Instinctual

Chapter 13

Kobi transformed back first, slow and purposeful like everything else about him.  He straightened out his shirt a bit, pretending to be focused on that as he said to the room at large, “He’ll probably stick with her.  Rob liked to act independent, but he’s always been a follower.” He said it in a tone that made it clear that he wasn’t just referring to Rob’s identity as a Beta, but as a personality flaw – probably one of many.

An uncomfortable silence followed in which Kobi seemed to ignore the room at large in favor of staring at his girlfriend’s lupine form, although after a time Kobi turned to Marcus with an unexpectedly embarrassed face. “Sorry, Marcus, I was talking to Liz. She was just saying that that’s for the best – if Rob sticks with Clarissa, then hopefully he’ll be allowed into the Tomlin pack, too.”

Surprise hit Marcus hard, and he blinked before saying the only response he could think of, “What?”

After coming up and rubbing the side of her head against Kobi’s jeans (more catlike than wolflike), Liz transformed back, too, so that she could answer verbally instead of telepathically.  Her expression was still tight with anger, and maybe more hidden beneath, and her posture was closed off as she crossed her arms.  However, her words were surprisingly calm, “My cousin on my father’s side is due to have a baby any day now – and they already know that it’s going to be an Alpha.  Their pack only has one Omega, of course, so they’ll be in the market for another.”

“We’ve asked them to take in Clarissa,” Kobi took up the narrative with a sigh and a twist of his lips, “Considering the age-difference, it will be more of an honorary position – she won’t get any power – but it should keep her safe and secure, and she won’t be without a pack entirely. The new Alpha won’t be old enough to formally bring in pack-members, but it’s not unheard of for a new Omega to hang around until that day comes.  The Tomlin pack should accept her, despite the circumstances.”

“And what have you told them about the circumstances?” Marcus had to ask, not sure whether to be fascinated, relieved, or a bit horrified. He felt a brief flash of jealousy and anger at Clarissa for getting this opportunity while he himself remained packless, but then he remembered that he couldn’t belong anywhere – because if he joined this Tomlin pack, it would only be a matter of time before his unpleasant history blew up in his face. His jealousy burned out almost instantly in a sour, painful sputter of sparks. 

At that point, Declan himself decided to change back, answering even as the last of his thick, black pelt was being replaced by tanned skin, “That she attacked another Werewolf with the possible intent to kill. They deserve to know what they’re getting.  They know about Rob, too, and that he could be tried for breaking and entering and destruction of property, but I wanted to keep everything in-house.”

Marcus had no response for that.  Possibly, it was because this all sounded very well thought-out for a plan that had to have been made within the last few hours (this must have been what Declan, Kobi, and Liz had been telepathically discussing even as Marcus had woken up in the Alpha’s bed).  Possibly, the reason Marcus had no response was because Declan had transformed too quickly to take his clothing into account, and now wasn’t wearing anything as he had reverted to his human shape.  So there was Declan Fen, in all of his glorious nudity, and apparently quite unaware of it. His body was gorgeous – muscular and tanned, marred in only a few places by scars and both of his forearms presently sporting thin cuts from Rob’s claws.  Marcus at first stared because Declan also had blood smeared primally around his chin and throat, but his eyes definitely dipped all the way down to Declan’s toes and back up again, seeing a lot more than the patches of bloody skin. 

Liz, of course, started snickering and giggling, breaking what had been a rather grim atmosphere.  “Dec-Declan? Declan, I think you broke Marcus.”

The Omega immediately tore his eyes away, flushing so furiously he thought his ears would spontaneously ignite, even as Liz’s laughter became more pronounced. It sounded like Kobi was trying to be diplomatic and hush her, but maybe that was just his excuse not to look at anyone but his amused girlfriend.  Amidst pack-members, nudity was pretty normal, but manners also existed.

