What Do I Call You?

Chapter Five

It did not take me that long enough to finally have myself dried and changed into more comfortable clothing for this cold weather. Soon after, I began to feel my stomach grumbling and eventually decided to try out that pub I've just been told about. The moment I walked out of the motel, with the umbrella I had borrowed from the receptionist guy, I stepped around the place to look for that place in the darkness of the area.

It's still continued to rain down, but a little less heavy now from a while ago. And as I trod down the rocky path towards the dark wet road of Avian Hills, I soon saw a faint glow of blinking lights not too far from where I've just started to walk.

Nearing the place, I could almost hear some music playing from a distance. It seemed like there's some live band playing in there. I soon swayed at the rhythm and savored the play of strings blending with the noises of the rain around me. Making my way towards the entrance of the place, I can even hear the faded noises of people cheering inside as they began chanting some kind of a name.

"Nari! Nari! Nari!" They all shouted in chorus. I moved to take the stairs up to the bright entryway of the pub, hoping there's still a vacant table left for me. Yet before I could even push through the doors, I immediately heard it.

"I used to love you..."

It's not the same song, but my heart rate instantly escalated at the sound.

"The way you love me..."

It's that voice...

I quickly lost all of my sense on a whim as I felt my feet moving on their own again--the way they just did ten years ago. And at the moment I pushed my way through the doors and walked in, I stopped in my tracks when I finally caught sight of her.

"I loved you but now I don't know..."

She was standing there on a mini-stage with the microphone against her lips, her hair a wild fiery redness framing that delicate face. She was singing a slow song, just a few meters away from me. I remained unmoved from where I just stood from a distance with her voice still echoing inside my head.

It's her. It's not the same song anymore... but the voice was really her.

"I loved you but now I don't know..."

Instinctively, my body immediately advanced its way towards her figure, ignoring the entire motion surrounding me. My heart kept pounding on every step I took getting closer to her. And before I even realized it, tears had even started falling down my cheeks. She's beginning to get even more real now as I continued my steps. And when I stopped just right in front of her, she paused and stared at me with an anxious frown. I heard subtle voices in the background but I was no longer in my rational state to even care about the rest of the world.

All I could ever think of, at this very minute, was how beautiful she truly looked standing in front of me. I was deeply entranced by her divine appearance, that I didn't even realize my mouth had already moved on its own...

"What did you say?" she asked me again and her face stretched into apparent shock and disbelief. I took another step closer and once again, foolishly repeated the words that have been constantly playing inside my head the instant I finally saw her face.

"I love you," I said, and gasps reverberated around me. Yet I still dumbly repeated it again.

"I love you. I'm totally in love with you."

I haven't fully grasped everything yet--what I just did and said. And when I came back to my senses and found myself in the center of scrutiny and shocked faces of people inside the pub, I immediately had a constant recall. The moment I've finally realized what just happened, it was already too late. I've completely embarrassed myself enough to make a total fool out of me. My mouth opened for a moment then closed as I forcefully tried to come up with anything to say to her. But before I could even have a chance to explain myself in a more logical sense, the woman in front of me was already making her way down the mini-stage to exit the place.

"N-no," I tried to follow her out, "Wait."

She ignored my words and went straight towards the back exit of the pub. She opened the heavy metal door as she led us to the cold foggy atmosphere outside. It's still raining under the evening full moon, but it had already gone calmer now. And as soon as we both got away from the perceptive sight of the audience, she stopped and abruptly turned around, looking at me with a furious scowl drawn on her face.

"What the hell was that?" She angrily demanded to my face, referring to the blunt confession I just blurted out back inside the pub.

I couldn't even give a decent reply to my impulsive action. I was at a complete loss of words after doing what I just did. Until now, I still couldn't believe the stupidity I've somehow slipped out of my character in front of her. But as I dazedly stared back at those soft jade green eyes glaring back at me, I instantly forgot what I was even being stupid for.

"I love you," I, for once again, dumbly told her.

For a short moment, we just kept staring at each other, not bothering to say anything at all. Then eventually, the rain that has ceaselessly soaked the grounds of Avian Hills, slowly disappeared into stillness under the dark cloudy sky of this misty evening, leaving only the two of us to fill in the inconvenient silence.

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'I love you.' That was what I just said.

