The Trapped

22

- D I A R Y  E N T R Y #3 -

11.10.16 // 10:13 a.m.

As I was watching everyone cry over Blaire, I couldn't help but feel my heart drop to my stomach. Blaire was just one person, that's all she was. But without her physically here, the world already felt depopulated.

I wanted to shout and tell them she wasn't dead. I wanted to cry along with them. I also wanted to tell them that I was in on the whole thing.

But instead, I sat there, twirling with the ends of my scratchy black dress as I stared straight ahead, showing no type of emotion on my face. T says emotions make you weak and weakness is vulnerability, something that would tear me apart until I was nothing but shreds.

But, that's what T didn't understand, I am already nothing but shreds. No one knew the real me, no one knew what I went through every day to keep my secret safe. I didn't want this life, I never did.

It's crazy how someone as perfect and loved as Blaire had to be dragged into all of this. I keep telling myself that she deserves this.

She deserves this. She deserves this. She deserves this.

She's doesn't deserve this.

No one does.

I am falling apart, piece by piece. I am cracking open like a porcelain doll hitting the ground in slow motion. I want to escape this life. I need to escape this life.

And there is only one way to do that.

Only one way to end my misery. For good.