How Lost Souls Love

He Didn't Mean it..

Maisie POV

“Hey Maisie?!” Noah whines from the other side of the bathroom door. “Are you almost ready yet?” he says, knocking repeatedly strictly with the purpose of annoying me. I have only been in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I don't know why but Noah was really starting to get on my nerves today. Maybe it was that I've barely slept ten hours total in the past 3 days, but all I know is that I'm over it.

I swing the door to the bathroom open and glare at him. My toothbrush is hanging from my mouth and I'm in my boxer underwear and a tank top. Noah immediately covers his eyes. “Maisie! What the hell are you doing! Maru, Shawn and Dax are right there!” he scolds fumbling to grab the handle of the bathroom door while still covering his eyes.

“I'm trying to get dressed and multitask! Use dad's bathroom if you have to pee or something.” I say kicking the door closed in his face.

We are getting ready to go to a tourist spot that Noah had wanted to show me last year but didn't get to go to. The day he was supposed to take me there was a bad rain storm so we decided to stay home and have a harry potter marathon instead.

I was all for going until I woke up this morning and now I just wanted to wrap my fingers around Noah’s hair and pull. I was angry and upset for seemingly no reason. My emotions seemed to be dialed to the volume of 100 and flipping to a new channel every 2 minutes. 

I pop my tooth brush out of my mouth, spit, and throw it down on the counter in frustration. 

“Uggghhhh… you know what… f**k it” I say. I grab my shorts and throw them on, then shove my hoodie back over my head. I won’t even bother trying to put a bathing suit on if all people are gonna do is rush me or stare at me like a freak later. Just forget it. 

I throw my hair into a bun and open the door. The guys are all in the living room laughing and having a good time. I want to yell at them. How dare they have a good time while I’m over here getting yelled at by Noah for no reason. 

In my head I know that makes no sense. 

I KNOW that nothing about this is Noah’s fault. 

“Dude, you're still not ready? Maisie it's a beach you need your swimsuit.” Noah says looking at me like I don’t already know that. 

I try to take a deep breath so I don’t snap at him. 

“Maisie.. if you don’t feel up to going we don’t have to go. We can stay home. Do you need dad?” Noah asks. 

Dax turns to Noah and smacks him on the arm. He is glaring at him while simultaneously looking at him like he should have known better than to say what he just said. 

“What?! Don’t hit me!” He says annoyed at Dax. “If she thinks she’s going to have an episode she should stay home.” 

At this point I’m pretty sure I could breathe fire. I can feel myself holding my breath and I don’t know how I’m supposed to react. 

Dax throws his hands up in the air. “Seriously dude.” He says rolling his eyes. 

Dax understands. Noah is pitying me. He is treating me differently and it’s one of the biggest triggers ever. Knowing that no matter how many good days I have, even the people that are supposed to love and understand me the most are just waiting for me to have another bad day. 

“Oh I’m going! I’m just not driving with you!” I shout, grabbing my purse from the counter. “Come On Dax!” 

Then I’m out the door.

Dax. POV

I'm laying on the couch waiting to leave. Maisie is changing and then we are supposed to head out to the Trench. It’s a pretty cool and relaxing spot. We all made sure to get our cars done so we could go in the middle of the week to avoid crowds. 

Noah knows I can’t be in a place with more than 10 strangers at a time. Maisies party was alright cuz I knew most of the people and the kids were asleep most of the time I was there. But I didn’t have too much faith in other people I didn’t know. 

Noah is going on about how the last time we all went Maru thought he could do a backflip and completely smacked his entire back flat on the water. We ended up going home because he was in so much pain. 

We are all laughing about it when Maisie comes out of the bathroom. She’s in some pretty short shorts and her usual oversized grey hoodie, but still just as gorgeous as ever. I’m about to say hello when I see her face. 

Shit…

Her eyes are red rimmed like she’s either been crying, barely sleeping, or with our luck both. Noah has been trying to rush her since I got here 20 minutes ago. I thought maybe she just took forever in the bathroom. But now I see she’s trying hard to keep it together. 

“Dude, you're still not ready? Maisie it's a beach you need your swimsuit.”

I swivel my head to Noah. Can he really not see that Maisie just needs a minute? I look back at Maisie and I can see her cheeks turning pink. She’s glaring at her brother but he doesn’t seem to care. 

“Maisie.. if you don’t feel up to going we don’t have to go. We can stay home. Do you need dad?” Noah asks her. 

Seriously?! I swat him on the arm and give him a look trying to tell him to chill the f**k out and realize that she just needs him to lay off. But it’s clearly not working. Noah has registered that Maisies upset but instead of backing off like she needs, he’s gone into overprotective big brother mode. 

