Hate & love

002

10 years later

Finally the time of waiting is over... Put your bike in. shut it. Depart!!!

The bicycle ferry across the Elbe to Brunsbüttel departs and the small floating fortress is really packed. In no time at all I rush to the railing, hold on to the cold steel with both hands and feel the warm sea breeze blowing around my nose. For me as a mini cruise newcomer the impressions are simply overwhelming and when I run my tongue over my lips I taste salt on them. That's to my liking.

"Yeah, vacation is great!!!"

Very carefully I bend my upper body forward and look at the water.

“Boom!” a little boy next to me yells excitedly and looks at me curiously, while thick foam crests splash over the railing again. And again. "Bum!"

I turn around, lean against the ship's railing and squint.

The sun is blinding! Well then, I look grim again.

– my fingers rummage in my backpack –

Ah!... and there's also my baseball cap, the classic women's hat with the imprint I love Hamburg. With a half-hearted smile, I put it on and pull it a little deeper into my forehead. Yes, I love my homeland. The beauties of nature and I love everyone who hates insects like me.

"Phew!" As always, I can't stand the sun for long and tap my cap. Not everyone likes heat. Even the wind is warm. That's really abnormal.

My gaze stays a moment longer on the young people who are laughing and chatting in front of a coffee bar and there is actually a nice spot in the semi-shade. Simply gorgeous.

I'm going towards it with determination. Well, I could use a nice hot pot of cappuccino right now. The craving for one is hard to tame and easy-to-listen music is playing while the waiter takes down my order.

I sit in the free chair and look at the people for a while. After a few minutes, the cappuccino with really great milk froth is there.

"Thanks!!!"

Smile.

Kindness opens all doors.

Like right now? Why the hell?

I'm staring at a very specific person. She drinks beer from the bottle and Daddy knows full well that I don't like it.

"Hi little devil," he addresses me and grins. His hand slides past me and pulls up a chair. Blue eyes sparkle provocatively. "Don't you give a hard-working old gentleman a beer?"

"We're on vacation!" Totally inappropriate to present yourself like that. I'm not letting it on, but I think daddy knows. "How long are we going anyway?"

"We'll need two hours."

Two hours to go?

With a lot of love and feeling, I add some sugar to the cup filled with milk froth. Mix the whipped cream with the chocolate shavings, clutching the spoon so you don't catch my eye as you drink. I carefully sip the hot drink. While I'm enjoying my cappuccino, an elderly lady rushes past our table with a load of food and collapses onto one of the neighboring chairs. She laughs, looks at her plate with satisfaction and I watch her closely. The nice thing about traveling is that you never come back the way you left, I think with a smile.

“Would you like something to eat, too?” my father asks with a patronizing air.

"No thank you! I have meatballs with me”, I answer with a smile and pat on my backpack. "When are we finally there???", I ask him with a grumpy look.

"You're annoying! I already told you that we need two hours.”

Two hours later

I look at my watch. It's just before 1 p.m. Oh oh! I'm getting dizzy.

"We'll be right there," my father cheers me up.

My head moves to the left and I see the locks. The lock spectacle.

"As a rule, one lock is used for entry and the other for exit," my father explains to me and I give him my full attention. "That looks good. I mean, really good.” There's a short silence. Then he looks me in the eye with a smile. "The tour was worth it, wasn't it?"

The ship docks, is moored and thick ropes are laid around the props. I rise gracefully from the chair and sling my backpack over my shoulder. "We want? Looks like we're on the move!”

And...

I sway a bit as I take a few steps toward him.

"Are you okay?" he asks with a mixture of skepticism and concern in his voice and squeezes past a woman.

"Yes why?"

"Only this way!"

A couple of boys are hanging around at the railing. I smile brightly at her, brush a few dark strands behind my ear and slowly walk on.

"She likes me."

“As always, you overestimate yourself, Ruben,” someone coolly interjects.

My father stops with a questioning look and slowly turns to me.

"I assume he doesn't mean you?" He's dangerously quiet...

Nothing like getting out of here to quickly get my bike.

As a landlubber, I'm glad to have solid ground under my feet again. I'm not really a ship fanatic after all, I think with a smile. Look around and discover a small pleasure boat harbor directly behind the lock.