For his part, Declan swore and scrambled a bit, trying to cover himself for just a moment before muttering, “f**k it,” and darting into a nearby room. Said room looked to include a washing machine and laundry hamper, so the blond-haired Alpha returned a moment later with a pair of wrinkled shorts on as well as an embarrassed expression. “Sorry-” he started to say, the tan of his cheeks replaced by a hot blush. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Marcus rushed to interrupt what would undoubtedly have been a painfully awkward apology.  Liz was still giggling, although now Kobi was holding her and murmuring in her hair – it sounded, to Marcus’s keen ears, that the male Beta was trying to convince her to stop laughing before she antagonized someone into a fit of temper. Unfortunately, it didn’t sound like Kobi was trying very hard, and his mouth was hidden where he was pressing it against his girlfriend’s red hair.  It looked suspiciously like Kobi’s broad shoulders were shaking with suppressed amusement of his own.  Looking anywhere but at Declan and all of his muscles and skin, Marcus went on stiffly and utterly inelegantly, “It was nothing offensive.  Really.  Werewolves and transforming and… all that.  Uh. Just… don’t mention it.” ‘Ever again,’ his tone added at the end with the kind of desperation usually only found in life-or-death situations.

A furtive glance at Declan’s eyes showed that he was in total agreement. 

“You’ve got something right here,” Liz gained command of her laughter enough to turn around to Fen, rubbing at her own chin.  For a moment, Declan’s brows knitted, but as he raised a hand he felt the little smudges of blood well enough.  It wasn’t much, but it was all over his mouth.

“Dammit,” he swore again, and then said, “Look, you guys stay here and order pizza or something.  I’m going to make sure that Rob and my aunt really got the message and are leaving. And Marcus?”

The Omega immediately straightened, head turning around to fix Declan with his full attention as anxiety and insecurity sizzled through his stomach. He didn’t know what all of this meant for him.  “Yes?”

Rubbing absently at the blood slowly drying on his chin, touching it briefly with his tongue before realizing what he was doing and making a face, Declan replied, “Consider this your home for the immediate future.  If you seriously hate the idea, we’ll… work something out. I want you to stay, though.”

Declan sounded so sincere that Marcus was put off-balance for a moment, literally shifting his weight like a slim tree in a sudden gust. He had to blink and stare for a breath or two before he realized that he was supposed to say something, which led to more blushing and a self-conscious glance at the three Werewolves staring at him.  “I… er…” he stumbled over the simple act of getting his words in order, and had to clear his throat as his voice grew suddenly rough.  Finally, he just shrugged and folded his arms in front of him, studying his feet as he stated the obvious, “I’m not exactly spoiled for choice, so I’ll stay.”

Fortunately, no one chose to take exception to his tone of voice, which had been gruff unintentionally.  Marcus’s vocal cords appeared to have betrayed him, and he didn’t know what to do about that except stop talking.  Declan merely flashed a relieved but brief smile, and then wandered off swiftly to the bathroom, presumably to wash his face off.  Something about his posture and gait suggested pain: his shoulders were taut, the muscles standing out in sharp relief against his back as he retreated, and his steps weren’t as even and smooth as they usually were.

As if reading his mind, although Marcus was pretty sure that was impossible for anyone except, inexplicably, Declan, Kobi regained Marcus’s attention by murmuring softly, “I saw a banishment once before, so I know, but not a lot of Alphas really talk about it.  Breaking a link between pack-members like that is brutal on different levels for everyone.”  Liz had stopped laughing, and Kobi was now just stroking her back slowly where she stood tucked under his arm.  Both of them now looked solemn, and Kobi kept talking in a voice designed not to carry to Declan, “You probably know this, but it’s the Alpha of the pack that holds all of the telepathic links.  We can all talk to one another, but he’s the one who ties it all together.”

“And the one who feels the wound when one of those links has to be cut,” Liz finished, casting a sympathetic look over her shoulder to the closed bathroom door, where they could now hear water running. 

In an abstract way, Marcus had known this – after all, it took the actions of an Alpha to both create and break the bonds between pack-members – but he’d never been in a position to really think about it very deeply. At that moment, he wondered if Omegas were the only ones who kept secrets about their caste. “Will he be all right?” he found himself asking, feeling an unexpected tightness around his heart as he stared at the closed door.  He didn’t dare go in there and ask the Alpha himself, but Marcus realized that he dearly wanted to know the answer, regardless of whether he was part of this tiny pack or not. Looking back in his memories, he tried to recall if his mother had seemed hurt or in pain after she’d gently broken his link to the family pack, but couldn’t remember. 

