Instinctual

Chapter 16

Wanting to test and see whether his presence was more tolerable to Marcus’s nose just as it’d been more soothing to his ears than the rest of the pack, Declan left Liz and Kobi to their own devices and slipped quietly into the bathroom.  Marcus heard the door easing open and flinched where he was huddled over the toilet, but he aborted the movement to cover his nose when he saw that it was Declan.  “Alpha,” he greeted, a bit more formal than he’d been all day, which was yet another sign that he really wasn’t feeling well - or that he was feeling more ostracized than ever.  Sitting on the floor with his arms draped over cold porcelain, Marcus certainly looked pathetic and lonely, reminding Declan that this was what having no pack meant to an Omega.  Marcus took a cautious but obvious sniff through his nose, then sighed and dropped his head in relief.  

“Okay?” Declan asked, ready to leave again if necessary.  Marcus gave a blissful little nod, which in and of itself was sad - the bar had to be set pretty low when something as simple as ‘not going into sensory overload’ counted as ecstasy.  Declan closed the door behind him and cautiously sat down on the edge of the tub, wringing his hands as he tried to get his words together.  The smaller man didn’t seem to mind.  He’d dropped one arm down to his lap, making space for his head to rest against the toilet seat in a way that didn’t look comfortable, but must have been, because Marcus’s blue eyes had closed.  His pale skin was paler than usual from being sick, save for unhealthy spots of color over his cheekbones and dark, tired shadows under his eyes.  Declan wondered if there really was any way to put meat back on Marcus’s bones and help him regain his strength when he kept getting setbacks like this.  “Did you ever research… this?” Declan found himself asking, vaguely indicating Marcus’s condition with a wave of his hands towards the toilet bowl and the unfortunate Werewolf collapsed in front of it.  One blue eye opened to a bare slit, the color appearing brighter because the sclera around it was slightly bloodshot.

After a beat of silence, however, Marcus cleared his throat painfully and sat up a bit more.  Looking embarrassed, he idly swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, and Declan took that as his cue to fill up a cup of water from the bathroom tap to give to him.  A bit of rinsing and spitting later, and Marcus seemed ready to talk.  “I haven’t had the cash to get myself a laptop,” he admitted, eyes down, “and for at least the first year…and maybe even now… I’ve been paranoid about public places like libraries or internet cafes, and there aren’t as many books on Omegas as you’d think.  I had a scare…”  Marcus paused, shrinking in on himself a little, and wouldn’t meet Declan’s eyes.  He backed up in his story, “These symptoms started up after about six months on my own - but they weren’t anywhere near this bad!  Every once in awhile, I’d just have moments where I was just a bit more sensitive to some sound or smell, or sometimes touch, and couldn’t turn it down for an hour or two.  But it was never anything major.  I thought it was connected to migraines or something, because my mom used to get those.  It got a bit worse, but the bad episodes would happen… I don’t know?  Once a year?  Maybe?  So I never actually thought about researching it until recently, because it’s only started to get really, really bad this year.  But…”

Declan had sat and listened quietly, but when it seemed like Marcus wouldn’t continue, he prodded gently, “But you had a scare?”

“Yeah,” Marcus flushed and nodded, sitting back against the wall to Declan’s right and drawing his knees up.  He looked terrible.  With short sleeves, it was clear to see that he still had stitches in his arm from where Clarissa had gotten him, whereas Declan’s own wounds from Rob were healing far faster - a sign of Marcus’s compromised Werewolf healing ability - and old scars were visible, too.  His face wasn’t quite gaunt, but was narrow enough that he had a vulpine look to him.  “When this all started to get worse, I went to the public library to see if I could find out anything about it.  This was two towns ago, and it’s probably the closest I’d come to being caught by the police since I first ran for it.”   His hand shook badly as he lifted it and ran it back through his hair, putting the straight, brown strands into stark disarray even as his eyes took on a hunted look.  

Declan’s own eyes widened and he sat up a bit, surprised as much by Marcus’s words as by the protectiveness that rolled through him.  “What exactly happened?”

