Forsaken Love

Chapter 9

The months of summer between middle school and high school included a complete loss of contact between Jim and each of his former classmates, save for those still in touch with Evelyn. She had kept a significant number of friends, in addition to countless fans that followed all of her social media accounts. Jim found the notion of f*******: and i********: pointless and a waste of time, but Evelyn’s popularity and use of them inspired him. He recognized the gap between middle school and high school would not compare to the one between high school and college. He at least still lived in the same town as most of his middle school classmates. He realized that after high school though, many of them would move away to pursue further education. He knew that if he did nothing to improve his odds, the chances of Jim maintaining contact with anyone from high school would be even slimmer. He credited Evelyn’s popularity to her active involvement in various after school programs and events. But unlike Evelyn, Jim had only one which he held both significant interest in and some decent skill.

 Which is why Jim found himself waking up at 6 am on a Monday, an unpleasant way to begin a new school year, tolerating it if it meant rehearsing with the school’s Jazz Band before his first official class. Even if he didn’t know what to expect, he knew he wanted to perpetuate the joy he felt while playing Jazz in middle school. And if he could make a good first impression to the other musicians and the director, then he could possibly finally embrace the sensations Evelyn felt when she excelled at her countless activities. He could make a name for himself, and perhaps a few new musician friends along the way.. Jim did not know whether to be disappointed or excited about arriving to an empty band room. Nor did he have much time to dwell on it, as the director soon emerged from his office. 

“Hi, I’m Mr. Shaw.” He offered his hand.

“Jim,” he replied, accepting the hand. 

“Nice to meet you. What do you play?”

“Drums.”

“Alright, I look forward to hearing you play this year.”

Jim flinched. “Really? Just like that? No audition or anything?”

“None at all,” he smiled at Jim. “It’s my first year here myself. I understand most of the positions are likely filled from last year. But I want to see who we have and what they are capable of for now, so I know what music to consider for performances. Maybe next year, if there are too many interested, I will hold auditions.”

“Sweet. Then I look forward to playing this year too.” Jim checked the clock. 7:15. Fifteen minutes after the scheduled start of rehearsal and no one else had arrived.  “I guess we aren’t playing this morning, though?”

“Doesn’t look like it. I guess we didn’t get the memo. No Jazz on the first day.”

Jim chuckled. “Well, see you tomorrow then I suppose.” 

Mr. Shaw offered his hand again. “Yeah, see you tomorrow. Bright and early.” 

Jim accepted it. 

When Jim arrived to the band room at 7 AM the following day, he discovered his goal would be more challenging than initially expected. Five other drummers had arrived before him. From his involvement in his Middle School’s Jazz band, he knew bands did not typically exceed more than one drummer and one percussionist. For an already established band to contain five drummers… Jim’s emotions did not hastily judge the situation. On one hand, he’d have less playtime this year. On the other, he could ease his way into the good graces of the other musicians and adapt to his new school. Jim eventually found himself content with the situation. He’d still have three long years with the band. 

Jim hoped to earn respect and acknowledgement by playing with the Jazz band, and discovering his inability to do so pained his heart. But he quickly found another opportunity in a way that he least expected. “The Number One Cutest Freshman,” the juniors and seniors called him. On just the first day of school almost all of the high schoolers knew him by name, a feat less impressive when realizing that only included approximately 300 students. Though his recognition had come for the wrong reason, he identified it as a step in the right direction.

“Jim, sit with us,” the nominees beckoned during lunch.

 He found the table crowded already, but a few students shifted around to make room for him. Jim squeezed his way between two juniors. He did not join their conversation immediately, instead choosing to spend his lunch break actually eating his lunch. But then someone addressed him with a proposal, requiring Jim to think about it.

“We’re having a party at Todd’s place after school Friday,” a senior announced. People rarely invited Jim to anything, so he often accepted when they finally did. But he remained cautious. What exactly did they mean by ‘party?’ His parents had told him stories about their time as high schoolers, and their classmates’ experiments with drugs and alcohol. He had no interest in getting involved with any of that. In the end, Jim thanked them for the offer and said, “I’m not into parties much, but I’ll think about attending one in the future. I just want to get used to high school first and know people more first.” 

“Of course,” Todd replied. “We totally understand. We just wanted to open up the 

opportunity for you. Maybe next time then.”

He wondered if this was how Evelyn felt back in Middle School when everyone wanted to hang out with her. He hadn’t liked that version of her, as it meant she had less time for him. He couldn’t blame her, he liked the attention himself. And it’s not like she made poor life decisions. However, she was a much better person than he. He knew he was more susceptible to the temptations of popularity and fame. And that awareness helped immensely in the days to come. Later that week, these same people asked him to cut the lunch line so Jim could sit down next to them faster, and Jim realized he grew popular for all the wrong reasons, and that popularity in general was not as great as it was made out to be. 

Evelyn smiled at him and beckoned him over to her seat when he refused their call. “I’m proud of you Jim.”

“Proud? With what?”

“When I was first popular in Middle School, I acted out to maintain that status, with little care of the repercussions. I fear I was even casting you aside a bit. And for that I apologize. When I started noticing that, I began, or at least hope I began, acting normal again. It’s because of you that I didn’t let the popularity get to me. You are the only one who didn’t and still don’t see me as the ‘popular girl.’ The only one who doesn’t just want to be my friend because you too want to be popular.” 

He recalled Evelyn’s comment from the year before: “You’re special to me, Jim.” 

