Entangled Heart: A Rival's Redemption

Chapter 9: Historical Wounds Current Stress

-----Emma.

The days after our supper seemed to be a slow, wary undoing. Every contact with Liam now carried the weight of our unwritten agreement, the brittle understanding that we were both ready to start again, one small step at a time. Still, I couldn't get rid of the undercurrent of anxiety, the continual knowledge that we were walking on unknown, perilous terrain. It was horrible as well as exciting. Things at work stayed much the same—meetings, conference calls, extended hours spent brainstorming over the expansion project. But now, there was a subtle change in our movement around one another and ease between us. We were no more merely friends or former lovers. We were in between, something neither of us had defined yet. I detested things that were left vague. I appreciated organization, clarity, awareness of my own position. But clarity eluded us with Liam. Things started to turn around Friday afternoon. After a protracted meeting with a possible foreign partner, we were just finishing up and I felt both physically and emotionally spent. Liam showed up at the conference room doorway, his hands pushed into his pockets as I was packing and ready to leave the office for the weekend. He inquired carelessly, "You heading out soon," but his tone suggested something that made me stop. Yes, I answered, looking at him. "Why?” He slanted against the doorframe, staring at my face. "I thought we may have supper once more. Simply...talk. Talk there it was once more. That phrase began to seem heavy, as every discussion with Liam felt like a minefield we were both negotiating without igniting an explosion. I was aware, nevertheless, that we could not avoid these talks indefinitely. If we were truly going to attempt, we had to confront the problems we had both been dodging. Sure, I answered as I slid my laptop into my bag. "where?" He grinned and for a second I caught a glimpse of the Liam I had known all those years ago—the one who could charm his way through any circumstance. "I know somewhere." ---------------------- Far enough from the bustle of the city, we arrived at a small cafe on the outskirts of town, which felt like another planet. The restaurant was small, with subdued lighting and a peaceful atmosphere that let one easily forget the sounds of outside life. Liam purchased a bottle of wine as we sat down, and I watched him, noting his movement and speech pattern. Now, he exuded a tranquility absent from earlier times. Possibly mature. Perhaps it was simply that we were both more conscious of the consequences and older now. You have been silent, he remarked, pouring me a glass of wine. I gave a shrug and drank. "I have lot on my mind." He nodded, his eyes darting over mine. Regarding us? I hesitated, then nodded. True. Around us. Regarding whether this is truly a brilliant idea. Liam slanted back in his chair, his face contemplative. "I understand that." Also on my mind has been this. I arched my eyebrows. "And?," asks And, he remarked gently, "I keep coming back to the same thing." Emma, we have outstanding work to do. We have always had outstanding unfinished business. My heart hammering in my chest, I looked down at my glass. Naturally, he was right. Between us, there had always been something unresolved—something that never quite seemed to go away. Still, that made facing current challenges no simpler. My voice subdued, I said, "I'm not sure whether we can finish what we started." "Too much has happened." Liam's eyes softened as he stretched across the table to touch mine. "I'm not asking to return to the past. I have something fresh in mind. Something improved. His words shivered down my spine, and for a moment I let myself see it—something fresh, something better. a connection free from past weight based on our mutual mistakes. But could that really be done? "I want to believe you," I said gently. "But I'm not sure whether I can. Not right yet. Liam nodded although still his hand rested on mine. "That's acceptable. We will go slowly. The rest of the evening we discussed everything and nothing—the project, our life away from the office, memories of the locations we had visited. It was straightforward and cozy. Underneath it all, though, was still that anxiety—knowledge that we were both terrified regardless of how hard we attempted to present otherwise. Fear what this might turn like. Fearful of what we could miss. ---------------------- I woke up the next morning feeling unusually uncomfortable. Something about the evening before had made me uncomfortable, as though we were sprinting too fast toward something I wasn't sure I could handle. This deliberate unravelling of old scars, this cautious dance around the things we weren't ready to face, wasn't familiar. Rising from bed, I headed to the kitchen, filled a cup of coffee, and fixed my gaze out the window at the city below. The sky was covered with clouds, a dense layer low across the skyline. It reflected my attitude. My phone buzzed on the counter while I was half through my coffee. I snatched it up hoping for a message from Jenna or perhaps something relevant to work. But that was not the case. Liam: I have been considering things. Could we have a conversation? My heart stopped for a moment. Once more, that term is talk. How much more conversation I could manage was unknown. I understood, though, that avoiding the conversation or ignoring it would simply make matters worse. Me: Absolutely. At what time? Now? Liam? I peered at the time clock. Early, hardly 9 a.m., something told me that whatever Liam had to say would not wait. Me: ok. Visit. ---------------------- liam looked different when he came. He seemed solemn, as though he carried weight in his eyes absent from the evening before. He entered my flat and for a moment neither of us spoke. There was clearly tension between us, loaded with unsaid words. Finally, his voice low, he apologized for arriving so early. "It's good," I said, pointing for him to settle on the couch. "What is happening?" Sitting down, Liam ran a hand over his hair. He appeared to be really apprehensive. That was not his style. "I have been considering what you said last night quite a lot. Regarding whether this is a smart idea. Heart thumping in my chest, I sat down across from him. "And?." And I realized something, he added, staring directly at me. "I came to see that I had been begging you to believe me once more, to gamble on us without really offering you any justification. I have been so preoccupied with proving that I have changed that I have not given you an opportunity to personally observe that. Not sure where he was headed with this, I wrinkled. "Liam, I—". "No," he said softly, interrupting. Let me wrap up. He slanted forward, his face solemn. "Emma, I want you not rushed. I want not to force you into something for which you are not ready. I will so accomplish this the correct manner. There is no raking up the past or circular conversation. I will show you my seriousness about this. Concerning us. My heart thumping in my chest, I looked at him. "How"? Liam grinned, a gentle, almost melancholy smile. "By approaching things gently. by allowing you space when you need it and by being here when you least expected it. By demonstrating to you that I am not the same man that tormented you some years ago. My throat constricted, and for a moment I ran out of things to say. Was not this what I had wanted? Liam needed to see that I was serious if he was to grasp that I needed time. But now he was providing it, I wasn't sure how to react. With a weak voice, I answered at last, "I appreciate that." "I truly do." What if, nevertheless, I am never ready? What if I can't go past all that has happened? Liam grinned without wavers and stretched across the coffee table to grab my hand. "Then I'll wait." As long as that takes. His voice's genuineness and his soft touch caused my heart to hurt in a way I hadn't anticipated. I let myself believe, for the first time perhaps, just maybe, things could be different. That perhaps Liam had indeed changed. I said, "I'm not sure whether I deserve that." You do, he replied gently, his lovely eyes shining. Always have you.