“I don’t know if they were looking for me specifically, or…  I just don’t know.  Either way, I’d come into the library about three days in a row, between the two jobs I was working, and was looking up what was wrong with me.  I’m not all that tech-savvy, and I originally thought that this was just some weird, hereditary migraine, but I’d started to realize that it was an Omega-specific ailment that came with being away from a pack,” Marcus continued to explain, “After that last day, though, I came back to the library to find it swarming with police.  Actually…”  Marcus chuckled, but it was humorless, and sounded more like a sob.  “I was having an episode then - a mild one, but still pretty bad.  It was one of the ones that affects my hearing, so I was still a block off when I started to pick up more voices than expected.  Instead of walking further, I stopped and managed to focus enough to zero in on some of the voices, and thankfully, the library sat in a quiet part of town, so I wasn’t too overwhelmed.  But I heard a bunch of cars, police radios, and people talking about Omegas, and research, and asking around about me.”  Finally, Marcus looked up at Declan, his expression so lost for a second before he looked down at his hands where he was tangling and untangling his fingers in his lap.  “I never heard my name specifically - just the alias I’d given the librarian - so maybe the police always keep an ear out for Omegas deteriorating like I am… but I don’t know.  Either way, I was already paranoid, so I’ve been too much of a coward to look it up since.”

“Hey, Marcus, don’t say that,” Declan murmured, the whole story hitting him like a punch but the last sentence truly slicing into him.  He leaned forward to cup a hand over Marcus’s shoulder, knowing that it put him in the Omega’s personal space - leaning over him - but feeling pleased when the lean young man didn’t flinch.  “You’re not a coward.”

One side of Marcus’s mouth kicked up wryly.  “You clearly don’t know me very well.  Didn’t I mention that I’ve been on the run for four years?”

“Yeah, but you stood up to me,” Declan reminded, sitting up again, putting on a slightly affronted face at being told he was wrong.

Marcus’s half-smile still wasn’t a very funny one, and he countered without sparing himself, “You mean I cowered.  I’m pretty sure that when I met you, I cowered.”

The memory wasn’t exactly a nice one for Declan either, so he looked away, but turned back again when a new point came to him, “How about with Liz and Kobi, then, huh?  Pretty sure that they’ve told me some pretty impressive stories about you when your back was up.”

Looking like he didn’t know whether to be embarrassed, uncomfortable, or secretly slightly proud, Marcus’s expression twitched again and he let out a little cough that might have been a laugh.  “You’re talking about when I threatened to shoot your Betas with a gun I didn’t own,” he guessed, “I’m pretty sure that someone with real bravery would have just transformed and attacked them.”

Declan was warming up to this conversation, though, and just smiled instead of being set back.  “Maybe true, but that person would have to be both brave and stupid - and, to tell you the truth, I prefer smart people to brave ones, and you’re about the most sensible person I’ve ever met.”

The compliment startled Marcus.  He didn’t have anything to say to that, and just sat, blinking slowly.  It truly looked like he didn’t know what to do with sincere praise.  

Declan went on, voice softer but no less candid, “And when you didn’t attack my aunt, when you had every right to, that wasn’t cowardice either - that was good sense, too.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Marcus argued weakly, unconsciously reaching up to touch the stitches at the side of his neck, then his arm, before making an aborted stretch to the stitches hidden beneath his pantleg.  

“Choosing not to engage in violence isn’t a sign of weakness,” Declan kept arguing gently, having wanted to get this idea out for some time, ever since he’d realized that Marcus was probably a pacifist beneath all of his snarking and snapping, “In fact, I bet it takes more courage.”  Because it looked like Marcus was precariously close to either blushing to death or having some sort of emotional crisis (and Declan wasn’t entirely sure he was prepared to deal with that), the Alpha left it at that and changed the subject, “Look, Liz might have found something.  Clearly, computers like her better than most people, because she just started looking and found a rumor that says maybe turning into a wolf more often might help with your senses.  I think that the idea is that you should be able to control or handle the overload better.”  Seeing Marcus’s blue eyes widening, Declan held up his hands, cautioning, “It doesn’t sound like a cure, but maybe it’ll help.  Have you noticed that being lupine is better?”

“I don’t transform much, actually,” Marcus admitted unexpectedly, looking uncomfortable again - if he’d truly ever stopped looking uncomfortable.  It was sad for Declan to see someone so not at home in their own skin.  The Omega indicated himself with a wry quirk of his lips, elaborating, “I mean, I don’t stand out too much like this, but as a wolf, I’m kind of distinctive.  White’s a rather rare color, and I’m obviously a young Omega by my size.”

