The Placeholder

Chapter 2

I hear Erick's surprised gasp as I duck my head and lower myself back onto my seat.

With finality, I shut the window.

Erick is quick to spin me to face him, though I notice he makes no move to stop the carriage and retrieve my crown. It would have been a pointless effort.

"Why did you do that?"

My personal guard doesn't sound angry, only perplexed. I shrug.

"I didn't want it anymore."

We both jump as the two men commanding the horses laugh. They are having their own jovial conversation.

"What is it you don't want?" Erick demands, shaking me lightly to regain my attention.

"The crown or your royal position?"

I had wondered nearly the same thing earlier.

"I don't know," my words come out as a strained whisper.

Erick runs a hand through his hair, contemplating.

"I'm going to have to notify the Queen of your actions." He sighs, then adds, "She will most likely order me to gather a search party to find it."

I bite out a laugh. Fortunately, Erick smirks in return.

I do observe, however, that there is a strange brightness flickering beneath the depths of his dark irises. That light makes me uncomfortable.

It flares like hope.

I look away from my guard to stare straight ahead.

We don't speak for a while after that. We travel downhill for roughly half an hour. Our carriage cuts through Town Square. My chest stirs as we cruise past rows upon rows of shops; open and friendly.

I would often come down here on my own when I was in need of entertainment. Walking past cheerful townsfolk sharing and laughing could brighten the gloomiest of people, even if they didn't want to admit it.

The sweet scent of bread fills the air as we pass a bakery. Normally, I would have found the smell enticing. As it is, I only feel nauseous.

No one pays our carriage any mind other than a few more waves from the people who notice I am a passenger. Bright smiles dance on their lips. None of them seem sad to let me go.

How could they? You're saving them from future bloodshed. Many of these people still remember what had happened here…

I will forever be grateful for not being born until after the Peace Bond. It hadn't only been the war that stirred despair, the Blood Trials after, had been almost as devastating.

The Blood Trials were set after the sudden cessation of the war. The crimes that had been committed were not crimes that could go unpunished.

It had been King Ryker's idea. After all, justice needed to be served, and it was the first step to create peace.

The Blood Trials were conducted by my father and King Ryker. They decreed that any victims who wished to come forward would receive their chance to have their attackers punished for what they had done.

Accusations were slung like knives on slingshots for nearly three months. All of the knights from Verduschkir who survived the war were ordered to travel to Bardulm. There, they were lined up, based off of descriptions that the victims gave, and were pointed out if someone recognized them as an attacker. Or if they witnessed them disobey a law- relevant to the duration of the war.

Knights from Bardulm were put through the same process here in Verduschkir.

Very few had solid evidence to support their claims, but very few knights had proof to defend themselves. Hundreds were accused. For the most part, the trials were based solely on claims and witnesses.

The judges believed the victims nearly every single time. It wasn't technically a fair trial in those cases, and wouldn't normally have slid by in court—not without proof, but this was an exception. The judges responsible for solving these cases were biased.

It was expected, considering they had families of their own who had suffered. Most of the accused were found guilty of committing heinous crimes. The punishments handed were mainly executions.

The Blood Trials were on the brink of causing mass hysteria. Families related to the accused were torn apart, fights broke out incessantly, paranoia curled in the air like smoke. Execution after execution after execution. Everyday, a new array of alleged criminals were hung in Town Square. The court trials went on for four months and the executions lasted three weeks. The Blood Trials raged night and day for roughly seven and a half months in total.

It took an agonizingly long stretch of time for my country to recover. I assume the same went on in Bardulm. Even still, the trauma will scar those who have faced it for as long as they live.

Therapists and psychologists must have received colossal raises after the trials. There is not a single soul that survived who doesn't need them.

I believe the silence is beginning to wane on Erick, for he speaks up once we pass the town.

"Are you going to miss me?"

I jump, startled by the force in his tone. The molten rock.

"Of course," I assure. When I turn to look at him, he is glaring.

"Are you sure?" He growls lowly, "Because you have failed to show that you even care about us being seperated."

My jaw drops open.

Where did this come from?

"I don't understand what you are trying to say," I begin slowly. I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly.