“Just give him a bit of time,” Liz reassured, managing to flash a smile that only had a few shadows in it.  “How about it then?”

Marcus turned to her, trying to hide the suspicion in his voice and face, “How about what?”

The red-head smiled more brightly.  “How about pizza?  We had sandwiches, but that’s hardly a meal, and I say that we deserve the kind of distraction that only greasy cheese and perfectly cooked dough can offer.”

Both Marcus and Kobi were helpless not to chuckle just a little at Liz’s description, as she stubbornly tried to turn everyone away from the trauma that they had just endured.  No matter how much any of them had hated Rob or Clarissa by the end, the two had still been family – been part of their pack – and suddenly having them gone forever was a hard blow to weather.  As Liz led the way to the kitchen where the number for a good pizza-place was affixed to the refrigerator, Marcus tailed obediently behind and tried to reach inside of him to that place where his Omega power lurked.  This wasn’t his pack, but for all that they were doing for him, he figured he owed them whatever he could do to ease the emotional (and in Declan’s case, physical) pain they were feeling. While Liz and Kobi bickered good-naturedly over what to order and Liz pulled out her cell-phone to start dialing preemptively, Marcus managed to call up his empathic abilities a little, using them carefully and gently as he thought about how brutally Clarissa had misused hers.  Thinking over her abuse of power towards him made a shiver run through Marcus’s body, but he waved off the brief looks that Kobi and Liz cast his way, gamely entering their conversation to distract them.  In truth, Marcus still felt rather raw inside, as if he’d pulled a muscle that he didn’t have a name for, and spreading calmness to his new companions felt a bit like walking on a sprained ankle.  He did it anyway, clumsily but determinedly, focusing on how much Liz and Kobi deserved to be at peace right now.  Declan needed that more, probably, but Marcus didn’t think he had the range to affect someone even as far away as the kitchen’s doorway, so he focused on what he could do.

By the time Kobi left the room, promising to go pick the pizza up because delivery-boys always seemed to get lost, both Betas were looking notably more relaxed.  Marcus blushed a little and looked away when Liz pulled Kobi in for a concise but obviously heart-felt kiss before they parted. 

“Hopefully he won’t eat all of it before getting it back here,” Liz teased once her boyfriend had left.  The young woman smirked at Marcus and opened her mouth to say something else, but then looked past him, and the Omega turned around just in time to see a bushy black tail disappear out the back door.  The door shut quietly behind Declan.  “I sincerely hope that neither of those bastards come back,” Liz hissed with surprising ferocity but a look of pain on her face, “because it’s going to hurt Declan even more if he has to drive them off again.  I’d take his place right now, but I’m not sure I could best Rob in a fight – at least, not if he has Declan’s aunt with him.” Looking frustrated now, and very territorial for a young woman who wasn’t all that physically intimidating, Liz spun on her heels and stalked purposefully over to the coffee-maker.   She started to get a pot going.

Feeling his stomach tossing at all of the turmoil in evidence all around him, unaffected by his measly capabilities as an Omega, Marcus stood uncertainly on the other side of the kitchen and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t… I can’t begin to say how sorry, because I know that I’m at the middle of all of this, and it wouldn’t have-”

“Nope, we’re not talking about that Marcus,” Liz cut him off without the slightest sign of hesitation.  She was still fiddling with the coffee-maker, but her voice was strong and sure, “We’re not going to talk about you blaming yourself, because there’s nothing to blame.” Sharp green eyes glanced back at him. “If Clarissa and Rob were capable of doing what they did, then it doesn’t even matter who they did it to – if not you, then someone else would have suffered eventually.”

Marcus wanted to agree with that, but couldn’t quite let himself off the hook that easily. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his borrowed trousers, and argued, “It’s not every day that a packless Omega wanders in, though.  They felt threatened by me.”

Liz made a scoffing noise and turned back to the percolating coffee. “That shouldn’t have made either of them into terrible human beings.  Sit down, Marcus.  It’s been a long day, and I’d much rather talk about the weather, or even sports, than who’s at fault for what.  Do you want coffee?”

Honestly, Marcus rarely drank coffee, but at the moment was too startled to do anything more than sit down obediently and reply, “Sure.”

