Coming home

chapter 17

Claire had thought long and hard about how to bring up the subject of Nancy to James while she was in the shower. She had to remind herself that maybe James didn’t even know, but she doubted it. This would have been something that the best friends shared, and James was the only friend she had ever known her dad had. Now walking across the yard, it seemed that she might have lost her nerve. She clinched the box of mementos to give to James closer, as if she was trying to pull some kind of encouragement from it.

Claire stopped at the front door to muster up the courage to raise her hand to knock. Hopefully, James was inside, Claire thought, because she didn’t know if she could make the trek again. A loud clearing of the throat sound came from behind Claire, making her jump clear out of her skin. Claire turned to see James trying to hold his chuckle in while his shoulders shook with laughter.

“You nearly scared the crap out of me,” Claire accused, slapping toward him, only swatting at the air as James jumped back, dodging her attempts.

“What’s up, bug?” James said, using her old nickname while he opened the door to the bunk house he called home. Well, at least his spirits seemed high today, Claire thought. Everything must be going well on the ranch for a change.

“I started clearing out some of dad’s things and ran across a couple of things that I thought you may like to have,” she said hand the box over.

James took it and sat it on the table. “Would you like some coffee?” he asked, dumping out the old to refill it with new.

“Sure. That sounds good.” James' coffee was strong, just like she liked it. If she were to be completely honest, she wished Luke would take lessons on how to make coffee, but she never complained about anybody’s coffee. She had been taught it was bad manners. Claire settled herself down at the table anticipating the first sip, making her forget her own anxiety over her mission.

James sat her mug down in front of her as he took his own seat at the table, “so what else is on your mind? I know you didn’t come just for the box.”

Claire picked up her mug and took a deep breath, breathing in the brew before putting the rim to her lips, taking in the first bitter-sweet taste. Sitting it back on the table, she looked up to see James staring at her. “Well, there are two more things, actually,” she said, trying to decide where to start and deciding with the most easiest. “First, I need to know where you stand on the ranch. If I decide to keep it, would you be willing to run it?”

“Well sure,” James answered a little skeptically. “But you do realize that you know just about as much as I do about running this place.”

“Maybe so, but what if I wasn’t here to run it?” James' expression turned from skeptical to puzzled as Claire continued. When I came back, I thought I had two options. Either sell or stay and run the ranch. Yesterday, the third option hit me. I could always give you a portion, let you run it, and return to my practice.”

James was completely taken by surprise. “Claire, you don’t have to do that,” he protested.

“I know, but you do deserve it. You have as much stake as anyone in this place. You were there struggling through the bad times and celebrating the good times. You have given as much as anyone else to see this place make it to this point. You just never had any stock in it and now you would. I trust you to do what is best for the ranch, but this way, you will reap some of the benefits that come with it.”

James didn’t know what to say. He sat there for what seemed like forever before he said, “Can I think about it and get back to you?”

Claire nodded in agreement, “I know it’s not profitable right now and it’s going to be an uphill struggle, so I wouldn’t blame you if you declined the offer. I just wanted to know where you stood before I decided on my options.”

“That’s not it,” James paused, not knowing how to break the news. It seemed he had protected Claire from the blow as long as he could. He had thought he had more time. “The problem is there is another heir,” James eyed her to see her reaction. He had prepared himself for shock, questions, bewilderment, and denial, but not for Claire’s next word.

“Elizabeth,” Claire simply stated, without even a hint of emotion. “So you knew?”

“Not from the beginning. David didn’t confide in me until after your mother died. He wasn’t even sure about it until then.”

Claire stared at him wide-eyed as if not believing it. “How does one not know that they had fathered a child? I mean, if you have s*x with someone and they get pregnant, then you have got to know.”

“I’m telling you, David didn’t,” James defended. The thing was that it was a one-time discretion. He and your mother had been dating for a while, but they had a big argument and split. He never told me what it was about, but I’m guessing it had a lot to do with hormones on your mother's part, because when they got back together it was when she found out she was pregnant with you.”

“So the only reason they ended up together was because of me?” Claire’s emotion started boiling over into her voice and eyes. Nancy’s life could have been so much better. She could have flourished if she had had the loving father that Claire had, but because of Claire, she was denied. Claire’s father could have enjoyed a grandchild. What about Elizabeth? This child has lost so much in her short life. Elizabeth lost a father and a mother. She was also denied a grandfather who would have lavished love and attention on her.

“No Bug. Don’t go there,” James reassured. “They loved each other and they loved you. You just brought them back together. David had realized during their separation that Annie was the only one for him. He had confessed his discretion and Annie had forgiven him. They had a happy life. You were conceived out of love. Your mother’s death hit David hard. Believe me, you may have been too young to remember, but I was there to witness it. Nobody could fake that grief.”

Claire tried to indiscreetly wipe the tears that she felt spill from her eyes. James reached over and rubbed a tear from her check in a fatherly way, reminding Claire of her father. The tears flow more freely now. James stood and pulled Claire into his arms, hugging her like her father used to do until she got all her pent-up emotions out and her world seemed to right itself.

James guided Claire to her chair and eased her back down, then waited for her to compose herself before starting again. “About a month after your mother’s death, Amanda paid your father a visit and told him. He had wanted to acknowledge Nancy and have the truth come out, but Amanda told him no. She had told him that Charles didn’t know and never would. She threatened to destroy David’s reputation and hurt you in the process. She hadn’t been happy with what her life had become and wanted to hurt your dad. David had nothing left to do but abide by Amanda’s demands." James sat there staring at his hand, wrapped around his coffee mug as he debated on revealing anymore.

Thinking better of it, he simply asked, “What was your number two?”

Taken off guard, Claire stared at him blankly for a moment, “That was it. You covered it. I wasn’t sure if you even knew about it, but I figured you did… but one more question. Why didn’t dad tell me after Nancy confronted him?”

“He wanted to. It had been Nancy’s idea to wait. She wanted them to have time to get to know each other before you knew. She said it would be better to gradually become a family than to have her thrown into a family. She was dealing with a lot and thought it would be too much if you rejected her.”

Claire tried to see things from Nancy’s point of view and could understand. What she couldn’t quite understand was why David never told her before. “And when Nancy went away?” Claire asked with a raised eyebrow. “I mean, Dad had to know I would eventually find out.”

“He had talked about telling you many times, but he had said the right time never presented itself.” James knew it wasn’t a valid excuse, but it was the only one he had to offer her.

Claire let it sink in. Maybe she was to blame for not knowing it all before. If she hadn’t run away when she did, then it would have come out before now. Even if she had come home more and stayed longer, there would have been more opportunities to be told. She couldn’t bring herself to blame anyone but herself.

Claire stood up, “Think about the offer and I’ll contact the lawyer to see about Elizabeth’s part. I need to get back.” She said, trying to make her exit.

“I will. Oh, wait. Whose vehicle did I see this morning?” James almost said as an afterthought.

“Ms. Bailey… Kathryn,” Claire corrected. “She is going to start coming to help out with things. It's just on a temporary basis for now. Well, until I, we” she added. “Figure out what to do. Would you like her to come over here and straighten up?”

“No,” James said a little too roughly.

“Is there something I should know?” Claire asked, thinking that maybe Kathryn didn’t just take off back then, but rather maybe she was let go because of some discrepancy of her own.

“No. Nothing you should be concerned about,” James replied, letting Claire make her escape.