Living in the Middle

Chapter 4: A Mother’s Love

A Mother’s LoveJimmy strained his neck to see the top of the spire, which rose from the roof of Trinity Church, and thought back to his father’s story about the significance of the building. Son, the long column extending from the roof made this building the tallest in New York until the towers of the Brooklyn Bridge were built. All of the wealthiest and most established families worship here and we like to think the spire is our direct pathway to Heaven. Some people, however, think our pathway should have been more of an underground tunnel! Jimmy chuckled as he recalled how funny his father had considered his joke to be. Dad had so much life in him, how could he be dead? He was my link to all of this—how could I have thought I belonged here? Tears streamed down his face as he slapped the wall Oh God, I’m crying for me, not my dad . . . what kind of person am I?

Benjamin came up from behind Jimmy and touched him on the shoulder. “Not sure what you got against this building, but you don’t need any more trouble. Thought I might find you here. Time to go inside. I’ll sit in the back, but you need to go right up to the first pew and sit next to Mrs. Montgomery. She’s only going to be your mother for about another hour. You understand?”

“Yeah, I do. We need to act like we’re family. What bullshit, Benjamin. You’re my only family now.”

“Well, if that’s the case, family is no longer an issue for you because I’m not going anywhere. Don’t say nothing to her unless you’re asked—stay out of trouble and keep things calm. She’s one tough lady and I don’t claim to understand why she thinks what she does, but she’s been angry for a long time and started acting out some when her daddy passed. After today, she won’t be a concern anymore. Let’s go.”

Jimmy walked toward his mother, who sat alone in the first row. He studied her eyes and realized his interpretation of her blank stare over the years had been wrong. It wasn’t indifference—he had never factored in the eyes. God, she hates me. Got to get through the next hour.

Jimmy bent to offer a kiss on her cheek, but pulled back slightly when she whispered, “Just sit next to me and be quiet.” He did as he was told.

The service began, but Jimmy couldn’t move past the image of his mother’s eyes. He recalled all of the important milestones in his life and realized his mom’s presence had depended on the participation of other family members. She had never been available for private moments of triumph or challenge except for one particular instance—Jimmy thought back to the day when his mother had f*******n him from dating Hilary Miller.

“I want you to date when the time is right, but I do worry that you are going with someone with a connection to the family. If things don’t go well, there might be a certain awkwardness—this is what I’m trying to avoid.”

“Awkwardness?” Jimmy had asked as he took a step back and sat in a nearby chair.

His mother had hesitated, but sat next to him, pausing before resting her right hand on his back. She patted him twice and then pulled back her hands, folding them on her lap. “These things are hard for a seventeen-year-old to understand. Suffice it to say, mother knows best and I’ve made arrangements for you and one of your friends to go upstate for the weekend. Skiing will be fun.”

Jimmy never had his date with Hilary Miller.

He looked up and realized his daydream had lasted longer than he thought. The short mass was coming to an end.

He and his mother stood by the door to accept condolences. When the time came to leave for the family ceremony at the burial site, Dorothy Montgomery pulled Jimmy off into a nearby office.

“I’m sure Benjy told you the story of your blood. Let’s be clear—you are not part of my family and, as far as I’m concerned, you never should have been in my household. Our relationship ends here, but I will assume the cost of your college education and give you a monthly allowance throughout your studies. Once you graduate, I will provide you with a small sum to help get started in life. This final payment will mark the end of our arrangement. You need to go find a way forward with your own people. You had no business being with us here in New York, but I was powerless to stop this terrible charade. Should you become a nuisance to me, I will stop your financial assistance and I will consider any contact, whatsoever, to be a nuisance. Do you understand?”

Jimmy looked again at her eyes, which were trained directly on his—her glower was complete and unflinching. He knew he should look away and agree to the terms, but he stared back. His determination, coupled with his massive size, made his mother blink.

She asked, “Are we going to have a problem? I’m not going to the cemetery and I need to know now if we have a problem.”

He studied her one last time and realized that no amount of reflection would ever enable him to comprehend or appreciate Dorothy Montgomery. He took a step back, turned, and walked away.

Chapter 5