aside and focused on this boy in front of her while muttering lightly, "With whom?"

"With yo ..." The boy almost said the words, but stopped and stuttered. "...y-younger age?"

She dumbfounded. "You mean ... you fall for a junior in our school?"

"No!" Gi Hoon cleared his throat. "I mean ... the feeling ... it's like, you fall in love and-and want to stop the time, so it'll last long? Um ... I don't know. It's complicated."

Ji An giggled. She never saw this side of Gi Hoon. Maybe this is his new side effect from falling in love?

"Let me guess," She put the guitar aside while sipping her milkshake again. "You falling in love with this girl, the time you caught the feeling, all you want is being with her ... forever? You don't want the time to go by at any time. You just want to stay with her ... "

Doesn't this sound like her feelings for Han Sung? Ji An was stunned by her own words. It has been three days since she tried to suppress her feelings, holding back from crying in front of the boy at home and at school. She avoided going to work at the bakery for fear of affecting sales if something went wrong. And when she was alone, she could shed tears without anyone knowing. 

"You just want to stay..." Ji An continued as if lost in thought. "But you can't... because the person doesn't want you... that person didn't like you back..." She didn't know since when the tears flowed. And she kept saying things that should only be to herself. But she spilled it in front of Gi Hoon instead. "He rejected me before I could confess to him! That brat!"

And Ji An burst into tears. She doesn't care anymore. She was tired of piling up everything in her chest. For the past three days, she has been crying quietly. For the past three days, she has been lying, using the excuse of watching sad K-drama scenes because her eyes look swollen. And maybe in the future, she will continue to lie around her, saying that she is okay but broken inside. 

-------♡

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- Autumn Notes