'La Passione' is written on one of the recreational dumpers. Well, now it's really time to leave. Of course, as always, Daddy isn't quite done yet. He fiddles with the 7-speed derailleur on his bike and I watch him. Watch him closely when he does something that impressive.

"In with it!" he growls impatiently.

It's time to wait, so what. I open the zipper on the side pocket of my handlebar bag. Rummage around in it, pull out sunscreen, and spread the sunscreen. Lasts forever, but also costs money.

"And yes, damn it!"

I look up in surprise.

He pushes himself up on his butt as he whizzes past me.

"Wait!"

“Our bike trip begins. Freedom on four wheels. Hopefully the circuit won't cause any trouble. Otherwise I'll have to go there again."

I don't hesitate for a second, rush after him. We cycle past the old town center with the St. James' Church, which has been renovated from bricks, and my dad points to the church with the finger of one hand.

"Lightning struck the tower in 1719, during the main service, and caused a fire. The whole church was completely destroyed in the process.”

"How terrible. A nightmare. Really! Imagine how hot it must have been when the flames shot through the openings. That's horrible.” We drive on, follow the road to the east and get from the old Brunsbüttel to the Kiel Canal.

– This year’s highlight of the season –

So in the next 14 days we will cycle along the more than 100 kilometers of the Nord-Ost-See-Kanal along the water, whether I want to or not. I would have preferred to go to the sea. I would have preferred that, but it wasn't fair because he was so looking forward to the tour. He worked out the routes for weeks and explained to me this year's summer vacation in endless conversations. So I try to approach the holidays with a determined attitude, because I don't want to disappoint my father.

"Thank God there's a signposted bike tour," he shouts at me. "So it won't be that difficult for us to find Mina's grandparents' hayloft."

"Sounds great!"

It is not difficult to drive here. No bad climbs, what more could you ask for. Nice flat. extra for me Thank you, dear Mina, for organizing everything so well in advance. I'm really glad that my father decided to book this ideal overnight stay. I'm curious what awaits us. What my girlfriend has to say when we finally arrive.

"Look Annie!" My father gestures at some flowers with a sweeping gesture. "Real valerian." As he drives by, he admires the tall white umbellifers. Reach in with your hand, break some off and hold the roots under your nose.

What is he up to now? I would just be interested.

“Valerian is also known as a medicinal plant. I can only recommend this to you. Here, smell it."

They fly towards me. I don't think so now.

My father whistles or hums a song to himself and I look at the water again. Two feather dragonflies fly on the water surface and I also see several dark slender water striders scurrying back and forth.

"Do you feel it?" I look at him questioningly.

"What?"

“The charm of adventure can be felt everywhere here. Drive faster,” he encourages me. "Then we'll see who's fitter." He raises his right arm, showing his muscles. That is impossible. Now he also shows me his Muckis. "You won't often find such well-developed muscles in a man my age."

"Very funny!" My backpack is fully loaded and my shoulders are already hurting. Nevertheless, I hit the pedals properly, but they can't be turned faster to the death.

"Man. Man. Man. Just let the wind blow from the wrong direction.” I glare at him, but I laugh along anyway and we organize a little cycling race.

"It's no fun," I scold, pouting as he whizzes past me. I'm a real pout monster. My pap's is actually faster than me.

Severe stitches in my side start to torment me as we chase along the sea dyke line that has been created and I hold a hand on my hip in annoyance.

"Yes!" he yells, throwing his arms up. "Yes, won. Pout!!!"...

I dodged a sudden imminent collision on the left and applied the left hand brake.

"But only just," I gasp. My lungs hurt. I'm so out of breath I have to catch my breath.

– Cycling race? –

And at these temperatures!

"It feels like at least 40 degrees," I joke and wonder how he manages it. What is this exactly? Why isn't he exhausted like all of us? "We should switch sides," I whine. "There's a lot more shade on the other side."

"Don't worry, we'll take a break at the next bank and have a drink," he calls out, wiping the first drops of sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief. I look impatiently for the next bank. Since there isn't one to be found far and wide, I'm getting more and more dissatisfied. More minutes have now passed.

"There isn't a bank far and wide here," I call out annoyed. I cook and have been for...

