Marked

Waking Light

“Keene, where the hell are you looking at?! The balls’ right in your face!”

The whistle blew, and the game stopped.

The players ran back to the other side of the field to meet their angry-coach. And I… Well, I sat over the bleacher next to Sophee, who seemed to enjoy every bit of this practice happening. I’d be surprised if she was actually interested in their game, which looked pretty impressive if I say so myself.

“How can someone still look hot after running around for hours?” She said, her eyes shooting rainbows and butterflies. “Nami, he’s so hot!”

Sophee and I sat by the bleachers by the field every time our class ended. It wasn’t an awful view. It was a superb view. If only I hadn’t sat there to watch Sophee throw her heart out to the douchiest guy that happened on the planet, Seth Gnarly.

Seth Gnarly is the type of man you see that would click his tongue as he walked by the hallway. The kind that would wear sunglasses inside the classroom. The kind that would bump you and ask for forgiveness regardless of who’s at fault. He wasn’t bad looking. He was above average in the looks department. He was no exception in the jerk department either.

I sighed, convincing myself that soccer isn’t so bad to watch. The soccer team was preparing for a tournament which happens in three days. That’s why the coach was terrifyingly stricter than usual, I think. Our school soccer team wasn’t the best in the region, but they can be the best if they practice hard enough. We had pretty decent players, and as much as I hated Seth for being your average jerk-jock, he was the best player on the team.

When I turned back to see how Sophee was doing, I never regretted it so fast in my life. She sat there, palms carrying the weight of her head, unable to take her eyes off the man she claimed to be her future husband. “Have I told you how hot Seth looks with his drenched jersey and his drenched hair and his drenched jersey?” She didn’t even realize she just called out to his jersey twice.

My eyes darted back to the field, curious why she was saying all that. Seth ran to the other half of the field, continually contacting the ball with his foot. I didn’t know what’s so special about this Seth that drove her crazy like this, but I was her friend. I ought to support her in everything she does—support her undying love for this douchebag who only knew how to fix his hair whenever he gets the chance. “Many times, Phee. Many times,” I shook my head.

“He’s hotter than hell, even!”

“You said that ten times since we got here—No, you’ve said it a hundred billion, trillion times since you met him. I can’t even keep track anymore.” At that, I pulled out my notebook and pen from my bag in an attempt to finish my unfinished-essay.

“Look at him!”

My jaws dropped in terror when she nudged my arms just as I started jotting down my paper. It left such an unflattering diagonal line scribbled at the center of my paperwork, and it was heartbreaking to see. My head stung. I looked up, and her vision wasn’t even on me. “Seriously?!” I exclaimed, trying to catch her attention.

Her smile faded when she jumped a little from her seat as I exclaimed. She finally turned to me, confused, until she looked down at my paper to see what she had done. Her eyes widened in shock.

“I was halfway through my essay for history class!”

She flashed a guilty smile, knowing I was going to let her get away with it either way. “I’ll buy you gummy jellies?” She grinned playfully. She knew too well I could never resist gummies. “I’m sorry! I really am!” She shook my shoulder, causing me to feel a little nauseous from the movement it reiterated to my head. “I just can’t stop myself.”

“You’re lucky I feel extra diligent today, Sophee Anders.” I squinted my eyes at her in disappointment. I would not continue working on the essay here now after what happened. Maybe I was destined to finish it at home.

I frowned when Sophee suddenly slapped my arms like a broken cassette tape. I looked up to her and found her dazed. Her eyes weren’t on me, though. So I wasn’t sure what was happening to her. I worried she might get seizure any time soon, so I tried to stop her from slapping me by the hand. “Sophee, what’s wrong?” I asked.

She smiled wider and suddenly gripped my arms like how ghosts do in the movies. Her lips moved to point a specific direction, so I turned my head unknowingly. Oh.

“Jay!”

Jay looked up to where we were and flashed a smile. Sophee must have gestured him to come closer because Jay started climbing up to where we were seated. The discomfort I felt… It felt more intense than when Sophee called his name.