Liz ended up pouring them both coffee; Marcus sipped at his, and even managed to enjoy it after adding liberal amounts of sugar and creamer. They actually ended up talking about the weather, and eventually about cooking, and other neutral topics, although they never got around to sports.  It was all just ‘surface talk’ – the kind of conversation that never went more than skin-deep, and mostly just served to fill the empty spaces and keep both of them from thinking about what had happened today.

Just as they were in danger of running out of pointless things to talk about (at which time they’d either have to drown in uncomfortable silence or talk about more dangerous things, like how Marcus was doing, or – goodness forbid – what he’d said about his past), Kobi came back with a shout of, “Pizza for the starving masses!  Declan still out?”

“Yes,” Liz replied, and that was all that was said on the matter. Kobi came in with an influx of new banal topics of conversation, but the two Betas also managed to enliven the conversation a little bit by talking about themselves and each other. Childhood stories came up; past shenanigans and fun anecdotes.  Liz even mentioned the Tomlin pack and her relatives once, although what Marcus mostly got out of that story was that he wouldn’t have wanted to be in that pack much. It felt evil to think it, but Rob and Clarissa would be getting their just deserts, if the Tomlin pack’s Alpha was as crotchety and grumpy as Liz described him to be.

The evening was spent amongst just the three of them, and neither Liz nor Kobi so much as mentioned Declan, suggesting that they suspected him to be out for some time.  Still, despite so many metaphorical elephants in the room, it was one of the nicest spans of time that Marcus could easily remember.  His own happy memories had mostly ended four years ago, so even something as simple as eating pizza and pretending to be normal with two Betas from another pack was like heaven to him. 

Of course, reality had to intrude.  Sometime after the pizza (pizzas, plural, actually) had been set aside, everyone full but a few stray pieces still left for the absent Alpha, Marcus’s ears started ringing.  He was so caught up in the story that Liz was telling, that for a moment he didn’t realize what was happening.  It took a few minutes more before the ringing transformed itself into a slow but steady heightening of his sense of hearing.  Things got decidedly less fun from there, with a hectic few minutes spent with Kobi and Liz fretting over him, Marcus trying to tell them to be quiet while also talking almost too softly to hear, and everything getting progressively harsher and more painful on his ears.  It didn’t take long before the two Betas realized what was happening, and there was a blessed moment of silence as they stood over where he was folded over in his chair. While Liz and Kobi exchanged worried, grim looks over Marcus’s bent head, he pressed his palms more tightly to his ears and tried not to let tears fall down his face as he mourned the happy moment that had been shattered by his own worsening malady.

There was no more talking after that, at least not in anything above a very hesitant whisper.  Liz and Kobi probably also talked telepathically, because without any verbal signal, Liz left the room and Kobi knelt down carefully in front of Marcus.  Feeling insecure and out of his depth, not to mention scared in a directionless way that came with having no problem to fix or enemy to fight, Marcus drew back from him as soon as the Beta’s face hove into view. Kobi raised his hands silently in a gesture of harmlessness, however, his expression showing understanding. Never saying anything, Kobi pointed towards his own nose before making a questioning face.  After a confused second, Marcus realized that the other young man was asking whether his sense of smell was acting up, too, and Marcus shook his head even as he felt his face heat up ashamedly.  He was a wreck, literally falling apart at the seams, and people had to ask whether he had multiple senses on the fritz.  Too embarrassed for words, Marcus rested his elbows on his thighs and ducked his head down, hands still over his ears and eyes closing to avoid Kobi’s pitying expression.

A tap on the shoulder was the next thing that drew his attention, and he glanced up from under his bangs to see Liz back, and offering him something in her hand.  Earplugs. Gratitude rushed through him so powerfully that he felt a wobbly smile split his face, and a cough of laughter spilled out before he could catch it.  Even that small sound ricocheted against his eardrums, and he bit it off with a wince. Nonetheless, he reached out to take the earplugs with a nod of thanks.  As soon as he took one hand away, however, he gasped as he was bombarded by the ambient noise around him – from the rush of every breath the Betas took to the thunder of their heartbeats.  Marcus couldn’t get the earplugs in fast enough, and even after he did, he was helpless to do anything but scramble out of his chair and retreat to the far side of the kitchen – away from Liz and Kobi. 

