The Professional

Chapter 5

The rest of the day passed much the same as I talked our way into tours of venues using my connections, and the day had actually been more of a success than I had ever dreamed it would be at the beginning. Six out of the seven venues were able to give us tours, and I felt quite accomplished, if not a little exhausted from all of the walking that we had done for the past several hours. During the day, I continuously texted Lana and Mitch which helped me ignore the loving looks that the fiancees exchanged unendingly.

We made our way back to Grace’s "palace" (as I dubbed it), and I had to sit awkwardly in Phillip’s car as they said goodbye, meaning I looked down at my phone the whole time as they made out in front of the door. I sent a message to Mitch letting him know that I was heading home if he really wanted to meet up tonight like he had said earlier, and I sincerely hoped that he wanted to hang out. I really needed a hug, and I was growing particularly partial to his comforting warmth. After several excruciating minutes, Phillip finally made his way back to the car with red and swollen lips and a dazed look on his face. I tried my hardest to ignore the pulling on my heart as he climbed into the car.

Phillip started the car and headed toward my place before he decided to begin conversation. "So . . . What did you think?"

"About?" I knew he was probably asking about Grace, but I wanted to avoid having to talk about her.

"What did you think about Grace now that you have spent more time with her?" He sounded innocently curious, like a small child asking the meaning of an inappropriate word. He had always had that never-ending curiosity of a child, and I could never resist answering any question he asked me when he asked in that voice.

"As I said earlier, she is amazing. I can't think of a bad thing to say about her. You both make an attractive couple." The terrible thing about my statement was that I meant it. They looked amazing together, and Grace was friendly, beautiful, and kind from everything that I had seen of her today.

"God, I love my woman," he released on a wistful breathe, and if my heart could break anymore than it already had, I knew that the rest of it would shatter at that moment. "She just . . . I can't even describe how she makes me feel. I always thought it was cheesy and lame hearing someone say that another person completed them, but saying Grace completes me wouldn't even cover a fraction of how she makes me feel and how I feel about her. It is insane how much I love her, Tati."

I don't know what prompted him to open up to me like this, but I wanted it to stop. If I had duct tape at that moment, I would make him pull over and tape his mouth shut permanently so that he couldn’t kiss her or talk about her or talk to her. Instead, I sat quietly and willed myself not to jump out of a moving car, which at this point seemed a better alternative than having to sit here and listen to him wax poetic about “the love of his life”. We were almost to my apartment anyway, so I just nodded along complacently and remained firmly in my seat.

"How was your week?" Phillip asked, trying to initiate conversation, but I wasn't in the right frame of mind to hold a decent conversation with him.

"The same as it has always been: obeying orders as they are given to me and answering phones," I replied vaguely and added a wooden little chuckle at the end to try lightening the mood in the car.

"Your friends seem to think that you do more than that."

"Well, they are just being sweet. They have a grandiose view of what I do, I guess. I didn't mean to disillusion them." I watched the neighborhood pass by outside my window and begged for the next couple minutes to my apartment to pass in silence. I checked my phone hoping for a distraction in the form of a text message, but neither Mitch or Lana had texted me back. I guess Mitch couldn't hang out in the end. Sighing, I slipped my phone back into my lap and continued staring out the window.

As we finally pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building, I started beaming as I saw Mitch leaning casually against the side of a car which I assumed must be his. The second that the car stopped moving I hopped out and walked speedily over to him, and when I was within ear shot, I greeted him, "Hey, Mitch."

"Hey, gorgeous." He pulled me into a friendly hug as soon as I was within arm's reach, and I melted into his arms.

"I didn't know if you would be able to meet up today," I murmured into his chest. He left his arms around me as he replied, maybe sensing that I really needed comfort at this moment.

"Yeah, babe. I told you wanted to see you again tonight. I knew you were probably having a rough day." I smiled into his chest after hearing his words.

“Tati?” A voice I knew far too well called out from behind me, and I froze out of shock and embarrassment. To be honest, I had forgotten that Phillip was standing behind me for a few moments, and now that I was reminded of that fact, I came crashing back to reality. Not knowing what to do, I stood staring wide-eyed at Mitch's chest as his arms remained wrapped around me. I contemplated running away. Just leaving the situation so that I didn’t have to answer any of the questions that I knew would be asked.

“Want to introduce me to your friend, Anna?” Mitch encouraged me and gave an endearing smile. Mustering the scrap of courage that I had buried deep inside of me, I took a cleansing breath and turned to face the man behind me as Mitch’s comforting hold slipped from my body.

