Too Bad, Baby

CALYX: STRUGGLES

CHAPTER 3

The rain came steady and cold against the windshield, rattling on the roof of Tia's brother's five-year-old white Honda Civic. She had been fidgeting with the heat knobs, adjusting the temperature inside the car from time to time. Climate control was busted, leaving us either a bit too cold either or then warm.

I focused on my driving, ignoring the forlorn 90s lovesong playing on the radio. We haven't said a word to each other since we left, except when we stopped at Tim Horton's an hour ago to grab coffee, to discuss where we were headed.

I had no idea where to go, and Tia pointed out it was pretty stupid and irresponsible to drive around all day without a destination.

"We can't head up in Calgary," she objected. "It's too cold, especially without a proper heater."

I shrugged. "This is your territory anyway."

"There's a nice bed and breakfast in Niagara. We can get separate rooms."

"Let's go," I said as I started walking towards the car. Once I got in, I punched in the destination in the Navi.

I drove at forty miles per hour. The tension between us was too high, one could cut it with a knife.

She was keeping herself busy with her new phone, determined not to be the first one to break the silence.

I was very upset with her since I found out about Missy. If only she'd stopped nagging me every once in a while about work schedules and meetings, she would've known right away that something was wrong. Instead, she was very irritable over the phone and snarky at home.

I made a split second decision to come with. As we got on the plane, I've decided not to tell her about my problem anymore.

When it finally hit her that something was wrong and made me tell her about it, I felt angrier. It was unfair how it took four straight drunken nights for her to figure that I was acting out.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to vent.

"It was very nice of you to notice last night that I'm in a very dark place," I said sarcastically. "Thanks Tia."

She exhaled loudly. "Whatever, Calyx. I'm not in the mood to fight."

"Yeah, that is the problem. You can't be bothered with a decent conversation because you are always not in the mood."

She looked at me, frowning. "For God's sake, Calyx, stop being passive aggressive! Forgive me for not wanting to participate in a petty argument with you. Please."

"Now I'm petty."

"I'm not doing this," she declared, looking away. "No sir."

"You couldn't tell I was going through hell have I not bothered you to go get something for my hangover."

"Yeah, because you only get hungover whenever you're in trouble. That must be your tell," she mocked me. "Oh, geez. Why didn't I think of that?"

"Why can't you admit that if only you stopped bitching about your work, which I am paying you for by the way, you would actually be aware that your best friend needs your ear?" I demanded.

A pause.

"Let's go back to not talking before things get uglier," She said calmly.

"What happened to you? You used to be a good friend."

"I am not enabling you in the car, Calyx. If you can't agree to a truce, let me drive and you can yell all you want."

I was so frustrated. I floored the gas pedal.

******************************

We reached the Davy House, a beautiful bed and breakfast inn situated in Niagara on the Lake. It was a beautiful Victorian manor with a series of small cottages on the grounds. The manor itself was a small hotel with suites for couples. Outside, there were half a dozen cabins that stood on the lakefront.

Tia jumped out of the car furiously, proceeding towards the front desk. I stayed outside, lit up a smoke and watched her talk to the old lady receptionist.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I declined the call to redirect it to voicemail. It was Missy. My heart pounded at the sight of her name. Just the thought of her drove me crazy.

I remembered the day when I found out that she was carrying our child. We were at her place on the East Side, cozying up on the couch after work.

"We need to talk," she started, sitting up.

"Okay," I said half-heartedly, not taking my eyes off ESPN. "Everything alright?"

"No," she responded, her expression solemn. "I'm pregnant. Six weeks."

At first I was dumbfounded. "You sure?"

"Yes," Missy said. "I don't know what to do."

I recovered. "We can do it together."

"It's not that simple, Calyx."

"Why not? We have money, we can get married and have our own place."

She sniggered. "Are you kidding me? What about work? I have commitments other than the soap. I don't think they'd be happy with me being pregnant. I think some of my contracts have pregnancy clause or something. I could get sued. Or fired."

"Well, I still have a job. I have savings too. We'd be set for a long time with it," I suggested.

"But I don't wanna get fired. Look honey, I love you but I'm not sure I'm ready to have a baby, or get married. I love my job more than anything else. You know that."

I felt my stomach turn. "What about the baby? Do I even get a say in this?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you do."

"Then why do I feel like this has been decided already?" I demanded, standing up from the couch. "Are you even considering about keeping it, or are you just letting me know that I'm about to lose someone I don't even have yet?"

She stood up, her face burned with anger. "And what do you want us to do? Get married and have a baby, while you get to keep your job and I'll be stuck taking care of the kid? Well I'm not built for that!"

"How could you even think about having an abortion?" I yelled.

Silence. She shot me a dangerous look.

"If you don't want it, can we please talk about giving it up for me to raise on my own? I'll cover the expenses, we'll figure out a way for you to go on leave so you can go back to work after you give birth. Nobody will ever have to know."

Missy glared. "They will find out eventually."

"Not if we go overseas," I said, trying to calm myself down. "We can set it up. Wherever you want to go. I'll even make Tia go to look after you. And I'll sneak out of the States after a few weeks to be with you."

"I don't know."

