Living in the Middle

Chapter 7: The Plan

The PlanBenjamin enjoyed his time in the kitchen much more than the advance work of menu planning and shopping. He loved the challenge of adding a pinch of this and a dash of that to create a memorable meal. He’d done his best to guide Jimmy when he was younger, but didn’t yet have everything he needed to break through and truly help his new roommate navigate his current circumstance. Benjamin hoped Milton might prove to be the missing ingredient.

Benjamin stirred the potatoes in the boiling water as he remembered his first introduction to Milton three short years ago after Sunday services.

“That’s right, Reverend. I understand college would be a good thing for me, but my mother told me not to get my hopes up. She’s struggling right now and could use a hand with expenses around the house and there’s no extra money for school. No reason to fuss over something that just can’t be. At least that’s what my mother says.” Milton had shrugged as he finished his thought.

The reverend responded, “Milton, I don’t think you ever met my friend, Benjamin, who you may have seen at services on Sundays.”

Benjamin and Milton shook hands and the reverend continued, “Benjamin isn’t a wealthy man, but he has extra money from a college fund he established for his son years ago.”

Milton stood at attention and asked, “Your son was lucky, where did he go to school?”

Benjamin paused for a moment before answering and scratched his head. “My boy didn’t go anywhere. He died when he was only five years old, but I kept contributing to the fund. I asked the reverend to find a deserving person in the parish who needed help.”

Milton glanced at the reverend and then turned back to Benjamin, who said, “I understand you have a chance to go to Howard University. Tell me why I should use this money, which I saved for my own boy, on you instead. What are you going to do with a college degree?”

“Sir, I know the answer to this question is real important so I’m gonna think on this a bit. First, tell me what happened to your boy and what you wanted for him?”

“My son died before his time for school and I didn’t want any particular thing for him, other than to have choices. I think that’s real important in life.”

Milton rubbed his head. “I’m not going to make something up to impress you, so I won’t say that I want to become a doctor to cure a deadly disease or some other lofty thing that might make your head spin. I will say, however, that I like the idea of choices too, and I’m going to do something that will make a difference. Furthermore, if you do this to help me, I promise I’ll help someone else in the future.”

The deal was made and Milton and Benjamin became almost like nephew and uncle over the next few years. It was time for Milton to pay something forward as he promised to do, with advice to a very confused Jimmy Montgomery. He shook off his memory as he heard the boys walk through the door of his apartment.

“So how did you two boys do?” Benjamin asked.

“Real well, Benjamin. Give me a minute to wash my hands. I’ll be right back,” Jimmy said.

“Milton, take a seat. I made steak, spinach, and potatoes.”

“Sure thing, Benjamin. I’m glad we have a chance to talk. He doesn’t yet understand what he’s about to experience. It’s one thing to grow up light-skinned in the Black community, but if people find out he grew up White and decided to ‘cross back over,’ many won’t understand why and lots of folks won’t trust him.” Milton took a sip of his water. “On the other hand, if they think he’s White trying to pass as Black, people won’t understand this at all and he’ll again encounter trust issues. This is a delicate situation.”

“This is why you’re the right man to help us figure everything out. All right, here he is. Sit down, Jimmy. I set up your plate. Don’t be jealous about Jimmy’s portions, Milton; he can eat a bit. Let’s dig in.”

Milton heard a knock. “Are we expecting anyone else?”

Benjamin made his way to the door and found Clora Nanton and her twenty-year-old daughter, Matilda, standing in the hallway—each holding a pie. “Good evening, Benjamin. Matilda and I did some baking today and thought we’d bring some of our fresh-baked specialties over for you and your houseguest. Can we come in?”

“Why of course, Clora. We just sat down at the table, but why don’t you come in and say hello?”

“Fellas, the Nantons stopped by to drop off these fresh-baked pies. Apple, I think.”

Jimmy jumped in. “This is so nice of you. Thank you.”

Clora responded, “Where did you say you’re from, Jimmy? What’s your daddy’s name?”

Milton came to the rescue. “The one thing I learned about Jimmy is that he takes eating seriously and I’m afraid his food is getting cold. He just loves telling his story, though, but maybe we should wait for another day. Like Benjamin says, the boy is a giant and you don’t want to stand between a giant and his next meal, now do you?”