I gulped the moment he was only two steps away from us. My fingers fidgeted. I was trying to send Sophee glares to stop her from doing whatever she was trying to do. But she knew I was already sending them because she was doing everything she can to avoid looking at me.

“Jay, hi!” She greeted, and they embraced like they haven’t seen each other around the campus for years. “You look well! Myra must take good care of you.”

Jay nodded with a chuckle and doesn’t respond immediately. “I see you’re still head over heels for Gnarly.”

He looked great, if not better. His hair still fell down his forehead like the last I remember. Seeing him only reminded me of the terrible memories that I hate, so I looked away as if it would help make it go away.

The painful memories of the past will heal, but it will always be there. You can try to forget about it, but it won’t go away. If someone did you wrong, they say it’s best you remember that person and the good things you shared—not the bad ones. Doing that is a lot harder when the actual person who hurt you is right before your eyes.

“You can never trust a woman who changes her heart for someone every two days.” She playfully shuddered her shoulders and ends up giggling. She must have taken Jay’s comment as a compliment. Seth Gnarly wasn’t something to be proud of, though. “How are you these days?!”

I tried to step back, unnoticeable. I didn’t want to talk or say anything right now. I just feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to take part in a conversation where it didn’t feel comfortable. Otherwise, I’d only spit words I’m not willing to blurt out. It just felt so wrong to be standing here between the two of them who didn’t feel nowhere near awkward.

Jay and I were great friends.

We always were until we realized we were more than friends. If I had known that it would lead to a terrible breakup, I should have just settled for less. But I was quite ambitious back then, thinking it could work out the way we both wanted. It’s genuinely regretful to look at him now and wonder how it could have been like if only we remained friends and not lovers.

“What about you?! You never talk to us anymore!” Sophee shrieked in excitement. “You’ve gotten very cool! I see you guys do a lot of performances recently. You’re doing an outstanding job.” Sophee exclaimed. I wish it was easier to excuse yourself from people who didn’t really need you there to talk with, but it didn’t. “I mean, you’re not planning to be perfect at everything, are you?”

“N-No,” he chuckled and suddenly turned to me like he was expecting me to acknowledge his presence or something. I looked away, pressing my lips together hoping this conversation ends this moment. “It’s a long way to perfection.”

I couldn’t stop blinking my eyes. I didn’t know why. Dust from the field? The bright sun? Perhaps it was to prevent me from turning my head towards Jay’s direction. This was the only way my mind could cope up with the awkwardness. People can say moving on from a relationship you cherished is as easy as 1+1. Still, things take time, just like how I’ll take my time to be free from the memories of him.

“I-Is it, really? Ha-ha,” Sophee was obviously teasing me, and I didn’t like it. I’d like to avoid getting caught in Jay’s businesses for as long as I can. I learned the hard way that being involved in his life isn’t worthwhile.

“I guess we can’t have everything we want after all.”

I was quiet, and so was he.

“How’re you doing, Nami?”

Everything stopped. I felt every pain rushing back to my system like a storm. The wounds stung like they were just yesterday. I turned to him with an icy glare and gave a brief answer. “Good. You?” It was brief only because I was desperate for this conversation to end. I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and keeping things short with him would be a wise choice.

“I-I’m good, thank you.” He replied.

“That’s good to hear.” I can’t even explain how awkward this was for the three of us—for both of us, mostly. He should know by now that this would not make things better for the two of us. I’d like it if we just stayed away from each other and talk as little as possible, for that is the only way I can indeed be free from him.

“Jay!”

Everyone turned to the person who called out to his name. My eyes diverted to the back of Jay, where his new girl stood. She looked beautiful—exactly the kind fitting for him and not an ugly duckling like me. Everyone waited for her to reach where we were. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Sophee throwing shady glares at her, which would have been funny if the environment was better.

When she reached us, Jay turned to her. “Myra, I—”

“I thought we agreed to meet back in the room?” she wrapped her arms around Jay’s shoulder, her face so close to his that even I felt a minor discomfort. It didn’t look appropriate to be like that in public, but they were doing it. “I’ve been waiting there for so long, so I came here looking for you.” Her voice was annoying. It was high-pitched, like from those movies of girls who were hated by everyone. “Your dad’s here. He’s in the office waiting for you.”