Declan was about to say that he thought Marcus’s sapphire eyes were distinctive regardless of what shape the rest of his body took, but swallowed those incriminating words at the last second with a vague choking noise that he hid with a cough.  After the inappropriate events of this morning, now didn’t seem the time to admit that he found Marcus’s eyes to be so enchanting.  “So you haven’t changed regularly since everything happened?”

“I’ve barely transformed at all - and never outside,” was Marcus’s blunt reply, even as his expression said he was thinking of the idea with growing interest.  He looked up at Declan uncertainly, and asked in a more hushed voice, “You really think it’ll help?”

“I don’t know,” Declan said truthfully, strong shoulders lifting in a shrug, “But it makes sense.  All of us have heightened senses as wolves, and our bodies are more equipped to handle them.”

Marcus began considering the idea with acceptance if not enthusiasm, nodding as he murmured, “Okay.  Do you mind me staying in the house?”

“No one is going to see you outside.  We’re kind of off the beaten path.”

Jaw setting stubbornly and some of that fragile determination lighting his eyes, Marcus merely repeated more clearly, “Do you mind me staying in the house?”

Sighing as he realized that Marcus’s nervousness and paranoia wasn’t something that could be fixed in a day, Declan nodded.  It wasn’t as if Liz, Kobi, and Declan himself didn’t pad around the place on four legs all the time anyway - the fact that Marcus was asking was just a formality, a sign of politeness that Declan really wished Marcus would stop doing.  That was yet another thing that he didn’t think would be swiftly remedied, although the Alpha was by now determined to make Marcus feel at home here.

The offer to add Marcus to his pack continued to float around in the back of his mind, but it was still so tangled up in the painful memories of Clarissa and Rob that Declan couldn’t touch it yet.  He hoped that this temporary remedy of Liz’s would give him some time to think, because he wanted to help Marcus, but he didn’t know if he could right now - not without suffering psychological damage himself.  Besides that, entering into a pack was a big decision, and Marcus had not only been on his own for years, but was as wary as a winter hare.  Being told that his only chance of survival lay in letting Declan bite him and drag him into his pack would be not unlike making a decision at gunpoint.  

While Declan unhappily tried to figure out when life had gotten so complicated, Marcus closed his eyes and focused.  The change took a long moment to start, adding backing to the fact that the Omega didn’t actually transform that often despite how many times Declan had seen him in his lupine form, but then gained momentum with the sounds of snapping bones and stretching sinews that had long since ceased to make Declan bat an eye.  Soon Marcus was settled into his other form, standing up a little shakily and taking stock of himself.  “Better?” Declan asked, taking in the white wolf in front of him.  Marcus had had the opportunity to shower since his induction into the Fen household, and it showed: his pelt was brighter and a bit fluffier, although it wasn’t quite healthy and sleek yet, and even in this form the stitches he had in his skin were retained.  They looked stark and black against his pale coloration.

Too late, Declan remembered that Marcus actually only had a problem with other people’s scents right now - therefore, his question was moot.  But Marcus merely shrugged, eyes on Declan but ears swiveling towards the door.  His body language spoke of anxiety, tail tucked low against the back of his legs and ears flattening to his head when they were done listening.  He didn’t go for the door immediately, clearly worried that this wouldn’t work and he’d end up being overwhelmed as soon as the more complex scents of the house hit him - so Declan took the initiative, standing and heading out.  “Come on,” he coaxed, and thought he heard a soft whine as an answer, but Marcus gave in and followed.  Declan pretended not to notice that the Omega followed him so closely that his nose nearly brushed the back of Declan’s knee, clearly insurance in case he needed the Alpha’s stabilizing scent to buffer him.  

Nothing terrible happened when they got out into the hallway, except for Marcus bumping his snout against Declan’s leg sharply when the Alpha stopped.  Feeling more amused than anything else, Declan just stood there, posture easy and arms crossed, watching as Marcus ventured further and further away from him like a particularly wary pup.  Declan found that he liked watching Marcus move, whether Marcus was a wolf or a human, because he picked his steps so carefully, adding a dance-like quality to his tread.  His pelt was bristled slightly in wariness, but after getting about four body-lengths down the hall from Declan, he seemed to relax.  “Nothing overloading you?” Declan called, and Marcus’s ears sprang up and turned back towards him before his eyes followed.  This time, there was a more immediate, sure nod, and Marcus’s snout even twitched as if he were tempted to flash a canine smile.  He was still too reserved for that, but Declan would take any progress he could get from his new house-mate.  Careful to stick to yes-or-no questions until he succeeded in re-initiating the telepathic link again, Declan stuffed his hands into his pockets and asked, “Do you think you’re up to eating anything yet?”