She looked over at me with a startled face, her head slightly pulled back and her widened green eyes froze in bewilderment. My blunt confession had come off a bit too forward and so sudden that she looked stuck in between the agony of being dumbstruck and flattered as she gaped at my words. I could only stand there and took in the face she was making as if she still couldn't quite believe what she had already heard for the third time now.

"I'm sorry," she finally spoke over the wind breezing into the chilly air—the first one to finally break the silence. She sounded very anxious. Her voice came out a little hoarse and it slightly shook as she uttered the remark. Then, she asked me again with a frown, "Who are you?"

The stillness of the foggy cold night bitterly embraced me in a heavy comfort as I tried to repose myself after that. Hearing her question my identity somehow made me feel a little bit unsure while I watched her gazed back with that uncomfortable look of unfamiliarity. I could completely understand if she still does not remember me at all. Maybe she had already forgotten everything about it... I mean, that was only a day from ten years ago and this has only been the very first time I have seen her for real since. But as these thoughts gradually resurfaced into my mind, I suddenly panicked inside.

Had I possibly just mistaken her for someone else?

"We've met before," I told her with direct assertiveness, and yet I still ended up voicing the words out in a reluctant derisive note. She frowned deeper. I was starting to feel the weight of uncertainty building up from the pit of my stomach. It was cold and really heavy and I tried to mask the entire discomfort with a steady blank look. To see her doubt my words like this had me wishing I could just take back what I had said. Feeling distraught, I cautiously moved one unsteady step forward and almost stumbled on my shoes, somehow unable to find my balance anymore. I faltered back, sighing, and looked grimly pained with the rousing feeling of dejection. I could not even dare to meet her eyes and I deliberately chose to fidget with the lapels of my coat to distract myself instead.

"Ten years ago," I mumbled a few seconds after, in a softer voice, much more to remind myself as well, "It was in a forested area near the Old Mansion up the main road, don't you remember? It was way back when I was still blind. I heard you singing with that voice. It was a sad song, but you sang it beautifully."

I forced myself to gaze back at her. It was just a short brief second, but at the moment I caught the fleeting change on her face, I saw it. It was a very quick play of expression and she immediately masked it very carefully, almost as if it had never really occurred. But I didn't miss it.

I saw it all.

And I can't possibly be mistaken now.

That girl is her.

I'm sure of it.

Right then and there, I almost ran up to hug her tightly into my arms. But I stopped before I could even embarrass myself more. She looked bothered for a moment and still didn't say anything. And I just stood my ground there, digging my feet onto the soil beneath me and waited patiently.

Several seconds had passed us by and only the cacophonic noises of the crickets could be heard as it echoed in a chorus from the background. Neither of us seemed to take the initiative in speaking up first. My heart began pounding loudly inside my chest, brought out by the suspense of her silence, and I felt extremely nervous as I quietly waited for any response to come from her side.

For a while, I just intently studied her movements. She kept nervously shifting her weight from her right foot to the other then back to her right again. And as it went on, she continued to avoid my stare. She looked everywhere around her, around us, behind me, but never directly at me that I found it quite suspicious. She was obviously feeling uncomfortable now. And seeing her act this way made it easier for me to read her feelings while I silently observed from where I stood from a distance. Through her eyes, I could clearly see the hint of hesitance and fear. She knew what I was talking about. I might have never seen what that girl looked like ten years before, but after witnessing the way she had just reacted to my words, I became sure of it. I want to ask her so many things. Yet, I was too afraid that it might put her in a tough spot and throw her off. Just something in the way she kept fidgeting with her hands and avoiding my gaze gave me the impression that she was hiding something and if I ever said anything wrong, she would jolt any second.

Something was trying to hold her back. But it seemed like she would never really try to admit it no matter what, even if I kept insisting more.

"Nari," I muttered soon after, casually uttering her name with my lips. It felt so easy that the word just came out in a humming sound through my voice with neither a shake nor stutter. The short utterance of her name had her automatically directing her eyes to mine. And I held her stare so intensely not letting those green orbs shift away from my face. I was afraid that if I were to look away for even just a second, I might miss something very relevant.

She willingly held my gaze in response, but she still did not dare to say anything. I had already lost track of time on how long we have been standing there, just staring at each other. And just when I was about to finally speak another word to her, something came into the scene.

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