How Lost Souls Love

He's like me..

Maisie POV

I spent the rest of the week continuing with the small aspects of the garage. When I had nothing to do I’d go to dad's office and help him organize. I never knew my dad could be so anti-technology. Everything he had was still on paper records. And those paper records were not in the best of shape. 

The earplugs Dax gave me did end up coming in handy. Like clockwork every day around 5 that same car would backfire as it came over the hill. Each day it became a little easier to bear. 

I still wondered how he did it. How did he know that distractions would help pull me out. I asked Noah, but he swore he never told Dax about it. He just said that Dax knew what it felt like. I tried to get more out of him. But Noah wouldn’t budge. 

“It’s not my story to tell.” He’d say. “But he’s like you. He gets it.” He said. And then walked away leaving me to my thoughts. 

I’m in the bathroom fixing my hair when I hear the doorbell ring. My hands drop and I grip the sink. “Deep breaths. Deep breaths” I tell myself. I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like any normal girl ready for a party, my white shorts and purple flowy tank top screams ‘lets party’. But on the inside I feel as if I’m racing at 100 miles an hour on nothing but a scooter. I didn’t have the heart to tell my dad that I didn’t think I was ready for a party. 

Instead I’ve spent most of the week trying to psych myself out that I could handle it. So far there were only 3 people here and I already felt overwhelmed. 

Coming out of the bathroom I’m greeted by my Aunt Lucy. She’s not really related to me by blood but I remember her. She was one of my Grandma Betty’s friends from school. She was a sweet slender woman who knew more about the ocean than anyone I knew. She also had a deep love for mermaids as I recalled. Even had a working conspiracy about how they were real and the government denied it because they were an endangered species. I listened to that theory for two hours the last time I was here. And I left believing her. 

I smiled. “Hi Aunt Lucy.” 

She turned her thick brown hair at me and beamed at me with her bubbly personality. “Maisie! Look at how much you have grown!” She says walking up and crushing me in a hug. I didn’t mind it. I knew her. She was family. She let go and cupped my face in her hands. “You're even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. I’m excited that you're gonna be staying here for awhile.” She says kissing my forehead. 

“It’s permanent this time.” My dad smiles closing the door behind her. I just smile. I don’t really know if anything is permanent anymore. 

The conversation continued and I eventually got lost in a sea of greetings. At first it was easy. It was Maru, Shawn and Dax. Followed by my Aunt Rosa and cousin Eliza. Eliza had grown up a lot and had become a beauty of her own. It was easy to fall into a light conversation with her about how she was doing in school and if she planned on staying in Samoa or going to the states for school.

Then it was My Grandma Betty. Her brown eyes landed on me and my whole heart felt at home. I didn't fight the tears that came when I ran into her arms. My grandma Betty was always the mother I wished I had. She caught me easily and wrapped her arms around me tightly. Her hugs always made you feel like she was pushing all your little broken pieces back together..

 She clearly knew, but she didn’t say anything. Just held me and whispered in my ear to never forget how strong I was. I loved her for that. My Grandma Betty was the glue in our family. She held us together and reminded us that even when we feel at our lowest there are always people around to remind us of how amazing we will be when we get back to our highest. She was the head of our family and the beautiful soul I wished I could grow up to be.

I clung to her for a good hour before I was ready to let go and try to mingle with my other family. She kisses me on the head and gives me a sassy wink. It made me giggle. I loved her with all my heart and I was glad she would always be around. 

After that is when things got difficult. Family I didn’t remember all came to say their hellos. I was forced into so many hugs and handshakes and draped arms over my shoulder that I started to slip.

The crowd of people wandered to every room of the house, outside to the dec and yard, and even my own bedroom where the youngest were taking naps. I didn’t want my dad to see how badly I was freaking out but not having a place to hide started to push me to a new breaking point. I needed out. I needed an escape. I needed it now. 

“Dax! Don’t forget the ice!” I heard my dad call. 

I looked over and saw Dax nod. He was in a dark blue tank top with the word Aloha drawn across the front and black board shorts. He was swiping the Jeep keys off the counter and pulling on his black ball cap when I found my way over to him. 

“Can I come?” I say hopefully. 

He chuckled. “You want to leave your own party?” He said turning to make fun of me. But as soon as he looked at me his face fell. A wash of understanding and pity covered his face. I didn’t want his pity. I just wanted a break. “Yeah. Come on.” He says pushing the door open at the top so I can duck under his arm and run to the Jeep. 

I jumped in and as the garage door opened to let us out I took a deep breath of the fresh ocean air. It filled my lungs and I almost cried. It felt like I hadn’t been breathing all morning. 