When he got a shy, tentative affirmative, Declan grinned and strode past Marcus into the kitchen.  

What followed was an unexpectedly nice, domestic evening shared between Declan and Marcus.  At first, Declan wondered where Liz and Kobi had gotten to, but while he was making a snack for both of them, he caught Marcus staring off into space with his pale ears alertly lifted.  They were focused out towards the woods, and the look on Marcus’s face was… almost one of longing.  Focusing his own senses, Declan quickly picked up the sounds of running pawsteps and delighted panting as Liz and Kobi raced through the trees not far from the house.  When he opened his mouth to make a comment about it to Marcus, however, he Omega caught him looking and realized that his own interest had been noticed.  Head and ears dropping in embarrassment, Marcus slunk under the table, circling within an artificial forest of chair-legs and looking decidedly unhappy about it as he did so.  Declan didn’t know what to say, and could only watch and sigh as the Omega - still determined not to go outside where he ran the risk of being seen and recognized - lay down on the linoleum.  Never had a wild creature looked so out of place amidst the trappings of civilization.  

Just for that, Declan decided to find some leftover chicken in the fridge, and added it to the plate he was putting together.  “Marcus - coming?” he asked, stepping purposefully towards the living room.  Still looking sad, the white wolf’s head nonetheless lifted, and he scrambled up even though there hadn’t been an order in sight.  Claws flexing in uneasiness even as he watched Declan curiously, Marcus trotted after him, eventually accepting the invitation to jump up and share the couch.  Putting a plate made up largely of leftover pizza, chicken, and a sandwich in between them, Declan flicked on the television and settled in.  “Just make a noise if you see something you like,” he said, although he was aware that Marcus was still watching him more than anything on the telly, “And anything but the sandwich is all yours.  But you should probably eat slowly, since you just spent the last few hours being sick.”

Huffing out a breath that was part agreement, part ruefulness, Marcus relaxed a bit and even, after a moment of eyeing the plate, stretched his neck out to nose at a chicken leg.  The bone itself would be unwise for him to eat (every Werewolf had seen enough warnings about splintering chicken bones and a dog’s digestive system), so he tried to tug at it carefully.  Eventually, hesitantly, he placed a paw against it with his claws lightly extended, but it was all done so delicately that Declan knew Marcus was trying to go unnoticed again.  It made him sigh.  And then it made Declan reach out, taking the chicken-leg - Marcus pulled back from it in a flash - and tearing the meat away from the bone with his fingers.  “Sorry, you looked like you could use the help,” he said, a bit embarrassed at his own impulsive assistance.  Still, Declan gamely held out the shredded meat, while blue, lupine eyes watched him a bit incredulously.  

After only a moment, though, Marcus leaned forward again.  Impressive teeth showed for a moment and a pink tongue - so bright against the whiteness of his coat, and colorful against dark gums and the interior of his mouth - snaked out, claiming the tidbit gracefully.  Declan smiled broadly at the whole exchange, even as he ripped off a bit more.  They continued like this for some minutes, mostly with Declan putting the bits of meat on the plate, because that felt less weird than hand-feeding someone he’d only actually met a few weeks ago.  When Marcus finished up with that and moved onto the leftover pizza, Declan let him be, focusing on his own sandwich and the hockey game he’d found on the television.  By the time both hockey and sandwich were finished with, Marcus was lying on the couch, eyes closed, breathing deeply.  Declan counted that as a win even as he felt himself relaxing at the mere sight of his companion finally looking at ease.  

Removing the plate as quietly as possible, Declan settled in to watch some more mindless television and simply feel proud of himself for doing something right with Marcus for once.  