"Please, Missy. At least tell me you're gonna think about it. That's all I'm asking."

"And what would you do if I gave it up? Will you let me go near you guys if I changed my mind?"

'You can be as involved as you want," I assured her. "Whatever you want. Just think about it, please, please, please."

"I think you have to go," said she, looking down her feet. "I'll let you know."

"Cale," Tia called out, interrupting my thoughts. "We'll take cabin three. Come on, let's drive north towards the lakefront."

We drove a quarter mile away from the manor. We reached the cabin side, overlooking, well, the lake surrounding the area. It was a beautiful sight. A few yards away from the cabin was a gazebo, and a couple of picnic tables near the shore. I saw the distant neighboring inns on the shoreline on both sides.

Tia went inside the cabin, bringing along her things. I followed inside and was impressed with the interior design of the house. It was small and cozy; inside, there was a tiny living room leading up to the kitchen, where a small television was mounted. The walls were painted beige with hardwood floors. And the short, narrow hallway on the other side of the living room lead to the bedrooms with an adjoining bathroom.

"Pick out your room," Tia said, crashing on the cream colored sofa. "I call a truce. Let's fight after supper."

"Fine," I said, holding up my hands. "Take the end bedroom."

"Alrighty."

We both moved in our respective bedrooms. I heard her door shut.

I plumped down the bed. It was very comfy with layers of clean, white hotel linen sheets and a thick comforter.

I had a nice view of the trees leading down to the woods.

I was tired. My body was heavy, my brain in overdrive but I felt empty, like my soul has left my body since I told Tia about Missy and I. I was helpless, but I didn't want to show Tia that I was weak. The truth was, I wanted to curl up on her lap and let the pain flood all over me. I need her company. I knew she wouldn't judge me if I come crying to her but I just didn't want to show her that I can be vulnerable too. And most of all, I didn't want her pity. I just want her to understand and listen without pitying me, but I knew that was impossible.

There was a knock.

"Come in," I said.

Tia was already dressed down to her sweats. "We could go for a walk."

"Maybe later," I told her. "Come in."

She casually flopped down beside me and we snuggled. "You can yell now, you know. Nobody can hear us here."

"I'm sorry Tee. This is so hard for me you know."

"I'm sorry too. It was my job to know when you're in trouble and I'm already beating myself over it. I haven't been exactly a great friend recently or a model employee. I'm really sorry and I mean it." She said, sincerely.

"I'm struggling with everything," I confided. "There's so much I want to say but everything boiled down to a short story. And after that, all I could say is I'm hurting and angry. But, I feel more that that. I want to talk but I don't really have anything to say. I just wanna be angry all the time."

"You have every right to be angry at the world," Tia told me. "But don't be mad at yourself. You couldn't have done anything about it even if you wanted to. It wasn't your fault."

"I just don't get," I rambled on. "Why did she even tell me she was pregnant if she wasn't planning to keep it? Why ask me what did I wanna do about it and yet, it seemed that she already knew what was she gonna do next? How cruel is that?"

"Okay, Tell me, what would you have done if she told you she will leave the baby to you?"

"I would gladly take it," I said, determined.

"How would you raise the child?"

"We will raise it together, Tee. You would help me, wouldn't you?"

She smiled at me. "Of course, I will. But only until you get married. You will have to raise the kid with another woman after that."

"You don't have to leave," I objected. "You'll stay with us."

"Why are we assuming that I'm not gonna get married too, ever?" Tia raised an eyebrow.

"Because I won't let you," I replied truthfully. "You're mine."

***************

It was dark out when I opened my eyes. I blinked a few times and realized we drifted off to sleep. I yawned and successfully managed to fully open both my eyes. Slowly, I pulled away from Tia, careful not to wake her.

I could hear her soft snores.

I got up. My eyes were strained, trying to adjust to the darkness. I found the lamp and switched it on. I looked at my watch. Six twenty. I dozed off for at least two hours.

I started to the bathroom. It was the biggest room in the house. I saw a tub, hairdryer, and a toiletry rack with fresh towels on it. And there was the other door connecting the other bedroom. I washed my face on the sink with the generic soap from housekeeping. There were also two sets of toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, small shampoo bottles and shower gels.

I stared at my reflection. There were stubbles around my mouth all the way from my sideburns, and the dark circles around my dead-tired eyes looked horrible. My cheeks were sallow and sunken. I aged about ten years within the span of two weeks. Man, I look like crap.

I splashed more water to my face, more soap, as if it would erase the years off. Unsatisfied with my look, I gave myself a shave. It helped, but only a little.

I gave up. I dried my face with one of the towels and walked away. I couldn't stand seeing myself like this a minute longer.

I went back to my room to find Tia just getting out of bed, rubbing her eyes. "Hey," she said. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven," I responded. "Dinner?"

"Yeah, we can get dinner at the manor, or if you want, we could go look for burgers."

"Nah. Let's go up the manor. I'm starving."

"I'll be ready in five." With that, she disappeared to the bathroom.

We walked towards the hotel. In two minutes, we reached the building.

On the left wing was an average sized dinning hall. There were at least fifteen tables inside and a buffet section.

