THE SIREN'S BECOMING.

LOSS OF MY LIFE

ANNA'S POV.

I couldn't move, I just sat there as I watched Neegan's lifeless body.

What have I done?

As I held onto the lifeless body of the man I loved i wondered if I would ever feel the same way I felt when I was with him.

My heart felt like it was fighting to break loose from my chest. My hands started shaking, and my breath started getting short the more I stared at him.

I knew no miracle was going to happen. God was not going to think I needed to be loved and bring him back. As I sat there, I wondered if maybe I had made the wrong choice.

How could it be a wrong choice when I chose myself?

A part of me had loved him, but it wasn't enough to make me believe him. How could he have been the one for me when he threatened to kill me the first day he saw me?

I stared at the little box in my hand, and I could feel the lump in my throat. The life that I always wanted had just vanished like that. I had almost got it, but it had vanished just as quickly as I had dreamt of it.

I could have been happy with him, I think. He could have given me the world, but I didn't want the world from him. He was surrounded by death all around him.

How could a man like that ever make me feel alive?

My fingers fiddled with the pieces of paper inside the box, and I knew I didn't want to read the contents, but I couldn't help but peek.

"My dear Annastasia, I knew that we didn't start perfectly, but I've often heard people say that how relationships start doesn't matter. The time that I've known you, I've come to cherish every moment that we have spent together. I love you and want you by my side till the end of time. I don't think I want to do this life with anybody else, rather than you. When I wake up and see you beside me, I first stare at you and wonder how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life. Maybe I may not be the model man, but I would do anything to make sure you're happy and have everything you've ever dreamed of. I wanna say I can't wait to grow old together, but I think I'm the only one who is gonna look old. Every time you go away, I miss you so much, but I don't want to sound weak and ask you to come back immediately.

I wanna build a home with you and be happy together. I want to give you everything that you have ever lacked. I want to give you the love and safety a man is supposed to give you. I don't know if you want to have kids, but if you do, I can't wait to see little versions of you running around our home. You're everything I ever wanted. You're my whole heart."

I couldn't help the tears that were flowing down my cheeks. As I started at the live declaration in my heart, I couldn't fathom the pain Neegan had felt as he stared at me, fighting for his breath.

I could have had a happy life, and I chose chaos over love. I had wanted to be loved so bad, and when I had finally found somebody who could give me what I wanted, I had thrown it away.

I wanted to wake him up and tell him he was all I wanted. I wanted to tell him that I wanted children with him. I wanted him to know that I wanted to be his wife, but I couldn't, could I?

My heart felt like it was exploding, and as I struggled to breathe i wondered if it would have been too bad if my heart just stopped.

I could be with him and be happy, even if it was for a moment.

I wanted him to know that the house was too big for just me. He had gotten me the house I wanted, and now I didn't even want it.

How could I?

How could I want it when he wasn't there with me ?. I couldn't revive him, and all I could do was hope that he didn't hate me. That as he took his last breath, he didn't regret ever meeting me and loving me. As he lay there staring at my face, all he could think about were all the good days we had. The days when he felt the most alive, and not the last moment when he felt hatred from me.

"I'm so sorry, I wish I could go back in time i wouldn't have done this. I wasn't thinking straight, baby, "I said, breaking down.

"I love you, and I say yes to everything. I say yes to the kids and to marrying you; nothing would make me happier. I can't get you back, and maybe that is the punishment I deserve. You're everything I ever wanted, and I'm sorry I wasn't the one for you. Am sorry that you came into my life when I was already ruined. I'm rotten, and there is nothing good I would have added to your life, just misery. Loving me has made you lose your life. We could have been happy. I could have gotten everything I ever wanted, but I didn't trust you, and now I have lost you ", I said while I held his hand, smiling as if it would change anything.

"In your memory, I hope I remain as you saw me, beautiful and fragile. May your memories of me just be filled with all the good days we had and not this day. I hope you will be able to forgive this betrayal, and in another lifetime, I would have made you the happiest husband. In this lifetime, it's okay if all the bad memories remain with me. In this lifetime, I get to stay alive every day and remember that as I was plotting and doing terrible things to you, all you wanted to see me in a beautiful gown and make me your wife ", I said as I kissed his cheek.

"You are the loss of my life, my love ", I said as I stared at his lifeless body one last time and left the room.

As I made my way into the hallway, the faces of the guards as they saw my tear strikked face was enough to remind me what I had taken from them. To me, he had just been a man, but to them, he was their hero. He was their family, and they had lost someone much greater than I had imagined.