An hour on the Kiel Canal is now behind us. The canal serves international maritime shipping. That's why we come across several impressive "pots" every now and then. Snow-white luxury liners within reach.

"It's going downhill," exclaims my father enthusiastically and I look at my speedometer.

"Awawawa!" Not bad.

“I love summer,” my father smirks. It looks really sinister, dangling his legs.

Suddenly I'm wide awake, like I've had my tenth coffee, because the next moment I realize that my father is going to lose control of his bike. Schadenfreude overcomes me and is reflected in my eyes. I'm having a great time. The more you fall, the more experience you get.

He wobbles his bike around and I can hardly help but laugh. Dad looks really exhausted...

“Hihihihi!!!” The handlebars swing from side to side, causing the wheel to swing back and forth.

"Hold on tight," I yell. He's still trying to pull him around, but he can't. But he's also unlucky. A scream escapes his throat as he hits the ground.

- It cracks -

The grin on my face dies quickly.

- A second time -

I'm not comfortable with the noises.

"s**t!" I'm getting sick from the excitement and I get a sinking feeling in the stomach area. What goes through me in a few seconds that seem like an eternity is fear. I jump off the wheel, quickly push it to the side. let go

Soft flight into the soft...and stare straight into my father's eyes. He lies incapacitated under his bike and takes a few minutes to collect himself. That doesn't look good at all.

"Did you hurt yourself?" Thank God he fell so that the bike didn't get anything. Pants are also whole.

"What are you thinking," he replies resignedly. I want to help him get up. This is accompanied by vigorous cursing. My God! He'll come up again. I'm just giving him a little time.

"Would you like something to drink?" I ask casually. "Eat something?"

"Yes, a bratwurst."

"Unfortunately I can't help you with that."

"Not?" He remains motionless under his silver wheel. Try to get up, as carefully as possible. I don't know how many people stop to help us. There are a lot of them, but there were also full-timers who sped past us. Unbelievable!!!

"Sit down," I say and rush to my pannier. I quickly tie my hair back into a snazzy ponytail with a silver clip. I always have my hair clip with me. No matter where I am. It belongs to my mother and that is how I will always remember it.

I close my eyes and try to conjure up an image of my mother, but her features are kind of blurry. Eight years have passed since she disappeared from our lives. Eight years in which we asked ourselves every day what became of her. Our existence consists only of hoping, waiting and fearing. And not knowing where she is is hell. And then there is the question: should she be dead. Then where are their remains? Again and again tormenting images pass before my inner eye and I can still see us sitting next to the pool at the breakfast table. The wait. Looking at the clock. Your mother can't have vanished into thin air. Come with Annie, let's find her.

"Are you asleep, Annie?" At the sound of his voice, I snap out of my rigid state and focus on him again.

"No, why?" I squat down, get a water bottle from the saddlebag and play with the cap.

"What?" ... he inquires and supports himself with his hands on the ground. A small dog is jumping around next to him. He jumps back and forth between him and his master, wagging his tail.

"I think we could use a drink. Here!” The dog is now also scurrying around me. I hand him the bottle. Watch as he wipes his lips impatiently with his fingers.

"Thanks!" He takes a long sip from the bottle. Snorts and then takes a second one.

"Beaver!" someone shouts. The dog doesn't react. "Here! Hiiiiiiier!!!” He still doesn't respond. "Beaverlein. Treasure. Are you coming here now?” But Beaverlein is very stubborn. Is animal stubborn and still does not listen. The man just turns around and walks away holding a treat. And it works wonders.

"Shi*t," does that hurt." I feel carefully over his injury and inhale heavily. The right thigh is so swollen.

"The leg is significantly thicker than the left."

"I'm generally a bit fatter on the right than on the left." The corners of my mouth pull up.

"We can't possibly continue like this."

"What do you mean?" He looks at me, dumbfounded.

"Do not be angry. dad Because that’s not how it works.” When I reach for my phone with my fingers to get the thing out of my shorts, he asks, eyes narrowed, “What now?”

"I'm about to organize a ride for us," I inform him, trying to keep my voice steady. But he's not as confident as I sound. "Or do you have a better idea?" I risk a look at my phone. Start clicking through my contacts. "Here, look at this?" I jab my finger at it.