Sophee suddenly leaned closer to me and whispered, “If you don’t stop me now, I swear I’m pulling that annoying pouty lip of hers because of how thick they are. So thick that they could kiss five lips at the same time—so thick it could fit so much.”

I hissed at her and nudged her arm as hideous as possible to make her stop. Even if she was Jay’s new girlfriend, I didn’t hate her for it, but I didn’t like her either. I’m more on the side of respecting her because I respected Jay’s decision.

“I…” Jay turned back to us. His eyes stopped right at me, as if he was asking for my permission to walk away with his girlfriend.

“Go.” Everyone turned to me in surprise. “Your father’s waiting.” I gulped. “We all know how he’s like if you keep him waiting,” I said, and it seemed to surprise him. I gave a reassuring nod before he gave in.

Ever since he started dating Myra, he seldom talked to us, so it was strange that he even approached us this time. I’d think he even attempted to avoid Sophee and me. The three of us used to be close until the situation occurred, but it’s all fine now. We accept that his priorities were clearly for the betterment of his future.

“I’ll… see you both around.”

“See you,” Sophee replied with lesser enthusiasm than she did a while ago.

The two walked away with Myra’s arms wrapped around him, and not long after, Sophee spoke again. “See? Told you he was being pulled over by her. He’s basically their puppet now. I bet my life he still loves you, and if I could—” she grunted hard, balling her fists, too mad to even finish her sentence.

I sighed, pushing both my hands over the pocket of my jacket as I watch them both walk away. “Let them be.” I said. “It’s their life to control, not ours.”

“I don’t know about you.” She pointed at me, arching a brow. “You let him go so easily.”

I looked back from where they were. “He ended us.” The words came out of my mouth. “Why are you blaming me?” I asked, and she was speechless. “He broke it off because he didn’t want me to be a part of his life anymore, and now I don’t want to be a part of his too.” I shrugged. “Besides, you can’t keep pushing yourself over someone who’s not interested in you.” I looked away, suddenly feeling uneasy. “At least have self-respect.”

“Still,” she defended, so I crossed my arms to listen to what she has to say. “You should have wondered why he ended the relationship—I mean, after being together for two years? Shouldn’t you be asking those questions for yourself? You deserved an explanation.”

I deserve one. “I would ask if we were together for two years, but we weren’t together for two years.” I corrected, raising a brow at her, but she looked at me like she had more to defend.

“You met three years ago.” She lifted three fingers in the air while her other hand rested over her waist. “Ever since then, you both denied you liked each other, and you two always hung out alone together that makes two years of your relationship.”

I laughed at this. “It’s doesn’t work like that.”

“Shoot,”

I turned to Sophee with a questioning look. Her face tensed, her eyes widened as she crammed to grab her bag from the side.

“I almost forgot Ms. Ford wanted to see us for a club meeting! Dang it.” She stood hanging her bag over to her shoulder in frantic. “I don’t want to go. God.” She looked back to the field with a sulky look. “I need to see more of Seth.” She pouted, sliding her phone back to her pocket. “Let’s meet after the meeting, okay? I’ll be back, Seth,” She descended the bleachers and ran away, blowing Seth one last kiss.

And there she goes.

Now that I was alone, Sophee’s words played inside my head. I wondered. You should have wondered why he ended the relationship. Looking back, Jay never really told me a clear reason as to why he broke up with me.

“Maybe we should…” he paused and doesn’t even look at me in the eyes. “—break up, Nami.”

“W-What?” I let out a small chuckle and walked closer to him, trying to make him look at me, but he just won’t lift his gaze—like they were purposed pinned down to avoid my gaze. “Y-You’re joking, right? Ha ha. Funny.” I shook his hand, hoping he’d tell me it was a joke, but he pushes my hands away from him.

At that moment, I felt my heart racing like a jet—my heart feared that he would not say it was a joke, and I wasn’t ready for that.