"Phillip, this is my friend Mitchell Ryan. Mitch, this is . . . one of my childhood friends Phillip Pittman," I introduced tentatively. Mitch was smiling confidently at Phillip, and Phillip had an unusual expression on his face that I couldn't really place. His expression oddly resembled protectiveness, but I knew that that could not be the case.

"It is great to meet someone from Anna's past." Mitch extended his hand toward Phillip, and they exchanged a firm, masculine handshake as Mitch continued to smile and Phillip's expression began to morph to mirror his smile. Phillip’s smile looked a little rough around the edges, indicating that it wasn't a genuine smile, but I was unsure why he would be bother meeting Mitch.

"Great to meet you as well. Do you two work together?"

Mitch answered him before I even had the chance to think of a reply. "No. We met through a mutual friend who set us up on a blind date."

"Oh, really? I was under the impression that Tati wasn't involved with anyone," Phillip challenged with a raised eyebrow. At the time that he asked me, I had never even heard Mitchell’s name, but within two days, I feel as if he is my best friend, aside from Lana.

"She isn't," Mitch answered simply. He didn’t offer any further information as if he knew that his lack of explanation would drive the other man insane.

Finally stepping in, I playfully hit Mitch on the shoulder (It wouldn't hurt for Phillip to think I was involved with the other man. At least then, he might think that other men found me desirable--even if he didn’t.) and said, "Stop it. Sorry about him, Phillip. He likes teasing people. Let me know when you and Grace decide on a venue, and we can get started on the rest."

Phillip looked slightly thrown by the obvious dismissal, but I swallowed down the urge to apologize and to make sure that everything was okay between us. I needed to start focusing on self-preservation and preparing for the inevitable fall-out when this torture finally ended, and I intended by starting to worry less about how Phillip viewed me and by trying to distance myself as much as I could while still having to work with him and to see him regularly. The silence that followed lasted only for a few seconds, but I felt those excruciating moments in my heart as I waited for his reaction.

Luckily, Mitch came to the rescue before I could be mortally wounded and said, “It was great meeting you, Phillip. Hope to see you again.”

“Yeah. You, too. I guess I should get going. Grace and I have a date later tonight.” I flinched almost imperceptibly at that information but managed to keep my facial expression pleasantly neutral. “I’ll see you later, Tati.”

Phillip gave a little wave and back to his car before pulling out of the parking lot, and I stood there watching as he left with a sense of dread about the impending months growing exponentially. If today were any indication, my emotional state for the duration of this wedding planning was going to be very turbulent. Mitch slung his arm over my shoulders and began guiding me to my apartment, and I followed his lead without protest. Mitch didn’t probe me with questions as I unlocked the door to the apartment or as he settled down on my couch or as I brought us both a glass of wine and began sipping, and I appreciated that he was willing to wait until I was ready to talk about whatever it was that happened out there.

Letting out a disheartened sigh, I looked over at Mitch, trying to find the words that I wanted to fully encompass how I was feeling just now, but luckily, Mitch saw the difficulty I was having and came to my rescue by saying, “Well, I have an eery feeling that that could have gone better.”

I let out a startled yelp of a laugh and said, “You don’t say.”

“I mean, I have had more awkward conversations, so overall, it wasn’t a complete disaster in my mind, but it definitely could have gone better. You should have milked the situation a little more.”

“Oh yeah? How should I have done that?”

“Make it seem as if we were dating--would have amplified the jealousy factor.”

“Jealousy? What does he have to be jealous of? He has a perfect girl at home to get up close and personal with, and what am I? His best friend’s dweeby little sister whom he couldn’t give a f**k about.”

“Did you just say ‘dweeby’? But that is beside the point. He was definite feeling something, and if it weren’t jealousy, it was extreme protectiveness--like you would feel for family.”

“Great!” I exclaimed. “I have been permanently sister-zoned! People think being friend-zoned or cousin-zoned is bad.”

Mitch started laughing at me, but I just glared at him as he found amusement in my distress.

“I don’t think he sees you as a sister, not with the way he was looking at me like he wanted to pummel me into the ground for just looking at you, but that might be what he thinks he feels and what he told you he felt,” Mitch declared.

“It doesn’t matter what he doesn’t know he feels, even if he does care about me at all (which evidence suggests he doesn’t considering he went over four years without contacting me). He has a gorgeous, charismatic, charming, all around perfect woman at home that he is engaged to, and I have to plan their wedding. I just need to work on moving on with my life and forget about him.”

