How Lost Souls Love

How did you know?

Maisie POV

My dad and I pulled up to the shop and hopped out of the car. My cousins were already there and busy at work so I didn’t interrupt them. After all, I’d see a lot of them. 

I followed my dad to his office and sat down at his desk as he closed the door behind us.  

“Alright. So how much of the job do you remember?” 

“I remembered enough to fix the battery on the car that was here yesterday. I can still change my own tires, do oil changes, and almost all of the basics. I might not be ready to pull an engine completely apart to find the problem… but I’m pretty solid.” 

“Well.. Noah said he will give you any training you need. For the most part I’m finance and ordering so I’m not on the floor much nowadays. I got some jumpers and shirts in the closet over there. Take your pick.” 

After throwing on a petite romper and rolling up the sleeves I pulled my hair back and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t look like my usual self. My makeup wasn’t on, no heels and no fake smile. Maybe it was a good thing. After all, me and my old self didn’t seem to be compatible at the moment.  

For the next several hours Noah walked me through some basic tuneups. Most of the walk in oil changes and change of tires I managed to argue my way into doing it myself. 

By lunch time I was sweating and elbow deep in grease and oil. But I was also still really good. The hard work kept my mind off of things. 

“Hey Maisie! Dax just got here with the food!” Maru calls from the break room next to my dad's office. 

“Be there in a sec!” I call back. I’m changing the headlight on a small blue Toyota Camry. It’s almost done so I don’t wanna waste time. I toss the old light aside and grab the new one to click in place. Leaning over the hood of the car I push it back through the whole and click it to keep in place. Easy Peesy. 

“Maisie?” 

Startled, I turned at the voice right behind me. I hold my hand to my chest and try to take a deep breath. It's just Dax. It’s just Dax. It’s just Dax, I tell myself over and over. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Foods here.” He said throwing a thumb over his shoulder. He looks at the car and then at me. He nods with a slow approval “Looks good.” 

My heart aches in a delicious way. Did he mean me or the car? Probably the car. I wipe my hands on the towel I pull from my pocket and nod. He stands and stares for a second before giving a polite smile and walking back to the break room.

I sigh. I was so close to having a trigger free day.

Dax POV

After lunch I pop in my earplugs and pull the pinto into my spot and take a look. The problem is that this car has been taken apart and put back together so many times that the thing is practically screaming to junk it for parts. This thing is basically a piece of s**t. It reminds me of the first crap car my mom had gotten me when I started driving. Only lasted me about a year before it puttered to a halt on the side of the freeway.

At the time that it happened my mom thought it was hysterical. Her laugh infuriated me. Now I would do anything to hear her laugh again. A different kind of laugh sounded from down the hallway and I see Maisie smiling as she's bent over the hood of a green ford truck. Noah is looking very annoyed with his head in his hands.  

I have to admit. Seeing how much Maisie was able to do today on her own was impressive. Most girls wouldn't get car grease under their fingernails let alone across their forehead like Maisies. She was even wearing one of our old uniform jumpsuits, and making it look damn good. Her ponytail let strands of hair wisp against her neck and she flicked it back to get a better look at whatever Noah was trying to get her to pay attention to. I can barely hear them through the ear plugs. 

“I'm telling you it's the Battery.” Noah says annoyed.

“And i'm telling you it's clearly the starter or ignition switch. There’s no build up and it still seems to be new and have a charge!” She defends. 

“Alright then, dont trust me. Believe it or not i'm pretty good with cars. I do work at a car shop you know.” he says walking around her to get in the driver's seat with the keys in hand.

Noah gives a cocky grin through the window and… nothing. No sound, no clicks. Just.. nothing.

I smile. It’s definitely the starter. If it was the battery the car would have at least tried to turn over or clicked from lack of power. Lack of sound meant nothing was even sending a signal to turn the car on. 

Maisie mock licks her finger and draws an invisible line in the air. Then winks at Noah.

“Alright, alright.. You win.” he says giving her a shove.

“Yeah. But it seems she’s all yours now. I don’t know how to do all that. Sorry.” She shrugs. 

I hear a faint ‘pop’ from the street and my body tenses. The sound threatens to send me over the edge and into an episode but the ear plugs work like a charm. I count. I do the math. I pull myself out fast. I've gotten used to the sound of old woman Irahs car backfiring around this time on her way home from work. It happens almost every day as her little station wagon fights to get over the hill. Im proud of myself for doing so good. I almost smile. The sharp cry from Maisie makes my heart sink.

“Get away from me!” she screams crawling backwards and kicking her feet at Noah.

Shit… I jog over and push Maru and Shawn back. “Stop, give her space. Go get Lotto.” I say sharply.

“He left an hour ago.. He had to pick up our part deliveries…” Shawn says watching Maisie and Noah struggle with each other. Clearly him and Maru know less than I do. I turn to Noah and see him trying to grab Maisies arms and force her into a hug.

“Stop! Noah dont!..” Whack. Her hand collides with Noah's cheek and she goes into hysterics.

“Noah back up! Just stop!” I say pushing him back.

“Get off me Dax!” Noah says trying to get back to his sister who has pushed herself all the way back to the wall. 

“Trust me!” I say as I kneel a bit in front of her with my hands out where she can see them.”2+2 is 4” I say clearly. I can hear Noah trying to say something behind me to get me out of the way but I just keep going. 

“4+2 is 6... 6+2 is 8... 8+2 is 11...10+2 is 12..” I keep going hoping it will work.