Most all of Marcus’s instincts begged Liz and Kobi to leave, if only so he could not be deafened by the mere sounds of them living. 

A tiny but very real part of him fractured and died a little as they did exactly that, hovering uncertainly for a moment before leaving him alone. It was what he’d needed, but at the same time, not what he’d wanted at all.

~^~

It took ages for Marcus’s hearing to die back down to manageable levels – time that he spent in the kitchen, mostly just huddled in one of the chairs and staring out the window as the sky darkened.  He didn’t cry, because he told himself that this wasn’t something worth crying over, and he just had to sit this out like he’d done a dozen times before. This episode was longer than any others, however, making anxiety and fear claw at the lining of his stomach. Despite the distance and the earplugs, he could hear the muffled sounds of Kobi and Liz still in the house – nearby if he needed them.  Twice, Liz came to the edge of the kitchen and whispered, “Better?”  Both times, Marcus had to hold back a wince and shake his head – although the second time he managed to mouth ‘Thanks’ as distinctly as he could.  Liz gamely flashed him a smile, and then walked away again. 

Finally, after it had actually gotten too dark outside to be much of a view, Marcus’s hearing lowered down to the point where he wasn’t a complete cripple, and he used that new freedom to tidy up the kitchen a bit. That option was less frustrating than the alternative, which was just to sit like a deteriorating lump in the Fen-pack’s household.  Running water to fill the sink with suds only made him tense up a little bit, and if he was careful, he could wash the dishes without too much ear-rending clanking. The earplugs stayed firmly in place, but he itched to pull them out, because that would mean he was okay, that he wasn’t too broken to be fixed. 

It was nearly ten at night before he was able to, making this the longest episode yet. 

Kobi and Liz were still awake, but it sounded like they were in one of the bedrooms.  What they were doing, Marcus thankfully had no idea, now that his hearing was down to a normal range. They were quiet, however, with only the occasional sound of voices drifting all the way to the kitchen. There was a high chance they were talking about him, Marcus realized with an acidic taste in his mouth, although there were quite a few other topics from today that could easily be vying for attention.  Marcus was drawn from his morose musings by the sound of the door opening, and tensed up watchfully where he was still standing by the kitchen sink. 

Paw-steps moved through the house, and a moment later, Declan’s familiar, ink-black head peered into the kitchen.  The big wolf’s ears and tail were drooping a bit with tiredness, and despite the fact that he was still physically huge, he wasn’t projecting such a presence as he usually was, which engendered a pang of sympathy from Marcus. “I’m not the only one having a bad day,” he found himself murmuring in a voice that was soft and raspy from misuse. Not thinking about it – probably too drained to do so if he tried – the blue-eyed young man walked over to the table, where the remaining pizza slices were still sitting in the box. He’d been on the verge of putting it away, but something had stayed his hand.  Now, as Declan watched him with his intensely golden eyes, Marcus grabbed a clean plate and pulled three slices of bacon-and-pepperoni layered pizza onto it.  “Want it warm?” he asked, still quiet, ears still tender even if they weren’t trying to deafen him anymore.

After another long moment of merely staring at Marcus, Declan’s black snout moved side to side in the negative.  Marcus just nodded back, and proceeded to step forward and put the plate down on the floor at the Alpha’s feet.  Moving around this close to an Alpha had become something that haunted Marcus’s worst nightmares, ever since he’d ended up on his own, but either he was too wrung-out to care or something had changed. 

Belatedly starting to really consider his own bravery and forthrightness, Marcus let go of the plate and retreated to his previous chair as fast as he could without appearing to be rushing.  He was distinctly aware of Declan’s fatigued, lupine eyes following him the entire way, but by the time Marcus sat down, the Alpha was devouring the pizza as delicately as a wolf could. 

Thinking back on how he’d calmed down Liz and Kobi, but how Declan had been out of range, Marcus pretended to watch the darkness outside the window while he listened to the relatively quiet sounds of Declan eating and steadily, clumsily, but determinedly stretched his abilities to sooth as far as he could.  It still felt a lot like moving pulled muscles, but the fierce sense of pride in what he was doing made it worthwhile.