Dax glanced at me for a second before pulling away. He lets me figure everything out on my own. I'm grateful for this because even if he does understand there's no way I want to talk about it. After a few minutes his phone rings. He looks down and clicks it off. “It’s your dad. You might wanna text him and let him know you're ok.” He says handing me his phone. 

“It’s ok. I’ve got mine.” I say slipping my phone from my back pocket. I text dad that I needed a breather and offered to help with the store run and that I’d be right back. Then shove it back in my pocket. 

“So.. you good? I can take the long way back if you just need a breather?” He asks. 

I look up at him. He’s relaxed and doesn’t seem to mind that I tagged along in the slightest. “Can I decide on the way back?” He smiles and shakes his head. We pull into the parking lot of the grocery store and get out. “What are we here for anyways?” 

We walk through the sliding doors and I shiver as the cool air hits us. Dax turns and hands me a list. More dip, hotdogs, carrots, Koolaid. This won’t take too long. Dax grabs a little hand basket and I follow him around the store as he grabs what we need. 

“Hey, look! Gummy bears!” I say turning to him with a grin. He laughs and holds out the basket for me to toss them in. 

A child screech sounds from down the aisle. I look and watch a little boy start crying because he wants a bag of candy. He stomps around in place and his mom gives him a look so powerful he decides to pout silently instead. 

“I’m glad I don’t have to ask for permission anymore.” I whisper to Dax amused. When he doesn’t agree I turn to him. I thought maybe he just didn't agree with me, but as I looked at his face I can see it literally palling by the second. His shoulders are tense and I can hear his teeth grinding together as he starts to shake. Noah’s words replay in my head. 

He’s like me….

“Dax… Dax look at me.” I say gently. I’m not sure what works for Dax. If he’s like me then I know the same thing over and over doesn’t always help. 

He’s mouthing something I can’t make out. It’s like he’s trying to fight screaming it out. His face turns read and he’s fighting to take a breath. I know we aren't supposed to.. but I can’t help it. I reach for Dax’s hand and squeeze. He turns toward me and swings the basket into my hip. He doesn’t mean to hit me with it he's  just… pulling me closer? 

This was different. When I got grabbed I wanted to get away.. but for Dax it was like he was grasping for a life raft. He starts pulling us away down the aisle. I dig my heels in when we are away from the people who were watching the exchange. 

“Dax!” I whisper yell at him. “Dax stop we are ok! I’m ok! It’s me Maisie.” I say twisting my hand in his too tight grip. “What’s 2+2?” I ask suddenly. 

He shakes his head. He’s trying to say something but he’s choking it down. He shakes his head again. He’s trying to tell me it’s not working.So I decide on something else and act quick. I know how bad episodes can get from experience if you can't pull yourself out fast enough.

 “What’s your favorite color? Mine is Pink. Pink like the color of my baby nursery. It reminds me of the good times me and my mom had before she started drinking. I also love the snow. It’s white and cold and fluffy. It’s one of the best experiences of my life. Here it’s humid and sticky. I’m getting used to it but I’m not quite ready to call it home.” I ramble. His eyes seem to be coming back to reality. He’s blinking repeatedly so I keep going. “I hate peas. They are always too mushy or too hard and can never seem to be cooked just right. But I do love brown sugar carrots. It’s one of my favorite sides at thanksgiving. 

“What?...” he says in a breathy laugh. I smile because the random fun facts about me seemed to have brought the easy going Dax back to this world. “Who puts brown sugar on carrots?” He runs his hand over his face and then glances around. The mother of the child is trying to be discrete about how she’s still watching us. I’m sure she’s not intending on being rude because she looks more concerned than anything. But nonetheless Dax shifts his feet uncomfortably. 

“Here.” He says, pulling out his wallet. “I need a second. Finish paying and I’ll meet you at the car. My pin number is written on the inside of the wallet.” 

He doesn’t give me a chance to say anything else before he walks away from me. I watch him leave and something in me.. changes. I don’t think it would make sense to anyone else. It would probably even sound mean. But I’m.. relieved. For the first time since that night.. I don’t feel like I’m all alone. I feel like maybe there really are people that could understand. Maybe not all people… but definitely Dax. 

I pay for the groceries and carry them out to the car. Dax is sitting in the driver's seat but jumps out to help me put stuff in before opening my door for me. Walking around to his side, He plops down in the seat with a heavy and deep breath. I know that breath. It’s the one I take whenever I’m trying to reset myself. 

“You really are like me aren't you?” I ask looking at him as he tries to bring himself back together. He glances at me and smiles a little. 

“Mind if we take the long way?” He says hopeful. 

