Let's Ride

Chapter 20

Jessica told me more about her father and that she thought she was the major reason he left, I also detected guilt, and possibly the basis for some of her reasons for running away. 'I get the feeling that you feel that since your dad just took off because there were problems he felt he couldn't deal with, you could do the same, how's that working out for you?" "I thought you were my friend Nikki?" said Jessica, taking on a defensive posture. I sat down on the bed next to her, and looked into her eyes, "I am Jessica, but I'm the friend who doesn't want to see you trip and fall, a true friend isn't someone who just goes along with every thing you want to do." "You're just like my mom in the end, I should have realized it." "I am like your mom because both of us care about you and love you, you know Jessica , all too many mom's these days try and be the "Pal" instead of taking the harder road and being a parent, you know, one of these days I may be having this very conversation with my own daughter, and if I do, I'm going to tell her exactly what I'm telling you right now, and I really hope that someday you'll be having a similar conversation with your daughter then you'll remember what I told you about that "ten years", and hopefully you'll understand what I was talking about all those years ago in a motel room in Michigan City Indiana."

"You know Jessica, parents are expected to sacrifice for their children, and from what you've been telling me, it sounds like your mom has been doing plenty for you, things you are mistaking for mean spiritedness." Jessica didn't say anything, just sat on the bed with slumped shoulders and her head hung down. "Let me ask you this, and I'm not trying to scare you, but what if It hadn't been be who picked you up, but somebody that intended to harm you, you read about these things all the time, some poor girl gets abducted, brutally r***d, murdered and dumped in a shallow grave somewhere, and her parents are always left wondering what ever happened to her, is that how you would have your mother remember you, or a memory of pride in a daughter who made good, stayed strong and made something of her life?" Jessica continued to say nothing, "I'm not trying to preach at you although it probably sounds like I am, but these are questions you have to ask yourself honestly. We continued to talk for another hour until it got late, Jessica didn't say a whole lot more getting right into bed, I soon followed, lying there thinking about all I said.

I was starting to drift off when Jessica's voice woke me, "Nikki?" "Yeah?" "Do you think anybody will ever really love me?" I immediately got out of bed, went to her in the next bed, and hugged her. "Oh Jessica, please don't talk like that, Of course they will, good things don't always happen at once, you know that right after my mom died I used to think exactly the same thing, I went through several boyfriends, all seemingly wanting only one thing, but eventually I met Greg. I wish I could tell you just how much he means to me, oh, we fight sometimes, but we always make up, it's always over something silly, but we really do love one another. We rode to Yellowstone not too long ago, and had the best time together; it's quite possible we'll get married." I could tell Jessica was looking for ammunition to back up her feelings of inadequacy, but said no more. I returned to my bed and quickly fell asleep. Later I was wakened by the sound of muffled sobbing, I came awake and quietly got out of bed sitting down on Jessica's bed. Her sobbing was louder now, before I could ask what was wrong, she blurted out, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me Nikki I've been lying to you, I've been lying all along!" Alarmed at this new turn of events all I could do was ask about what. Jessica calmed down enough to sit up and begin to tell her story, "I ran away from home because my mom had lost her job and had gone through her unemployment, I heard her talking to my grandmother on the phone, she couldn't make the house payments anymore, and that they were going to kick us all out at the end of this month. My grandparents down in Florida offered to take her and my brother in but not me, they've always hated me because I was my momma's "mistake" I never get any presents or cards or anything from them

When I told my boyfriend Jason, he said "Why don't you just leave? We could go to California." Well, you saw how well that worked out, Now I've got nothing!" Jessica started crying harder as I got in bed with her and hugged her trying to comfort a very frightened girl.