A companionable silence fell over the room, and we both sipped on our wine lost in our own thoughts.

“Do you mind if I call over Lana?” I asked a few minutes later. Though Mitch was fabulous at calming my frazzled senses, I just wanted my best girl friend who could understand all the emotions I was feeling.

“No, I don’t mind.”

I call up Lana, and she agreed to come over with more ice cream and movies. She would be the death of any figure I could claim to have. After I hung up with her, I decided to broach a topic with Mitch that I had wanted to discuss, but I stared steadily in my wine glass in order to avoid seeing his facial expression as I brought up the sensitive subject.

“You know, Mitch, you should tell Lana about your being gay. She won’t care about that, and she won’t tell Taylor if you ask her not to. I think you should tell him too, though. From what I have heard from Lana and you, he is a good guy, and I don’t think he would be . . . weird about it,” I said and looked up gingerly up from my glass to see what emotions my words might have caused.

“I don’t know. I have just kept it quiet for so long that it is hard to admit it out loud, as if it is something that I should keep secret,” he confided, and I nodded along to signify my understanding.

“Well, you told me, and I think it went pretty well . . . excluding when I accused you of lying because you wanted to ditch me. Okay, so maybe it didn’t go too well, but it will be different now.”

Mitch chuckled and asked, “And how will it be different now?”

“You have me here with you,” I admitted with a blush. “I won’t let anyone say anything derogatory to or about you.” During my statement, my voice began lowering until my last words were only a dim murmur. Even if I felt connected to the man sitting across from me, I still remained insecure in my own emotions.

“Oh, babe, I know that you would stick up for me if anything went wrong. There was never any doubt in my mind in regards to your loyalty, but your strength doesn’t erase my weakness. I do feel more prepared to admit that I am gay, but that nagging fear is still not completely gone. I still worry about what others will think. I wish that I could be self-assured enough that the opinions of others would not deter my happiness, but I am not at that stage of acceptance yet.”

“I understand,” I said and sipped on my wine for a moment before adding, “and whenever you are ready, know that I am here for you whenever you need me to be.”

“Thanks, gorgeous.” He grinned goofily at me, and I couldn’t resist the chuckle that slipped out of me.

“Be careful. You are going to spoil a girl with those nicknames, and my head might start getting too big.”

“I may have just met you a few days ago, but I can tell you are the best anyone could ever get.” After that statement, I promptly blushed ten times the shade of a tomato and sipped shyly from my wine glass hoping that the moment and comment would pass without further elaboration. We sat in silence for only a brief moment before a harsh knocking sounded against my door. I flinched at the sudden pounding and hopped out of my seat hurriedly before Lana began aggravating the neighbors (who were prone to complaining to the landlord at even the slightest sound) with the ruckus she was creating. Lana greeted me with a blindingly bright smile and charged straight into my apartment without pause until she saw Mitch lounging on the couch, and she looked over her shoulder at me with an inquisitive expression.

“Oh, right . . . Mitch is here too, by the way,” I stated sheepishly. Walking passed Lana, I resumed my seat on the couch beside Mitch and waited for Lana to have a seat before trying to start any conversation.

“I can see that, but I was under the impression that you said that the date didn’t go well.”

Mitch gasped dramatically and exclaimed, “Anna, I can’t believe you! I will have you know that I have very good dates.”

Giggling and patting Mitch’s shoulder in a comforting gesture, I said, “I am sure you do.”

“That’s right I do!”

Lana looked at us as if she would ship us off to the nearest mental health institution for psychiatric observation at the soonest possible moment, and I knew that she was desperately holding her tongue in an attempt to quiet her questions. The issue was that I didn’t know how to explain Mitch and my relationship without telling her the truth, but I wasn’t willing to compromise Mitch’s trust by exposing his secret either. I was attempting to be a good friend to both of them, but by being a good friend to one, I was being a worse friend to the other.

“So are you all dating or not?” Lana demanded.

“Not,” Mitch and I said at the same time and looked over at each other with contained amusement.

“But why?” Lana honestly seemed confused as to the reason why we weren’t dating.

“I told you already,” I said patiently, hoping to hide my anxiety behind a calm facade.

“Don’t give me more of that bullshit about how there is no chemistry between the two of you. Just admit that you are unwilling to move on from a guy who won’t give you a second glance.” Her words cut me to the quick, and I stared down at the wine glass in my hands as an unbearable silence hung heavily in the air. How was I supposed to respond to that statement? I knew that what she said was true in theory. I still wasn’t ready or able to move on from Phillip and wasn’t able to admit it openly yet, but that was not the whole reason that Mitch and my relationship wouldn’t work out. As I began to try responding, Mitch lay a hand on my leg, and I immediately quieted as he began talking.