“I never told you why I broke off friendships with Emma, Brittany, and Melissa, did I?” 

Jim shook his head. 

“I’d rather not get into specifics right now, but I promise I’ll tell you someday. Basically, I became popular when I joined the volleyball team, and the girls saw the opportunity to take advantage of that popularity. They no longer treated me like the friends I once saw them as.

“You, just now, realized immediately the consequences you could face if you go down this path, and you refused. For that I am proud of you. I know you feel lonely sometimes because I have found other friends to spend time with. Something tells me that you think I will stop having time for you. But Jim, that is never going to happen. I’m not going anywhere. And if you continue to struggle making new friends, for whatever reason, that’s fine. I can help you if you want. But please, and this is most important, just be happy with the friends you have, even if it’s just the one.”

Jim stared at her for longer than he intended before smiling. He wasn’t sure how to respond aloud, though his thoughts repeated Evelyn’s previous words: You’re special to me, Jim. Eventually, though, he decided it was best to keep his words simple. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

Two months later his popularity peaked. During halftime of one of his school’s soccer games, a student body representative announced one pair of students per grade each as the homecoming court, one half of those pairs being Jim. The representative asked the candidates to line up youngest to oldest determined by their grade, then shortest to tallest. With these standards, Jim matched with Jessica, who was only slightly taller than he, and the two stood in the front of the line. One by one the representative revealed the election results, beginning with Jim and Sydney as the Homecoming Freshman Prince and Princess and ending with twins Charles and Emily Bransdorf as Homecoming King and Queen. 

When he heard his name, Jim had conflicted feelings. Not many are honored as Homecoming Princes, and Jim knew he should be grateful for it, but the honor never held much interest to him, especially if it meant that he’d have to attend the dance. Sure, being nominated meant that he wouldn’t be alone for the entire night, he’d have to share a dance with the Freshman Princess. But not having a date was never the reason he did not want to go in the first place. He had talked with Evelyn already about his disinterest in the dance months ago.

“Tell you what. We can go together. That way you are guaranteed to not be bored.” Evelyn formed the smile Jim has grown to know all too well. He knew she just said that so he wouldn’t completely dismiss the idea and also to convince him to at least try to have some fun. Take a chance. He knew her smile was much bigger than just an attempt to make him feel better.

Of course, a month after the initial plan, they changed again. Evelyn found herself a new special friend, Ben.

“He’s a Sophomore,” Evelyn explained to Jim in a diner after school one day. “He’s in my Chemistry class.” 

“Oh yeah. I forgot you skipped Biology. I expect you’ll be graduating in 2 years then?” Jim joked.

“Let’s not get carried away. I’m sure I’ll graduate the same year as you. I’ll just use the time to give myself a head start in college. I’ll probably graduate from college before you though.” They both chuckled. “Anyway, Mr. Withrow assigned us as lab partners and we just sort of hit it off.”

“Hit if off? Are we talking about official ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ business?” 

Evelyn’s cheeks flushed. “Maybe. We haven’t actually talked about it yet, but that is definitely a possibility. But even if I am with Ben, I think you should still come to Homecoming. Ben won’t mind if you come with us. I assure you dances can be fun if you give them a chance. You don’t even need to know how to dance.  Plus, I promise I will make time for you.”

Jim sometimes found it difficult to say ‘no’ to Evelyn. He valued her opinions and advice too much. “I’ll think about it. I think I’d like to meet this Ben first.”

“Oh of course! Your approval of him is just as important as my father’s,” Evelyn smirked.

“I didn’t mean it li-. I care about you too!” 

Evelyn chuckled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way Jim. I understand. Of course you need to meet him first. That is partially why we are here. I actually made plans to meet him here, but his workload was more than expected today.”

Jim smiled, searching through his backpack and grabbing a small notepad and pencil. He began writing in it. 

“What are you doing?”

Jim read aloud the words he wrote. “Cancelled Plans with Evelyn. Strike One.” 

“Jim!” Evelyn reached for the notepad, but Jim pulled it back. His writing grew sloppier from the movement. “That’s not funny!” 

“You’re laughing, aren’t you?”

“Stop it!” Evelyn continued reaching for the notepad. After a while, Jim finally let her grab it. Evelyn didn’t find the words she expected on the page. In fact, she found significantly more words than Jim had read. “What is this?”

“It’s just my English homework.” 

Evelyn frowned. “Oh.”

Jim raised an eyebrow. “Wait, what did you think it was?”

“I don’t know. I thought maybe you were writing a book.”

Jim laughed. “A book? Evelyn, I struggle to even read! You know how English teachers typically want you to steer away from Sparknotes to emphasize the importance of reading the material for yourself? Well, my teacher actually suggested I use Sparknotes, because just simply reading the material does not work for me.”

Evelyn looked appalled. He hadn’t told her that before. “Jim, maybe you just don’t enjoy the kinds of books we read in school. Maybe if you find a book you enjoy, you will comprehend it better. You liked some of the books in my library last summer didn’t you?”

“Well, yes. But of all the books of yours I read, only Orson Scott Card received my interest.”

“You have to start somewhere,” Evelyn explained. “Read more of his. Get good at reading his material, then expand your capabilities to other authors and genres.”

“I don’t know, Evelyn. Writing doesn’t really seem like my thing.”

“Promise me, Jim.”

Jim sighed, and after a moment’s hesitation he replied, “I promise.”