MINA ... is on the display. I look at him spellbound. Wild tries not to miss a word from his mouth, but nothing comes. I watch him thoughtfully.

Mina! Thank God I got to you. Your words of comfort are still ringing in my ears. We'll fix it. Promised. Don't worry now. Still, I make a giant head. Because I think it hit my father pretty badly. He really has to lean on me when he gets up. Now he can barely stand on his shaky legs.

"I'm sorry. I thought I'd actually manage not to mess anything up.” With difficulty I swallow the thick lump that has formed in my throat.

"It's not your fault."

"I'm such a dolt, honest Annie." With the last of his strength, he limps his bike and turns left onto a dirt track at the next opportunity.

"Wait a minute. I'll get you a blanket quickly. You should lie down and get some rest.” I tuck it under my arm and as I slowly move my eyes up from the ceiling, he yells at me, “If you’re crazy, I won’t be able to get up.”

“Aha!” I briefly consider whether I should take the opportunity to say that someone is coming soon.

"Someone is coming soon. Mina is bringing her brother with her,” I reply encouragingly. Slide my backpack off my shoulders and hang my cap over the handlebars.

Let's go!!! I slowly straighten my right leg. I stretch after the strenuous tour while we wait. Really comfortable here.

"It's a complete waste of time, it's useless.

– This statement is just awesome –

Are you kidding me? Are you serious when you say that. I grab my right foot with both hands and press it against my back.

"I don't think so!" The most important thing is: fun, fun, fun. The other foot goes.

"That's enough, Annie!"

"How so?"

"I want to sit down now. Just sit down for a bit,” he moans. "The damn pain.

I help him.

"Thanks for helping the elderly."

"Always gladly." The main thing is that he finally sits down and calms down. Suddenly a hand waves in front of my face.

"Look, my wrist split open."

I gently grab his wrist. Bend it inside out and start assessing the extent of the damage.

"I think you'll survive." He takes ten breaths and then holds his breath, causing his chest to bloat, which means he's really bad. He looks sullen. When his stomach suddenly makes growling noises, I turn my head to the side and rub my forehead against my arm. He is hungry.

"We should get a bite between our pearly whites first."

"Sounds good," he replies enthusiastically, eyes shining, and I feel him give a short laugh. I like him a lot better that way. I open the backpack, which is filled to the brim with meatballs. "Meatballs with sheep's cheese." My father grabs one and devours it in no time at all. "They taste delicious," he praises, and devours the next one. "Is there anything to drink?"

"Yes, we still have juice." I also get the drink out of the backpack and hand him the juice. He drinks greedily and I watch his Adam's apple slide up and down with every sip. Since he can suck as much as he wants. The juice is equal to all.

Then a sudden cry, "I think I can see a car." I look in the direction he's pointing.

"Where, then?"

"There. Back there,” he says, biting the straw furtively. Well, back there. Help is at hand!”

"We're here," I yell back, waving my arms madly. "Over here. Here!” Less than two minutes later we hug.

"How bad is his injury?" Mina asks worried.

"Do not know. Looks creepy."

"That's nothing. Look!” My dad shows us his injured thigh.

Mina approaches him purposefully. Pats his shoulder.

"Well, well done. Is the bike still intact?

"I think so!"

I watch my father intently. He has a good handle on himself and is now plucking daisies. What is he doing there? She loves me - she doesn't love me.

"But you're a dope too." Then Mina's lips form a small smile of their own accord.

"Mina!" exclaims a very specific person, completely outraged. Suddenly I feel like I'm being watched and stop in the middle of the movement. I get the well-known electric zoom gaze. I notice someone staring straight into my eyes and my stomach clenches with shock. This moment lasts about three seconds. After this period of time, Mina's brother averts his eyes and bends down to my father with his legs slightly apart.

"I'll help you," he says in a soothing voice. "Come. I'm taking her to the doctor.” In an instant, strong hands are grabbing my dad's body. Carefully pick him up, support him and I stand motionless, unable to move.

"Mina, open the damn sliding door," he finally calls out, hissing out his breath. The sliding door on the car opens and I take a few steps towards her as she turns to her brother.