Forsaken Love

Chapter 5

Jim imagined himself almost 10 years older. A senior in high school, weeks before graduation. Jim walked toward the gymnasium early for a front row seat of the final Girls Volleyball game of the season.

He caught sight of a few of the players in their uniforms. One of the players had the letter "C" patched onto her chest right below the left shoulder. When Jim looked up for identification, he saw familiar blonde hair, but now longer, and more flowy. Jim's body automatically approached her to wish her good luck, but on top of her teammates surrounding her, many men swarmed her also, blocking Jim's approach. He waved to her, shouted her name, anything to grab her attention, but consistently failed to do so.

Jim saw himself in another vision. The same girl sat at a table in the cafeteria, surrounded by many of the same people. Again, Jim had no control of his movements, and while his body moved toward the girl more easily this time, the encounter remained just as unpleasant.

The group met him with overwhelming stares, even some laughs. "Can I help you?" The girl would ask with a condescending tone.

Jim wanted to reply, "I was just wondering if I could join you." But much like his body, he had no control of the words he spoke, and said "no thank you" instead. And Jim continued walking right past them, claiming a different table for himself at the end of the cafeteria, all alone.

He kept an eye on her as he ate his lunch. Countless students flocked to her table, and though Jim sat outside of earshot, he knew the boys attempted to charm her, and the girls tried to gain her friendship. He watched students nod as they passed, wish her luck on the next game, but most importantly, he watched all the students seek her attention, but completely ignore him. And she, despite having grown up next door to him, and shared a strong bond with him in their child years, did nothing about it.

A third vision came to him. Jim found himself even older, graduated from school. He scrolled through a social media site, catching up on the latest news and activities of his friends and distant relatives. He discovered his mother’s cousins celebrating the birthday of their youngest child, while other members of his family shared their experiences overseas. He stopped scrolling when pictures of his childhood best friend popped up on the screen, an album of her hanging out with her newer friends, partying, and posing for the camera in various positions. It seemed that every picture featured someone different. Jim clicked on her name, bringing him to her profile which collected her entire history from the past few years. She had a new post nearly every day, enjoying her life, and displaying her success. She owned a house and had a family.

Jim looked around him, comparing his life to hers. He recognized the room he sat in as his boyhood room, still living in his parents’ home. Even the same posters remained spread on the wall. He clicked on his own profile and found only updates of a child sharing the first thing that came to mind that no one would care about, a child wanting to fit in with the rest of the world but not sure how to. And even though Jim imagined all of this, he still felt regret about those updates.

He spotted his friend’s list, a list of less then 50, containing only his family, Evelyn, and a few other lonely souls. Further exploration of his profile page revealed that he primarily used the social media site to ‘like’ his favorite shows, movies, and artists. Jim rolled his chair away from the desktop and stood up in despair, craving the company of his family. He found his mother in the kitchen, preparing a meal. He saw his dad in the living room, cheering on his team. He heard a knock on the door, and moments later his sister dashed down the stairs, dressed in a gorgeous dress meant for only one occasion. She opened the door, welcoming a man Jim did not recognize into the home. “I’m leaving now!” Katie announced.

Jim’s father, barely shifting his head away from the screen, shouted back. “Be home before 11!”

“Of course, Dad!” Katie answered. “See you, Jim.”

“Have fun on your date,” Jim told her as she shut the door. Then he joined his father in the living room. He did not focus on the television, uninterested in sports. Instead, he fought for his father’s time and attention. “Do you want to play something, Dad?”

“Not right now,” Mr. Hughes responded. “This is the big game of the year, so I don’t want to miss it. Maybe in a couple hours though.”

“You always say that,” Jim mentioned softly. His father made no further comments. Jim then headed into the kitchen, hoping for more success with his mother. “Need help with making dinner, Mom?”

“Not really, no. I’m almost done,” she replied. “You could set the table though, if you want.”

Jim sighed. He had already offered his help, so he did as she suggested, even it did not provide him with the time he wanted with his family. He grabbed a few plates and distributed them around the table, followed by cups and silverware. When dinner came around, though, his father gathered food onto his plate and returned to the living room. His mother remained at the table with him but said not a word during the whole meal.

When Jim returned to the present, only minutes after he left it, he brought with him a new fear of loneliness. A fear that he could not let come to pass. And he made a vow to himself on that day to never let anything come between him and Evelyn. He’d always be there for her, even when she does not think she needs him.