Coming Back Home

Chapter 10: Telling Deedah

TELLING DEEDAH

Four hours of punching keys and highlighting sentences later, Charlie is bored.

It's not like her life has been a bed of eventful events before. Heck, she just got dumped two weeks ago!

After mowing the lawn, dressing the veggie beds and eating a green-free breakfast, Blurin heads upstairs to his room. Situations like this makes Charlie rethink her decision of giving the stranger is own room. Not because she's against it, but because of how bored she feels right now.

If it was the time he was still occupying her couch, she would have basked in the sounds of him flipping to the next page or him hitting his fingers unrhythmically against the hard back of most of the Paranormal books she owns.

Sighing, Charlie picks up her phone.

"Hey, Char-poo!" Dee's overly high-pitched voice squeals through her speaker.

"Deedah..." Charlie trails off, a careful tone sipping into her voice. "What are you doing?"

Shuffling, "What? Me?"

Charlie narrows her eyes, a thought pops into her head, "Deedah! Are you having s*x?!"

This time, her best-friend laughs loudly, "No, Poo-poo bear. This fart bag was tickling me before you called. That monster..." She mutters at the end.

"Oh? Zeus is back from Egypt? When did he get back?"

"Dude just got back yesterday and he's trying to get into my pants," She hears the traces of an eye roll in her tone.

"He's your husband and you're hot, Dee, of course he'll try to get into your pants," Charlie giggles as she crosses her legs.

"Oh, so now you're trying to get into my pants?"

Before Charlie could say anything, Deedah cuts her off.

"ZEUS! COME HERE! CHARLIE IS HITTING ON ME!"

"Don't be silly! Zeus do not believe her!"

She hears a distinctive low rumble-like laugh.

"Hey, I just heard you got back yesterday, how are you doing?"

Deedah laughs teasingly, "That buttcrack? He's sitting right here with me. Dude can't massage for shit."

"Here, have your juggernaut feet back..." She hears Zeus say in the background. Charlie snickers before she yells.

"Hey Zeus!"

"Hey In-law, what's up?" Zeus shoots back. Deedah shoves Zeus's head away from the top of her breast when he leans in.

"Damn, stop yelling in my ear, you doof!" Dee says to Zeus.

Charlie hears Zeus click his tongue before muttering something.

"Whatcha say?"

"I ain't go'n tell you now, In-law's on the phone," Zeus mutters and Charlie blushes.

Those two are the worst. She couldn't probably pick between the two who is more blunter.

"Oh? Okay, but you go'n tell me later, huh?"

"Yeah, you'd like that..." She hears that before sounds of sucking and spit exchange enters her eardrums.

"Ew. They're tonguing!" Charlie drawls in a baby voice. Deedah kisses the man before her before shoving his face away.

"Char-poo, how you?"

"I'm bored! Wanna meet up? I have things to tell you!"

"What kinda things?"

Charlie rolls her eyes. Deedah has a knack for PG 18+ things and knowing that's the only way to get her to meet up with her, she replies.

"Thick and long type of things." Charlie couldn't stop the blush.

"Where do we meet?"

_________

In the next fifteen minutes, Charlie is already sitting in the window area of her favorite tea shop, BriTEAny's Cafe.

Deedah had picked a strip club to meet up but after much cajoling, she finally agreed to meet up at the tea shop with the condition of arriving fashionably late.

The mandatory ring of the bell makes Charlie perk up. Deedah struts in with her hair pulled up in a high ponytail. The wore a knee-length dress gown and fancy flats.

"Oh, you're all dressed up," Charlie teases after she plants a kiss on her best-friend's cheek.

"That asshole called me in to work today. I'm going there after this," Charlie laughs, the colourful honorifics Dee calls her boss not surprising her one bit.

"Yikes! How many hours do you have?"

"Roughly 2-3 but whatever. That dude can choke on his own balls for all I care," Dee rolls her eyes before waving the waiter over.

After they place their order, Dee folds her hands on the table and looks at Charlie with so much intensity.

"You said you we're gonna tell me about your d**k appointment. Start talking Char-poo, I have all day."

Charlie clears her throat, she tucks a strand of ginger behind her ear before she begins.

"So, there's a man in my apartment."

Deedah blinks, "You had s*x in your apartment? Jesus! Charlie, you have a lot to learn."

Charlie facepalms, "No, I did not have s*x in my apartment, and besides, shouldn't my apartment be the safest place for me to have s*x?"

"No, you dumb dumb. You should never bring your d**k appointments home. You can have s*x in so many places like the neighbor's garden or the mall's bathroom or the stairs of a strip club but you never take them home. They shouldn't take you home either, that's like Grade F marriage. Legit."

With wide eyes, Charlie blinks twice at her best-friend. She tries to ignore the fact that her ears feel incredibly hot from discussing her s*x life in a public cafe.

"Firstly, ew. Secondly, you know I can't have s*x in Mama Freya's garden!"

"Yeah," Dee bites her lip, "You're right. She'll probably enjoy watching you guys. That woman is freaky as hell."

"Ye—"

"Don't try to change the subject, Charlie!"

Charlie groans, "I'm not trying to change the subject, Dee! I'm just trying to say it's not safe to have s*x in Mama Freya's garden, she can have stroke from seeing it!"

Deedah smirks.

"Oh my God! Don't even think about it! I know that look in your eyes. If I see your panties in her garden, I'm calling the cops!"

Deedah scoffs, "Yeah, whatever. I don't wear panties anyway."

The ginger glares at her. They break off their banter once their order is placed on the table. She immediately takes a huge sip from her cold milkshake.

"What I was trying to say is... I didn't have s*x with him."

Deedah, who had a forkful of food angled to her mouth, pauses, "Wha... Wait, is it Mario?"

"No! God, no. It's not. It's another guy."

"What is he doing at your apartment if he isn't your d**k appointment? Are you proposing to him or something?"

"I don't know too..."

Dee shoots her a look.

"What I'm trying to say is... After I got back from your apartment that day, I found him on my patio shivering cold. At first, I thought he was an assassin because he's very huge..."

Deedah's eyes lights up.

"—in body size! Not everything is about p***s, Deedah." Charlie clarifies.

Deedah shrugs.

"As I was saying, I thought he was an assassin but turns out... He's not. He's a soldier that got his address misspelled when he was traveling back."

"And how do you know this?"

"His therapist told me... Oh! He's living in my apartment too."

Deedah does a spit-take. Apple juice flies from her mouth to the table and almost on Charlie's food—if she wasn't quick enough to move it.

"What?! Two d***s!" Deedah laughs, "My baby is all grown up now. Soon, you'll be taking it up in the ass."

"Oh, God." Charlie mumurs with a shake of her head.

"I'm not sleeping with any of them, Deedah! They're just squatting for some time till they can travel back to UK,"

Deedah drops her fork, "Char-poo, do you think it's safe? You don't know these guys. They might be actual hired assassins or even rapists! I'm worried about you."

"I'll be fine, Dee. I really trust them, for some odd reason."

"You sure? I can call Zeus to, ya know, shake them up a lil bit."

"No. It's not necessary. Thanks, I'll be fine. They should be leaving soon."

Deedah purses her lip, "Okay, I'll take your word for it."

Charlie nods and turns back to her food.

"So..." Dee begins, "Let's talk about their d**k prints."

Charlie spit-takes.