The man in black

Meet Cute and Run Away?

The uber driver is nice and quiet. Riding through my small town is usually boring, but my Spotify playlists keep my mind busy. Miguel, The Weeknd, Rhianna - this kind of slow and sensual music speaks to some dark, untapped place in my body. It's almost a way to live out my secret fantasies.I smile inwardly to myself and flashbacks of my first time with Jason blow through my mind. That smile turns to a cringe and I will myself to find a distraction. Some throwbacks will do the trick. I find Coldplay and The Scientist fills my ears. Calming breath in, steady breath out. There, much better, I tell myself. I got this. 

We're at the airport in less than an hour. As the car rolls to a stop, I can feel some anxiety pop up as butterflies and I mentally push them back down. I didn’t start this journey to be a coward, I want to do something with my life. I open the door and grab my bags. Everything is a little too heavy for me, so I find a rolling cart outside to push my things along with me. I grab each of my bags and throw them one at a time. The first makes me grunt a little louder than I realized. I chuckle to myself. I lean over and grab for the next bag, thinking i'm probably giving someone behind me a nice sight. Laughing inwardly at myself again, the next bag is in my reads ready to be launched over my head. I turn quickly around and launch the bag over my head and laugh to myself again. I was really having a good time with myself, until I heard a loud thud and exclamation “what the f**k!”. 

I turn on my heels and lose my step, falling to the ground – right on top of my duffel victim. He quickly pushes me off and stands, leaving me on the ground to fend for myself. I pick a stone out of my now scraped knees and push myself off the ground. I guess I don’t really blame him for not helping. Once on my feet, i realize the sundress i picked for the day may not have been the best choice. Who knows who i flashed during the fiasco. I don’t want to attract any creepy attention right now, especially when I’m traveling alone. 

I start to apologize. “I’m so, so sorry. Sometimes I just do things without thinking. I was being stupid” I push hair out of my face and my jaw drops. This guy is gorgeous. I mean, is he even real, gorgeous. Not one blemish on his skin, porcelain. And his lips want me to bite them, i mean, i want to bite his lips. And maybe even his neck too. And wait, he's angry. 

“Listen little girl." his yell pulls me from my fantasy. I was just getting to the part in my fantasy where his lips landed on my neck. Nonetheless, he continues, "Not everyone can live carefree like you. Grow up.” 

OK, 100% Hot, 100% DOUCHE. 

"What the f**k, me grow up?" I get a good look at him and now i'm not so sure i want him even near me. Yes he's pretty, but he's also pretty mean. I've been there before, done that - never going back there again. 

"Listen, little boy." I emphasize those last two works as I look him dead in the eyes. "Maybe if you removed that stick from your ass, you wouldn't be so uptight. It was an accident. Sorry, master." His eyes widen at my words and his jaw drops open. I turn and flip my long hair for dramatic effect - maybe i won't cut it, for moments like this. I refuse to look back at that douche bag. 

With my luck, i think to myself, he's on my flight.

I start pushing my way through the Missoula airport and find my terminal. Missoula to Chicago, Chicago to New York City. One layover, and I know I’ll have to really hustle in Chicago or I could miss my flight and have to stay overnight. I shake off the bad feelings left over from the encounter with that awful guy and pop my headphones back on my ears. My mom got these for me, and I love them so much – a remix of 'Hurts So Good' comes on and i can feel my shoulders relax instantly. I see an electronic golf cart pull up next to me and throw all of my bags in the back. I take a seat in the very back and take a breath. One step down, just a few more to go. 

Once I find my departing terminal I watch the digital screen for any flight information and get in line when I see it’s my turn. Standing in line, I watch all of the people around me, going about their lives. Business people, families on their way to a lavish vacation, couples hiding in corners. There’s one couple in particular that I fixate on. They're a young couple, probably younger than me which kind of stings a jealous part of me. A nasty thought rushes through my head, is there something wrong with me? I push that down ... not the time or the place. 