"You are my guard, but you are also my friend. I will miss you, and I apologize if it doesn't appear that way."

Erick has been assigned as my personal guard since we were both fourteen years of age.

Since Erick and I were born in the same year, we get along well. I began to confide in him without making the conscious decision to do so.

One night, a few years ago, I had wanted to sneak out of the castle to journey into town.

There had been an all night Christmas festival taking place, and I wanted to be included in the celebration.

My mother had taken me during the day to appreciate the jolly music and dancing the townsfolk were participating in. There was also a frozen pond nearby that was used during the winter as an ice rink. My mother allowed me to skate on the pond for a little while.

It hadn't been enough for me, I wanted to join the nightly celebration. When the Christmas lights were glowing with festive awe and wonder—I longed to be a part of that.

My mother is not strict. She simply didn't have the energy to accompany me for the entire night like I desired. She prefered to be in bed.

Erick's bedroom was right beside mine, so that he could immediately aid me if something were to happen in the late hours. He heard me exit my bedroom; I hadn't been as sneaky as I originally thought.

Instead of tattling on me as his duties required, he joined me on the f*******n adventure. Ensuring that I arrived home safe and sound, but also that I didn't get caught.

Breaking curfew that night was not an action I will ever regret. The lively energy that had flowed through my veins was exhilarating.

I could tell that Erick had felt the same.

We sang songs with the choir in Town Square, danced along the roads with various different people, tried desserts neither of us had ever tasted before. We created snowmen and threw snowballs into the crispy air with other children close to our age. And finally, as the sun cracked on the horizon, Erick had skated with me on the pond under a purple sky.

It was that night I realized that Erick was truly my friend.

I feel my heart tear as Erick tenses his jaw. I can see the pain he is trying hard to hide.

"How can I believe that, Rhose? How do I know you care for me when you won't fight for me?"

My eyes bulge, "What is it you expect me to fight, Erick? My marriage? You're fully aware that I can't do that."

"Why can't you?" He challenges. He leans towards me, chocolate irises drink me in.

My heart pounds.

"You know why," I snap. "This marriage is more than you and me. I have to protect my people."

"Another solution can be found!" My guard protests.

My mouth gapes open as he bursts furiously. His energy is the equivalent to a thousand balloons being popped at once.

He sucks in sharply. "You deserve to be happy."

"I will be happy, Erick." I respond softly. I reach for his hand and clasp it between both of mine. He doesn't resist, but he doesn't make eye contact with me anymore either.

"I'll find a way."

His shoulders slump.

"Without me?" He mutters miserably.

I don't have a reply right away. I don't want to leave Erick behind. He is my best friend.

My eyes are wet by the time I find something to say.

"You can come visit me whenever you want."

It sounds weak, even to my ears.

I have nothing better to offer.

Erick snorts without humor.

"Oh, yes," He barks sarcastically. "I'd love to come visit you and your delightful husband."

I can't help but bristle at the venom he is spewing.

"I don't understand," I repeat deliberately. I try to peer into his face, examining beneath the surface. His expression is blank.

"What would be wrong with coming to visit?"

His head snaps in my direction.

"Your husband won't be me!" He hisses "That is the problem!"

His gaze flickers momentarily to the men driving us. They are paying attention to the road ahead.

The realization floods my brain, drowning any specks of leftover confusion.

I bite my lip briefly.

"Oh."

I teeter off course as Erick fumes. I hadn't expected this.

But what did he expect? For me to fall in love with him?

I can never fall for anyone in Verduschkir. As a matter of fact, I can never fall in love at all. My marriage had been arranged before I was even born. Developing feelings beyond friendship for anyone would have been foolish. I can only be in a relationship with the Prince of Bardulm.

I don't want to hurt Erick; not anymore than is necessary. The problem is that I can't lie to him either, and honesty is hardly ever sweet.

"Even if I did reciprocate your feelings. Which, I'm sorry, but I don't. What would you have hoped for?"

Erick falls still, aside from his heaving chest. It swells as he inhales and shudders as he exhales. I can hear him grinding his teeth to the point that the sounds coming from his mouth are rubbery.