We settled on a table by the window. A waiter came, handed us a menu. He waited patiently and left with our orders.

Tia's cellphone rang. She checked her pocket and I could swear her face went pale.

"Aren't you gonna get that?" I asked, curious.

She swallowed. "It's Missy."

For a moment I was taken aback. "Answer it. Tell her I don't wanna be bothered."

She answered, her voice a little shaky. "Hi Missy. Yeah, he's with me. In Toronto."

My body went numb as I listened.

"I understand. I'm sorry Missy but he's not feeling well. He's in bed all day. No, no, don't worry, I'm sure it's just the twenty four hour thing. Yeah, I will tell him to call you back at the soonest time possible. Sure. Okay." She hung up. "She's worried about you."

I shrugged.

"Leave her a message, tell her you'll talk to her when we get back to New York," she suggested.

"Let her be," I said nonchalantly. "I can't do this now, okay? Let it go to voicemail the next time she calls."

Tia dropped the subject. The food and wine came shortly and we had a nice, quiet dinner together.

"So," I started. "How did your date with that Matt guy go?"

Matt was one of the production guys from our old studio company where Tia and I met and used to work. I hardly knew the guy but I distinctly remember that he was very handsome. He was a few inches shorter than me, but just the perfect height for Tia. He had clear blue eyes, strong jaw and a flashy smile. Last I heard, he was one of the favorite picks to lead the late night local news.

Tia looked at me all funny. "That was a month ago."

"And?"

"He calls me every once in a while," said Tia. "We had coffee a cuppola times after our first date."

"No second date?" I asked, genuinely intrigued and irritated at the same time.

"There was. No third date yet though."

I felt relieved and I couldn't help but smile. "Why not?"

"Are you smiling?"

"No," I said defensively. "I'm happy for you."

"Happy there was no third date?"

"No," I said, regaining my composure. "I'm happy you survived the second date and there will be a third date!"

Tia rolled her eyes. "Yeah. It's been so long since I've been on a third date, if you know what I mean."

"Are you planning to see him when we go home?"

"Maybe," Tia responded. "But I'm not going anywhere until you're one hundred percent okay. Matt can wait. If he can't, then too bad."

"He's quite a catch," I egged on.

She sighed. "I know. He's sort of dreamy. And there's a connection between us. He's a great listener, a gentleman and a good kisser." She giggled.

"Yeah?" I reacted too quickly. "Of course he's dreamy. He's trying to get into your pants, Christianna. He's a guy, he's bound to try charm your pants off at some point."

It was her turn to shrug. "Even so, I would definitely let him in my pants."

I felt a pang of jealousy. I didn't know where it came from, but I didn't like the thought of Tia and Matt going all the way.

"He wanted to come here too, but I told him it would be weird having two guys in my house," she went on. "He wanted to meet my family. I told him he could come with during the holidays if things go smoothly."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you saying you already made plans with the guy whom you haven't even slept with yet? Way to scare him away! I bet he didn't call you as much as he did before that happened!" I chuckled.

Tia narrowed her eyes at me. "If you must know, he's so looking forward to the holidays. And he always checks up on me. Matt's a great guy. He wouldn't blow me off just like that."

"I'm just kidding," I told her, still grinning. "Of course I know Matt can't wait to be with you."

"Oh please," Tia groaned.

"I'm serious. I didn't want to admit it but he's lucky to have you," I said thoughtfully. "I mean, you're no Missy Goldberg but you're one hell of a woman."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"No, no. It's not a bad thing. You're not drop dead gorgeous like Missy-"

She cut me off, with a scandalized expression on her face. "Gee, thanks Calyx."

"But," I interjected. "You're equally beautiful. You're like the perfect girl next door in movies. Guys don't ogle at your butt, they look at your face. They don't ask for your number in bars, they are simply mesmerized by you. They don't tell their guy friends to check you out, because they think it'd be rude for them to stare and to hit on you. They don't fantasize about you, they think- if only they could have you. They don't think you're a bombshell, they think- you're the one to be wooed."

Tia was speechless, her cheeks flushed.

"I'm not kidding," I swore. "That's exactly what I thought when I first met you. And I'm glad I get to keep a best friend as beautiful as you are."

It was true.

Tia was fair skinned, with hooded, down turned eyes, cute snub nose, high cheekbones but plump cheeks and pouty lips. She's small built, with caramel brown hair that always flung loosely on her sides. I thought Tia's the kind of girl who all the douchebags get to and yet, never get with. She's the girl that no one has her looking in clubs because the sluts with the big boobs get all the guys first. She's the girl whom guys always admired from afar and never approached. She's the one you can look at but cannot touch.

"Christianna Dorothy Jacob, Matthew Larkin is lucky to have you," I told her solemnly.

Her expression softened. "Calyx Deckard Carmichael, that one Missy Goldberg was lucky to have you. I feel sorry for her. I don't know what your plans are, if you'll ever get back together with her or move on, but, I think it's worth giving up a career to be with you. I'd take that chance if I was her."

"You mean it?" I said lamely.

"Every single word of it." Tia raised her glass. "To taking chances."

"Hear, hear."

Our wine glasses clinked together.