I keep watching. The girl looks at her guy and smiles, they share some secret and then start laughing together. You can tell they really love each other even from a distance. Their laughter calms down and she rests her head on his shoulder. Kind of like I used to do with Jason. 

No. 

I push any thoughts of him down because I really don’t need that energy here. He’s gone, out of my life for a few damn good reasons and I’m looking only to the future. Here I am, at the airport and about to start my new life. 

I hear a loud grunt behind me and it breaks me from my people watching. I’ve been holding up the line. It’s my turn and someone has been yelling at me from behind. I pull my headphones down so they rest around my neck. I step forward as quickly as my clumsy feet can take me and hand my ticket to a beautiful woman working the airplane. Everything is scanned in and I walk through the hallway into the airplane. I glance back and see who was yelling at me… that douchey guy. Great. Exactly what I need. “Ellie, you have to keep it together or this guy will really have it out for you on the flight.” I whisper to myself, and internally pray that he doesn’t sit anywhere near me on the plane.

I recite the alphabet to myself under my breath until I find row E, seat 4. I always loved the window seat when my mom took me on trips to Pennsylvania, but today I’m in the aisle. When I say this trip was last minute, I mean I booked it last night. I didn’t want to wait another day – and this was the only seat left. I push my bags into the overhead bin, pop my headphones back on my ears and play Boy With A Coin. It always does the trick and it’s a favorite of my mom’s too. I need her spirit right now because I’m definitely questioning myself again. Calming breath in, steady breath out. I repeat the mantra in my head until I feel someone knock into my knees. 

You've got to be kidding me! He’s saying something and I give him a questioning look and throw my hands up to my sides in a shrug. He’s still mouthing something so I pull my headphones down again. 

“I’m next to you, do you mind standing so I can shuffle in?” He looks a little more docile and maybe a little ashamed. Good, he earned that. 

“Sure” I quickly reply, pick my phone up from my lap and stand. He turns to his side and slips his way between my body and the seat ahead. For just a second I get a scent of pine. And maybe the forest? I don’t know, but it smells wild and masculine. I’m sure if someone had a camera on my eyes you would have seen my eyes dilate. I chance a look over at him so i can get a closer look and shocked to find his eyes are now on me too. 

He’s pretty. There’s no doubt about that. 

He brown hair that is shaved on the sides and longer hair on the top that falls into his eyes on the left side. He has these piercing green eyes that I’m sure land a lot of women when he turns on the charm… something I definitely haven’t seen. Good thing I’m not even remotely attraction to douche. And anyway, I’m not what one would call sexy. Cute, maybe? But definitely not this guy’s type. He clears his throat and sends a smile my way, i feel it between my legs. I looked ahead immediately - I can't handle the look in his eyes. It's like he was undressing me right in the middle of the plane. I can stop my eyes shift down to his hands. They're laying on his thighs that are covered by form fitting, dark jeans. They look strong, like he could pick me up with just one hand and push me against the wall with the other. IHe starts moving them up and down his legs then he brings his right hand to rest right over a bulge in his pants. My eyes get wide as i realize - is he hard right now?  I can feel my face getting hot and i take another look up at him and without fail - get caught again. This time he's laughing at me. 

I turn my head to face the front of the plane and blow out a deep breath. I turn my head to the side as way to stretch out my neck. push down and massage my shoulder muscle as I stretch my neck to the other side. So. much. tension. 

“You OK over there?” He's patronizing me, I can tell. "I can help with that massage, if you'd like." His voice is low and dark, barely even a whisper. Truthfully, i would really, really love a good massage right now. But my brain pipes up in my head quickly, reminding me that he's a mean guy. You don't need that s**t, i tell myself. 

“Oh, now you’re worried about me? You didn’t seem to care when you left me on the ground back there. It was obviously a mistake and you just blew me off.” I gave him a look like, don’t f**k with me. I may look fragile, but I am very far from that. 

“Alright maybe I was a d**k back there. But come on.” He gives me this annoying, perfect smile and laughs a little. “You literally threw a heavy bag at my face and then fell on top of me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you wanted me.”