“You read my mind.” 

Dax POV

After the party I drove myself straight home. I didn’t want to be around people. I wanted to get back to my place and unwind. There’s a peace that came with being by myself now. 

It used to make me feel depressed. Like I should be out living the high life. But now I depended on it. If I was by myself it meant I wasn’t responsible for anyone else…

Noah was probably the only person around me nowadays anyways. He was the only one who knew the whole story.  Most people knew the half of the story that made me a ‘hero’. They didn’t know the part that made me a monster. 

I shake my head. I came home to relax. Not dive deep into my problems. I walked to the counter and opened the drawer that I had hidden away the frame with the picture of me and my mother. I look at her smile and close my eyes as I try to recall the love I felt in that memory. I soak it in till I feel the sting of tears trying to surface and then close the drawer again. I miss her with everything in me. Sometimes talking about her helps remind me that she was once here. Other times it reminds me that she isn't here anymore. It's hard to find a balance between the two. 

 I turn and pick up the cat treats off the counter by the sink and shake the bag. 

A big fat tabby scurries out from under the couch in the corner of the room and skids to a stop at my feet. His long hair fluffing out over the tips of my shoes. Beast was very food driven. 

I drop a nice little pile of treats in front of him and sit next to him on the floor, stroking his fur. 

“Me and you found each other at the right time didn’t we Beast.” I chuckle. “Now you just have to learn how to feed me and this will be a two way relationship.” 

My phone dings. I dig it out of my pocket and glance at the screen. It’s Noah. I know he wants to talk and check up on me after leaving early.

“Sorry dude. Not ready yet” I say tossing my phone on the couch. 

My surfboard is sitting against the wall by the front door. Maybe a few good waves will help pull me out of the funk.. it’s worth a try. But I still think I want to go it alone for right now. So instead of texting Noah back I throw on my wet suit and grab my board to head out the door. 

It’s not long before my feet hit the sand. Instantly I feel a little lighter. Stress of today’s attack rolls off of me and into the waves as I splash down into the water. 

I wish I could make it all go away. I wish kids didn’t trigger me. I mean, what chance do I have at having a normal family if I can’t even stand to hear a baby cry? 

I paddle hard and fast. A wave is coming at me high but I’m not ready for it. I push down on my board and duck dive under it. I come out on the other side and shake my hair out. I had to get past this if I ever wanted a shot at a normal life. 

Normal. Yeah right. 

I swing myself around and brace for an oncoming wave. I can feel the water building behind me so I stroke forward. My feet pick up higher and I shoot my shot. I pull my feet forward and straighten. And for a moment… 

I’m flying. I feel chilled through. Awake and alive. I let the ocean do all the work as I take advantage of her beauty. When I’m out here on the water, my mind has nowhere else it would rather be, than right here. 

The sun is starting to set when I finally call it a day. I plop my board on the sand and settle next to it. I’m not ready to leave. 

“I didn’t know you came here.” A voice says next to me. It’s arrogant and honestly ruins the whole peaceful vibe I had going on just a few seconds before. 

“Hey Drew. How’s it?” I say glancing towards him. We give our usual boy handshake before he slumps down next to me in the sand. 

“Good. You know, just trying to fill my time now that I’m unemployed.” he chuckles. “ I’m just chillin for now. I figured I’ll go back and ask Lotto for my job back once the chick leaves.” He says tossing some sand in front of him. 

I can’t help the wave of protectiveness that comes over me. I really don't like the way he's talking about her.. “Maisie isn’t going anywhere.” I say keeping my eyes on the ocean and gritting my teeth. 

“What do you mean?” 

“She’s staying. She’s had a rough go of things lately. She decided to stay with her dad. She works at the shop with us now.” I say. The memory of Maisie leaning over the hood of a truck flashes in my mind. As quickly as it comes I push it away. I need to keep it together. 

“Wait… she replaced me?” He asks almost like he can’t believe it. 

“Not replace you. She probably would have worked there either way. It is her dad's place bro.” 

A honking car blares behind us and we turn. It’s Drew’s brothers. They are in a big red truck raised up to the max, and calling for Drew to get his ass over there. Drew sighs and climbs to his feet. 

“I’ll see you around Dax.” He says winking and walking off. I nod and salute him a sarcastic goodbye. 

What a weird guy. Even weirder family. 

When I get back home Noah calls me and asks if i want to come over tomorrow and play the new video game he had gotten. I decided I could swing by for a few hours. Maybe even hang out with Maisie for a little bit. The thought did wonders on my mood. I noticed that the thought didnt make me completely dread going to sleep. The sooner I go to bed and wake up, the sooner it would be tomorrow.