"I hoped you would resist your marriage," He confesses finally. I flinch as he adds, "I hoped that I would have been enough, if not your own life, for you to take a stand against what you do not want—a marriage with a stranger."

I sigh with rattled breath.

I am fairly certain a part of me still hasn't fully comprehended the situation at hand. Not just the addition of Erick's freshly confessed feelings, but also my destiny.

As my loyal companion pointed out, my destiny is to be engaged and married to a stranger. How pathetic.

For a meager pittance of time, I yearn to reconsider my options. A flicker of a lifetime with my best friend—not in the romantic sense, but as a platonic partner, flashes behind my eyelids.

I can feel tension radiating off of Erick in hectic waves. He is capable of reading me well enough that he can see the temptation his words had ignited.

Golden locks and blue eyes blaze into the core of my conscious; A fail safe for when rebellious impulses bloom.

Timmy.

My brother.

It has been too long since he was stripped away from me. There is not a day that goes by where I don't miss him. Where I don't wonder if he is safe, if he is happy.

If he remembers me.

I can't simply walk away from this opportunity.

It would be heartless of me to do so.

Then, of course, there is my royal duty. A ball and chain weighing me down by my throat.

My brother depends on me, my country depends on me.

I am not going to betray their trust.

Steely resolve seeps into my veins like metallic ink.

"I'm sorry," I say. I hold my remorse at bay, or try to, at least.

I clasp Erick's shoulder and squeeze. He still won't look at me. I remind myself that it is I who is abandoning him; not the other way around. Still, it feels like a knife is slowly carving patterns into my stomach.

The helpless frown twisting his features tells me that he does not want my apologies.

He wants so much more.

I return my gaze to the window.

I could say that at least the weather had improved since earlier this morning. The heavy fog diminished into thin air. The sun seems to be cheerful. Perhaps, not an omen then, as I had suspected when I awoke this morning.

Bird calls are interrupted as our sleek carriage enters the threshold of the forest. They come in clips and zips of sound that travel into soft thrums against my eardrums. My three traveling companions and I are concealed under dense branches.

I wish to comfort Erick, but I am incapable. I can't reassure myself let alone anyone else. Especially my loyal guard, who deserves nothing less than the truth.

I try to focus on the disjointed notes the birds are singing. Beautiful in its clumsiness. If the carriage would only stop for a brief moment, I know I could decipher nature's music in its entirety.

There will be no stopping for me. Not until I am delivered like a package, an object—placed at Bardulm's ruler's feet.

I hear Erick's knuckles crackle as he pops them with casual ease. I glower suspiciously; he only cracks his knuckles when he is deep in thought.

I rake my teeth along my lower lip as I attempt to out guess his internal plotting.

"There's nothing that can be done, Erick," I press with flat certainty. His hands cease their movements. "This is my only option."

He pauses to deliberate. I can practically see the gears slowly churning inside his mind.

My guard is not a genius by any means. He has average intelligence the same as I do. This doesn't mean that he can't find a loophole if he tries, in most things. But in my particular situation, there is simply nothing that could alter the outcome. This is what I had been born for—literally.

"What if there is?"

Erick's long lashes flicker against his eyelids as he blinks. Even that small bodily function, from him, makes him appear to be pondering something.

I roll my eyes.

"There isn't."

"How can you be sure?"

I huff impatiently.

"Because if there was a different solution, my father would have found it by now."

I brace myself for the guilty thrill that runs rigid in his limbs before it even happens. I know why. My words do not ring true.

Erick shoots me an apologetic glance.

"No one cares about you more than your mother and I do, Rhose. Not even your father."

I am aware that he is right, yet I try to argue despite this. He cuts me off.

"He didn't even come to say goodbye," Erick says in a hushed tone.

I clamp my mouth shut, pressing my lips together firmly into a flat line.

So I know my father isn't the most affectionate; even less so than my mother.

For the most part, he treats me with indifference. I have never been sure why that is. My best guess would be that maybe he is so fixated on my legacy, that he forgot I am his child and not just a pawn for him to move across the royal chessboard.

Either way, I have always felt the pressure of his expectations. The only time we ever truly spoke was when he was drilling my role and responsibilities into my skull. The way he spoke to me, it was as if becoming the future Queen of Bardulm is to be my sole purpose in this world.