“No… its .. not..” she is still shaking violently. But I can tell she is listening. She's trying to fight it just as much as we are trying to help. That's good. It means she is strong. The thought makes me smile a bit.

.

“Yes it is.” 

“No..”she stammers. Her eyes are dilating in and out. Adjusting to the light as she comes slowly out of her nightmare.

“The sky is blue. The ocean is blue. Bananas are blue.. They also smell like socks.” I say with a twitch of a smile.

“What?” she says. Her voice is a mixture of fear and confusion. But from experience I can also hear the slightest sound of humor. 

Noah stands slowly behind me and watches us without saying a word.

“They're yellow.”

“Mmm.. pretty sure they're blue.”Maisies eyes wander up from the floor and find mine. I give her a gentle reassuring smile. “You got it?” She nods lightly and cautiously looks around her. Only Maru is still next to us, Shawn no doubt went to call Lotto. I hold out my hand but she shakes her head lightly. She needs a second.

“Hey Maru, can you get her a bottle of water?” I say over my shoulder. He turns and rushes to the breakroom. I take a deep breath. She looks at me and I do it again hoping she gets the hint. Another slow deep breath. Maisie takes hers slowly. Then keeps doing it herself until her face gets her color back and she seems back to her old self. Again I reach out my hand, and this time she takes it tentatively as I pull her up. She looks to Noah and her hand goes up to cover her mouth. Her eyes water. I look over to Noah and see his cheek is bright red with a deep red scratch mark from his ear to his chin. 

“Noah.. im so sorry..” 

“Don't even worry about it Maiz… Why don't you go sit in dad's office for a bit and take a minute. I'll finish up the car.” he says, turning away. I don't miss the defeated look he has on his face. I know how much it hurts him to not be able to help Maisie through this.

Maru comes back and hands me the bottle of water. Maisie has already made her way to her dad's office so I walk up to the door and push it open. Maisie is sitting behind the desk with her knees pulled up to her chest in the chair letting out a soft cry. I knock lightly to let her know I'm there. 

“Here's some water. Just take some small sips and relax.” I say as I sit it on the desk. I go into my pocket and pull out one of my extra baggies of ear plugs and sit them next to the water. “Take these too. They don't completely block everything out, but it makes loud sounds bearable.” I say with a small smile, then I turn to leave.

“How did you know?” She asks softly. So softly that I almost didn’t hear her. 

“Just have some experience with it is all.” I say as I reach for the door. 

“But how..??” She tries to ask. 

 I can’t bring myself to answer. I know that probably makes me a coward. I'm doing a bit better than Maisie is but there’s no way I’m ready to talk about it. I look back at her and her beautiful blue eyes and just smile. 

“Just relax. Your dad will be back soon.” I say as I pull the door shut behind me. For a moment I feel bad. I know what it's like to just want someone to be able to understand you. But the pain Maisie was in couldn’t be anywhere near the pain and guilt I feel. I would never outrun what I did. And I didn’t want her pity. 

I threw myself back under the hood of the pinto and cleaned and took apart things that didn’t even need cleaning. Lotto eventually got back to the shop and went straight to his daughter. Not long after that Noah drove her home. I could feel her eyes on me as she went out the back door but I kept my head down. Her eyes saw straight into my soul and after today, my soul was a little too raw. 

“Boys! Come on in here for a second will ya.” Lotto calls from his office door. 

I sigh. Shawn and Maru go through the office before me and lean against the wall. I chill in the doorway and give him my attention. I know what he’s gonna say. He has to explain or give us something. This is what I feared people doing for me. Having to make excuses or explain to people why I do the things I do, even if I don’t want them knowing. 

“Alright guys. I’ll give it to you straight. Maisie is gonna be living with us permanently. She’s not going back to New York. Something happened to her and her mother and it really did a number on my baby.” He says sadly. I see some anger flash in his eyes too and I can tell we aren't gonna get the full story. It makes me a bit relieved. It was Maisies secret to keep or tell. And it looked like Lotto was going to let it stay that way. 

“She’s trying hard to figure out how to cope but sometimes it can’t be helped. If it happens again just … let her be for a few moments.. she can usually pull herself out. Don’t touch her. It just makes things worse. Call or text me right away and I’ll be here as fast as I can if I’m not already here. If it’s just you guys, distracting her like Dax did today is a good place to start.. it helps take her mind off.. the trauma. Other than that Maisie will be just fine.” He finishes trying to give a reassuring smile. 

“We still having her party Saturday?” Shawn asks. 

“Ofcourse. Family is what she needs right now. And it’s been awhile since she’s seen all of her family.” 

The guys smile and agree. Everyone’s almost done so we agree to call owners and have them pick up in the morning. 

“Dax hold up a second.” Lotto calls as I go to leave. “I want to thank you for what you did today son. I know it couldn’t have been easy. But it meant a lot to me.”

I don’t quite know what to say. So I just smile and nod. 

“How are you doing?” He asks, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

“I’m ok. As good as it gets.”

“For now. It gets easier Dax.” I don’t point out that easier isn’t the same as being better. “How are you sleeping?” He asks with concern etched on his face. 

A part of me tenses. Is this his way of seeing if I’ll come clean about this morning? No.. I don’t think I’d be alive if that were the case. 

“About the same. I don’t like the pills.. they make me groggy. I spend more time in a haze than I do asleep. Not worth it.” I say like it’s no big deal. 

“My doors always open.” He reminds me. 

“I know.”