Entangled Heart: A Rival's Redemption

Chapter 4:facing the Past

--------------------– Emma

There was a thick stillness between us, his apologies hanging like an uninvited visitor in the air. Neither did I know what to say nor even what to feel. The part of me that had spent years healing the wounds Liam left behind yearned to strike out, to remind him of every mistake, every treachery. But the other side of me, the one that had loved him, was merely tired. At last, my voice little above a whisper, "I don't need your apology." "It does nothing except change nothing." Liam stared with dark, inscrutable eyes. "maybe not." Still, the truth is what it is. I ate, the lump in my throat making breathing difficult. Although he was saying all the correct things, it made no difference. not anymore. We were too far gone for apologies to mend our damaged relationship. I said, backing off, "I can't do this." "I cannot keep circling with you." Liam stepped forward to close the distance I had just produced. Emma—’s No, I said, shaking my head. You are not entitled to do this. You cannot visit my life and act as though you did not ruin everything. He flinched, and for a brief instant I could see the same suffering in his eyes that I had endured for years. I did not let it, though, let me waver. Not possible. I knew I would suffer if I allowed myself soften or let him back in once more. "I'm not posing," he remarked gently. "I am aware I made mistakes. I am trying to right things even though I know I wounded you. Though there was no comedy in it, I laughed. You believe you could just straighten things out? Once all this has gone through. Following all this? He did not reply, and I did not expect him to. Making this right did not exist. Not after the manner he had left me, not after he had turned away from all we had created together. "I've moved on, Liam," I answered, my voice firm even as the emotions whirl inside me. "I have developed a career and a life for me. You are not needed to visit and try to solve anything. His voice rough, he said, "I'm not trying to fix things." "I'm trying to get us right." The words knock away the air from my lungs like a punch to the gut. My heart thumping in my chest, I fixed a staring at him. us? There was no "us." Not now. "There is no 'we,' I remarked with a faltering voice. "Has not been for some time." Liam's hands closed at his sides and his jaw stiffened. " There could be." "No," I responded, moving back once again with firmness. "There isn't possible." There is too much that has occurred. You cannot just return and demand that things revert to their former state. "I'm not expecting that," he responded, his voice subdued but firm. "I understand that things have changed. I have shifted. That does not mean, however, that we cannot try to begin anew. Try again. Though the concept seemed ridiculous, yet...A small portion of me wanted to believe him; it was the part still remembering the happy times. but I couldn't. I refused to slide down that road once more. Whispering more to myself than to him, "I'm not sure if I can do that." Before I moved away, Liam stretched out and briefly touched my hand. "I know I do not deserve another chance," he remarked gently. Still, I'm looking for one regardless. I watched him, the weight of his words hurting in my heart. I ran not knowing what to do. I felt nothing at all. Everything was so convoluted, twisted in the past and the present. I wanted to believe him, wanted to hope that this time everything would turn around. But I had discovered the hard way that trust was brittle and that once it was damaged, recovery was practically impossible. I replied at last, "I need time," my voice like a whisper. Liam nodded and peered at me. Take all the time you need. That was the one I had been fearing, not the one I wanted to hear. All I knew was I required privacy. Space to think, space to breathe, space to work out what the heck I was going to do next. ----------------------- Over the next three days, I threw myself into work trying to drown out the noise in my thoughts with deadlines and meetings. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get away from the ideas of Liam, or our chat. It seemed as though he had reopened a long-stitched old wound I had spent years healing and now it was bleeding once more. I detested him for causing me to feel things I wanted not to feel. More than that, though, I despised myself for still being sensitive. After a particularly demanding day at the workplace, late one evening I sat at my desk mindlessly staring at the spreadsheet in front of me. Though my head was not on the figures. It pertained to Liam. He had gazed at me on the way, the rawness in his voice as he had asked for a second opportunity. I came out of my reverie at my office door knocked on. Half-expecting to see one of my colleagues, I looked up and my heart stopped when I realized who it was. Liam stood in the gateway, his face insensible. "What are you doing here? " My voice more sharp than I had meant, I asked. He entered locking the door behind him. We should chat. I sighed and slanted back in my chair. "We already did that, I thought." Not enough, he remarked, moving to stand in front of my desk. Not regarding everything. I squinted. "everything?" Tensed in his jaw, Liam nodded “The past. The things we omitted to say. The things we ought to say if we are to proceed. I sighed and shook my head. "Liam, I'm not sure if we have any forward direction. I have really tried to forget the past and concentrate on my profession, on my life. Now you are here, dredging it all once more. "I know," he said, his voice kind. I apologies for it as well. But I cannot act as though it makes no difference. Not as the reason we are both currently standing here. I fixed my gaze on him, the weight of his comments pressing down on my chest. He was right. We could not act as though the past did not exist. It had formed us into the persons we were now. But I wasn't sure I could face the things we had left unspoken for so long. Whispering, my voice faltering, "I don't know if I can do this." Liam stretched out his hand, resting on my desk's edge. Emma, you are not alone going to have to do this. We can sort this out together. My heart hurting with the prospect of what may be, of what we had lost, I gazed up at him. And I sensed some hope for the first time in years.