“What?! Don’t hit me! If she thinks she’s going to have an episode she should stay home.” He says looking at me like I’m the one who needs to back off. 

I can hear Maisie take a deep angry breath and I just give up “Seriously dude...” I mumble as I throw my hands in the air and just decide that whatever happens next is on him. 

“Oh I’m going! I’m just not driving with you!” She yells, grabbing her stuff and walking to the door. “Come On Dax!” 

My heart does a little summersault hearing her say she wants to still go with me. It almost makes me smile. But then I realize the extent of her words. She just announced she’d rather be with me than go with Noah. s**t.  

Noah’s head snaps in my direction. He’s pissed. He thinks maisie is just being cranky and unreasonable. He gets up like he’s going to go after her but I know that’s the last thing she wants. 

I stand up and stop Noah in his tracks. “Dude just leave it be. Let me talk to her.” I say trying to word it as best I can. 

“No. She’s clearly having a bad day. She shouldn’t go. Move Dax.” He says trying to push past me. I step in front of him again and put a hand on his chest. 

He throws me off angrily and glares at me. “Dax.. MOVE.” He says starting to puff up like a football player. 

“No.” 

“MOVE!” 

“No!” I say louder and shove him back. “She’s not gonna lose it! She’s allowed to have a bad day and it not be because of what happened!” I shout pissed off. 

I know what this part feels like. The assumptions that everything we feel is related to that one f****d up part of our lives. It’s bull s**t. I hated feeling like that, and I don’t care if Noah’s her brother. I won’t let him make her feel that way either. 

“She’s my sister! If I say staying home is best for her then that’s what’s gonna happen!” He says throwing me aside. 

I grab his arm and spin him back to face me. 

“She’s my..!”

“Your what?!” He says getting in my face and cutting me off. He’s glaring at me. “You're my best friend but that’s my baby sister..” He says pointing to the door and taking another step towards me. With his eyes, he's trying to tell me I'm about to cross a line that I should know better than to cross. This just pisses me off more. I want nothing more than to help Maisie. To see her happy. What would be so wrong with that?

“You're my best friend but she’s like me!” I spit back at him and shove him off me. “I’m not trying to take your place man..” I say trying to calm down. “This is just something I understand.” 

Noah hasn’t moved from in front of me and I can feel Shawn and Maru staring holes into the back of our heads. 

“Noah, let him go. We can all meet there and it will give everyone a chance to cool down.” Shawn says standing up and coming to put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. 

“Yeah. This is supposed to be a fun day. Let’s just go.” Maru says standing up and stretching lazily. 

Everything they are saying is right. That’s how this should go. But after what Maisie said about her going with me instead of her brother, I know this isn’t that simple anymore. At Least not in her brother's eyes. 

Noah’s watching me. Trying to figure out if all of this really is because I understand her and what she's going through or if it’s because there’s something more. 

And if it is more, then he is showing he would not be ok with it. 

“Fine.” He says. He relaxes slowly and takes a deep breath. “Go,” He says, waving to the door. 

I nod to show him we are cool as I walk past him. 

“Dax..” He says making me look back. His eyes are no longer frustrated or questioning. He’s just.. in pain. Maisie is his baby sister. She’s his other half, partner in crime, and they have always been as close as twins. Knowing that he hurt her.. it’s killing him. 

“Don’t worry man. I’ll talk to her. I’m sure she understands.” I say. Then I walk out of the house and get into the Jeep where Maisie is waiting for me. 

Maisie. POV

Dax climbs into the car and I wipe my eyes. I was trying really hard not to cry but as soon as I got in the Jeep I couldn’t help it. I sniffle and hand him the keys. 

He looks at me for a second, starts the car and then pulls away. 

“Come here.” He says. And holds out his hand to me over the center console. I wipe another stray tear away and stare at him. “I’m serious. Come here.” He says again motioning for me to scoot closer to him. 

I’m too drained to argue and Dax has a way of making me feel better so I scoot closer to him and he grabs my hand entwining our fingers. I lay my head on his shoulder and continue to sniffle quietly. 

I reach up with my free hand and turn the air on full blast so the cold can calm me down. 

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks gently. 

I shake my head no. 

“Maisie..”

“No. I heard him loud and clear. And so did you.” 

“He didn’t mean it maisie..” Dax says gently. 

“Yes he did Dax.” I say sadly looking up to his face. “You know he did.” 

Dax frowns but doesn’t say anything else. I just lay back against him and close my eyes.