Coming home

chapter 19

What had started out as a good day suddenly turned in a blink of an eye. James had never thought he would hear Kathryn’s name again, much less have to see her. What had started out as a little flirtation ended up turning his life upside down. Kathryn had been a young innocent thing back then and he never planned on going any farther. Oh, he had enjoyed the attention. He also enjoyed the thought that a young girl showed some interest in him, but he knew it was wrong.

But, what was flirtation turned into her showing up wherever he was, even on her days off. James just kept reminding himself of how young Kathryn was and kept his distance. He would even frequent a local watering hole and started dating a woman his own age named Linda.

James started inviting Linda to the cookouts, and then Linda would start showing up out of the blue. He had thought Kathryn’s flirtation would come to a stop, but it didn’t. When Linda started noticing it, she threw a fit. Linda called Kathryn a little tramp and that’s when he ended it with Linda. He knew Kathryn wasn’t like that and he couldn’t take Linda putting her down. Linda had accused him of going through a midlife crisis when James defended Kathryn and told Linda that her jealously looked horrible on her.

It didn’t take very long after Linda quit coming around that James found himself alone with Kathryn. She had sought him out, claiming that she had been worried about his mood since Linda hadn’t been around. Kathryn had apologized, saying she hoped it wasn’t because of her but had a devilish grin that said differently. That grin had done him in. He had only meant to frighten her into backing off when he determinedly walked over and took her in his arms. He had thought she would pull back and run. What he hadn’t prepared for was her upturned inviting mouth.

James pulled her in tighter as his lips touched hers, making his arousal clear. The little moan she let out was almost his undoing and brought him back to his senses. He felt an instant guilt over the prospect of what could happen. He felt like a predator. He pushed her away and told her she was too young to know what she was doing. He had called her a little girl and told her to go play with some of the other hands that were closer to her own age before he simply walked away.

Kathryn seemed to take his words as a challenge. It was like every time he turned around, there she was. It got to the point that even when she wasn’t there, she was still there in his mind. James couldn’t erase that kiss and felt himself feeling disappointed that she had stayed away. He even allowed himself to ask Claire, just a child, about Kathryn’s whereabouts, but she returned the next day, making him feel foolish. Kathryn continued with the slight flirting until he found himself alone with her once again. He had to admit to himself that he had secretly hoped he would get this chance again.

James had his trepidation about Kathryn planning it like she did last time. Kathryn seemed somehow shocked to find him in the shed. She looked around nervously, as if she thought she would be alone. She mumbled something about getting caught in the rain while fumbling with the door. James slowly walked toward her. His arousal at the sight of her normally loose yet short dress damply clinging to her youthful body was already pushing against his jeans. Kathryn's emerald eyes widened as if she were preparing herself to be reprimanded again. James quickened his pace until he was able to push her up against the wall with his own body and took her.

James had only thought she was a novice, but now he was sure. He had felt instant regret when he pushed through and entered her. Kathryn’s small body stiffened as she let out a whimper before relaxing. James went still. He pulled back and caught a tale-tale glimpse of the pain she must have felt, making him go limp. What had he done, he had thought.

James had felt ashamed. Things should never have gone that far and he had known it. Kathryn had apparently changed her mind after their first kiss and had been just too shy to stop it. He had felt like a rapist and started to apologize profusely when Kathryn took his face in her hands and started softly kissing the corners of his mouth while closing the distance he had created. She slowly pressed her body up against him, sparring on his arousal once more. Just thinking about it now, James felt a tightening in his jeans.

Kathryn had always been able to stir his manhood just by being present. They had kept their affair quiet and would have rendezvoused around the ranch. They had almost got caught a time or two, which only added to the excitement, making Linda’s words hit home. That was when James decided that he was going to take her on a real date to see if it was something substantial or the midlife crisis he was accused of.

Their first date was out of town. He had consoled himself into believing he was doing it for Kathryn’s sake, but in all reality, he didn’t want to have the people who knew him judge him or lecture him. At this point, he hadn’t even confided in David. They had gotten stares but it hadn’t been anything James couldn’t handle. He had enjoyed the openness of holding her hand without having to hide in some corner to do it. He had liked sitting and talking to her without the fear that someone would overhear them. He liked the freedom of just being able to kiss her whenever the urge hit him.

They had made it a weekly thing and even stayed at a hotel most weekends. No one seemed to catch on. The guys had roused him about having someone special when he would go missing, but no one had put two and two together. They had managed to keep things undiscovered for months until they ran into Linda one night.

Linda still had resentment over their whole breakup and made a scene. So much so that James actually felt sorry for Linda’s dinner partner. The guy went from contentment for his date to embarrassment. James grabbed Linda roughly by the arm when she tried to turn her furry on Kathryn and made it known in no uncertain terms that she ruled the day if she continued. James steered a tearful Kathryn toward the door when Linda yelled that she was going to make sure everyone knew of their affair.

Kathryn was silent during the whole ride back to the hotel. James left her with her thoughts and was already forming a plan to just go back to town. The night had been ruined by Linda. Linda was vindictive enough to spread the word and he also knew she would add more to it than it was. He was sure that Kathryn’s silence was because she was having second thoughts about the whole relationship. Their whole paradise that they had found had slipped away. When they had gotten back to the room, James started packing up to go back, but Kathryn took his hand and led him to the bed. They had one more night together before reality was going to hit.

Reality came in the form of David. David didn’t waste any time telling James that he was making a fool out of himself and out of Kathryn. When James tried to defend the affair as being true, David pointed out how he came off as a foolish older man, thinking things could never last with such a young woman. A woman who had bigger aspirations than a used-up cow hand who didn’t aspire to be anything else but that.

Later, he overheard the other hands mentioning snide derogatory remarks about Kathryn. It had taken everything within him not to knock them on their ass, but he knew it was his own fault. James had been so caught up by how the relationship would make him look that he never took into consideration how it would affect Kathryn. Her reputation was ruined and he had no one to blame but himself. That had settled it for him, he would end it as quickly as possible.

James ended things for Kathryn’s own good. She had her whole future ahead of her. David had been right, James had no aspirations to be anything other than what he was and Kathryn deserved better. Soon after, Kathryn left town and left him for good. He had hoped she would come back at first. It had been hard to let her go, but he knew he had to. After a while, his hope faded and was replaced by the thought that he had done the right thing. Apparently, she had moved on with her life and found her own path. James had thought she would never return to this place.

But now she was back and James vowed to stay away from the main house while she was there. It wouldn’t be for long if Claire left like she was thinking about doing. James didn’t want to run into Kathryn. He didn’t want to know anything about her life after him. He broke his own heart years ago doing what was right for her and he didn’t think he could be so selfless again. Just hearing her name stirred up memories of the past, James would hate to have to see what actually seeing her would do.