I look at him and try to think of something to say but honestly, in that moment I did want him. A hot, complete stranger? I haven’t had anyone to release all of my needs for quite a while now and he looks like a good enough candidate. I could ignore his arrogance for a few minutes. I decide in that moment to play with him a bit. What’s the harm? I’ll be leaving him in Chicago anyway. 

I put on the cutest smile that I never use and reply, “you wouldn’t be able to handle me, sweetheart.” 

I throw my headphones back on and search for Miguel in my playlist. I need something a little more wild to match my mood. I’m really enjoying the idea of this guy sitting next to me throughout the whole flight. I’m not really sure why, but he feels like just the kind of adventure I was craving, just the thing that I need right now. I know, i know, i tell myself. I need to be more free and get back out there. What Jason did to me was awful, but this guy is not Jason. I took so many defense classes to prep myself for any awful circumstance like that. I would be ready if he tried to f**k with me. I stop myself to correct myself. I want him to f**k me, not to f**k with me. 

I move my feet and push into his space just to see how he responds. I don't dare look in his direction. He immediately puts his leg right up against mine. That one slight touch makes me feel a twinge in between my legs. I stay like that, holding pressure against his leg for a few minutes until I feign indifference. We sit like that for five minutes until the attendant comes over and asks if we need anything. 

He requests a whiskey, and I order a dirty martini. It felt appropriate. 

“What’s your name?” He asks. 

“Ellie. You?” 

“My name is Jack.” 

I put my headphones back on and see Jack do the same out of the corner of my eye. I  find ‘The Valley’ by Miguel, my personal favorite. I suddenly have a briliiant yet naughty idea. I pause the song and open my phone. I look to see if I can find Jack’s phone to pair with. Luckily, it’s right there at the top. 

Jack Lawrence. Hmm… 

I hit sync music and hit play. 

The song starts up again and I can feel Jack jump for a second then settle back into his seat. His fingers twitch towards mine on the armrest but he doesn’t touch me. 

The music plays and we sit in a heated, synced up silence. 

“I’m your heaven, I’m your hell, I’m your healer baby.” 

I don’t think he’s heard this music before because there’s a few lines where I see shock on his face. I enjoy it for a moment, relishing in the fact that he just practically called me a child just an hour earlier. 

The song goes on, “I wanna taste your sweat, force my fingers in your mouth…”

Jack adjusts in his seat and I can feel him moving next to me, but I don’t dare look at him directly in the eye. It feels a little too dangerous. I’ve never acted out like this before, yeah I’ve thought about it. This kind of music just helps me tap into a deep place in me. But HE feels dangerous, like I’m playing with fire. 

The song ends and work up the courage to take my headphones off. 

"Baby you are gorgeous." He looks at me and the term of endearment with such a sweet compliment takes me by surprise.

"I think maybe" I start to say.  

"I have to stop you right there. I need to run to the mens room really quick. But then we can pick up where we left off when i get back?" 

I give him a sweet smile and get up myself. I could use a bathroom break myself. I find my way to the restroom in the opposite direction of where Jack heads and flip the lock from vacant to in use. I look at myself in the mirror. My cheeks are still flushed, but it feels like a good look on me. What just happened was so simple and silly but I loved every second of it. My mind immediately goes to the first time i heard Miguel. Jason. I’ve only ever been with him. I'm proud of myself as i think about how far i've come. A few months ago i would have balked at the idea of me doing this with a complete stranger. I would have cried at the thought of me being with anyone else but Jason. Washing my hands, I repeat my mantra. Calming breath in, steady breath out. Time to keep living. I smile at myself and plump my hair a bit, excited to see Jack again. I guess he isn't so bad after all. 

I repeat the letters of the alphabet until I get closer to E and prep myself to look at this beautiful guy in the face. He's still not there. I look behind me as casually as i can muster, but i don't see him anywhere. I wait a few more minutes and he still doesn't appear. He's gone, vanished.