“I mean it.” He looked up to me, and my eyes had watered. “You’re not good enough for me, and I’m not good enough for you. Let’s just,” he looked down again, but I kept my eyes on him, unable to believe what I was hearing. I wanted it to be a dream. I tried to wake up and be relieved that it was all just a dream, but I feel it. I felt his words poking my heart like a sword. “Let’s just end everything before we ruin each other.”

It’s not like I wanted this to taunt me for the rest of my life. That day, I realized I loved him. That day… I realized how real my feelings were for him—it was a moment I never expected myself to be a part of. That day he said it wasn’t working anymore. I tried to save our relationship. I wanted to have him back in my life. Still, I ended up being desperate in many people’s eyes to the point that it made me feel pathetic and foolish for even trying. That’s when I learned it was better to stop; from those moments when I was chasing someone who was already trying to get rid of me, I lost myself.

“Jay, I-I brought you lunch. I-It’s your favorite. I-I got up early to make those.” I sat next to him in the cafeteria and landed the box over the table, making sure he can see it.

“Nami, what are you doing?”

I looked at him, and he didn’t look impressed or pleased. “I-I made you lunch…”

“Nami—”

“Jay,”

I turned to the girl that just arrived at the table with her food tray. She sat on the other side of the chair where Jay was and clung unto his arms before she turned to me with a vicious glare. “I-I, uh…”

Jay looked at me for a moment, but he looked away as if I wasn’t there.

“Who is she?” The girl asked.

I pulled Jay’s hands and shook him lightly. “Jay,” I still couldn’t make him look at me. No matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t look at me. I wanted to believe that he’s avoiding my gaze because I’d know that he could not be honest with me and his feelings. “Y-You didn’t really break up with me, right?” I felt my eyes stinging, and tears started forming at this point. “Jay, tell me—”

“Stop, Nami.” He mumbled. “You’re ridiculous.”

I acted desperately and foolishly. If I could go back in time, I’d change what I have done. I should have just let him go the very moment he told me he wanted to break up with me. I shouldn’t have forced myself to him like a leech.

The memory still lingered in my head like it just happened yesterday. I didn’t want to relive that moment every time I remember him. I want to relive those moments and be thankful it happened—that they’re memories I can take lessons from now.

I sighed at the terrible memory and shook my head. “Leave it all in the past, Nami.” I leaned back, closing my eyes with a sigh. “Stop bringing it up already and just move on like a normal girl who just wants to make her life interesting.” I knew I was lying to myself. “Just keep moving forward and actually get a li—”

“I gotta say,”

I froze. My eyes flinched at the sound of the unknown voice. What in the world..?

“You chose the right place to play sentimental.”

That’s not my head, right? I mean, I’m a girl, I can’t have the voice of a man in my head—that’s just nonsense. I slowly opened my eyes, turning to where the voice came from.

“The wind has a nice swing to it.”

I frowned as soon as my eyes landed on the person who sat next to me unnoticed. My lips slightly parted at the sight of this man next to me. I’ve never seen him this close, and he looked surreal. Wait, am I dreaming? “You’re—”

“And it’s pretty quiet.”

I stared at him as he kept his gaze at the field. I blinked my eyes, still unsure if I saw right. I leaned closer in an attempt to convince myself that he was just a voice in my head, and I saw my voice physically.

“The view here’s quite something too.”

“Excuse me,” I finally said. “I think you—”

“Oh,” he finally turned his head to face me, and he flashed a smile. “Is it rude to talk to people without greeting them?” I gulped as we stared into each other long enough until he spoke again. “Sorry ’bout that,” He flashed a crooked smile before uncrossing his, apparently, sophisticated legs.

I remained firm in my seat. I still didn’t know if any of this was real after all.

He stood from where he sat, so my eyes followed his movement. He stopped in front of me as I watched in confusion. I crouched away when he suddenly bent down to lean his face closer to me. I was sure I was ready to fight because I lift my hands up in a fighting position to prepare myself for what’s coming.

He let out a chuckle and remained crouched in front of my eyes—truly horrifying. “Hey, princess,”