“Of course not, Milton.” Clora turned to Benjamin. “We didn’t realize you were sitting down for supper and had company.” She sucked her teeth and turned her nose up. “Matilda and I wanted to chat with Jimmy, but we’ll leave that for another day. Benjamin, we would love to invite the two of you to come over for dessert this week. Milton, you must be very busy with all of your college studies, so we won’t trouble you none.”

“Should be fine, ladies,” Benjamin answered. “Let me see you out.”

The boys were laughing by the time Benjamin returned to the table. Milton explained, “Clora Nanton has tried to fix her daughter up with almost every man in Harlem. I was surprised she waited as long as she did to come over. I had my turn last year and it didn’t go so well, so I don’t think I’m their favorite person.”

Jimmy chimed in, “Especially with how you rushed them out. ‘You don’t want to stand between a giant and his next meal.’ Really, Milton? This is the best you’ve got and you’re the one helping me with my story?”

The three men shared another laugh. Milton changed the subject. “Jimmy over here has made an impression with his attendance at church today, so we do need to get his story straight. We worked on it all afternoon, Benjamin, and I think he should be the one to tell you because he could use the practice. Go ahead, Jimmy.”

Benjamin asked him to hold his thought and went back to the kitchen. He looked at the pots and pans as well as the potatoes, meat, and spices. He was right—Milton was the missing ingredient. Benjamin went back out to the table to hear their ideas.

Jimmy opened, “Milton gave me some excellent advice today and said that before I come up with my story, I have to decide if I consider myself to be White or Black. Some people are raised Black and when they try to pass for White later on in life; they are forced to leave everyone they love in order to keep their secret. The thing is, my family is gone on the White side and my life is kind of a clean slate, but I think I’m going to want to meet my real mother at some point. I think this means I should be Black. I may not look like it and I may not understand what that means yet, but this is what I am. In the short term, however, I can’t blow my chance for a university education, so I’m going to play both sides for the next four years.”

Benjamin sat in silence and didn’t respond right away. He moved the serving dishes around the table before he said, “This ain’t no game. Nothing about this is playing. I want you to think long and hard about this. You don’t understand what it is like to be Black in America and you can’t decide before you find out. For now, let’s say you are going to live your college years as Black when at home in Harlem and White while at college or at your part-time job and you’re going to do your best to keep these worlds apart. In a way, you’ll be like the United States—war broke out in Europe and we’re not in it yet, trying to play the middle—be neutral—but I’m not sure how long that’s gonna last. You should try to be neutral during college and then, after you graduate, you can think back on your four years living as a Black man as well as your four years living as a Black passing as White. I think you are underestimating how tough the next few years will be.”

Benjamin stopped and scooped more potatoes onto his plate. The boys knew he wasn’t finished and gave him a chance to catch his breath. He continued, “In any case, once you have your college degree, along with the money Dorothy Montgomery promised you, the time will be right to make a permanent choice. So let’s hear the short-term story the two of you came up with.”

“I’m the son of your childhood friend, James, and I’m staying with you so I can go to school—I’ll spend the next few weeks finding one downtown I can claim to attend. Other than services on Sunday, I’ll keep a low profile. For example, visiting the Nantons is not a good idea.”

Milton chuckled and said, “I think we can all agree on that!”

Jimmy continued, “Over the summer, I’ll need time to prepare for school and do some extra reading Milton is going to give me. When school starts, most of my time will be occupied with my classes. The bottom line is that I will generally stay to myself. I will also avoid any romantic involvements in the neighborhood. Matilda, I’m sad to say, is out of luck.”

“Excellent, Jimmy. Tell Benjamin about Columbia.”

“Okay, I’ll only focus on my courses. I can’t afford to let anyone at the university discover the truth about my race. On the other hand, if someone in Harlem finds out, it should be someone we know. And while they might not like my story, I understand there is kind of an unwritten rule about keeping the secret when someone is trying to pass. The problem will be if someone at college finds out, which might then become what my stepmother calls a nuisance. What do you think, Benjamin?”

“I think we have a plan! Now let’s dig in. This food isn’t going to eat itself.”

Chapter 8