“I’m gay,” he declared suddenly. I was utterly flabbergasted at his sudden willingness to admit it to Lana and could do no more than stare at him in disbelief. What was he doing? He just told me less than 5 minutes ago that he wasn't ready to come out to anyone else, especially his best friend’s girlfriend.

“Mitch, what are you doing?” I whispered urgently while turning away from Lana’s shocked expression to face him fully.

“Something I should have done a long time ago,” he responded in a resigned voice. He sighed and then continued speaking to Lana. “I am not going to let you keep blaming Anna for this when I am the reason our relationship wouldn't go anywhere, and I will not let your friendship be destroyed because I am too scared to come out.”

I could feel tears brimming in my eyes as he did the one thing he was petrified of to protect me and my relationship with Lana.

“You can’t be serious,” Lana murmured quietly while staring Mitch straight in the eye. Mitch averted his eyes before nodding his head minutely. “I don’t understand. If you really were gay, why wouldn’t you tell Taylor?”

Mitch open and closed his mouth a couple times, trying to gather his voice to reply, and I reached over to place a hand on his arm to offer what comfort I could while he composed himself. He offered me an anxious smile to show his appreciation for the small comfort that I was attempting to give him before taking a deep breath and saying, “I haven’t . . . come to terms with it yet.”

“So, how did you find out, Anna?” Lana asked after a moment of silence.

“Well, he told me while we were on our date. Honestly, I thought he was lying at first.” I giggled a little after the statement, partially due to relief and partially due to amusement at the memory. “I thought he was trying to ditch me, but when I accused him of lying, he just laughed.”

“Yeah. That was a pretty memorable ‘coming out’ moment, especially since it was the first.” Mitch looked off into the distance as if he were remembering a fond memory, but I could tell that he was putting on airs to lighten the mood.

“Well, crap,” Lana pouted.

“Lana, don’t be too upset. It worked out really well. Maybe not in the way that you intended, but it still worked out great. I got a new friend, and it is my first guy friend.” I went over and gave Lana a comforting hug before continuing. “Besides, even if he were straight, it would not have worked out. You are right. I am still hung up on Phillip, and I don’t know how to get past it. I don’t think just throwing another guy in front of me will make all of these . . . feelings go away.”

“Maybe not, but seeing how you should be treated by someone who really cares for you and seeing how you feel about someone who you are really in a relationship with will help you move from this pseudo relationship that you have formed with Phillip,” Lana responded.

“I agree with Lana,” Mitch said. “Also, I think that (if his look from earlier is anything to go by) your dating will make him jealous. I am not saying that he will come running into your arms, but he deserves to feel as if he has lost out. Let me tell you, babe, he really has.” Mitch placed a messy, exaggerated kiss on my cheek to emphasize his statement, and I shoved him away as laughter shook my body.

“You really know how to boost a girl’s confidence. Are you sure that you are only interested in men?” I asked jokingly as I batted my eyelashes at Mitch.

“Aw, babe, if only I could, I would snap you up in a heartbeat.” Mitch cajoled and pulled me against his chest in a tight bear hug. I giggled at his silly antics and ridiculous declarations.

“I doubt that. Even if I had the right equipment, I am probably not your type. I would be out of your league anyway,” I quipped. A brief moment of silence fell over the room as I considered the idea of officially moving on from the only man I had ever loved (Whether that love were really or just a childhood fancy of how love should feel, I could not be sure.) by actually getting out of my sanctuary of a home and meeting people, and I imagined myself standing at the back of a chapel alone on his wedding day--the happiest day of his life--in emotional turmoil over everything as I watched everything I had ever hoped for go to another person. I was helping plan his wedding for crying out loud! I was allowed to move on despite what my heart was telling me.

“Okay, I think you are right,” I agreed. “But I do have some stipulations. No more blind dates, period. Nothing against you, Mitchell, because I am very glad I met you. All of the others went terribly though, and from a romantic standpoint, our date was even worse than a disaster. Also, we have to wait until after the McWate wedding. You know how big this account is for the firm, and I will not jeopardize my job for this.”

“Agreed,” Lana said, and Mitchell nodded along with her.

I guess this is where the next stage of my life will begin, and maybe if I had any luck, it would turn out even better than I had ever imagined.