I desperately want this to be false, but I don't entirely place the blame on my father for pushing me into the situation. His stress as our country's current ruler is most likely twice as much as mine.

The difference is he was able to choose who he married...

Early stirrings of panic rise in my chest. I'm not used to panicking so I don't have a clue how to quench it.

Erick takes hold of my hands. It helps me to ground myself.

"My father isn't the greatest parent," I allow.

"But I believe deep down he cares about me—he isn't heartless. And I believe he would have tried his hardest to prevent me from leaving home."

At least for my mother's sake, I would hope.

"If you can believe in your father, then you can believe in me," Erick insists fervently. He waits until I meet his gaze before adding, "I have never let you down."

"No, you haven't," I agree, reluctantly.

The carriage takes a sharp turn to the right. We begin to decline downhill.

Hooves clap against smooth pavement as we reach the end of the dirt path; a convenient replacement for the horses to trot along. The trees have thinned; more space exists between them. It can only mean my companions and I are close to civilization.

"Rhoswen, you need to trust me on this. Do you trust me?"

Erick's voice is laced with an urgent heat.

I don't hesitate to answer. Partially because I don't want to hurt his feelings.

"Yes," I say. It is also the truth.

His shoulders, which had been tense until now, loosen.

He puts both hands on either side of my face. He frowns, visibly concentrating. On what, I'm not certain.

"I'm going to find you a way out of this," He declares confidently. He studies me intently.

"But when I do, will you come with me?"

His hands are uncomfortably hot against my cheeks. I gently pry his fingers away from my face.

"I have to find Timmy."

"We can find him together."

I am taken aback.

"You would join me on my quest?" I ask doubtfully.

I squint as his face empties of any emotional content.

"Yes."

He must sense my disbelief because he continues, "If it means I can be with you, I'll go anywhere."

My heart squeezes guiltily, though I don't have a rational reason for feeling this way.

"It may not be safe," I warn gravely.

"All the more reason for me to join," Erick quips with lighthearted swiftness. "You'll be safer when I'm at your side. I am your guard, remember?"

His offer is generous.

It isn't just the danger of the unknown, and of nature itself, that would be problematic if this scenario were to take place. It is most definite that to find my younger brother, I would have to travel through the wilderness.

That alone is risky because of potential animal encounters. Bears, wolves, an enraged moose. Additionally, there is bound to be hunters creeping in the shadows. Accidents happen all the time. It would be very easy for Erick and I to be mistaken for wild animals in the dark. We could very well be hunted.

That isn't the only harm Erick had the potential to cause for himself. If he willingly fled the country with me without warning, he would have to answer to my father. His actions would be construed as a betrayal. Erick's duty is to keep me safe at home, not running amok into hazardous locations.

The way my guard's nearly black eyes mold to granite tells me that he knows. And that he would risk it all for my wishes.

I shake my head furiously.

"That is a completely reckless and irresponsible idea."

Erick shoots me an amused glance.

"Too reckless for me, but not for you?"

"I'm different," I argue. "I'm his sister."

"You're also half of the only thing that is keeping two countries from being destroyed,"

My guard points out. "Yet, you still plan on embarking to find your lost brother the first chance you receive."

I can't argue with him. Of course, I am going to be reckless as well.

Timmy is worth it all.

At least, I think he is. And obviously I don't plan on escaping until after I am officially wedded. When the waters are calm. When the permanent contract is sealed.

"If you can find another way to establish peace between Verdushkir and Bardulm—" I say with careful deliberation, "That's a strong if—then I will allow you to accompany me to retrieve my lost brother."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

We both turn away as hushed whispers catch my attention.

A swarm of citizens encircle our carriage as we sluggishly squeeze through the narrow road. One of the horses huffs, agitated.

I completely agree with it's assessment.

Many of these people are staring at me.

Mainly with excitement, though there's plenty of envious looks as well. They hover as close as physically possible, moving in sync with the carriage.

And they whisper.

I mutter under my breath,

"Well, this can't be a good sign."

"No," Erick agrees with flat despair I'm not supposed to hear.

"It can't."

I cringe as someone in the crowd screams.