“Did you miss us?” Liz’s voice called into the house, accompanied by the creak of the door swinging open.  Declan had heard his two remaining Betas even before they’d touched the doorknob, but being asleep, Marcus hadn’t gotten the forewarning - instead, he just heard the door slam accompanied by sudden voices.  With a mental crackle like static down a landline, Declan felt the spike of sleepy panic rush through Marcus’s system even before he jolted awake, paws pedaling and the fur along his spine standing on end.  The fear was so visceral that for a moment Declan choked on it, overwhelmed by the unexpected telepathic connection, even if it was a haphazard, shoddy link.  Fortunately, even young Alphas like Declan had fast reflexes and good instincts, both of which had the blond-haired young man moving swiftly as he grimaced his way through Marcus’s startled fear.  

Mostly, he was just picking up on emotions, but beneath them he could interpret the shape and nature of the Omega’s alarm, too: Marcus wasn’t used to being awoken by opening and closing doors or by voices, because he’d been living alone for years, so any such noises were now a total anomaly to him.  Of course he’d jump to conclusions before the rest of his brain caught up with him.  Finding himself in his wolf form couldn’t be helping either, because Marcus had already explained that he felt more vulnerable like this instead of less - true, he had fangs and claws, but he was also stripped of his anonymity.  Yelping high and sharp, Marcus nearly rolled off the couch and bolted before Declan surged his way and caught a handful of his ruff.

“Marcus-!”  He was about to say something like ‘Calm down!’ or ‘Stop it!’ but then remembered that there was more wrong with the packless wolf than just his senses - his sensitivity to commands was also cranked up dangerously high.  Fortunately, just the sound of his name was enough to get Marcus’s attention, although not before the Omega had turned on the hand holding him still.  Declan had already tensed, clenching his jaw in preparation for a lot of pain as narrow white jaws twisted around to close over his bicep.  

But Marcus never bit down.  Sanity came back into his eyes as they locked on Declan’s, the two of them close enough that Declan could pick out the fine, short whiskers amidst the fur of Marcus’s muzzle, and the tiny notch in one of his ears that was no doubt a connected to a bad memory that could’ve been worse.  Blue eyes widening, Marcus froze for a moment with his teeth just dimpling Declan’s tanned skin on both sides of his right upper arm, and then suddenly the Omega was letting go as if he’d closed his jaws on a firecracker.  He jerked back so hard that Declan lost his grip, and by the time Liz and Kobi raced into the room, Marcus had backed all the way up until his tail and hind-legs had thumped into the wall between the television stand and a bookshelf.  He looked possibly more terrified than before, but in a far more cognizant, aware way, as he stared at Declan and what he’d almost done to the larger Werewolf.  

The telepathic connection was still there, but it was shaky and unreliable.  ‘Oh god… What did…?  ...So sorry…’ and different variations came through to Declan’s mind in bits and snatches, the sentences cutting out sporadically.  

Everyone was shocked and confused.  Liz’s green eyes were flicking between everyone, and she gasped out, “Marcus!” as much because of the state he was in as because he was a wolf at all - he truly was a shock to see, so stark white.  She’d seen his wolf form before, but it was hard to get used to, especially with him cleaned up a bit.

Marcus never turned his attention from Declan, though, and slowly let loose a whine like it was being peeled out of him in a bloody strip.  It was such a helpless sound, confused and lost as to what to do, that everyone in the room shivered and cringed a little - by the way Kobi actually jerked a little, Declan sincerely wondered if Marcus had somehow managed to create an impulsive link with all of them.  Looking cornered but so far from violent that it was almost unnerving, Marcus slowly and shakily laid down on the floor.  It was a lot like what he’d done that first time, in the kitchen, purposefully making himself small by tucking his feet up under his body.  At least he didn’t turn belly-up this time, although Declan was still feeling a bit sick at the abject show of submissiveness.  

‘...Sorry,’ rolled down the link again, painfully sincere, ‘I didn’t know what I was doing… Or else I wouldn’t’ve…’’

Liz stepped forward.  Her eyes were red like she was about to cry, and Declan remembered then how deeply she’d picked up the scent of Marcus’s emotions in the past - and they’d hurt her, heart-deep.  Now she was staying calm, however, and slowly removed the distance between herself and Marcus.  He watched her uncertainly as she knelt down in front of him, never once hesitating - perhaps because she knew as well as Declan did that Marcus wasn’t going to attack her, or perhaps because she realized instinctively that as a Beta, she was physically stronger than him as a wolf, if need be.  She reached out a hand and slowly stroked it down his head, and her voice was as soothing as rain to a desert.  “Marcus, sweetheart, it’s okay.  Come back to us, please?”